In my head...

I think that when a woman becomes a mother there is something that is triggered inside of us that we become overthinkers. Is that a word? If it isn't, I am making it a word for now.

Before I was a mother I used to be sort of fearless. I used to be more adventurous and up for any kind of fun at any given moment. Now that I'm a mother, I tend to worry and ponder about every single situation, and every single way it could play out. The good and the bad ways. This all by itself is a full-time job.

I also believe that my overthinking gets MUCH, MUCH worse when I become pregnant. Especially right about that stage I am now. I am just 9 hot days away from becoming a new mommy all over again. Big changes will be happening within the walls of my home in the next months, and I want to be ready and prepared for every single situation and/or disaster that comes along with those changes.
This leads to A LOT swirling around in my head and me laying awake at night wondering -How am I going to be able to handle three small children all at once? Will I ever have down time to myself again? Will the baby be a good breastfeeder? Will the baby be collicky like Alyssa? Will I ever get my body back to a "normal" state again? Does the baby already know who her family is? Is she happy or sad to be coming to our family? Will she ever know how much I love her? Will I have enough time and energy to go around equally to all of my girls? Will Alyssa do okay in Kindergarten? Will I do okay with her being away with strangers all day long? Will Bella overcome her speech issues? How do make sure my 3 girls can live in the world today without being affected by all the evil that is around them?
With every child that Robert and I bring into this world, there seems to be more pressure and more responsibility. Not just to care and provide for them, but also to make sure they know that they are so loved. That they are special daughters of God. They are not here on accident. They have a purpose here in this world.
This is a HUGE task that we parents take on. It is important to me to know that I am not alone. Even though all my family live four states away me, I know that I am not alone. The past two weeks I have worried so much about going into labor and having this baby without my family being able to get here yet, and I have been reminded that even if that happens, I will not be alone. I have a wonderful mother-in-law that I have become closer to since becoming a mother myself. She has really grown into a great grandmother to my girls. My girls love her, and have fond memories with her. She has called to check on me everyday recently and I know she will be here to watch after my girls if something happens.
I have some really, really great friends that I have made here in Tulsa. People that I would never have met if I wouldn't have moved here 10 years ago. These friends know who there are. They are the people I call when I'm in a jam, need a listening ear, or just need a good laugh. They are my friends that I trust with anything and everything about me, and guess what? They still love me anyway. They have offered to be "on call" if anything happens in the middle of the night or whenever. Thank you to you all for helping me feel not alone out here in Tulsa. Thank you for making my life and my family's life so much richer, fuller, and more fun!
I am one of the lucky girls, because I have a husband who loves me even when I am just plain unloveable. Which I am time to time, ecspecially during this last pregnancy. He shows up everyday whether its a good or bad day for me and the girls. He doesn't just quit. He is such a hard worker. I know that no matter what- my husband would be here for me. That is no small thing to have.
Most of all- I have my Heavenly Father. I know and feel Him watching over me and my family almost daily. Some times in just the little things, but always during the big things. I feel His love and I KNOW that if I couldn't count on anything else- I can count on Him. He never will leave me alone.
I am very grateful.

The last time I saw my little sister...

We were in the middle of a Wyoming snow blizzard. She was getting married. She was beautiful. She was in love. She was happy.
I just got some pictures that were taken from that fun day. It was fun to look at them after so long. I was amazed and a little depressed with how much I've grown in the past months. I guess that is what is supposed to happen when you are pregnant.
I talk with my sister 1-3 times a week. But I haven't seen her since February. Because of her very thoughtful and kind husband, she will be here to see me in 1 week. I can't wait to see her again. See you soon Livs!


Before going up to their honeymoon suite!

The wedding party.

My mom and dad and all my siblings and their spouses. Awww!

Tamara, the groom, and me.

The flower girls and the bride. My brother's daughter, Aubrey, and my daughter Alyssa.

The only boy in our family. What a trooper! Travis is such a awesome brother!