Today's Good Things:
Up on time
Followed meal plan
30 min exercise before lunch
My husband got home about an hour early and brought me a treat so we could still have a bit of date night
Sorted baby clothes
Evening stretch with my Ruthy
Today's Not So Good Things:
Felt down and defeated most of the day
Fasting number highest yet
Short on patience with the littles
Today's Food Choices and Numbers:
Fasting: 108
Breakfast: Chicken thigh
After: 107
Snack: english muffin with pb
Lunch: Grilled turkey ham and cheese on ww, carrot sticks, clementine
After: 111
Snack: pb sandwich crackers, handful of pretzels
Dinner: eggs scrambled with bacon and cheese, 1 piece rye toast w/ butter, clementine
After: 111
Snack: buffalo chicken sub (about 4 inch)
I did get in grains today and I guess I did okay with them. I noticed, though, that I was eating less at my meals than the meal plan suggests. Personally, I don't mind. I always feel like it's too much for me. Maybe this will be part of the trick to keep my numbers on course. I've also dropped having milk at my meals, also suggested by the GD diet. I find I do crave milk while pg, but I also know that since I'm drinking skim, it's basically just sugar going down. With as much yogurt and cheese as I'm getting, I'm not concerned about losing the calcium and I don't believe there's much else to the store bought milk. We'll see what happens in the coming days with decreasing the amount of foods at each meal. I don't walk away from a meal hungry, so I'm not concerned with baby's growth at this point.
So after a tough day, my sweet husband called to say he was going to be home by 8pm. That was especially nice since Tuesdays are our normally scheduled date night. We've had to set that aside now that he's wearing an accountant's hat again and working tax season hours. When he got home, he had a special treat for me. Half his sub he had at dinner. He knows I love buffalo chicken. :) So, since I've been experimenting with my evening snack and haven't found anything that is working, I decided to enjoy the treat he brought for me and have it for my snack. It was yummy. ;)
Sorted baby clothes today. They're in the wash and tomorrow I can have fun folding, hanging and setting up Baby Dear's dresser. Folded laundry with my two oldest girls tonight which was very sweet. Got in 30min on Wii Fit this morning since I knew I wouldn't be out for an afternoon walk. We have sewing lessons after lunch and it was snowing most of the day. Walking in snow is fun, but not when it's covering the ice on the road. Not ready to take the chance of slipping with Baby. Did notice that I was about .5 pound down today from last week. That varies for so many reasons that I don't pay much attention. Just glad to see I haven't gained any huge amounts. Another good sign on the GD front.
Praying tomorrow gives me a good start. My husband doesn't have to leave early so we'll be together for family devotions. That's always a better start to my day. I just want to be motivated to work hard and do well. That's my prayer.
Also, I updated my "Tools" button to include my description of the Wii games we use at our house. I listed the two that give the most exercise. The other games we have are Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, and Cabella's Summer Camp (or something like that). We've purposed to keep the game choices focused on exercise and activity rather than games and fantasy type play. Just our preference.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Willpower?
This morning I had my highest fasting number to date. I feel so silly to admit this, but it nearly brought me to tears. I am battling so many feelings of failure this morning and it's showing in my attitude, efforts, and stamina. I really just want to give up. Not for good. But, for today I want to just walk away from all the balls that I'm juggling and let them fall. So, what did I do? I pouted. I read a bit. I prayed, half-heartedly. I ignored my exercise. I sat and felt sorry for myself and then got up and vacuumed a couple rooms in the house. At least I can feel depressed with clean floors. ;)
So, as I sit working on minor things to just keep my day plugging along, I received this comment from a dear friend on my post last night:
Tracy I want you to know that I have been having a hard week this week and whenever I wanted to give up I thought of you and your will power! You are wonderful!
So, yeah. Now the tears are freely flowing.
Ladies, if I had any willpower, I would surely NOT be in the place I am now. I have never seen myself as someone who is strong or terribly self-disciplined. I do know that I have some strong insecurities regarding perfectionism and failure. I struggle daily with fears that I will somehow let someone down in some way. I suppose this could easily be seen as *willpower* or stamina. Honestly, it's sinful pride and fear that most often drives me when I am left to my own devices.
This is why this journey has always been about my walk with the Lord. From the beginning, even when not pregnant, I could force myself to do everything "right". I could follow a plan well and work to impress the class. However, my efforts were in vain because they never brought about the results I longed for.
This is what it looks like when I use my own strength:
When I would eat the perfect amount of calories combined with the right amount of activity, I would still lose at half the rate I "should" have been losing. Fail.
When I would adjust my percentages of protein versus carbs, raw foods versus cooked, whole foods versus junk, I would still see the same results. Fail.
When I would press harder to exercise. Push aside other priorities believing that my health and weight loss was far more important because I only had so much time to accomplish it, I still saw the same results. Except I added losing ground in other important areas, adding to my struggle. Fail and Fail.
And now, when I had been working to hold off on a pregnancy, knowing that losing weight was crucial to avoiding the GD and a healthy pregnancy, I still saw the blessing of those two pink lines. Well, there was nothing I could do but trust the Lord had a plan even though I felt I had let Him down. Again.
I walked into this pregnancy armed with education and experience from my last GD experience. I was determined I would "beat it" and "win" this time. Yet, here I sit, barely half way through...not even to the third trimester when a pregnant body *starts* to struggle with blood sugars and I'm already sunk. My friends, my research, and my brain tell me that it's foolish to believe this lie. But, my heart still does. Fail.
This is when the Lord steps in. This when He shows me just how far from the truth I really am. This challenge to right the wrongs I've done in my life regarding my body are not about losing weight, winning a battle against diabetes, or avoiding a dreaded medicated hospital birth. Truly, those are good aims. Who would fault me for working so hard to get healthy so that I can keep a baby safe during pregnancy? Yet, this isn't about me. This is about me giving glory to my Lord.
The truth is that whatsoever I do, whether I eat or drink, whether I fast or cleanse, whether I exercise or rest, it is ALL to be done to the glory of God. Not to my hope for results. Not to my joy at a number on a scale. Not to the satisfaction of a smaller size. Every striving, every effort, every choice is to be for HIM and the glory HE will receive, not to myself.
This changes my perspective on this journey. It becomes not the THING *I* do, but a PART of the THING that *God* is doing in me. It is as important as the work He does to create patience in me as I work with my children in their daily tasks. It is as important as the work He is doing to empty me of myself as I strive to love and respect my husband as unto the Lord. It is as important as the work He is doing to press me beyond my comfort levels and into areas of forgiveness with extended family. It is all connected because it is all about how He is at work to change me into His image.
And this is why the results should not matter because the results are not my work to be done. My Lord has called me to be faithful in my efforts and to trust Him with the results. He has commanded me to trust and obey as He does His work. He has set forth in His word clear directions on how I should live my life in all ways and this is where my focus needs be. I am to strive, to pour out my life, to give all my energy to obey the commands He has placed on my life, allowing Him to choose the results that will honor Him most. And this means the results in my parenting, marriage, home, ministry, as well as my physical health.
So, how am I applying this principle? Not very well today. Today my eyes have gotten off course and focused again on the results that I cannot control. I have once again attempted to take back control and responsibility for that which I have no business handling. I've already proven time and again that when I am in control, the results will not be pleasing to myself or to Him. What I need to do is to return to the truth that this is all about Him and the work He is about. Not only in my life, my baby's life, but surely His plan spreads far beyond my mind's eye. To know that He desires to use my efforts, my struggles, even my failings to bring Him glory and reveal Himself strong gives me hope. It gives me purpose. It causes me to remember my place in this work. To remain faithful, to keep His words always before me, to trust His judgement, and to every moment ask for His strength to do the right thing.
I will answer one day not for the number on the scale or the number on the meter. I will answer for my obedience to make right choices. I will answer for my diligence to learn and equip myself with the best knowledge I can find to make those right choices. I will answer for my idleness versus my activity. I will answer for my efforts to stay on course, regardless of the outcome.
I think of my last labor. I was given a short amount of time to birth my baby before they would put me on meds. I was angry and felt cheated to be forced in this manner. Yet, I took that to motivate me to give everything I had to do what I believed was best for the birth of our baby. I spent an entire day pushing myself to accomplish this goal only to be faced with the fact that my body wouldn't comply. When I finally agreed to the meds it was with a heart of peace. I knew that even if I was being forced into what wasn't *best* for our little one or myself, I had done everything in my power to do what was best. It was now time to allow the Lord to work out His best and accept the results as He had planned. I will never regret my efforts in that time. I had the satisfaction of knowing I had done everything I could to remain faithful and strong to the end. I had finished well and that allowed me to rest fully in the next step of His plan.
I need to keep that memory in my heart in the coming months. Giving up is not an option. Yet, I don't see my ability to press on as *willpower*. It is simply the work of the Holy Spirit in me keeping me from whatever false sense of strength I think I can or can't muster up. It is amazing to see that the Lord would choose such a vessel as me to accomplish His work. That leaves me humbled and ever more eager to continue on. To think that anyone else would see anything in me that would cause them to have courage, well, that can only be the work of the Lord. And for that, I am blessed to be used as a part of His plan.
Writing this out was what I needed today. Thank you, Lord for your truth and the ability to discern it from the constant barrage of easily believed lies that surround me. Please, let me remember that my choices, my work, my strivings bring you glory even if the results don't seem to match.
So, as I sit working on minor things to just keep my day plugging along, I received this comment from a dear friend on my post last night:
Tracy I want you to know that I have been having a hard week this week and whenever I wanted to give up I thought of you and your will power! You are wonderful!
So, yeah. Now the tears are freely flowing.
Ladies, if I had any willpower, I would surely NOT be in the place I am now. I have never seen myself as someone who is strong or terribly self-disciplined. I do know that I have some strong insecurities regarding perfectionism and failure. I struggle daily with fears that I will somehow let someone down in some way. I suppose this could easily be seen as *willpower* or stamina. Honestly, it's sinful pride and fear that most often drives me when I am left to my own devices.
This is why this journey has always been about my walk with the Lord. From the beginning, even when not pregnant, I could force myself to do everything "right". I could follow a plan well and work to impress the class. However, my efforts were in vain because they never brought about the results I longed for.
This is what it looks like when I use my own strength:
When I would eat the perfect amount of calories combined with the right amount of activity, I would still lose at half the rate I "should" have been losing. Fail.
When I would adjust my percentages of protein versus carbs, raw foods versus cooked, whole foods versus junk, I would still see the same results. Fail.
When I would press harder to exercise. Push aside other priorities believing that my health and weight loss was far more important because I only had so much time to accomplish it, I still saw the same results. Except I added losing ground in other important areas, adding to my struggle. Fail and Fail.
And now, when I had been working to hold off on a pregnancy, knowing that losing weight was crucial to avoiding the GD and a healthy pregnancy, I still saw the blessing of those two pink lines. Well, there was nothing I could do but trust the Lord had a plan even though I felt I had let Him down. Again.
I walked into this pregnancy armed with education and experience from my last GD experience. I was determined I would "beat it" and "win" this time. Yet, here I sit, barely half way through...not even to the third trimester when a pregnant body *starts* to struggle with blood sugars and I'm already sunk. My friends, my research, and my brain tell me that it's foolish to believe this lie. But, my heart still does. Fail.
This is when the Lord steps in. This when He shows me just how far from the truth I really am. This challenge to right the wrongs I've done in my life regarding my body are not about losing weight, winning a battle against diabetes, or avoiding a dreaded medicated hospital birth. Truly, those are good aims. Who would fault me for working so hard to get healthy so that I can keep a baby safe during pregnancy? Yet, this isn't about me. This is about me giving glory to my Lord.
The truth is that whatsoever I do, whether I eat or drink, whether I fast or cleanse, whether I exercise or rest, it is ALL to be done to the glory of God. Not to my hope for results. Not to my joy at a number on a scale. Not to the satisfaction of a smaller size. Every striving, every effort, every choice is to be for HIM and the glory HE will receive, not to myself.
This changes my perspective on this journey. It becomes not the THING *I* do, but a PART of the THING that *God* is doing in me. It is as important as the work He does to create patience in me as I work with my children in their daily tasks. It is as important as the work He is doing to empty me of myself as I strive to love and respect my husband as unto the Lord. It is as important as the work He is doing to press me beyond my comfort levels and into areas of forgiveness with extended family. It is all connected because it is all about how He is at work to change me into His image.
And this is why the results should not matter because the results are not my work to be done. My Lord has called me to be faithful in my efforts and to trust Him with the results. He has commanded me to trust and obey as He does His work. He has set forth in His word clear directions on how I should live my life in all ways and this is where my focus needs be. I am to strive, to pour out my life, to give all my energy to obey the commands He has placed on my life, allowing Him to choose the results that will honor Him most. And this means the results in my parenting, marriage, home, ministry, as well as my physical health.
So, how am I applying this principle? Not very well today. Today my eyes have gotten off course and focused again on the results that I cannot control. I have once again attempted to take back control and responsibility for that which I have no business handling. I've already proven time and again that when I am in control, the results will not be pleasing to myself or to Him. What I need to do is to return to the truth that this is all about Him and the work He is about. Not only in my life, my baby's life, but surely His plan spreads far beyond my mind's eye. To know that He desires to use my efforts, my struggles, even my failings to bring Him glory and reveal Himself strong gives me hope. It gives me purpose. It causes me to remember my place in this work. To remain faithful, to keep His words always before me, to trust His judgement, and to every moment ask for His strength to do the right thing.
I will answer one day not for the number on the scale or the number on the meter. I will answer for my obedience to make right choices. I will answer for my diligence to learn and equip myself with the best knowledge I can find to make those right choices. I will answer for my idleness versus my activity. I will answer for my efforts to stay on course, regardless of the outcome.
I think of my last labor. I was given a short amount of time to birth my baby before they would put me on meds. I was angry and felt cheated to be forced in this manner. Yet, I took that to motivate me to give everything I had to do what I believed was best for the birth of our baby. I spent an entire day pushing myself to accomplish this goal only to be faced with the fact that my body wouldn't comply. When I finally agreed to the meds it was with a heart of peace. I knew that even if I was being forced into what wasn't *best* for our little one or myself, I had done everything in my power to do what was best. It was now time to allow the Lord to work out His best and accept the results as He had planned. I will never regret my efforts in that time. I had the satisfaction of knowing I had done everything I could to remain faithful and strong to the end. I had finished well and that allowed me to rest fully in the next step of His plan.
I need to keep that memory in my heart in the coming months. Giving up is not an option. Yet, I don't see my ability to press on as *willpower*. It is simply the work of the Holy Spirit in me keeping me from whatever false sense of strength I think I can or can't muster up. It is amazing to see that the Lord would choose such a vessel as me to accomplish His work. That leaves me humbled and ever more eager to continue on. To think that anyone else would see anything in me that would cause them to have courage, well, that can only be the work of the Lord. And for that, I am blessed to be used as a part of His plan.
Writing this out was what I needed today. Thank you, Lord for your truth and the ability to discern it from the constant barrage of easily believed lies that surround me. Please, let me remember that my choices, my work, my strivings bring you glory even if the results don't seem to match.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday January 30, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Up on time - 5:30
Morning pilates/stretch (10min)
Bible/reading
Dh's lunch and dinner packed
Morning 15 (17 actually ;) ) by way of EA Sports Active
Stayed on track with menu
Afternoon 15 by way of getting out for my mile walk
Evening 15 by way of wii fit (20min actually)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Major attitudes to deal with from my boys today. I'm looking into putting them on a sugar fast for the week. Something's gotta give regarding their demeanor and concentration.
Numbers better, but fasting still bad
Today's Food Choices and Blood Sugars:
Fasting: 104
Breakfast: 2oz turkey ham, 2 oz cheddar cheese, half rye krisp cracker, decaf
After: 104
Snack: cheese stick, 1 slice hm banana bread w/ butter
Lunch: 1 chicken thigh, 2/3 cup(ish) ranch beans with shredded cheddar and turkey, half grapefruit
After: 102
Snack: Apple with peanut butter, handfull of cheeze-its
Dinner: 4oz (or so) of chicken breast, garlic pasta (about 1/2 cup pasta tossed with butter, seasonings, mixed vegies and diced chicken making about 1 cup total portion), 3/4 cup greek plain ff yogurt, 1/2 cup frozen fruit
After: 124
Snack: Still deciding
Water throughout the day
I've been reading some and have decided to work on eliminating grains as much as possible from my day. I'm still getting in carbs by way of beans, vegies and fruit, but it appears that the grains are giving me trouble. I couldn't find enough vegies to fill my plate tonight at dinner so I went with a small portion of pasta, which was clearly a mistake. It's interesting to me to see how my body does when the carbs are completely gone in a meal. I'm going to keep playing with that. Still thinking about what I'm going to have for my snack tonight. I really wish I could find a good way to get that fasting number down.
I'm feeling swollen, though. I think all the cheese and meats I've been eating for protein are overload on my salt. My rings are tight and my hands feel puffy. Not liking that feeling.
I'm super excited that I got in all my 15's today! Especially that I got my backside out the door for my afternoon mile. It was very refreshing to get the fresh air although I had to be super careful with so much ice out there. Good start today. Good start. :)
Up on time - 5:30
Morning pilates/stretch (10min)
Bible/reading
Dh's lunch and dinner packed
Morning 15 (17 actually ;) ) by way of EA Sports Active
Stayed on track with menu
Afternoon 15 by way of getting out for my mile walk
Evening 15 by way of wii fit (20min actually)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Major attitudes to deal with from my boys today. I'm looking into putting them on a sugar fast for the week. Something's gotta give regarding their demeanor and concentration.
Numbers better, but fasting still bad
Today's Food Choices and Blood Sugars:
Fasting: 104
Breakfast: 2oz turkey ham, 2 oz cheddar cheese, half rye krisp cracker, decaf
After: 104
Snack: cheese stick, 1 slice hm banana bread w/ butter
Lunch: 1 chicken thigh, 2/3 cup(ish) ranch beans with shredded cheddar and turkey, half grapefruit
After: 102
Snack: Apple with peanut butter, handfull of cheeze-its
Dinner: 4oz (or so) of chicken breast, garlic pasta (about 1/2 cup pasta tossed with butter, seasonings, mixed vegies and diced chicken making about 1 cup total portion), 3/4 cup greek plain ff yogurt, 1/2 cup frozen fruit
After: 124
Snack: Still deciding
Water throughout the day
I've been reading some and have decided to work on eliminating grains as much as possible from my day. I'm still getting in carbs by way of beans, vegies and fruit, but it appears that the grains are giving me trouble. I couldn't find enough vegies to fill my plate tonight at dinner so I went with a small portion of pasta, which was clearly a mistake. It's interesting to me to see how my body does when the carbs are completely gone in a meal. I'm going to keep playing with that. Still thinking about what I'm going to have for my snack tonight. I really wish I could find a good way to get that fasting number down.
I'm feeling swollen, though. I think all the cheese and meats I've been eating for protein are overload on my salt. My rings are tight and my hands feel puffy. Not liking that feeling.
I'm super excited that I got in all my 15's today! Especially that I got my backside out the door for my afternoon mile. It was very refreshing to get the fresh air although I had to be super careful with so much ice out there. Good start today. Good start. :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday January 29, 2012 Happy Birthday Benj!
Today's Good Things:
My sweet boy's birthday!!
24 min of Wii fit this afternoon
Lovely day with the family
Today's No So Good Things:
Several bad numbers for the day
Really off on my diet
Today's Food Choices and numbers:
Fasting: 105
Breakfast: slice of turkey ham, 1 piece buttered ww toast
After: 120
Snack: cheese stick, 1 package pb sandwich crakers
Lunch: 1 slice zuccini bread, then 1/2 hour later 1 soft taco from taco bell (I was desparate. Sigh.)
After: 131
Dinner: 2 small squares of hm grilled pizza, 2 servings of caesar salad w/ hm dressing-no croutons
After: 112
Snack: birthday cake :), and probably cheese and crackers or some type of heavy protein
I started checking my blood sugars again yesterday. Of course, the first two days I start up again are the first days I've been off on my diet in a long while. I was busy doing a family closet purge Saturday and kept forgetting to eat and test. Today was church and that's always hard to get in the right foods at the right time. I was smart and brought along my morning snack, but completely forgot to pack myself a lunch so I could eat at the right time instead of just snacking like the rest of the fam and eating our big meal when we got home. I have to work on Sundays because we don't typically do three meals. Just breakfast and then a later lunch-supper kind of thing.
Anyhow, my numbers aren't great. My fasting for Saturday was my best so far, but still on edge at 93, depending on what numbers the docs like. (90 or 95) I'm still waiting to hear from the GD counselor and I think I'll be putting in a call to the OB office tomorrow to find out what is taking so long. I was encouraged by my good friend that has worked through GD for several pregnancies now to start testing again so I have data for them when they call. She's right. It makes sense. I guess I was just enjoying living with my head in the sand.
Side note, I had a piece of birthday cake tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it. :) No guilt, just fun with the fam.
Good thing is, testing my blood throughout the day creates a huge amount of accountability and motivation for me. I should be seeing some better days ahead. :)
Another good thing is that I got a huge project done this weekend by cleaning out our family closet. A ton of stuff heading out the door to help me with my Mega-Purge challenge I've given myself. I also got the dresser and changing station set up. That means it's all ready to fill with baby's clothes and items. It's still really early by my habits, but I'm excited to do it! I guess knowing she's a girl has made me all the more eager. :)
My sweet boy's birthday!!
24 min of Wii fit this afternoon
Lovely day with the family
Today's No So Good Things:
Several bad numbers for the day
Really off on my diet
Today's Food Choices and numbers:
Fasting: 105
Breakfast: slice of turkey ham, 1 piece buttered ww toast
After: 120
Snack: cheese stick, 1 package pb sandwich crakers
Lunch: 1 slice zuccini bread, then 1/2 hour later 1 soft taco from taco bell (I was desparate. Sigh.)
After: 131
Dinner: 2 small squares of hm grilled pizza, 2 servings of caesar salad w/ hm dressing-no croutons
After: 112
Snack: birthday cake :), and probably cheese and crackers or some type of heavy protein
I started checking my blood sugars again yesterday. Of course, the first two days I start up again are the first days I've been off on my diet in a long while. I was busy doing a family closet purge Saturday and kept forgetting to eat and test. Today was church and that's always hard to get in the right foods at the right time. I was smart and brought along my morning snack, but completely forgot to pack myself a lunch so I could eat at the right time instead of just snacking like the rest of the fam and eating our big meal when we got home. I have to work on Sundays because we don't typically do three meals. Just breakfast and then a later lunch-supper kind of thing.
Anyhow, my numbers aren't great. My fasting for Saturday was my best so far, but still on edge at 93, depending on what numbers the docs like. (90 or 95) I'm still waiting to hear from the GD counselor and I think I'll be putting in a call to the OB office tomorrow to find out what is taking so long. I was encouraged by my good friend that has worked through GD for several pregnancies now to start testing again so I have data for them when they call. She's right. It makes sense. I guess I was just enjoying living with my head in the sand.
Side note, I had a piece of birthday cake tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it. :) No guilt, just fun with the fam.
Good thing is, testing my blood throughout the day creates a huge amount of accountability and motivation for me. I should be seeing some better days ahead. :)
Another good thing is that I got a huge project done this weekend by cleaning out our family closet. A ton of stuff heading out the door to help me with my Mega-Purge challenge I've given myself. I also got the dresser and changing station set up. That means it's all ready to fill with baby's clothes and items. It's still really early by my habits, but I'm excited to do it! I guess knowing she's a girl has made me all the more eager. :)
Friday, January 27, 2012
Friday January 27, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Bible & journal
My husband went to work early so he could have the afternoon off for a family date night!
Packed a "healthy" dinner for us to eat out
Today's Not So Good Things:
Junk food at lunch & dinner
No exercise
A lot of hard attitudes to work with around here today
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: whole english muffin with pb, decaf black coffee
Snack: 2-3oz cheddar cheese, 6 sesame crackers
Lunch: 3/4-1cup ranch beans w/ turkey, carrot sticks, corn dog w/ mustard *sigh*
Snack: diet soday, 1 package pb crackers
Dinner: pb sandwich w/ ww bread, carrot sticks, pickle spears, cheese stick, bag of snack size chips, 1 mini sized butterfinger, water
Today we took our second son out to pick his birthday gift. We had to go to Maine to a favorite sporting goods store for him to pick out the perfect Indiana Jones hat. He was adorable finding just the right one. We had a good time and I enjoyed the long drive after a hard day working with children who were struggling with grumpiness and disobedience. It always feels like such a nice break when everyone is strapped in and we can just drive.
This is probably very tacky, but we brought our packed picnic dinner into the mall food court and ate it there. We figured it was better than sitting in the van, and it was. We also were planning to get some exercise by walking the mall. But, once we were there a bit, I just couldn't do it. Keeping track of littles that hadn't napped was tricky enough at the store we had been in. Walking around a busy mall tending them and working to keep my boys eyes in the right places, well, just the thought of it made me tired. We headed back home and I'm glad we did. I got in some laundry duty while my husband played UNO with the girlies. Now everyone is settling in to bed and I feel exhausted. It's weird because I did so little today by way of activity, but I am definitely worn out.
Off to look over our new budget and keep working on ways to chip away at it. I'm so thankful for my husband's new employment. It's giving us many ways to watch the Lord work and trust him to fill in the gaps where our income has shrunk. ;)
Bible & journal
My husband went to work early so he could have the afternoon off for a family date night!
Packed a "healthy" dinner for us to eat out
Today's Not So Good Things:
Junk food at lunch & dinner
No exercise
A lot of hard attitudes to work with around here today
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: whole english muffin with pb, decaf black coffee
Snack: 2-3oz cheddar cheese, 6 sesame crackers
Lunch: 3/4-1cup ranch beans w/ turkey, carrot sticks, corn dog w/ mustard *sigh*
Snack: diet soday, 1 package pb crackers
Dinner: pb sandwich w/ ww bread, carrot sticks, pickle spears, cheese stick, bag of snack size chips, 1 mini sized butterfinger, water
Today we took our second son out to pick his birthday gift. We had to go to Maine to a favorite sporting goods store for him to pick out the perfect Indiana Jones hat. He was adorable finding just the right one. We had a good time and I enjoyed the long drive after a hard day working with children who were struggling with grumpiness and disobedience. It always feels like such a nice break when everyone is strapped in and we can just drive.
This is probably very tacky, but we brought our packed picnic dinner into the mall food court and ate it there. We figured it was better than sitting in the van, and it was. We also were planning to get some exercise by walking the mall. But, once we were there a bit, I just couldn't do it. Keeping track of littles that hadn't napped was tricky enough at the store we had been in. Walking around a busy mall tending them and working to keep my boys eyes in the right places, well, just the thought of it made me tired. We headed back home and I'm glad we did. I got in some laundry duty while my husband played UNO with the girlies. Now everyone is settling in to bed and I feel exhausted. It's weird because I did so little today by way of activity, but I am definitely worn out.
Off to look over our new budget and keep working on ways to chip away at it. I'm so thankful for my husband's new employment. It's giving us many ways to watch the Lord work and trust him to fill in the gaps where our income has shrunk. ;)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday January 26, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Up 30 min early (5am)
Morning pilates (10 min)
Bible & journal
Story hour at library with littles
followed my meal plan with lunch exception
24 min on wii fit this afternoon (*instead* of zoning out on computer)
Pushed through dinner and ended night working on some lesson work we've been behind on
My husband was home at 7pm tonight..yay!!
Today's Not So Good Things:
Caved to my craving for frozen pizza for lunch (aka cardboad pizza as my husband calls it)
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2 oz cheddar cheese, 1.5 sourdough rye krisp crackers, decaf black
Snack: 1 slice hm LOOM bread with raisins, buttered
Lunch: 3 pieces of frozen pizza (cooked, of course!), carrot sticks, 2 pieces of ants-on-a-log (celery w/ pb and raisins), diet soda, 1 spoonful of pb
Snack: grapefruit and *maybe* 1 oz pepperoni
Dinner: 2 reg sized bowls of tortellini soup, (second bowl I removed the tortellini ;) ), 1 slice of ww italian bread-buttered
Snack: greek yogurt with fruit bowl (thawing as I type. ;) )
Today was good. Okay, the pizza wasn't a great choice, but I did chase it down with fresh vegies. I'll never understand why I still like that stuff so much. I grew up on it (among other prepackaged gems) and I just can't shake the taste for it. I rarely buy it, so it always feels like a treat when we have it. I was glad to follow it up with some yummy homemade soup LOADED with vegies tonight. :)
I made a great choice this afternoon to put aside my computer and "sitting work" and get in some exercise on the wii. It's fun and wakes me up a bit during the afternoon slump. Because of some school issues happening here, I'm not yet comfortable to leave the house for my afternoon mile like I used to, so this was a good substitute.
That's all I've got for tonight. My husband is enjoying some time with the children before they head to bed, so I'm going to join them. :D
ETA: I added the recipe to the tortellini soup to my Recipes page at the top in case anyone wants to give it a try.
Up 30 min early (5am)
Morning pilates (10 min)
Bible & journal
Story hour at library with littles
followed my meal plan with lunch exception
24 min on wii fit this afternoon (*instead* of zoning out on computer)
Pushed through dinner and ended night working on some lesson work we've been behind on
My husband was home at 7pm tonight..yay!!
Today's Not So Good Things:
Caved to my craving for frozen pizza for lunch (aka cardboad pizza as my husband calls it)
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2 oz cheddar cheese, 1.5 sourdough rye krisp crackers, decaf black
Snack: 1 slice hm LOOM bread with raisins, buttered
Lunch: 3 pieces of frozen pizza (cooked, of course!), carrot sticks, 2 pieces of ants-on-a-log (celery w/ pb and raisins), diet soda, 1 spoonful of pb
Snack: grapefruit and *maybe* 1 oz pepperoni
Dinner: 2 reg sized bowls of tortellini soup, (second bowl I removed the tortellini ;) ), 1 slice of ww italian bread-buttered
Snack: greek yogurt with fruit bowl (thawing as I type. ;) )
Today was good. Okay, the pizza wasn't a great choice, but I did chase it down with fresh vegies. I'll never understand why I still like that stuff so much. I grew up on it (among other prepackaged gems) and I just can't shake the taste for it. I rarely buy it, so it always feels like a treat when we have it. I was glad to follow it up with some yummy homemade soup LOADED with vegies tonight. :)
I made a great choice this afternoon to put aside my computer and "sitting work" and get in some exercise on the wii. It's fun and wakes me up a bit during the afternoon slump. Because of some school issues happening here, I'm not yet comfortable to leave the house for my afternoon mile like I used to, so this was a good substitute.
That's all I've got for tonight. My husband is enjoying some time with the children before they head to bed, so I'm going to join them. :D
ETA: I added the recipe to the tortellini soup to my Recipes page at the top in case anyone wants to give it a try.
Wednesday January 25, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Bible and journal, up early
Packed my husband's lunch and dinner cheerfully
Bible study with friend
Followed menu plan
Declined yummy sweet bread at bible study (knowing I had had a cookie before I left *blush*)
morning stretch and some Wii fit in the afternoon
afternoon nap
pushed to finish the day strong
Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't resist the cookies
grumpy with children while trying to nap
Still going to computer to busy my hands instead of something more productive
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2oz cheese, 1 slice rye caraway toast - buttered, decaf coffee, water
Snack: hm cookie
Lunch: 1 cup(ish) ranch beans w/ turkey, 2-3 tbs shredded cheddar, hot sauce, pickle, 2 slices ww italian loaf - buttered (I didn't eat enough at snack, so I was hungry and gave in to a second slice of bread. boo.)
Snack: 1 small grapefruit, 1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts
Dinner: Grilled ham/turkey/cheese sandwich on ww, carrot sticks, 1/2 cup applesauce
Snack: 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt & 1/2 cup frozen fruit
Decaf and water throughout the day
This week is a transition time for us. We're getting use to David working tax season hours and last night I struggled a bit. He leaves by 7am, sometimes earlier during the week and gets home between 8:30 and 9pm. Last night, by 7pm, I was d.o.n.e. However, the Lord enabled me to motivate the children for a pick up, play a game of Crazy Eights with my 7yo, and send the littles to bed with a smile. I know these coming months will be hard, but I also see the Lord giving me his view of it and embracing it as a gift. I do get so very tired, yet I know this is a wonderful season to spend with my children and enjoy building our team. It's also been sort of fun to hang with my husband and the bigs while we watch Dick Van Dyke together before we all head to bed. That's a fun new tradition that these hours have brought about. ;)
I was glad to get in some fun exercise with the children. I'd like to get us all out today for a family walk. The weather is warm enough that we can all do that. I'm reporting from yesterday today because I didn't want to take up time with my husband to be on the computer last night. So far today I was up earlier than my wake up time and got in my pilates and bible reading. A very good start to my day. I just need to work through some of the children's attitudes, as a few woke up feeling grumpy today. I've also done well with my food choices so far, even though it's only been one meal. ;)
Bible and journal, up early
Packed my husband's lunch and dinner cheerfully
Bible study with friend
Followed menu plan
Declined yummy sweet bread at bible study (knowing I had had a cookie before I left *blush*)
morning stretch and some Wii fit in the afternoon
afternoon nap
pushed to finish the day strong
Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't resist the cookies
grumpy with children while trying to nap
Still going to computer to busy my hands instead of something more productive
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2oz cheese, 1 slice rye caraway toast - buttered, decaf coffee, water
Snack: hm cookie
Lunch: 1 cup(ish) ranch beans w/ turkey, 2-3 tbs shredded cheddar, hot sauce, pickle, 2 slices ww italian loaf - buttered (I didn't eat enough at snack, so I was hungry and gave in to a second slice of bread. boo.)
Snack: 1 small grapefruit, 1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts
Dinner: Grilled ham/turkey/cheese sandwich on ww, carrot sticks, 1/2 cup applesauce
Snack: 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt & 1/2 cup frozen fruit
Decaf and water throughout the day
This week is a transition time for us. We're getting use to David working tax season hours and last night I struggled a bit. He leaves by 7am, sometimes earlier during the week and gets home between 8:30 and 9pm. Last night, by 7pm, I was d.o.n.e. However, the Lord enabled me to motivate the children for a pick up, play a game of Crazy Eights with my 7yo, and send the littles to bed with a smile. I know these coming months will be hard, but I also see the Lord giving me his view of it and embracing it as a gift. I do get so very tired, yet I know this is a wonderful season to spend with my children and enjoy building our team. It's also been sort of fun to hang with my husband and the bigs while we watch Dick Van Dyke together before we all head to bed. That's a fun new tradition that these hours have brought about. ;)
I was glad to get in some fun exercise with the children. I'd like to get us all out today for a family walk. The weather is warm enough that we can all do that. I'm reporting from yesterday today because I didn't want to take up time with my husband to be on the computer last night. So far today I was up earlier than my wake up time and got in my pilates and bible reading. A very good start to my day. I just need to work through some of the children's attitudes, as a few woke up feeling grumpy today. I've also done well with my food choices so far, even though it's only been one meal. ;)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Tuesday January 24, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Bible time & journal
Breakfast *with* the children including bible reading
Lunch *with* the children, including bible reading
School finished with relatively good attitudes
10 min school break spent dancing with my girlies - couldn't resist once I put the Doo-Wop music on ;)
Pushed myself through morning work as well as making dinner, clean up and bath time
Today's Not So Good Things:
Felt horrible. Heartburn, headache, and nausea returned
No exercise
SOOO tired. I could NOT get myself to wake up this morning. Even went back to bed after getting my husband his lunch together and out the door this morning.
Stayed up too late last night (obviously)
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 1.5 pieces ww toast with pb, vanilla caramel tea, water
Snack: cheese stick, 30 Cheez Itz
Lunch: 1 cup leftover skillet supper, carrot sticks, water, 1 hm oatmeal/pb/choc chip cookie
Snack: 3 pb sandwich crackers, 1 snack size bag of chips with onion dip
Dinner: 1 baked chicken thigh, 1 cup(ish) homemade oven fries w/ ketchup, 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce, water, 1 cookie
Snack: Planning my 3/4 cup ff plain greek yogurt with 1/2 cup frozen fruit & chamomile tea (I need to be sleepy at the right time)
Today was hard to push through while feeling crummy, but I did it. I had to battle some major crabbiness and irritability. But, the children were patient with me, I pushed to stay vertical, and we amazingly had our lesson work done before sewing lessons this afternoon. Even our history read aloud which we usually bring with us. It was so nice to sit and read to *myself* while the children played during my oldest's lesson. Helped my headache, for sure.
Speaking of my oldest, she has taken over my obsession with All Things Healthy. Last year, when I first started my work on getting healthier and losing weight, she pretty much thought I had gone off the deep end. She often grumped about my efforts to get the family exercise in each morning. She rolled her eyes when I fussed about choosing healthy oils over unhealthy b/c she didn't like the taste. Among other things, she was definitely not on board with my newfound passions. ;)
In the last few months, however, I've seen a major transformation in her. Not only has she decided to make healthy eating and exercise a priority in her day, she's now taken on the role of Obsessor in the family. I'm delighted to see her make wise choices with her portions and paying attention to the nutrients and calories on her plate. It's a joy to see her making choices based on what is best instead of just what tastes good. I love seeing her "save" her choices for the best treat of the day or hold off on some things knowing she has a plan to splurge a bit later. I confess, that some things are a little over the top and we are working on creating balance and grace as she works with others. But, I think that's the nature of being in the midst of adolescence and all the extremes that go with it. She's seen several pounds come off and her clothes fitting her better. I'm so happy for her and thankful to the Lord. She has struggled with self-control, especially with food, her whole life. I've prayed and worked with her on these issues. It was sometimes a great struggle for all of us. But, now I am seeing the fruit of the Lord working in her life. Her growth in her love for His word, prayer, and desire to please Him is effecting so many areas of her life, including her health. What a blessing!!
So, that was a long way to get to this: Tonight, on our way home from sewing, I was SO ready to just pull into McD's and grab something quick to serve the children for dinner so bedtime would come sooner. As I thought about it, I *knew* my sweet girl would NEVER allow that. ;) So, I switched my plan to Subway, in hopes I could get away with a healthier choice. When I mentioned the idea to my daughter, she immediately said, "Aw. But we have so much good food at home." And she is right. Not only did we have better choices at home, but I have already spent my limit and should not have even been considering the option of eating out. I was just SO tired and worn out, I wanted to take the easy way. I'm so thankful for her spirit, her passion for what is *right*, the accountability she provides for me, and tonight...most importantly, her HELP. :) When we got home she and I worked to get the chicken and fries in the oven and she tended it while I put my feet up. Truly, children are a blessing from the Lord.
I'm sure I scare some away with the length of my posts. It's okay. As I've said before, I really do journal this out for my own benefit. I am thankful for those who read and leave encouraging and helpful notes. But, I know that unless I am doing this to challenge myself, record my struggles and victories, keep track of what I am learning, if I do that for myself, I *will* keep going. I will find the patterns, the sins, the weaknesses, and the right things I am doing in this journey. So, if all this print makes your eyes glaze over, that's okay with me. But I am thankful for you stopping by and pray that in my yammerings, you may find a bit of blessing from time to time.
Also wanted to say that I am still having a hard time posting comments on some blogs from time to time. Grace, in case you stop in here at all, I wanted to say you are doing a great job and to keep up the good work. You're working to make the best choices you can in the flucuations that life brings our way. If we aren't learning to do good things in all seasons, then we really aren't learning at all. Blessings to you and everyone else as you work on your goals this week. Great work on the scales moving in the right direction all!
Bible time & journal
Breakfast *with* the children including bible reading
Lunch *with* the children, including bible reading
School finished with relatively good attitudes
10 min school break spent dancing with my girlies - couldn't resist once I put the Doo-Wop music on ;)
Pushed myself through morning work as well as making dinner, clean up and bath time
Today's Not So Good Things:
Felt horrible. Heartburn, headache, and nausea returned
No exercise
SOOO tired. I could NOT get myself to wake up this morning. Even went back to bed after getting my husband his lunch together and out the door this morning.
Stayed up too late last night (obviously)
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 1.5 pieces ww toast with pb, vanilla caramel tea, water
Snack: cheese stick, 30 Cheez Itz
Lunch: 1 cup leftover skillet supper, carrot sticks, water, 1 hm oatmeal/pb/choc chip cookie
Snack: 3 pb sandwich crackers, 1 snack size bag of chips with onion dip
Dinner: 1 baked chicken thigh, 1 cup(ish) homemade oven fries w/ ketchup, 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce, water, 1 cookie
Snack: Planning my 3/4 cup ff plain greek yogurt with 1/2 cup frozen fruit & chamomile tea (I need to be sleepy at the right time)
Today was hard to push through while feeling crummy, but I did it. I had to battle some major crabbiness and irritability. But, the children were patient with me, I pushed to stay vertical, and we amazingly had our lesson work done before sewing lessons this afternoon. Even our history read aloud which we usually bring with us. It was so nice to sit and read to *myself* while the children played during my oldest's lesson. Helped my headache, for sure.
Speaking of my oldest, she has taken over my obsession with All Things Healthy. Last year, when I first started my work on getting healthier and losing weight, she pretty much thought I had gone off the deep end. She often grumped about my efforts to get the family exercise in each morning. She rolled her eyes when I fussed about choosing healthy oils over unhealthy b/c she didn't like the taste. Among other things, she was definitely not on board with my newfound passions. ;)
In the last few months, however, I've seen a major transformation in her. Not only has she decided to make healthy eating and exercise a priority in her day, she's now taken on the role of Obsessor in the family. I'm delighted to see her make wise choices with her portions and paying attention to the nutrients and calories on her plate. It's a joy to see her making choices based on what is best instead of just what tastes good. I love seeing her "save" her choices for the best treat of the day or hold off on some things knowing she has a plan to splurge a bit later. I confess, that some things are a little over the top and we are working on creating balance and grace as she works with others. But, I think that's the nature of being in the midst of adolescence and all the extremes that go with it. She's seen several pounds come off and her clothes fitting her better. I'm so happy for her and thankful to the Lord. She has struggled with self-control, especially with food, her whole life. I've prayed and worked with her on these issues. It was sometimes a great struggle for all of us. But, now I am seeing the fruit of the Lord working in her life. Her growth in her love for His word, prayer, and desire to please Him is effecting so many areas of her life, including her health. What a blessing!!
So, that was a long way to get to this: Tonight, on our way home from sewing, I was SO ready to just pull into McD's and grab something quick to serve the children for dinner so bedtime would come sooner. As I thought about it, I *knew* my sweet girl would NEVER allow that. ;) So, I switched my plan to Subway, in hopes I could get away with a healthier choice. When I mentioned the idea to my daughter, she immediately said, "Aw. But we have so much good food at home." And she is right. Not only did we have better choices at home, but I have already spent my limit and should not have even been considering the option of eating out. I was just SO tired and worn out, I wanted to take the easy way. I'm so thankful for her spirit, her passion for what is *right*, the accountability she provides for me, and tonight...most importantly, her HELP. :) When we got home she and I worked to get the chicken and fries in the oven and she tended it while I put my feet up. Truly, children are a blessing from the Lord.
I'm sure I scare some away with the length of my posts. It's okay. As I've said before, I really do journal this out for my own benefit. I am thankful for those who read and leave encouraging and helpful notes. But, I know that unless I am doing this to challenge myself, record my struggles and victories, keep track of what I am learning, if I do that for myself, I *will* keep going. I will find the patterns, the sins, the weaknesses, and the right things I am doing in this journey. So, if all this print makes your eyes glaze over, that's okay with me. But I am thankful for you stopping by and pray that in my yammerings, you may find a bit of blessing from time to time.
Also wanted to say that I am still having a hard time posting comments on some blogs from time to time. Grace, in case you stop in here at all, I wanted to say you are doing a great job and to keep up the good work. You're working to make the best choices you can in the flucuations that life brings our way. If we aren't learning to do good things in all seasons, then we really aren't learning at all. Blessings to you and everyone else as you work on your goals this week. Great work on the scales moving in the right direction all!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday January 23, 2012
Today's Good Things:Up early for journaling and bible
greeted children with a smile
Good start to the day, small changes
Baked cookies for the fam and my husband's office
Solid day of schooling
Kept on diet
Today's Not So Good Things:
No exercise
Sampled some cookies
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: slice of turkey ham, 1 1/2 rye krisp cracker, buttered, 8oz skim milk, decaf coffee, water
Morning Snack: 1 slice ww toast w/ pb
Lunch: approx. 1 cup leftover skillet supper (rice, ground beef, and vegies), 1/2 grapefruit, carrot sticks (2 cookies)
Afternoon Snack: 1 slice LOOM bread w/ raisins, buttered
Dinner: romaine salad w/ raisins and homemade italian dressing, 1 cup homemade mac-n-cheese, cookie
Evening Snack: 2oz cheddar cheese, 6 crackers
Water and decaf throughout the day
Today was better. Intense journaling. Intense discussions. Intense convictions. Intense forgiveness. Intense gratitude. And hope.
Today was the best day we've had in a long while. I've committed to making small but significant changes making myself more available to my children throughout the day. I'm praying that as I work to change myself in these ways, I can be a blessing and example to the rest of the family that is struggling through their own issues.
greeted children with a smile
Good start to the day, small changes
Baked cookies for the fam and my husband's office
Solid day of schooling
Kept on diet
Today's Not So Good Things:
No exercise
Sampled some cookies
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: slice of turkey ham, 1 1/2 rye krisp cracker, buttered, 8oz skim milk, decaf coffee, water
Morning Snack: 1 slice ww toast w/ pb
Lunch: approx. 1 cup leftover skillet supper (rice, ground beef, and vegies), 1/2 grapefruit, carrot sticks (2 cookies)
Afternoon Snack: 1 slice LOOM bread w/ raisins, buttered
Dinner: romaine salad w/ raisins and homemade italian dressing, 1 cup homemade mac-n-cheese, cookie
Evening Snack: 2oz cheddar cheese, 6 crackers
Water and decaf throughout the day
Today was better. Intense journaling. Intense discussions. Intense convictions. Intense forgiveness. Intense gratitude. And hope.
Today was the best day we've had in a long while. I've committed to making small but significant changes making myself more available to my children throughout the day. I'm praying that as I work to change myself in these ways, I can be a blessing and example to the rest of the family that is struggling through their own issues.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Disconnect
This week has been strange...difficult...weird...hard.
I am walking around in a general state of Minor Yuck. It's not pleasant. Yet, it's not so horrible that I feel justified to go with my emotions and wallow in it. Not justified, yet I think I have been doing it most of the time. Sigh.
I don't know if it's simply the hormones of pregnancy that are effecting me and keeping me from feeling well. I don't know if it's somehow linked to my blood sugar issues that are still not under control. It could very well be linked to following doc's orders and lifting the GD diet for the early part of the week in preparation for the 3 hour challenge. Good news is, I don't have to take that test. (whew!) The I Don't Know If It's Bad News news is that I'm going straight to GD counseling, making me an official Gestational Diabetic. It's what I wanted, skipping the test and getting on with treatment. But, somehow, getting that diagnosis and all that comes with it is hard to accept. Still working on those Feelings of Failure, I guess.
Yesterday I was quite productive. I got a lot done in the kitchen and around the house and even made good on some schoolwork. I should have been elated. It had been a long while since I had accomplished a list of any significant size. Instead, I felt deflated and worn out. This morning a thought struck me as I was forcing myself through the Get Ready For Church routine.
My heart is just not into this.
"This" meaning anything and everything, I guess. No matter what I set about, I'm feeling like I'm either forcing may way through, finding a way to just "get by", or just completely disconnecting from what is in front of me. I don't like that feeling. I don't like the Disconnect.
This certainly isn't a cheerful, uplifting post. That is certain. I will say that my heart IS completely overjoyed with anticipation of our new baby girl. I've already named her in my heart and have been enjoying bonding with her this week. I just wish I was as emotionally attached to the others that are with me and the work the Lord has for me each day.
However, if taking proper care of myself means that I live in a state of Disconnect and forcing what is right, then so be it. My feelings do not have to precede my actions. As I well know, Doing right will lead to Feeling right...eventually.
So, tomorrow I begin again. Praying the Lord enables me to push through this fog and get in those simple but important goals of exercise and eating enough and properly. My biggest struggle is to simply eat as much as I should, *what* I should, and *when* I should. It sure sounds simple. For me, it feels super hard.
If I don't push, I'll give up. This sweet little girl needs a momma that doesn't quit.
I am walking around in a general state of Minor Yuck. It's not pleasant. Yet, it's not so horrible that I feel justified to go with my emotions and wallow in it. Not justified, yet I think I have been doing it most of the time. Sigh.
I don't know if it's simply the hormones of pregnancy that are effecting me and keeping me from feeling well. I don't know if it's somehow linked to my blood sugar issues that are still not under control. It could very well be linked to following doc's orders and lifting the GD diet for the early part of the week in preparation for the 3 hour challenge. Good news is, I don't have to take that test. (whew!) The I Don't Know If It's Bad News news is that I'm going straight to GD counseling, making me an official Gestational Diabetic. It's what I wanted, skipping the test and getting on with treatment. But, somehow, getting that diagnosis and all that comes with it is hard to accept. Still working on those Feelings of Failure, I guess.
Yesterday I was quite productive. I got a lot done in the kitchen and around the house and even made good on some schoolwork. I should have been elated. It had been a long while since I had accomplished a list of any significant size. Instead, I felt deflated and worn out. This morning a thought struck me as I was forcing myself through the Get Ready For Church routine.
My heart is just not into this.
"This" meaning anything and everything, I guess. No matter what I set about, I'm feeling like I'm either forcing may way through, finding a way to just "get by", or just completely disconnecting from what is in front of me. I don't like that feeling. I don't like the Disconnect.
This certainly isn't a cheerful, uplifting post. That is certain. I will say that my heart IS completely overjoyed with anticipation of our new baby girl. I've already named her in my heart and have been enjoying bonding with her this week. I just wish I was as emotionally attached to the others that are with me and the work the Lord has for me each day.
However, if taking proper care of myself means that I live in a state of Disconnect and forcing what is right, then so be it. My feelings do not have to precede my actions. As I well know, Doing right will lead to Feeling right...eventually.
So, tomorrow I begin again. Praying the Lord enables me to push through this fog and get in those simple but important goals of exercise and eating enough and properly. My biggest struggle is to simply eat as much as I should, *what* I should, and *when* I should. It sure sounds simple. For me, it feels super hard.
If I don't push, I'll give up. This sweet little girl needs a momma that doesn't quit.
"And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope ; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." Romans 8:23-35
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday January 16, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Got my grading done
Out for coffee with friends
Spent some fun time looking at names for Baby Dear
Today's Not So Good Things:
Lazy start and unmotivated today
No exercise
So, my big appointment with the OB last Friday was great. I was delighted with how well she received us and how easily I could talk with her. We discussed my results from the 1 hour glucose test and the week of testing I did back in December. She agreed with me that it makes sense to skip the 3 hour and just go directly to the GD counseling and self-monitoring. However, there's a team of 8 to be reckoned with, so she offered to advocate for me with them. I was to hear from her today with their decision to either stick with the 3 hour at the earliest point this week or forgo it and get in touch with the GD counselor at the hospital. I didn't hear back yet, though, so hopefully tomorrow I'll get word.
She did tell me to lift the GD diet for the weekend until I get in the test. She said a true "carb load" wasn't necessary, but to just ease up on counting the carbs and relax a bit and enjoy. So, I have been.
This weekend I enjoyed a lovely dinner with friends and even had a cupcake for dessert. :) Our family had a super exciting time with a Baby Reveal to learn the gender of our little Baby dear and I thoroughly enjoyed eating our PINK cake with the fam. :)
However, I can tell when too much is too much. This Sunday I had 2 pancakes with maybe 2 tsp of maple syrup and a thick slice of turkey ham. By the time the service was starting at church, my head was killing me and I felt weak and nauseous. That's been a little normal for me, but it was worse that day. Honestly, the sugar, in whatever form, bread, syrup, even fruit, at the wrong time really does me in. Oh, how I wish I had brought along a cheese stick to counter that gross feeling. It will be interesting to see if insulin makes a big difference for me or not. I'm most confident I'm heading that way.
With all the excitement of our Baby Reveal, I haven't had time to read the other blogs. I hope you ladies had a lovely weekend and are off to a strong start this week. I'm praying my tomorrow goes better than my today. ;)
Got my grading done
Out for coffee with friends
Spent some fun time looking at names for Baby Dear
Today's Not So Good Things:
Lazy start and unmotivated today
No exercise
So, my big appointment with the OB last Friday was great. I was delighted with how well she received us and how easily I could talk with her. We discussed my results from the 1 hour glucose test and the week of testing I did back in December. She agreed with me that it makes sense to skip the 3 hour and just go directly to the GD counseling and self-monitoring. However, there's a team of 8 to be reckoned with, so she offered to advocate for me with them. I was to hear from her today with their decision to either stick with the 3 hour at the earliest point this week or forgo it and get in touch with the GD counselor at the hospital. I didn't hear back yet, though, so hopefully tomorrow I'll get word.
She did tell me to lift the GD diet for the weekend until I get in the test. She said a true "carb load" wasn't necessary, but to just ease up on counting the carbs and relax a bit and enjoy. So, I have been.
This weekend I enjoyed a lovely dinner with friends and even had a cupcake for dessert. :) Our family had a super exciting time with a Baby Reveal to learn the gender of our little Baby dear and I thoroughly enjoyed eating our PINK cake with the fam. :)
However, I can tell when too much is too much. This Sunday I had 2 pancakes with maybe 2 tsp of maple syrup and a thick slice of turkey ham. By the time the service was starting at church, my head was killing me and I felt weak and nauseous. That's been a little normal for me, but it was worse that day. Honestly, the sugar, in whatever form, bread, syrup, even fruit, at the wrong time really does me in. Oh, how I wish I had brought along a cheese stick to counter that gross feeling. It will be interesting to see if insulin makes a big difference for me or not. I'm most confident I'm heading that way.
With all the excitement of our Baby Reveal, I haven't had time to read the other blogs. I hope you ladies had a lovely weekend and are off to a strong start this week. I'm praying my tomorrow goes better than my today. ;)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thursday January 12, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Stuck to my menu
Cleaned my room
All but one child completely ready for Friday work
Today's Not So Good Things:
Emotional
Felt lousy
Accomplished little
No exercise
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2-3 oz slice of grilled turkey-ham, 1/2 english muffin - buttered, 8oz skim milk
Snack: english muffin- buttered w/ peanut butter, water
Lunch: hm turkey soup, slice of sourdough - buttered, 1/2 apple, water
Snack: 3 sugar free chocolates (30g carbs total), shared a snack size bag of sun chips with my toddler, water
Dinner: Chicken Cacciatore (1/3 cup vegie noodles, 1 chicken thigh w/ sauce), 1/2 cup green beans, 1 slice ww bread - buttered, water
Snack: I have my 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt and 1/2 cup frozen mixed fruit waiting for me.
Today was hard. I woke up at 5am, spent some time with my husband before he left for work but ended up going back to bed at 6am. My morning was so emotional, I just couldn't do much besides pray and sleep. I woke up feeling nauseous and fighting that same headache. I gave in and spent the day in my room keeping the littles with me, working on school with them while the bigs did their thing.
This transition to a new career/job for my husband is hard. Really hard some days.
Tomorrow we see baby and meet another OB on the team of 6. I'm nervous. Nervous about the u/s. Nervous about meeting the OB and wondering how she'll receive us. I hate feeling like I have to prove myself somehow. I so wish I didn't have all the negative baggage from previous doctors and hospital experiences to taint this pregnancy. Still praying the Lord helps me lay these fears at his feet and leave them there.
ETA: Blogger still isn't giving me access to the comment page so I can respond to the notes being left. Thank you, Angie and Tanya for your encouragement. Tanya, up until my last pregnancy, I always felt amazing while pregnant (after the initial 15-18 weeks of morning sickness wore off.) In fact, I used to feel *better* while pregnant than not. I'm sad that's changed.
Stuck to my menu
Cleaned my room
All but one child completely ready for Friday work
Today's Not So Good Things:
Emotional
Felt lousy
Accomplished little
No exercise
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2-3 oz slice of grilled turkey-ham, 1/2 english muffin - buttered, 8oz skim milk
Snack: english muffin- buttered w/ peanut butter, water
Lunch: hm turkey soup, slice of sourdough - buttered, 1/2 apple, water
Snack: 3 sugar free chocolates (30g carbs total), shared a snack size bag of sun chips with my toddler, water
Dinner: Chicken Cacciatore (1/3 cup vegie noodles, 1 chicken thigh w/ sauce), 1/2 cup green beans, 1 slice ww bread - buttered, water
Snack: I have my 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt and 1/2 cup frozen mixed fruit waiting for me.
Today was hard. I woke up at 5am, spent some time with my husband before he left for work but ended up going back to bed at 6am. My morning was so emotional, I just couldn't do much besides pray and sleep. I woke up feeling nauseous and fighting that same headache. I gave in and spent the day in my room keeping the littles with me, working on school with them while the bigs did their thing.
This transition to a new career/job for my husband is hard. Really hard some days.
Tomorrow we see baby and meet another OB on the team of 6. I'm nervous. Nervous about the u/s. Nervous about meeting the OB and wondering how she'll receive us. I hate feeling like I have to prove myself somehow. I so wish I didn't have all the negative baggage from previous doctors and hospital experiences to taint this pregnancy. Still praying the Lord helps me lay these fears at his feet and leave them there.
ETA: Blogger still isn't giving me access to the comment page so I can respond to the notes being left. Thank you, Angie and Tanya for your encouragement. Tanya, up until my last pregnancy, I always felt amazing while pregnant (after the initial 15-18 weeks of morning sickness wore off.) In fact, I used to feel *better* while pregnant than not. I'm sad that's changed.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday January 11, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Up at 5:30
Morning Pilates - 10min (core)
Bible time
Family bible time
Breakfast on time
Productive morning school wise
Lovely bible study with friend
Stuck to my menu plan well
Enjoyed a delicious nap snuggled up with the baby on the couch. <3
17 minutes of wii fit this afternoon
Kept up with our basic routine decently
Today's Not So Good Things:
Can't think of any :)
Okay, so today was about the little things. I worked hard to make the little choices and little things count well today. This afternoon, after I finished my snack, I was rummaging through the house looking for another "little something". After picking up and putting down various items, I chose to have a cup of black coffee instead. From there, I chose to get on the wii and do some moving while waiting for the children to finish up their choring. After that, I was so pleased with myself that I didn't even want to bother with any little somethings.
Speaking of the wii. My intention on using it today was to weigh myself. Our scale broke a while ago and I haven't really been able to keep track of how much I've gained this pregnancy very well. According to the wii, it looks like I'm up around 14 pounds so far. That's more than I gained last time, but still not as bad as I was thinking. Compared to the scale at the doc's office a couple of weeks ago, I'm down a couple of pounds even. But, comparing different scales is obviously not helpful. So far, I'm still under my highest weight when I started working to lose last year. That's a comfort. Watching the wii tease me about being "obese", however is not a good feeling. Wish it could hear me when I say, "Hey! I'm PREGNANT you know!" :-P
I still have my evening 20 minutes of pilates to get in. I'm actually excited to do it. I'll wait until after our family movie time is done and the children are in bed. I have to say, though, my legs are sore! I knew that was coming. Pilates is one of those things that feels like you're not really working hard but it hits you the following day and you KNOW you were working your body in completely new ways. I like that feeling.
Had to reschedule my u/s for Friday due to a big storm coming our way. I'm still struggling to feel great during the day, but maybe some shoveling will be a decent remedy. ;)
My husband just called me while on his way home from work asking if I wanted anything from McD's. Since I know he'll be eating too when he gets home, I decided to have a small chicken sandwich for my evening snack tonight. I miss him when he's gone working late, but it's fun to have some special time together late in the evening too.
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with peanut butter, decaf coffee - black
Snack: 2 oz cheddar cheese, 8 triscuit crackers, decaf chai tea - black
Lunch: hm turkey soup, 1 dinner roll w/ butter, water
Snack: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 cheese stick, water
Dinner: 2-3 oz turkey, Nachos (corn chips, pintos, cheese, salsa, sour cream, lettuce), water
Evening snack: Chicken sandwich? Still unsure, as I was really looking forward to my plain greek yogurt and orange segments. Maybe I'll offer the sandwich to a helpful child instead. ;)
ETA: For some reason, blogger isn't letting me access the comments page so I can respond to the notes left from yesterday. Thanks for your encouragement, ladies! It means a great deal to me. :)
FINAL REPORT: Gave the sandwich to the girlies. Just finished my 20 minute exercises (buns & thighs and flexibility). I am about to enjoy my plain greek yogurt with diced orange sections. Mmmmm...my favorite. :)
I'm choosing to ignore my nasty heartburn and headache. :-P
Great day!
Up at 5:30
Morning Pilates - 10min (core)
Bible time
Family bible time
Breakfast on time
Productive morning school wise
Lovely bible study with friend
Stuck to my menu plan well
Enjoyed a delicious nap snuggled up with the baby on the couch. <3
17 minutes of wii fit this afternoon
Kept up with our basic routine decently
Today's Not So Good Things:
Can't think of any :)
Okay, so today was about the little things. I worked hard to make the little choices and little things count well today. This afternoon, after I finished my snack, I was rummaging through the house looking for another "little something". After picking up and putting down various items, I chose to have a cup of black coffee instead. From there, I chose to get on the wii and do some moving while waiting for the children to finish up their choring. After that, I was so pleased with myself that I didn't even want to bother with any little somethings.
Speaking of the wii. My intention on using it today was to weigh myself. Our scale broke a while ago and I haven't really been able to keep track of how much I've gained this pregnancy very well. According to the wii, it looks like I'm up around 14 pounds so far. That's more than I gained last time, but still not as bad as I was thinking. Compared to the scale at the doc's office a couple of weeks ago, I'm down a couple of pounds even. But, comparing different scales is obviously not helpful. So far, I'm still under my highest weight when I started working to lose last year. That's a comfort. Watching the wii tease me about being "obese", however is not a good feeling. Wish it could hear me when I say, "Hey! I'm PREGNANT you know!" :-P
I still have my evening 20 minutes of pilates to get in. I'm actually excited to do it. I'll wait until after our family movie time is done and the children are in bed. I have to say, though, my legs are sore! I knew that was coming. Pilates is one of those things that feels like you're not really working hard but it hits you the following day and you KNOW you were working your body in completely new ways. I like that feeling.
Had to reschedule my u/s for Friday due to a big storm coming our way. I'm still struggling to feel great during the day, but maybe some shoveling will be a decent remedy. ;)
My husband just called me while on his way home from work asking if I wanted anything from McD's. Since I know he'll be eating too when he gets home, I decided to have a small chicken sandwich for my evening snack tonight. I miss him when he's gone working late, but it's fun to have some special time together late in the evening too.
Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with peanut butter, decaf coffee - black
Snack: 2 oz cheddar cheese, 8 triscuit crackers, decaf chai tea - black
Lunch: hm turkey soup, 1 dinner roll w/ butter, water
Snack: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 cheese stick, water
Dinner: 2-3 oz turkey, Nachos (corn chips, pintos, cheese, salsa, sour cream, lettuce), water
Evening snack: Chicken sandwich? Still unsure, as I was really looking forward to my plain greek yogurt and orange segments. Maybe I'll offer the sandwich to a helpful child instead. ;)
ETA: For some reason, blogger isn't letting me access the comments page so I can respond to the notes left from yesterday. Thanks for your encouragement, ladies! It means a great deal to me. :)
FINAL REPORT: Gave the sandwich to the girlies. Just finished my 20 minute exercises (buns & thighs and flexibility). I am about to enjoy my plain greek yogurt with diced orange sections. Mmmmm...my favorite. :)
I'm choosing to ignore my nasty heartburn and headache. :-P
Great day!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday January 10, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Up at 5:30am
10 minutes of standing pilates this morning (whew!)
Shower with no interruptions :)
Bible and journal
Followed my menu plan decently
Date night - voted!
20 minutes pilates this evening (total body and flexibility)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Couch schooled and delegated most of the day due to morning nausea and afternoon headache. (I thought I was over this stuff)
No afternoon walk
Today was decent considering how I was feeling. I am having such a hard time in the first part of the day. Nausea, headaches, and just overall ickiness. It doesn't feel the same as my regular morning sickness, but it's enough to keep me from the Get Up and Go that I need right now. So much for the second trimester push. I remember struggling like this last time, too. Feeling so frustrated that my second trimester wasn't the great, energetic, Get It Done time it normally is. I'm not sure if this is related to my blood sugar struggles or simply being pregnant.
I'll list my food choices for the day. I haven't been doing that because I was simply following the menu I made. But, lately I've been substituting a lot and not always as careful since I'm not testing. I think reporting here will add some accountablity.
Breakfast: 2 slices ww toast, buttered and peanut buttered (my favorite way)
Morning Snack: 2-3 oz cheddar cheese, 7 reduced fat triscuit crackers
Lunch: 1/2 large cheese quesadilla, 3 oz turkey breast, carrot sticks with about 1 tbs sour cream dip, 2-3 tbs salsa
Afternoon Snack: orange, diet soda
Dinner: Baked haddock with cracker crumb topping, 1/2 baked potato with butter, 1/4 cup overcooked vegies (blech), water
Evening Snack: 3 sugar free mini chocolate candies (that was my date-night alternative to the ice cream everyone else shared.) ;-)
I need to up my vegies, but I did a great job making my choices at dinner tonight. I resisted some major tempations including ice cream for dessert. Probably it helped that I wasn't feeling very well and nothing much sounded very good.
So, I'm super happy that I got in my morning and evening exercise today. I'm really hoping I can feel well enough to push myself out the door for a walk tomorrrow. Another unusual day as I go to meet with another mother from my hs group for a bible study in the morning. That means I'll be playing a bit of catch up the rest of the day. David is working late tomorrow, though, so that will buy me some time to do it.
Almost bedtime and I'm happy to say that getting up early and getting in some simple exercise has helped me get tired at the right time. No more staying up until 11pm or even midnight for me! Whew!!
Note for Brandy: The pilates workout video I use is 10 Minute Solution: Prenatal Pilates the instructor is Lizbeth Garcia. I don't even know if it's available anymore. I bought it about 3 babies ago at Best Buy, so it could already be obsolete, yk? Also, pilates has it's founding in the new age ying/yang type stuff so you'll hear plenty of references to those ideas as many of the exercises are named "hugging the tree" and other goofy things like that. I just ignore it, but I know it is offensive to some.
I have always like pilates while pregnant because it is a gentle workout, but very effective. I always FEEL the workout later and know I'm using my muscles in a big way. But, it isn't a difficult thing to do, especially in 10 minute segments. I will admit, though, that I'm so out of shape that the 10 minute standing pilates had me completely out of breath this morning. ACK! It also works hard to strengthen your core and feels SO good on my lower back as they focus on those areas. I often use the pilates moves I like best just to work with my sciatica and lower back pain when it's at its worst. It's been a great tool for me over the years.
Up at 5:30am
10 minutes of standing pilates this morning (whew!)
Shower with no interruptions :)
Bible and journal
Followed my menu plan decently
Date night - voted!
20 minutes pilates this evening (total body and flexibility)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Couch schooled and delegated most of the day due to morning nausea and afternoon headache. (I thought I was over this stuff)
No afternoon walk
Today was decent considering how I was feeling. I am having such a hard time in the first part of the day. Nausea, headaches, and just overall ickiness. It doesn't feel the same as my regular morning sickness, but it's enough to keep me from the Get Up and Go that I need right now. So much for the second trimester push. I remember struggling like this last time, too. Feeling so frustrated that my second trimester wasn't the great, energetic, Get It Done time it normally is. I'm not sure if this is related to my blood sugar struggles or simply being pregnant.
I'll list my food choices for the day. I haven't been doing that because I was simply following the menu I made. But, lately I've been substituting a lot and not always as careful since I'm not testing. I think reporting here will add some accountablity.
Breakfast: 2 slices ww toast, buttered and peanut buttered (my favorite way)
Morning Snack: 2-3 oz cheddar cheese, 7 reduced fat triscuit crackers
Lunch: 1/2 large cheese quesadilla, 3 oz turkey breast, carrot sticks with about 1 tbs sour cream dip, 2-3 tbs salsa
Afternoon Snack: orange, diet soda
Dinner: Baked haddock with cracker crumb topping, 1/2 baked potato with butter, 1/4 cup overcooked vegies (blech), water
Evening Snack: 3 sugar free mini chocolate candies (that was my date-night alternative to the ice cream everyone else shared.) ;-)
I need to up my vegies, but I did a great job making my choices at dinner tonight. I resisted some major tempations including ice cream for dessert. Probably it helped that I wasn't feeling very well and nothing much sounded very good.
So, I'm super happy that I got in my morning and evening exercise today. I'm really hoping I can feel well enough to push myself out the door for a walk tomorrrow. Another unusual day as I go to meet with another mother from my hs group for a bible study in the morning. That means I'll be playing a bit of catch up the rest of the day. David is working late tomorrow, though, so that will buy me some time to do it.
Almost bedtime and I'm happy to say that getting up early and getting in some simple exercise has helped me get tired at the right time. No more staying up until 11pm or even midnight for me! Whew!!
Note for Brandy: The pilates workout video I use is 10 Minute Solution: Prenatal Pilates the instructor is Lizbeth Garcia. I don't even know if it's available anymore. I bought it about 3 babies ago at Best Buy, so it could already be obsolete, yk? Also, pilates has it's founding in the new age ying/yang type stuff so you'll hear plenty of references to those ideas as many of the exercises are named "hugging the tree" and other goofy things like that. I just ignore it, but I know it is offensive to some.
I have always like pilates while pregnant because it is a gentle workout, but very effective. I always FEEL the workout later and know I'm using my muscles in a big way. But, it isn't a difficult thing to do, especially in 10 minute segments. I will admit, though, that I'm so out of shape that the 10 minute standing pilates had me completely out of breath this morning. ACK! It also works hard to strengthen your core and feels SO good on my lower back as they focus on those areas. I often use the pilates moves I like best just to work with my sciatica and lower back pain when it's at its worst. It's been a great tool for me over the years.
Monday, January 9, 2012
40 Weeks Devotional
This pregnancy devotional has been a blessing to me for 4 babies now. Each time I read it, I am challenged in new ways and continue to marvel at the miracle of conception, pregnancy, and birth. I'd like to include the ways the Lord is working in my heart in this pregnancy with quotes and my own thoughts and prayers. I don't want to forget the wonderful way the Lord is working to help me overcome my fears and struggles right now.
"It is not coincidence pregnancy lasts 40 weeks. In the Bible, the number 40 signifies a time of testing or trial. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights, Moses was on the mountain for 40 days, the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days and he was seen for 40 days after his death before ascending to Heaven. God will use these 40 weeks of pregnancy to test and grow your faith."
"Goodness can be considered moral excellence, and if this is something you want to pass on to your children, you must possess it first."
"Pregnancy is a time where you have no choice but to develop stronger self-control."
"As you get closer to your baby's birth day, you may find your need for patience and perseverance increases greatly. There is a correlation between the decreasing time until your baby's birth and the increasing desire to have your baby be born. Whether your like it or not you will develop perseverance because you cannot rush your baby."
"Pregnancy is like a burning bush in that it causes us to stop and pay attention. God is using this fertile time to grow not only a baby, but also your soul."
The most important point to remember is this: the Holy Spirit will help you in your weakness. Yes you are weak, but you are not alone. Yes, you may struggle but you do not have to struggle of your own strength. Yes, this is difficult, but God has not abandoned you. In fact, God is using this time of change in your life to further refine your heart so you will be the woman he designed you to be."
"And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him." Ephesians 6:9
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:5-6
"Lord,
Relationships are hard enough between friends, when someone is hired to offer advice and expertise the relationship can become muddled. Help me to understand how to keep a right relationship with my doctor. Don't allow me to mistreat him or her, but don't allow me to expect too much of them either.
If he or she is not a Christian, help me to be a light shining your love. Help me to be confident in the responsibilities you have given me, and don't allow me to be weak about requesting what I know is right. Amen."
"...before you begin to conform to an image you have created of the perfect mother, let me encourage you to make sure the person you strive to be is the person God made you to be, not some society standard of the perfect mother."
"Jesus called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen and understand. What goes into a man's mouth does not make him "unclean," but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him "unclean". Matthew 15:10-11
"Jesus was very clear about telling us it is not what goes into a person that makes her unclean, but what comes out of her. That is because what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart. Spend some time examining your heart, and be honest about what you see. This is the heart you will have with you while you labor.
You cannot 'prepare' for a peaceful labor by learning a few breathing and relaxation techniques. Yes, knowing comfort measure is important, but trying to make your body do what your heart is not able to do will only leave you frustrated and feeling defeated. The stress of labor will bring out your heart because you will not have the energy to hid any attitudes or issues you normally hide. In other words, you will be more yourself in labor than you ever are. So who are you at heart level?
To have true peace during labor you will need the confidence that comes from a heart that loves, trusts and serves Jesus Christ. Remember the Pharisees spent all their time making sure their outsides looked goo, but didn't make sure the inside was good. Which do you spend your time preparing?"
The above quotes are taken from the book 40 Weeks Devotional Guide to Pregnancy by Jennifer Vanderlaan.
Monday January 9, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Followed diet well except for afternoon snack
My husband whisked me away after a very difficult day with the children and schooling
Chose a salad and no dessert for dinner (not always easy to do when we eat out)
20 minutes of pilates this evening
Today's Not So Good Things:
Overslept and missed my bible time
Didn't drink enough water
slice of cold pizza for snack time
Missed my daytime exercise. I just couldn't leave the children at all today. :-/
Today was so extremely stressful and emotional. The aftermath of me taking Friday to be sick and tired was that no one had finished their work well and we had to bury out way out. That was depressing enough, but add in the bad attitudes to go with it and it was not a good day. I was grateful for a break this evening with the littles who were well behaved. But, now I'm fighting a headache and feel quite exhausted even though I barely moved from my seat all day.
I'm pleased that I got out my pilates video this evening, though. Each workout is 10 minutes, so it's very easy to talk myself into it. I chose two workouts tonight and they are so gentle, that it's hard to believe you are actually working out for 20 minutes. I was remembering, as I was moving, how *good* these exercises make you feel. It is especially helpful when my sciatica and lower back pains start in. It feels new again, so I'd like to try to get in 20 minutes in the morning and 20 in the evenings. I remember now how much better I sleep when I'm using this video. If I can do that and get in my after lunch walk, I will be doing *amazing* in comparison to the first half of this pregnancy. :)
So, tomorrow I stay on task with my menu. I don't stress eat, but chose what is best for myself and baby. I see what I can do about that afternoon walk. We have sewing lessons tomorrow, so our day already has a major interruption. However, if we can get over the negative attitudes, I know our day can be smooth enough to get in that walk. I need to make a plan to wake up at my early time so I can exercise AND get in my bible time. I realized today that I get very grumpy without that alone time in the morning. *blush*
Followed diet well except for afternoon snack
My husband whisked me away after a very difficult day with the children and schooling
Chose a salad and no dessert for dinner (not always easy to do when we eat out)
20 minutes of pilates this evening
Today's Not So Good Things:
Overslept and missed my bible time
Didn't drink enough water
slice of cold pizza for snack time
Missed my daytime exercise. I just couldn't leave the children at all today. :-/
Today was so extremely stressful and emotional. The aftermath of me taking Friday to be sick and tired was that no one had finished their work well and we had to bury out way out. That was depressing enough, but add in the bad attitudes to go with it and it was not a good day. I was grateful for a break this evening with the littles who were well behaved. But, now I'm fighting a headache and feel quite exhausted even though I barely moved from my seat all day.
I'm pleased that I got out my pilates video this evening, though. Each workout is 10 minutes, so it's very easy to talk myself into it. I chose two workouts tonight and they are so gentle, that it's hard to believe you are actually working out for 20 minutes. I was remembering, as I was moving, how *good* these exercises make you feel. It is especially helpful when my sciatica and lower back pains start in. It feels new again, so I'd like to try to get in 20 minutes in the morning and 20 in the evenings. I remember now how much better I sleep when I'm using this video. If I can do that and get in my after lunch walk, I will be doing *amazing* in comparison to the first half of this pregnancy. :)
So, tomorrow I stay on task with my menu. I don't stress eat, but chose what is best for myself and baby. I see what I can do about that afternoon walk. We have sewing lessons tomorrow, so our day already has a major interruption. However, if we can get over the negative attitudes, I know our day can be smooth enough to get in that walk. I need to make a plan to wake up at my early time so I can exercise AND get in my bible time. I realized today that I get very grumpy without that alone time in the morning. *blush*
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Half-Way!
Lookie that cute little ticker down there. We now have a little cantaloupe marking the half-way point of this pregnancy! That's pretty cool. I won't say it's going so fast because I do already sorta feel like I've been pregnant for a long while. Just dealing with pregnant thoughts and pregnant issues has made this pregnancy feel long.
However, I'm super excited that I am feeling this little one move stronger and stronger each day. This is the motivation I need to remember that all this work is more than worth the effort. I still continue to fight headaches, waves of nausea, and now the braxton hicks are starting up. Some days I just can't do much more than rest still. But, I am having other days when I can be up, moving, and accomplishing good things. I still wonder how much of my feeling "off" has to do with my blood sugar.
Either way, I'm taking my oldest and youngest, the little cantaloupe in there, out for a morning of errands. It will feel good to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and have a break from the daily grind. I'm also hoping to get a strong start on some purging in the house today to keep up with my challenge. Both of those will keep me active, which I desparately need right now. All this feeling yucky leaves me so lazy. And that, in turn, increases the yucky feeling. I hate that cycle. Please give me the strength to push forward and break it, Lord!
And, hey! I just had another thought. Half-way means that I only have another 5ish months before I can get back on the weight-LOSS track. Wow. That isn't so far away. I guess now I'm starting the uphill climb out of the valley. :)
However, I'm super excited that I am feeling this little one move stronger and stronger each day. This is the motivation I need to remember that all this work is more than worth the effort. I still continue to fight headaches, waves of nausea, and now the braxton hicks are starting up. Some days I just can't do much more than rest still. But, I am having other days when I can be up, moving, and accomplishing good things. I still wonder how much of my feeling "off" has to do with my blood sugar.
Either way, I'm taking my oldest and youngest, the little cantaloupe in there, out for a morning of errands. It will feel good to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and have a break from the daily grind. I'm also hoping to get a strong start on some purging in the house today to keep up with my challenge. Both of those will keep me active, which I desparately need right now. All this feeling yucky leaves me so lazy. And that, in turn, increases the yucky feeling. I hate that cycle. Please give me the strength to push forward and break it, Lord!
And, hey! I just had another thought. Half-way means that I only have another 5ish months before I can get back on the weight-LOSS track. Wow. That isn't so far away. I guess now I'm starting the uphill climb out of the valley. :)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thursday January 5, 2012
Today's Good Things:
Busy and productive
Felt better than the day before
I did better emotionally today than yesterday
Talked with nurse and am pleased with their attitude regarding my glucose test
We're doing well with our new MOTH schedule, considering it's new ;)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't have exercise time this morning
Should have been a little more strict with my menu - the fridge is getting bare so my choices aren's so great
I'm up late
So, my results from the 1 hour glucose challenge came back and my number was high, 157. Anything over 139 shows risk for GD. No surprise on my end. I faxed over the results yesterday and they called me right back. I spoke with the nurse today and she was very pleasant. She went over the plan for the 3 hour test that I now need to take. Again, no surprise on my end. ;) But, I was surprised to hear her say that it was not a big rush. She wasn't concerned at all about me getting it done by my next appointment on the 12th. That was pretty cool. So far, this office has been way more laid back than I expected.
So, at some point next week-ish I'll have to do a carb load for 3 days. Yuk. Then I'll go in for the 3 hour test. At this point, I'm resigned that I'll fail it and then see what they'll want to do from there. Is it a lack of faith on my part that I haven't even prayed and asked the Lord to help me pass this test? Honestly, it just doesn't even seem possible in my mind. I've been praying for the grace and strength to get through this pregnancy without fear and abuse. I haven't even thought to pray that my body would just work right. Why am I not doing that? I think I've been so intent on working through accepting the GD that I haven't even considered praying it away. I've been WORKING it away. Yet, I know it is not by works, but by grace that He is glorified. Help me be faithful in DOING what is right, yet still TRUSTING in your ability to deliver and accomplish your purposes in this. Forgive me for failing to bring all aspects of this to you, Lord. Forgive me for not walking in the hope that you give. I know that I've been afraid to truly hope because I don't want to be disappointed and go through the mourning of a normal pregnancy again. Help me work through these emotions, Lord.
Busy and productive
Felt better than the day before
I did better emotionally today than yesterday
Talked with nurse and am pleased with their attitude regarding my glucose test
We're doing well with our new MOTH schedule, considering it's new ;)
Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't have exercise time this morning
Should have been a little more strict with my menu - the fridge is getting bare so my choices aren's so great
I'm up late
So, my results from the 1 hour glucose challenge came back and my number was high, 157. Anything over 139 shows risk for GD. No surprise on my end. I faxed over the results yesterday and they called me right back. I spoke with the nurse today and she was very pleasant. She went over the plan for the 3 hour test that I now need to take. Again, no surprise on my end. ;) But, I was surprised to hear her say that it was not a big rush. She wasn't concerned at all about me getting it done by my next appointment on the 12th. That was pretty cool. So far, this office has been way more laid back than I expected.
So, at some point next week-ish I'll have to do a carb load for 3 days. Yuk. Then I'll go in for the 3 hour test. At this point, I'm resigned that I'll fail it and then see what they'll want to do from there. Is it a lack of faith on my part that I haven't even prayed and asked the Lord to help me pass this test? Honestly, it just doesn't even seem possible in my mind. I've been praying for the grace and strength to get through this pregnancy without fear and abuse. I haven't even thought to pray that my body would just work right. Why am I not doing that? I think I've been so intent on working through accepting the GD that I haven't even considered praying it away. I've been WORKING it away. Yet, I know it is not by works, but by grace that He is glorified. Help me be faithful in DOING what is right, yet still TRUSTING in your ability to deliver and accomplish your purposes in this. Forgive me for failing to bring all aspects of this to you, Lord. Forgive me for not walking in the hope that you give. I know that I've been afraid to truly hope because I don't want to be disappointed and go through the mourning of a normal pregnancy again. Help me work through these emotions, Lord.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year 2012
We celebrated the New Year with friends. Lots of food, lots of treats, lots of not so good food.
I did pretty well. I allowed myself some treats, but balanced it with adequate protein and worked to keep my portions appropriate. I ate in a somewhat timely manner and didn't suffer one bit by skipping the sweets. :)
I feel good about having enjoyed our celebration with friends, even when it did revolved a bit around food. They were super supportive and I didn't feel deprived at all. Eating well can also be enjoyable and I'm glad I'm learning that.
The new year brings the challenge to leave the old behind and embrace the new challenges, promises, and goals ahead of me. I'm praying the Lord helps me work on my activity level, making exercise enjoyable instead of the chore that it always is in my mind. I know that my mind can be renewed in this way, and I even saw it happening last year as I worked so hard. So many new things happening, starting tomorrow with our schedule, budget, and lifestyle. I pray I can stay focused on including those things that are most beneficial to our family physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They are all connected, so one can't really be done without the other.
I did pretty well. I allowed myself some treats, but balanced it with adequate protein and worked to keep my portions appropriate. I ate in a somewhat timely manner and didn't suffer one bit by skipping the sweets. :)
I feel good about having enjoyed our celebration with friends, even when it did revolved a bit around food. They were super supportive and I didn't feel deprived at all. Eating well can also be enjoyable and I'm glad I'm learning that.
The new year brings the challenge to leave the old behind and embrace the new challenges, promises, and goals ahead of me. I'm praying the Lord helps me work on my activity level, making exercise enjoyable instead of the chore that it always is in my mind. I know that my mind can be renewed in this way, and I even saw it happening last year as I worked so hard. So many new things happening, starting tomorrow with our schedule, budget, and lifestyle. I pray I can stay focused on including those things that are most beneficial to our family physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They are all connected, so one can't really be done without the other.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)