Oh My Goodness Gracious! Of All The Dramatic-

I didn't chime in on Chris W's Buzz Bissinger vs. Will Leitch post from last week because I hadn't yet seen the "Costas Now" segment in question. Today, I was at a friend's place who had DVRed it, so I decided to see what all the hullabaloo was about. (Is it on Youtube? Well, shit. Evidently I'm too stupid to realize that until... now.)

Anyways, all I can say is: barf.

Regardless of which side of the argument you personally find more appealing, it would be hard to disagree that Bissinger's performance and execution was flat out disastrous. I'm not talking about what he had to say- I'm just talking about how he said it. Despite obviously having spent a significant amount of time getting ready for the segment (what with his "Big Daddy Balls" printouts and extensive and complex questions for Leitch) he came off as woefully unprepared. He stumbled, he stuttered, he couldn't keep his cool, he was flustered almost the entire time. Hey Buzz- I understand it's a topic you find very compelling and important. But if you're going to appear on a nationally televised show to talk about it, you might want to make sure you can express your points without sounding like an out-of-control douche. Breathe deep, relax your shoulders, and talk like a grown up. Try keep your sentences to four clauses or less. Stop shouting and cursing at this man on your left that you've never met and who has done nothing to wrong you personally. Stop asking him six-part questions and not giving him a chance to answer them. And way to ask Leitch if he had ever ready any W.C. Heinz as your big opening salvo, obviously hoping he would not have. You pretentious ass. Even if he hadn't, that would prove... what, exactly?

I'm well aware that I am about 120 hours late for the party, and that this is old news already, and that 100% of the people likely to read this already know that Bissinger is a complete zero. But I was so surprised and how poorly he handled himself that I had to put this up. Real posting to resume tomorrow.

Last point- Bissinger's performance overshadowed the jackassery of Mike Wilbon, who more or less claimed in one of the pre-recorded segments that he doesn't respect most bloggers because they don't have "credentials." OK, buddy. You go on feeling that way. I'll be sure to take what you scream on PTI much more seriously than the musings of my well-spoken and well-informed sports fan friends, because you have credentials. That makes your speculation and opinions much more valid and legitimate.

i knew i would be making fun of this article as soon as...

i saw it was written by one joesph q. theismann. ok, i dont know for a fact his middle initial is q, but it might as well be; it would make him more interesting. anyways picking on something theismann writes (or says) is like making fun of a family circus cartoon. its outrageously easy, but still very enjoyable from time to time. this gem is titled "the list: top 5 breakout players".

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=theismann_joe&id=2869867

lets see what joe has to say. in what direction will he go? will he choose 2nd or 3rd year guys who will be starting for the first time? will he choose 4th or 5th year guys in their 2nd or 3rd year of starting that he feels will finally blossom into pro bowl hopefuls? what about guys making a position change or having their role majorly altered? some combination of these 3 options?

In the NFL, rarely is star status achieved right away. Even the most talented players need time to hone their skills and learn the nuances of the pro game. Here are five players who are poised for big seasons in 2007.

oh goody, im getting excited already. theres no way he wont horrendously screw this up.

Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots: It might be odd to some that Moss is on this list because he's an established star in this league, but I really believe the expectations aren't high enough for him in New England. He's going to have a big year for the Patriots and might get his first Super Bowl ring with Tom Brady throwing to him. Expect huge numbers.

oh. i did NOT speak too soon. i think this paragraph should have just said "it might be odd to some that moss is on this list because he's an established star in this league... and they'd be right! i have no idea why he's on here. let's move on." like some kind of bad sports related mitch hedburg joke. at least then readers like me would be confused instead of angry. lets get this straight... the first guy that comes to joe's mind as a "breakout" (yes i know its a subjective term, but COME ON) player in 2007 is a guy with over 10,000 yards receiving who just 4 years ago caught 111 balls for more than 1600 yards. ok joe. youre really off to a flying start.

Kellen Winslow Jr., TE, Cleveland Browns: When Winslow was selected by the Browns he was brought in to elevate their offense. He has the ability to make the tough catch over the middle and also to stretch the field and take it to the third level. He hasn't fulfilled his potential thanks to injuries that have plagued both Winslow and other members of the offense. This is the season when I really think he's going to insert himself into the conversation as one of the best tight ends in the game.

same song, slightly different verse. no, winslow isnt probably already an all-time great like moss, but he did have 89 catches last year for 875 yards. that puts him first among all TEs in receptions (by 16) and a close #2 to tony gonzalez in yardage. how is he supposed to "break out" from that season? hes a tight end, who will very likely be receiving many of his passes from a rookie QB. hes not going to suddenly grab 120 passes for 1300+ yards. its not possible. hes already one of the best TEs in the league. joe brings up the injury issue: yes, he was hurt in 2004 and missed all of 2005, but last year he played in every single game. joe, you are aware the 2006 NFL season happened, right? joe? you there, buddy?

Cedric Benson, RB, Chicago Bears

you know what joe, this is a pretty decent choice. a talented guy in his 3rd year in the league who will be his team's feature back for the first time. well played sir. which pimply faced intern down there at ESPN picked this one for you?

Jason Campbell, QB, Washington Redskins: Campbell has all the natural ability in the world, but it's his intelligence that makes him so dangerous. He understands what he's doing when he's on the field and you very rarely see the panic that shows up in young quarterbacks when the chips are down. I expect Campbell to put it together this year and make the Redskins a playoff contender.

joe joe joe joe jooooooeeeee..... what happened? i thought we were turning it around there. to be fair, at least campbell isnt an established contributor in the league like moss or winslow. his situation, guy in his 3rd year playing as a starter for the first time, fits well. but one look at what the redskins accomplished through the air last year makes this seem pretty shortsighted. despite allowing a paltry 17 sacks (and having a very good ground game to theoretically take some pressure off their QB), they were 21st in the league in passing yardage. campbell himself started the last 7 games of the season, and averaged less than 200 yards per game at a 53.5% completion rate. not a good pick at all to have a "breakout" year, especially in the always overhyped but always tough NFC east. with only 7 career starts under his belt campbell is a terrible bet to break out in 2007. maybe 2008, more likely 2009. as long as break out is not defined as "have an average season".

whats this? im looking at theismann's wikipedia page... youre telling me he played for 12 years for the same team campbell now plays for? what? well, at least we have an explanation for the selection now.

last but not least-

Tony Romo, QB, Dallas Cowboys: His play tapered off at the end of the season, but he has a year under his belt and won't see anything new this season. Also, he should do a very good job of further establishing himself as the leader of this offense.

same deal as winslow- he was 5th in the league in QB rating last year. the guys in front of him were named mcnabb, brees, huard, and manning. is he suddenly going to get better than those guys? ok, maybe huard. also, he didnt taper off at the end of last season. he kinda stunk weeks 14 and 16, but he was lights out weeks 15 and 17 and played well in the cowboys' playoff loss to the seahawks. well, except the whole extra point thing. but still. i dont see how he's going to "break out" from a 65% completion rate season with a very good 1.5/1 TD/INT ratio. he could improve... but "break out"? im too lazy to look them up now, but i guarantee there were like 150 better candidtates out than romo. and dont try to tell me hes no different than campbell because he (romo) has also only started for part of one season. he's 27 and banging carrie underwood. he's not a shaky kneed youngster or something.

good times, joe, thanks for the mediocre/poor effort. well be seeing much more of you on this site im sure.