Attention readers:

If you 1) have ever watched, or are now watching, the NFL draft combine OR 2) think that someone's 40 time is sports news that should be reported by people paid to report sports news (I mean, reported as a standalone story--I can tolerate the fact that combine results are eventually aggregated in full profiles of potential draftees), please immediately throw yourself down a flight of stairs.  Thank you.

Haven't broken out the "something that doesn't suck" label in a while

But earlier tonight, there I was: reading a well-written and intelligent piece of sports journalism. The subject is the pending NFL lockout and Roger Goddell's warm-hearted promise that he'll take a salary of a dollar this year if the labor problem causes skipped games. Take it away, Ray Ratto:

The commissioners were, are, and will always be employees of the owners. It should be that they are paid by both the owners and players, but the owners would never share their go-fers -- not while they have so many people baffled into thinking they are running things.

Put another way, Goodell acting like the man means Jerry Richardson doesn't have to, and with Richardson's gift for loose-cannon-hood, Goodell is already worth his weight in platinum.

Ohhhhh yeah. That's good stuff.

The NFL being first to play the lockout game this time, it gets to be the first to hear the nation say with one grating voice, "Oh, shut your stupid mouths."

If only. The NFL is so popular right now that I'm pretty sure about 90% of fans are riveted to the back-and-forth between the two sides.

Everything the league has done to make the players look like the evil ones while failing to mention that this lockout is actually a referendum on the rich-owner/richer-owner dichotomy has made a joke of the coverage.

The average fan's response is unfortunately still DUHHHHH FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL HEY THE DRAFT IS COMING RIGHT UP IN TWO MONTHS! Ratto is 100% right though. The coverage is a fucking travesty.

So we'll say this again. If the owners want to refuse any income, then we'll say they're serious. Anything short of that, and the argument that they take the risk and should reap the rewards will be even more idiotic than it usually is.

I know I usually say this about sportswriters, but I'm going to change it up tonight: (most) owners of "big four" sports franchises are the worst people on the planet. I hope they all die broke and lonely.

Click the link and read the whole thing. It's pret-tayyyyy, pret-tayyyyyyyy, pret-tay good.

Skip Bayless Needs a Nice Tall Glass of Shut the Fuck Up

The gentlemen over at First and Ten on the WWL recently debated the question of whether Jimmy Clausen will make a good professional quarterback. This is a good debate, since there's enough munition on either side to mount an explosive attack. But Skip Bayless says some stupid ass shit in it, which I will now expose:

I watched all or parts of every Notre Dame game.

Me too. But saying this will make Skip's later comments inexcusable.

I don't like the intangibles, the late-game body language, the leadership, the charisma...

ND-Michigan State. Clausen throws the winning TD pass with 5:18 left.
ND-Purdue. Clausen, with an injured foot, throws the winning TD pass with :24 left.
ND-Washington. Clausen throws a go-ahead TD pass with 1:20 left
ND-USC. Clausen comes within five yards of engineering a 3-touchdown 4th quarter comeback when his receiver slips.
ND-BC. Clausen throws the winning TD pass with 8:12 left.
ND-Navy. Clausen throws a TD pass with :24 left to bring ND within two.

Now, there were some missed chances (Pittsburgh comes to mind), but it's pretty stupid to say you don't like a guy's fourth quarter charisma when he plays his nuts off and the other half of his team collectively sucks bigger than Uranus, which weighs more than fourteen Earths.

I thought Clausen's inabilities were the biggest reason Notre Dame underacheived at 6-6 this year.

What?

I thought Clausen's inabilities were the biggest reason Notre Dame underacheived at 6-6 this year.

What?

I thought Clausen's inabilities were the biggest reason Notre Dame underacheived at 6-6 this year.

What?

If you actually watch the video, you'll realize that Skip didn't actually say that line three times. But I have reprinted it here three times to emphasize the stupid, which is of monumental proportion.

Jimmy Clausen threw for 3722 yards, tossed 28 touchdowns to 4 interceptions, and had the second-highest passer rating in the entire country (!).

Notre Dame's defense gave up 26ppg and almost 400ypg. This unit's pathetic performance was responsible for most of Notre Dame's underacheiving.

His mobility's pretty good, I'll give you that.

He did run for a net yardage of -95 this year... with a long rush of... 11 yards.

There's a bunch of other reasonable commentary about Charlie Weis's offense and adapting to the NFL and arm strength and all that. But I thought I would record the stupid. Because it's fucking stupid.

El Oh El

Pete Prisco says the Niners are a B- for getting the best WR in the draft at #10. Why?

Analysis: He hasn't run. He's shorter than expected. He's a diva. Good luck. Some in the organization didn't even want him.

"He hasn't run".

God it must have been hard to be one of the best WR's in CFB not ever having run. But OTOH if he spent his entire college career WALKING to TD after TD that should bode well for the NFL when he actually starts to run, no?

"He's shorter than expected."

God forbid an NFL scout actually go to a game and see how tall a player seems to be.

"He's a diva."

Well that should save the 49ers money, no? They won't have to hire anyone to sing the national anthem.

"Some in the organization didn't want him."

If you say so. Maybe those fellows would like to go work across the bay with the team that took a guy with the #7 pick they could have got with a #20 pick.

Pete Prisco, ladies and germs.