Michael Schur would tolerate this post

I didn't say he'd like it; I'd need to provide a link to Fire Joe Morgan at the top of our blog to receive that level of approval.  (Chris W once emailed him to let him know we were fans of theirs, and that we meant only respect as we cribbed their style.   KT replied by saying he didn't understand why Chris would have done this if we were fans, and that he wanted us to link his jillion hits a day blog at the top of our 150 hits a day blog.  True story.  Guy did not come off as a prong at all, not one bit.  Maybe I'll make a post about that email exchange one day.  MAYBE.)  Anyways, the reason I say he would tolerate this is because it's more in the "shitty sportswriting about baseball" vein of Fire Joe Morgan that Fire Jay Mariotti never does anymore, and less in the "fucking dammit I fucking hate fucking ESP fucking N" vein of what Fire Jay Mariotti has become.

This a piece from the Chicago Tribune about one Paul Konerko.  Their whole staff of baseball writers with HOF votes (they still employ at least nine of these fuckers, which kind of erases the mystery of how that paper could be losing money) was asked if Paulie is an HOFer.  Most of them responded somewhat rationally.  Not brilliantly, mind you; I'm just not covering their takes on Konerko because I don't have enough time, and because the two below are leaps and bounds better than any of the others.

TEDDY GREENSTEIN


In my quest to bolster Paul Konerko's Hall of Fame chops, I did a little research. Now I wish I hadn't.

Numbers are scary and confusing!  Whether or not a player gave a ball from the World Series to his team's owner at the championship parade is fun and accessible!  (Don't get the reference?  Google it, or just ask White Sox/Konerko fan Chris W about whether or not Konerko gave the damn ball to Reinsdorf.)

Konerko actually fares well in the traditional categories, especially if he hits 93 more bombs to reach 500. 

He's playing extremely well for his age, hitting 39 HRs at age 34 and 31 at age 35, but there's just no way he gets 93 more.  I'LL SHUT DOWN THE BLOG IF THAT HAPPENS.  Nevermind, no.  No I won't.

But in the new-school category of WAR (Wins Above Replacement position player), Konerko rates 45th among active players at 26.0.

He somehow trails Orlando Hudson, 

Who is/was an elite defender, and had good OBP skills and decent pop during his prime

Mark Ellis 

Same story

and Grady Sizemore, who had four good seasons. 

Konerko was a decent but unremarkable 1B until his age 29 season in 2005, and is awful on defense both by numbers and by the eye test.  Every Sizemore season from 2005 through 2008 was better than Konerko's best season.

Jim Thome, fourth among actives, has a comparatively Ruthian 67.4 WAR.

Because he's got 10,000 PAs, a career .403 OBP, and 600 HRs.

Of course, that stat does not measure this: Which teammate would you want to go to WAR with? 

Stop the internets.  The competition for greatest turn of phrase (or turn of term?) ever is over.

Konerko is off the charts there.

So if he continues to rake, I'll continue to look for reasons to check his box. He brings every intangible. He's an A-plus guy in the clubhouse.

Like I said, vintage 2005/2006/2007 Fire Joe Morgan stuff.

I covered his dreadful 2003 season (.234 average, 18 homers), and he did not snap at the media once.

A spot in Cooperstown?  HOW ABOUT HIS OWN WING!  IS THERE ANYTHING THIS GUY CAN'T DO (to make fart sniffing sportswriters adore him)?

He has been terrific nearly every year since. 

He was "eh" from 2007-2009.

I would like to think that's good karma.

And I would like to think good people deserve to have good things happen to them, bad people deserve to have bad things happen to them, and that everything in life turns out to be perfectly fair.

/drinks dish detergent

PHIL HERSH


I would consider Paul Konerko seriously for the Hall of Fame even though his career stats are excellent but not head-turning (.284 BA, 407 HR, .863 OPS).

Of his baseballreference top ten most similar batters, exactly one (Orlando Cepeda, #9) is in the Hall.  His top three are Tino Martinez, Gil Hodges, and Derrek Lee.  Doesn't really scream enshrinement.

Konerko is a good fielder 

/game show buzzer

with an offensive consistency (eight seasons with 97 to 117 RBIs 

Measuring offensive performance with RBIs?  dak is tearing out his hair right now.

in a lineup often devoid of table-setters; eight seasons of 30 or more doubles from a guy with no speed)

I guess he chose the "X seasons with Y or more Zs" construct rather than just going with the raw total, because Konerko's raw doubles total of 377 isn't even in the top 200 all time.

and a professionalism that make him far more than the sum of his stats.

Junior just threw his laptop through his TV.

I said no to a similar player, Jim Thome, when we asked the Hall question about him five years ago, 

Two Paul Konerkos comes somewhat close to being as good as one Jim Thome, so I can see why you'd come to that conclusion given the relatively unamazing number of seasons in a row in which Konerko has hit 30 or more doubles.

and I cited his huge strikeout totals as a negative. 

Another old FJM favorite.

(I since have changed my mind on Thome; 604 home runs erase a lot of K's.)

Good news, Jim: you've won over Phil Hersh.  Put the bubbly on ice.  Cooperstown will be calling in 2018 after all.

With Konerko, it may be a case of familiarity breeding respect: Watching him over 14 seasons with the Sox, my appreciation of his contributions has grown steadily. 

And that's what the HOF is about, right?  Voting in guys you've personally interacted with and who seem like decent fellas.

And his last two full seasons have been his best; another couple like 2010–11 (so far, 2012 is one), and Konerko is a Hall of Famer on my ballot.

Would you go to WAR with him though?  That's the real question.

Standard FireJayMariotti Template

Relocated from the Gustav aftermath, with a special shout-out to reader kclock, who is housing me temporarily and providing me with interweb access so I can get back to my regular blogolife, which is much different than my regularlife, which involves Qdoba on a regular basis, but only because it's right by my place. I hope Gustav didn't destroy it. Anyways! Enough about me!

I thought we should just have a standard template for how to produce our blog posts here, so here's the basics on how do to what we do. Don't try this at home, kids!

FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 1: Story with ridiculous headline.

Snakes on a different plane since Dunn's arrival

What? Oh, how witty! "Plane" can mean both a flying vehicle and a geometric concept! And it was a crazzzy movie involving Samuel L. Jackson, summer blockbusters and questionable ironies! I have had it up to here with these cottonpicking pop culture references I found on this cottonpicking blog! [Blogger's note: click on that link for hilarity.]

FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 2: Make fun of the writer.

Scott Miller, this is your seventh time getting served on this site - you're no Jay Mariotti or Jemele Hill, but you're creeping up the list. This post dates from Larry B's pre-capital letters era, but it's no less incisive at your incredible stupidity. I even found an old bit I wrote shortly after this blog even started, where you un-ironically dropped the phrase "True Yankee". "Senior Writer" my ass!

FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 3: Point out writer's abuse of simple baseball metrics:

Since his arrival on Aug. 12, the Diamondbacks have gone 7-5 -- and yet doubled their NL West lead on the Dodgers, from 1½ games to three.

So... the Dodgers' recent spell of below .500 baseball can be directly attributed to the influence of Adam Dunn?

FireJarMariotti Blogpost Part 4: Blatantly expose writer's affection for baseball "intangibles" and devalue the writer's article as a result.

Interesting stuff, especially when measured against Dodgers coach Larry Bowa's anger at the team's blasé ways while getting swept in Philadelphia, and when measured against one scout's observation the other day that Matt Kemp, who always hustles, didn't run hard to first in a recent game. The haphazard influence of Manny Ramirez?

Anecdotal evidence, to be sure, and definitely not fair to attach it to Ramirez. But worth watching as the Diamondbacks and Dodgers race -- or, in this division, leisurely jog -- down the stretch.

If it's "definitely not fair" to attach it to Ramirez, why did you just do that, Scott?

Also, I'm pretty sure Manny's 1.235 (!) OPS for the Dodgers so far is a LOT MORE HELPFUL than Matt Kemp, who always hustles, hustling out a routine grounder.

FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 5: Harp on the writer's word choice - choosing even as small a sample as ONE WORD to demonstrate how the writer is a complete idiot.

But for a young lineup still learning how good it can be, it's a whole lot easier to put theories into action when a slugger such as Dunn lurks in the middle and guys like Reynolds no longer feel like they need to stop in a telephone booth on the way to the plate and change into Superman.

Adam Dunn has never lurked anywhere, since he's 6'6". His nickname is "Big Donkey". Also, when you go to a baseball game, they post the lineup on the big scoreboard in bright lights, so everyone in the stadium, even the other team!, knows exactly when Adam Dunn is going to bat.

Also, this Mark Reynolds guy sounds pretty weird.

FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 6: Discuss blogger's personal opinion and conclude with a parting one-liner.

I miss Adam Dunn in Cincinnati. The Reds are running a AAA outfield out there ever day, and I miss Adam Dunn's pretty impressive production. I find it hilarious that the very things for which Dunn was excoriated in Cincinnati:

• a laid-back attitude
  
• a predilection for walks that allegedly prevents him from driving in runs
• lack of leadership in the clubhouse

are now become things for which Dunn is praised in Arizona. It must be Dunn's grungy T-shirt, his mulleted hairstyle, his have-fun attitude: that's why Adam Dunn is carrying the D-backs to the playoffs.

Not his .995 OPS. That has nothing to do with it.