As the Senator from Missouri has demonstrated to the

entire world, being fast on your feet while fleeing

insurrectionists is the quintessence of manhood and

a  prime masculine virtue.

Hippos Believed to Be Getting Closer to Riding Bicycles 

Without Training Wheels

Remember the good old days when the United States

set world records in the 100-yard dash?

Trump Flees White House Briefing

"How am I doing, Ma?"

"OK, so I'm one of the frontrunners for the GOP presi-

dential nomination in 2016.  But, quite frankly, I'm out

 of breath at the moment and need to sit down."

The Shoeburger is said to be the favorite sandwich of 

the last six fictitious winners of the Boston Marathon.

Paul Ryan's Next Target:  Runner's World

In a radio interview with Hugh Hewitt, Paul Ryan claimed to

 have run a marathon in under three hours.  In his words:  

"Under three, high twos. I had a two hour and fifty-something."

When Runner's World asked for proof, Ryan cited the 

Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, Minnesota in 1990.

According to the official results for that race, Paul

Ryan's time was 4 hours, 1 minute, and 25 seconds. 

It would appear that our Marathon Man is just

another face of Lyin' Ryan.

Blago Sentenced to 14 Years of Jogging in the Snow

Rick Perry to Participate in Warrior Dash

This Weekend in Forney

TR Bags Bull Elephant While Jogging

Famous Coyote Taking No Shit From Texas Governor

The Unexpurgated Bible #29
Jesus Admonished by the Father to 
'Walk, Don't Run' on Water

Everybody 'Goes Ape' on the Seventh Day of Zappadan.

Todd Palin says he's stopped having sex with his wife.
"I was always in it for the long run, but she started
quitting way before we reached the finish line."

Flag Desecration #21

New Breed of Hurdlers Attempting to Turn Sport into

Track and Field’s Most Barrier-Free, ADA-Compliant Event

Due to the high cost of fuel, more people have

opted to run, walk, or crawl to Golgotha this year.

George Bush Sprinting to the End of His Presidency