Having been rebuffed in his attempt to become part-owner
of the St. Louis Rams, Rush Limbaugh is now seeking to
become a sponsor of Ruth Frith, who holds the world
shotput record for 100-year-old Feminazis.

Diver Badly Misjudges Lane Depth

"Oh God! My Arm & Hammer Ultramax Deodorant
has let me down again!"

New Breed of Hurdlers Attempting to Turn Sport into

Track and Field’s Most Barrier-Free, ADA-Compliant Event

Track and field photographers are notorious for not placing their

hands over their hearts while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

But, as you can see, there's a good reason why.

U. S. Decisively Outflags Japan

"How interesting! From this point of view,

George Bush's world makes perfect sense."

Stefan Holm Wins World Spine-Snapping Championship;

Gold Medal to Be Awarded Posthumously

"Zeke, I told you to lay off the fabric softener.

Now look at you!"

Winner of USA Outdoor Turkey Toss Barbecues Trophy,

Eats It

Hurdling is a sport where having the biggest balls is only a handicap.

Having overcome many hurdles, Gregory and Marcel

embraced each other as a sign of their undying love.

Masato Naito is the world's premier

Hurdle Crawler.

Thiago Dias of Brazil is in the process of setting

a new world record in the long jump. At press time,

he was still airborne.