The Unexpurgated Bible #188

And then he spake unto them, "Being a unicorn, 

I could only be captured by a virgin.  That's why 

my mother wasn't Mary Magdalene."

The Unexpurgated Bible #187

"And the Gaetz of Hell shall not prevail against it."

The Unexpurgated Bible #186

"And the dove in body armor returned to the ark in the evening; 

and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off.  And then a 

shot rang out."

The Unexpurgated Bible #185

Beto in a Den Full of Kluxers

The Unexpurgated Bible #184

"And there came a fear on all: and they glorified God, saying, 

'That a great Milk Crate Challenger is risen up among us'."

The Unexpurgated Bible #183

"And Moses took the Golden Ass which they had made, 

and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, 

and strewed it upon the water, and made the children 

of Israel drink of it."

The Unexpurgated Bible #182

"Train up a dog in the way it should go: and when

it is old, it will not depart from it."

The Unexpurgated Bible #181

And Jehovah said, "Thou shalt see my hind parts; 

but my face shall not be seen."

The Unexpurgated Bible #180

"Then he laid his hands on her, and she received

 the Holy Ghost."

The Unexpurgated Bible #179

"Then they placed their hands on him, and 

he received a Big Mac with a side of Black Beans."

The Unexpurgated Bible #178

Everything you learned about how Jesus

 died is wrong.

The Unexpurgated Bible #178

The Meat Must Flow

The Unexpurgated Bible #177

"The Dow giveth and the Dow taketh away; 

may the name of the Dow be praised."

The Unexpurgated Bible #176

And It Came to Pass in Those Days

The Unexpurgated Bible #175

"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord

 so cometh as a Humongous Baby Jesus."

The Unexpurgated Bible #174

"And little children shall lead them."

The Unexpurgated Bible #173

"And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, 

he was taken up; and a cloud received Andrew Yang out 

of their sight."

The Unexpurgated Bible #172

And Jesus said unto them, "I am the bread of life: 

he that cometh to me shall never hunger."

The Unexpurgated Bible #171

Then Jesus called his thirty-six disciples together, 

gave them power and authority over all the world, 

and told them to wave and say, "Hi!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #170

"Strait is the jacket and narrow is

the way which leadeth unto

Rod Dreher."