Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas 2015 from us.  This has been such a busy wonderful year for us.  There have been some twists and turns we didn't expect but also and incredible amount of blessings. We are so grateful for this time to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ and all that that means to us. 

❤️

This man with our children.  Wiping little noses, bounding up to their rooms after I've put them to bed to comfort them when they are crying, changing diapers willingly. I am so inspired by his kindness, selflessness, and sensitivity to them.  I am grateful we get to raise these two precious souls side by side.  The way Avett is looking at him in this picture is just how I feel too; safe, cared for, lucky, intrigued, enamored.  I don't know how I did it but I am certain I am living the life I always hoped I would.

      

      

     

number 3

I'll never forget the few hours after Avett was born.  I was overwhelmed and amazed at what my body had just done, and done so well! I was enraptured by my plump perfect 10 pound boy admiring every detail and tiny feature.  But almost immediately the oddest feeling came to me: it was an urgency of some sort.  Something as if to say that my 3rd child knew he or she was next in line, and the feeling was that they were ready. Ready to come on down and join the family too.  I couldn't shake it for a while and I tried, after all I had a merely hours old newborn in my arms! 

That feeling has come to me countless times since Avett joined our family.  It has been the strangest thing.  But somehow I know it's real.  I know that when ever and how ever number 3 comes to be that it will be a long awaited arrival by us all.  

Truth be told I'm not sure why our next baby is taking some extra time.  I go through waves of not caring one bit to disappointment and a bit of sadness.  But truly when it comes down to it I have complete and utter faith that it will happen when and how ever it is supposed to.  John and I are both terribly busy now and as we've talked and talked about it it seems that all of this waiting could be a form of a blessing in disguise. 

So we will wait.

And trust.

And enjoy what we have now.

Because what we've got going on now is pretty wonderful.  

This past weekend was spent with my sisters family and their 4 week old Mason, who is just perfection. My children were all over him and wanting to help and snuggle and take in his sweetness just as much as I wanted to.

I do believe one of the best gifts you can give your children are siblings and I want so badly to give them more.  More opportunites to grown and love and help and serve.  

They will be fantastic when and if that day comes. Time will tell and in the mean time we will savor what we have right here and right now. 

bob

Tonight after John got home from school we all piled up on the gator to take salt licks out to the cows.  Evaleigh sat in the back with her green slushie from Sonic and My dear Avett was in his rightful spot, my lap...always my lap.

I was johns gate girl and we drove in to the pastures running over the overgrown weeds that are starting to grow to a more tree like state.

It was slightly cool and there was a breeze and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming gratitude for this beautiful family I've been given.

Life is so good and we are immensely blessed.  I am so happy to be living here in the south and sharing life with my perfect husband. I never dreamed it would be this easy and wonderful and natural. 

the mark

Before I met John I was in the process of trying to put my mission papers in, for the second time (that's a story for another day).  I was also contemplating a masters program or trying to do some vocal studies overseas and pursuing an operatic career.  I had spent years and years of study in classical singing.  I had performed in countless operas and opera scenes, concerts, and recitals.  I performed in Atlanta, Boston, LA and Miami.  I even had the chance to sing on NPR when I was younger.  In my heart i'd like to think I was headed for something great.  I loved to sing, I was good at it, and it did something for my soul that nothing else could.

Getting married and starting a family was the last thing on my mind, I simply wasn't interested in it at that point in time.  I knew it would eventually happen for me but I wanted to go out in to the world and make my mark somehow.  

Then John Murphy came along and blindsided me and showed me all of the things I never knew I wanted and needed.  We got married, had a lot of fun, and a year later we found out we were pregnant with Evaleigh.  A year after she was born Avett was on his way.  

I've never once looked back at this life I was given. This life full of failed naptimes, temper tantrums, unexplainable diaper situations, crying, irrational requests, unwillingness to share, hurt feelings and eternal messes. It's also a life full of watching little people discover something for the first time and feeling pride for them in that moment.  A life of reaching out to hold Johns hand in the car when both of our babies are finally asleep on a journey home, and in that moment when I see him smiling back at me there is a sense of it all being right in our world.  A life of being beaten up and crawled all over just the moment I've laid down on the floor for a moments rest only to burst in to laughter because Evie is giving me raspberries on my belly and Avett is pulling incessantly at my hair.  

The three people who have made me a wife and mother have filled all of the inches I have inside of my heart right now. 

Just last Thursday I started jotting down my very first bucket list.   There are a lot of moments in my life where I get overwhelmed with all of the different things that I want to do and be.  But I've figured that the best thing I can do with my life now is raise up good and kind hearted people while loving my husband through it all.

That's sure to leave the mark I so craved before.  

f o u r. y e a r s.

 This week we celebrated four years of marriage.  A few years ago we came up with the idea to try to have an anniversry dinner in our wedding clothes each year.  Last year I was quite pregnant so this was the first chance we had to make good on that idea.  Yesterday I called John on his way home from work and told him to get ready for a suprise.  Evaleigh was enchanted with seeing me in my wedding gown and kept asking me to spin.  When he drove up the driveway I was standing in front of the house in my wedding dress.  I had Johns clothes laid out in the kitchen.  He slipped on his suit coat and we spent a little time outside.  We watched our baby roll around on the quilt I made out of the fabric from our reception table clothes.  Evaleigh played under the lace tablecloth we bought in Mexico on our honeymoon.  John put his arms around my waist and we took in the scene.  I said, "Look at what we've done in four years."  We both agreed that our babies are the best things we've done.  We had pizza for dinner and played music under the "blah-blah" tree for a few minutes after we got the babies to bed.  I love passing the time with my John.

colorful forks

My life is full of colorful spoons and forks and plastic dinnerware.   It is full of snack time, naptime, bath time, and outside time. It revolves around feeding little people by breast or bib or high chairs and many nights with my toddler on foot doing a 'run by eating'. 

The other day I was remembering when Evaleigh was only a few months old, maybe 3 or 4.  I was reminiscing about something I said to John.  It went something like this, "Wow, being a mom is so easy.  I mean, we are like really good at this whole parent thing.  We should probably have at least 10 more of these."  

Then some time passed and stages came and went.  There was separation anxiety and cry-it-out and napping troubles and sickness.  And then another baby came along and there was reflux and teething and sharing and tantrums and all sorts of things.  Now I say,  "Wow, being a mom is really hard.  We are constantly learning and trying to do the next day better than the one before."  I feel wiser and a bit more experienced and I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and these little people in the past 2 years and 4 months I've been at this.   I know there's so much more on the horizon to learn and I can wait for it but I look forward to it.

Tonight I put Evie to bed and she requested 1 song which turned in to 3, about 5 long hugs, and 7 long kisses.  Avett is just the best and loves to attack my face and pull my hair out.

Being a mother to my two babies is the coolest thing I've ever been a part of.  They love me and they need me and I need them. 

A very Happy 3rd Mothers Day to me indeed.

untouched

I don't have many quiet moments in my day.  But right now I am listening to the sound of my dishwasher going and clothes in the dryer and the static of the monitors. Both of my babies are sleeping and I just sat down to fold a load of clothes.  My husband is upstairs working away and everything here is so hushed and calm.  It's dreary and dim outside as a storm is looming in the afternoon.  I feel like these days at home with my babies are so sheltered.  We live in a sacred little bubble here in our home.  We don't really get out much except for the occasional play date and the days I'm feeling brave enough to conquer the grocery store with two little ones.  I love being at home with my children.  I can feel that my soul has grown sensitive to this simple life.  Right now our world feels so untouched.

"phone, mama."

About two and a half months ago I was sitting in the living room on the couch watching Avett kick around on the floor while Evaleigh walked around playing with different toys.  I was having a breather from the crazy day and I'm sure I looked pretty checked out.  My two year old came up to me, looked in to my eyes, pushed my phone in to my hand and said, "Phone, mama."   

It was a turning point for me.

  It was a moment where I realized that she was much more knowing than I thought.  All of those times where I was aimlessly scrolling facebook or instagram throughout the quiet moments in the day someone had been watching.  To know that she noticed it was odd for me not to have my phone in my hands at all times was heartbreaking.  I felt an instant sweep of guilt and knew that I needed to make some changes.

As someone who enjoys blogging and sharing bits and pieces of our lives on the Internet, social media has really become quite a part of my every day routine.  I have seen its positive and negative effects in my life.  I have become friends with a community of people who I respect and admire.  I've come in contact with people who I seek out their opinions and rely on for support.  I have been blessed to share many special things from our lives and have enjoyed people rejoicing with us.

But I will admit, with a hint of shame, that I am known to put more effort than should be given in to taking the perfect picture for my instagram feed or staging something that is not exactly natural just because I think it will get a good response.  I find enjoyment in capturing beautiful things but in exchange I have often intruded on sacred moments of my kid's childhoods. 

 Obviously as a mother I want to capture every thing my kids do and preserve it so I'll have it to look back on when they are older.  Infanthood and toddlerhood is such a special time.  Having those moments frozen through pictures are priceless to me and I find myself staring at those pictures mere minutes after my children have gone to bed.  Their childhood seems so fleeting that I feel an urgency and anxiousness to capture it and immortalize it so I'll have it for years to come.  

I had a moment back in January when it snowed and I was outside with Evaleigh for her first snow.  I kept pointing my phone at her face and telling her, "Smile, smile, smile, make a funny face.  Evie look at mommy!"  She put her hand up and said, "No picture mommy."  I was a little embarrassed and realized that what was more important in that moment was letting her experience snow for the first time and me to experience it with her.

Throughout most days I would wander from room to room following my daughter while holding my son and juggling anything else I was trying to carry while holding my phone too.  I realized it had become a natural extension of my hand.  I would look for it frantically when I couldn't see it, almost like it was a third child I had to keep close.  Checking my phone had become a habit instead of a help.  It was an addiction and not a simple device.

I have noticed device dependency more and more in our society.  It is evident in probably every public place we go.  I see it at play dates, family get-togethers, restaurants, my own home, and even stop lights.  It's no secret that smart phones and hand held devices have revolutionized the way we exchange information and have it readily acessable at our fingertips.  There are so many positives to this advancement and I can testify that I have absolutely benefited personally from those changes.  But I have also suffered from them.  I wonder how many moments I may have missed out on because I had my head hung down in a phone screen.  How many people have been ignored or tuned out because of this 'luxury of technology'?

I'm so grateful to my husband who is much smarter than me. About three weeks ago I was so frustrated with myself and I was ready to sell my iphone and go to a simple flip phone.  After spilling to him my desires and feelings about technology and it's influence in our lives he suggested I continue to keep my phone and just set limits for myself.  He said that instead of completely eliminating the phone that I should give my chance the opportunity to succeed and that if I did so I would feel so much better about myself. So I did.  I came up with a plan to set aside a spot for my phone and to leave it there on silent throughout the day.  I taped a piece of paper to the bar and drew a spot for my phone to sit.

So far I have experienced many more meaningful and productive days.

Our days before were filled with some phoneless moments and memory making but these new boundaries have enhanced the good that we have and have eliminated an unnecessary distraction in my life.  

I suppose it all comes down to priorities.  My battle with technology leads to finding a balance.  Will it be a text or time? Facebook or face to face?  A picture or a private moment? Sharing or experiencing? 

61 years

I just spoke with a woman who lost her husband yesterday morning.  She called to speak to me about singing at his funeral.  The moment I answered the phone she could hardly make it through her first sentence.  

They had been married 61 years.

She said, "I don't know how I am going to make it through this," and then jokingly she said, "of course we didn't talk much any more because we'd already said it all."

I couldn't finish our conversation without being in tears my self.  I couldn't imagine loosing your companion after a lifetime together.  I feel so honored to go through this life with John by my side.  He is my best friend.  

In two months we will be married 4 years.  With 4 moves and two babies, loosing loved ones and celebrating successes, making and writing music, many date nights on the couch and rocking and singing and bouncing to babies to sleep together I feel like our four years is a lot.  But when I think about what our lifetime together will bring I know we've just begun.  

Today I am grateful for our life together building and raising a family and being husband and wife.

good days

During the day I find myself in the middle of doing some sort of mundane task.  

It could be loading the dishwasher and watching Avett smile at Evaleigh while she plays with playdough in her highchair.  

It could be playing outside and watching Evaleigh dunk her feet in the fountain with her socks still on.  

It could be a moment when I get distracted by something on my phone for a few minutes and then I look down to see Avett staring at me with bright eyes and a smile on his face watching my every move.  

It could be that long-awaited moment when John finally is done with work for the day and Evaleigh squeals for him to chase her around the living room, we all feel that same excitement, "Yay!  He is finally ours for the rest of the evening!"  

It could be the look John and I share when Evaleigh says something off the wall or makes a face we've never seen.

It could be laying in my bed and nursing our boy to sleep while I hear Evaleigh in the distance say "Ahhh" as she opens her mouth for John to brush her teeth and then I hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs as their voices fade softer and he carries her up to bed.  

It could be holding hands and falling on to the couch with John as we both let out a sigh once the babies are both asleep for the night.

These moments, however simple they may be, are the makings of good days.  I look around me and I know I am in them, the days I will look back on with warmth.  They are filled with so much love.  

I was having one of these moments last week when I had the children outside one afternoon. John was trying to fix our car for the 5th week in a row.  Evaleigh was in the big swing and I had Avett kicking on a blanket on the ground.  She was going as high as I could swing her and laughing and I just knew I wanted to remember that moment.  Sometimes when I'm having moments like that I close my eyes and say a quick prayer to God and ask him to help me to always remember that moment.  

Yesterday I was driving in the car by myself to get groceries.  My mother kept the children for me.  I rarely ever have time to myself where I can be quiet and think and just really talk to God like a friend.  So I just drove and prayed out loud.   I thanked Him for where we are in our lives right now.  I am so happy with my babies and my husband and our life together.  We are just where we should be and even though we are living somewhat of a penniless life right now, we are happier than we've ever been.  I wouldn't trade any wealth in the world for what we share.  I know these are the good days and I know there are many more to come.

Merry Christmas

As I sit here on this Christmas night bouncing my baby to sleep with my toddler tucked away safe in bed while I listen to the sound of my husband chopping firewood I feel so grateful.  This year Christmas was so full of babies and memories.  Every year at the end of Christmas Day I like to wonder what the next year will hold.  Last year I had no idea I would have the privaledge of having a son.  Next year I wonder if there will be more babies, or maybe some perhaps on the way.  I wonder if I will still have all of the special people I have in my life near me.  I wonder where we will be living and I wonder what the next year will bring.  This year was so full and so happy and I just want to sit here perfectly content and full of grattitude.  I have all of these things because my savior Jesus Christ was born and atoned for me.  

Merry Christmas.

one day i'll be a year

Yesterday Evaleigh and I passed part of the rainy day away by watching all of her monthly videos.  It made me so happy to see how much she enjoyed them.  She sat there through all 12 monthly videos laughed at them and announced every person who popped up on to the screen that she knew.

I knew I had to do the same for Avett.  So here it is.  The wonderful beginning to Avett Murphy's life.  I wish I had more videos of Avett with his Grammy who was with us for 3 weeks after he was born.  She was an absolute life saver and I couldn't imagine doing those 3 weeks without her.  We love you so much Grammy!

Looking back at these videos I already can't believe how much he has changed (and grown!) 

Avett, you are enormous.  And adorable.  And so very happy.

becoming four

We have no sense of routine or schedule yet.  So far I'm just enjoying Avett's cuddly baby ness and loving seeing Evie be a big sister.  Somedays are total disasters with major meltdowns and blowouts (literally and figuratively).  I congratulate myself if I manage to change out of my triple dried and crusted spit up shirt before John walks through the door from work.  And other days surprise me and I feel like I might know what I'm doing.  Yesterday I did 3 loads of laundry and put them away, did a load of dishes, and cooked dinner after a nature walk around outside with the two dressed kids!  

The transition to two feels natural but difficult.  There are a lot of moments where both babies are crying and need something and all I can do is sit on the floor and nurse one while I try to hold the other on my lap and I just look around and laugh. My mother always says, "Might as well laugh as to cry." It would be easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed out but I remember something that my mom told me a couple of weeks a go when I was worried about how I would get things done.  She told me that my only job right now is to hold and love my babies.  That's what I try to remember when I'm going throughout the day.

I just love being the mother to a little boy. I feel different about Avett than I do Evaleigh.  Obviously I love them the same amount but when I look at Avett I feel protective of him in a totally different way.    I'm not sure I know how to explain it yet but he's my son and I love having a little mini John Murphy.  

I feel like Evaleigh grew up over night when I was in the hospital in labor .  When she came to meet Avett she was walking around saying, "um, um, um."  The next day she learned the word princess and there have been new words every day since.  It was like all of the sudden she wasn't a baby anymore.  She is so helpful with getting diapers and trying to console her brother if he is crying.  

It's like we were always meant to be four.