I'm going to be very honest about my reality of motherhood right now. Sometimes the sheer weight of the reality of my responsibility is crippling.
I am responsible for how six individual people are developing. I am trying to make sure the become honest people, followers of Christ, responsible citizens, happy, well-adjusted grown ups. Adults capable of love and healthy relationships. Adults excited to learn and grow, and gainfully employed. Adults with a good sense of humor, compassion, kindness, goodness, self-control, and gentleness.
Also, I'm trying to make sure they have a joyful childhood full of friendship, growth, learning, support, and love. I want them to eat their veggies, and their vitamins, to wear warm clothing, respect their teachers, encourage their friends, be challenged in what they do, develop determination, build strong relationships with their siblings, and get enough individual attention from Hubby and me that they know how unique and special they are to us and to the world.
The weight of that responsibility times six children is enough to take my breath away... so I can't think about the magnitude of ALL of that very often.
That said, I am keenly aware of the little hearts that are growing and developing on my watch and in my home. Especially the hearts of my little girls.
So, when I have the chance to nurture and resolve something that is unsettled in their little hearts, I do everything I can to pause and give my children the chance to work through a heart issue while its going on.
We've had two such instances this week.
On Wednesday, Lee Lee had a particularly hard day at school so much so that her teacher called to discuss things with me. In this case, it was a definitely case of Lee Lee showing her independence and wanting to do things her own way (not the teacher's way) even it if meant Lee Lee made the whole day less fun for herself, she willfully choose to do things her own way.
She and I talked a lot about that on Wednesday evening and she completely admitted that she wanted to be in charge and made some poor choices at school and she was really sorry for the way she treated her teachers.
So, we spent time making, "I'm sorry" cards for her teachers and found time to take them by the school on Thursday. We practiced what she was going to say, and discussed that you can say, "I'm sorry" with a smile because you're going to try to do better next time.
After we saw her teachers, delivered the cards, shared her apologies, and received instant forgiveness from her wonderful teachers, Lee Lee told me 3 times later that day how much better her heart felt since she said she was sorry to her teachers. She said she is going to make such good choices the next time she's at school and can't wait to go back.
I love that her little heart is already feeling the heaviness of when you do something wrong, and then the joy and relief of making things right.
Thursday night, as I was tucking Caroline into bed, she began crying out of the blue and she shared that Thursday (that day) was her music teacher's last day and her music teacher was moving to be close to family. Caroline was almost inconsolable as she explained how much she loved music class and how she didn't get to say good bye the way she wanted to her teacher.
Tracey saw Caroline so upset and soon was crying as well, sharing Caroline's sorrow, and upset herself regarding the music teacher leaving.
So, I told Caroline that I would make sure she could say a better goodbye to her teacher. In cases like this, it really helps that Hubby and I work for the district, because I was able to track down the music teacher's number very quickly and asked if we could stop by very quickly for my kids to say one last good bye before she left.
First thing in the morning, Caroline was ready to make her card for her music teacher, and she had most of the day to prepare for saying goodbye. For Caroline, that preparation is an important piece. She can't always get her thoughts together on the spot the way she can when she has time to think things through in advance. We headed over to the music teacher's home in the evening complete with our children's homemade cards and a small flowering plant we picked up at the store.
All three kids were able to say good bye, but Caroline especially had a chance to share what was on her heart about how much she was going to miss her teacher and how much she loved music class. Obviously our going to say good bye did not change the disappointment that this teacher is leaving, but I hope it gave Caroline's little heart a little more closure and peace than she had on Thursday night.
I want my girls to known that if something does not feel right in their heart, that's God trying to get their attention, and there's something that they can do to regain peace.
Their little hearts are so incredibly precious.
I sincerely pray that I nurture, and not damage, these individual sweet natures.
