12/31/23

 That will be cool...

Future Window

 A few weeks ago our twins were home doing a virtual school quarantine.  One of their classmates tested positive for covid, and this was before the district required masks on students (now masks are required to try to reduce the need for quarantines).

Howard and Caroline have had several exposures to virtual schooling for over a year-and-a-half (since April 2020).  They have done virtual schooling for various quarantine periods for preschool, pre-kindergarten, and they watched Tracey do it as a kindergartener and first grader.  I'll be honest, I was pretty impressed with how well my twins did with it for the couple of days it was required.

During the time my twins were home for virtual learning, they both had runny noses and minor coughs, and when that happens at our house, I give the kids hot green tea with honey and lemon (it works SOO well!). Most of the children don't especially like it, but they drink it and they know it helps make their throat and their coughs better.

So, here  was my Caroline, as a kindergarten in a virtual class meeting with her morning tea next to her.  She looked so grown up and independent, I felt like I was given a window in the future -- her future.

I don't know what path the Lord has for Caroline, but there's a chance she'll be in virtual meetings with her morning coffee... and I got to see it here twenty years in advance.

This

 Every. Word. Of. This.

Glimpse Into The Future

The other day the kids were playing really well and I had the privilege of just sitting back and watching.

During the very elaborate game where Tracey organized a full family trip to Disney World complete with Howard driving an airplane, while she and the babies came in a ship, and a very organized hotel room, I had a glimpse into the future.

Here, Lee Lee was playing in the kitchen (the hotel kitchen) and Caroline came over holding a baby.

I felt like I was looking into the future... Adult Caroline had just had a baby and little sister, Lee Lee has come over to help out as Caroline adjusts to life as a new Mama.  And as Lee Lee is helping out in Caroline's kitchen, Caroline comes over with the new baby to make sure Lee Lee knows how things are organized in her kitchen, and how she wants her meals prepared...

God's Plan

The Mountain Millers have quite a bit up in the air when it comes to this fall.

Well, let me back up... I feel safe in saying that nearly every single family in the country with school-aged children has quite a bit up in the air when it comes to this fall.  Specifically, what schooling will look like in every district around the country for the 2020-21 school year.

Well, the Mountain Millers are no exception to wondering what schools will look like this fall, and wondering if we will want to send our children to school or if we will have other options.

In addition, other factors are unknown to us at this time that I have not shared on this blog, and will not be sharing at this time.

All that to say, I have been praying like crazy since early May regarding all of the unknowns of which I am aware, but I've pretty much been figuring out some plans in my own head and asking God to follow through with those plans I've created.

Well... so far, He has not been listening.

My plans do not seem to be His plans.

So, as we enter July, I have changed the way I am praying about this fall... I am trying to pray for His plan.  I am trying to accept that He has a plan that I CANNOT see.  He has a plan that is already in the works, and I cannot even begin to imagine what it is... but He does have the plan, and His plan will be revealed in His time.

Now, I will admit, this is not the way I like to pray because local schools are supposed to start on August 18, and Hubby and I are supposed to sign contracts and report for work duties WEEKS before then... so I REALLY REALLY pray that God's timing coincides with the school district calendars... but I am trying to increase my faith and trust that He has a plan, He is guiding our steps, and He will open doors that I do not even know are there.

I'd appreciate your keeping us in your prayers during this time of prayer and waiting on God and I'll certainly keep you posted when there is news to share.

Old Age Face App

I've seen so many people posting the "old faces" of themselves through an app showing how they might, potentially, hypothetically look in another 50-60 years.  My guess it the software probably works something like the hypothetical children two people can generate.

Some people say how they are horrified by the future, some people can't wait to grow old together, and some people are thrilled with their future crown of silver hair.

Myself, I lost family members very young.  

My sister died at 39.  Her husband died at 44.  They never had any children.

 My maternal grandmother died at 37.  She left behind four children.

Both scenarios are tragic.

Growing old is a privilege not extended to all.

I am happy to wait and pray that I actually am privileged enough to grow old in order to see my own face and body in 50-60 years.  No app necessary.

In the meantime... this is funny.  

 

Someday

Someday I'm going to take a picture of these three (plus any younger siblings) relaxing around an adult pool and put the pictures side by side.

I'm also going to fondly reminisce about how quickly these years with two toddlers and a preschooler flew by.

Ready To Study

Howard seems ready to follow in his Papa's and Aunt's footsteps and possibly pursue a career as a Medical Doctor.  I caught him already studying for his anatomy class.

He found the posters that I use to teach my childbirth class, and pulled one out to study... upside down no less, for added difficulty.

 

 

The Christmas Before...

If you read my blog with any regularity, you are very clear on the fact that I am a University of Michigan football fan.

Two years ago, the University of Michigan football community received some very sad news when Lloyd Carr's grandson, Chad Carr was diagnosed with an inoperable form of child brain cancer.  The family had Michigan football ties for generations -- paternal grandfather, Lloyd Carr, but his maternal grandfather had University of Michigan football ties.  If I'm not mistaken, his parents met while students at UofM... they couple still lives in Ann Arbor, and the couple had three boys the youngest of whom was Chad.

Chad was diagnosed with this brain cancer and the family fought the cancer -- not only fought the cancer but created an organization, a movement, a hashtag -- #chadtough.  The entire Michigan community and people around the world were pulling for Chad, and supporting ChadTough.

Chad died about fifteen months after the cancer diagnosis -- just before Christmas last year.

I still follow his mother's ChadTough posts on facebook (because the ChadTough organization is still going strong raising money, awareness, and research for child cancer).  She mentioned that it was a quiet Christmas, and they did not send out Christmas cards this year, so she shared their Christmas pictures from the last five years and they tell such a story:

2012

2013

2014

2015

 2016

 You can see the happy, carefree family they were in 2012 and 2013.  

Then, 2014, just a few months after Chad's diagnosis, when they are fighting as a family, and the older brother is wearing a ChadTough shirt.  They are optimistic and getting through this together.  

Then, 2015, they actually celebrated Christmas early because Chad did not make it to Christmas.  What a toll Cancer has taken on their sweet little boy.

Then, Christmas 2016 when life goes on, even when sometimes you don't want it to.  I feel for those brothers because they are kids... but they are not kids anymore.  They are still living their childhood, but their childhood completely changed with the illness and death of their brother... but I digress.

These pictures absolutely touched my heart when their mother shared them a few days ago, but what surprised me most was the picture I was most drawn toward -- 2013.

This is their picture before.  This is their picture before the fight, before the death, before the cancer... before.  This was the Christmas before they were in the fight of their lives.  This was the Christmas before their world was rocked and turned upside down.  This was the Christmas when (probably) their biggest burden was juggling relatives and in-laws and making sure their was enough turkey to feed everyone.  This is the Christmas they will look back on for years and wish they could go back to such trivial concerns. 

Why will I line my little ones up in front of the Christmas tree every single year to take the same picture of them smiling?  Well, for one, it is a fun way to document their growth.  But the truth is, we never know if and when it will be our Christmas before... Our Christmas before something changes.

I'd like to think tragedy will never touch our family, and maybe it won't.  Maybe we will live beautifully ordinary lives where everyone we love will die at a ripe old age, ready to go to Heaven, sleeping soundly in their bed... but we don't know.

We don't know if and when it will be our Christmas before...

So, I line my beautiful, tired, sickly babies in front of the tree -- not even our tree because we're accidentally still at my in-laws house, and I take a picture of them:

And we pile all the cousins together looking adorable and jumbled and squirmy:

And we even occasionally try to take a really nice picture because we are freezing a moment in time.  A moment when times are joyful, and babies are plentiful, and laughter resounds.  And we never know when will be the Christmas before.

 

How I Met Your Mother

 How much more appreciation for our life would we have if we caught glimpses of the future?  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we don't... but the road would probably feel a little less rocky, less lonely at times if we knew what was around the corner.

I've been watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix... and, much to my surprise, I absolutely LOVE it.  It is the story of a dad recounting to his children "How I met your mother" so it is told from the perspective of the future looking back.  It is really cool how the main chacter will start a story, and then jump to another year, and side stories in the middle of the main story... just like a rambling dad would in a real story he's telling his kids.  I'm currently on season 7... and I really want Ted to meet his wife... but I also do not want the series to end, so I'm pretty torn.

I just watched the episode where the three guys have imagined where their lives would be in three years... over the course of 12 years.  The guys have a pact to watch The Star Wars Trilogy every three years... and each time they get together to watch the Trilogy, they imagine where their lives will be the next time they watch the Trilogy... three years down the road.  The episode takes you from the year 2000 to 2003, 2006, 2009, and 2012 both in the character's imagination... and then in real life -- its a hard concept to explain, but it was REALLY cool in the show.

Ted specifically always thinks his dream of a wonderful wife and children are three years away.  In this episode, after realizing that EVERY SINGLE time he imagines his future, he thinks he will be married... only to find himself three years later single, and thinking that, in three years, he will be married... only to find himself three years later single, and thinking that, in three years, he will be married...
 Eventually, at the end of this episode, he realizes this pattern and sees that his dream for his future of being married, is always the same... but his actual future is always being single, he finally loses hope...  Instead of a future with a beautiful wife and children, he thinks, in three years his future will be a living nightmare -- he will still be alone, but now surrounded by cats and talking to a TV dinner costumer service department for conversation... It is the most hopeless the audience has seen Ted ever in the series and your heart just breaks for him.  Then, the audience glimpses what is actually down the road for Ted in another three years -- and it is not full of cats (to say the least).

How much more joy would my life have had... or what different choices would I have made if I had been able to catch glimpses of my future?

• In high school, when I had no idea where my life would go, how would I feel about knowing I came to buy my first home in Rifle Colorado?
• In my late teens, when I was really grieving the death of my sister, Tracey, how would I feel to know that a decade or so later, I would name my first daughter Tracey?
• In my early twenties, when I thought I had met my husband, was engaged, and then seriously heartbroken, how much less would I feel that pain if I could have glimpsed my real wedding day when I married the man who became my husband?
• In my mid-twenties, when I was lonely and praying constantly to meet my husband... but losing hope each year without him, would the wait have been easier to see my marriage nearly five years in, and the amazing love, comfort, and joy we have together?
• In graduate school when I dreamed of motherhood, would I have even believed I would be blessed with three healthy babies in two years?
• When I first moved to Colorado and had so much time to myself because I hadn't made any friends, would the glimpse of myself as a mother, without a moment of time to myself make me appreciate the free time more?
• Even one year ago, I was sad because Tracey was an only child.  I would watch her trying to make friends, as a one year old who could barely talk, and I wished she had been a twin (yes, I was wishing that one year ago) so that she would always have a sibling... one year later, she doesn't have a twin for a sibling... but instead has twin siblings.  How much less would my worry have been if I had seen a glimpse of Tracey playing with her siblings now?

It seems I should stop worrying about the future because, in a few years, the worry won't have been worth it...
Or, is it that I can appreciate my blessings better now, because I worried in the past? 

Most of all, what a joy, that I can look back at times of unknown, times of uncertainty, times of heartbreak, and times of hopelessness, and know that, if I could see my life today, I would see my dreams have come ... and are still coming true. 

The Future

Chris and I aren't sure what the future holds... but we know the One who holds our future.

This summer has not gone as we have planned.  Hubby has A LOT of graduate school to do, and I have to prepare to teach a college course this fall.  Due to company and illnesses and our rambunctious, exhausting toddler, we have had to re-group and come up with a new game plan for the next month.

The solution we found is that Tracey Ann and I are going to Michigan tomorrow for some help from Mom and Daddy.  Hubby is staying in Colorado for a few weeks to work on graduate school without distraction, and I will be in Michigan with major grandparent help with our little princess.

I must admit, if Hubby and I have chosen to live in Colorado, away from all family... but can't actually live in Colorado without running home to family, I'm not sure how long we will be here.

We don't know exactly what it means, we don't know exactly what timeline we might be talking about... and we don't even know where we would move to be closer to family -- Michigan or St. Louis.

The only thing we know is how fortunate we are to have families who will do anything to help us, who will let us come home at a moment's notice, and let us stay indefinitely while Hubby and I get work done.

We also know the One who holds the future, the One who is not surprised that we are running home for help, and the One who has our future mapped out in His Will and for His service.

The Best We Can...

Usually, when I see parenting articles in magazines or on facebook, I'm pretty open-minded.  I might not agree with what they say, but I read or skim them... take away any suggestions I find useful and move on.  Generally speaking, I often especially like the articles talking, in some way, about trying to raise our kids more like they did in the "good ole days" and striving to bring back a simpler time.

Well, last week, when skimming an article about raising our kids like they did in the good ole days, I found myself overly offended and angry by what I read.

The article that made me so angry was from Yahoo News and it was about how few children walk or bike to school, and how we, as a society are stifling children's development by not letting them have freedom and autonomy to go places and do things.  It talked about how parents are being charged with neglect for letting their children walk home from the park unsupervised and that, according to statistics on kidnapping and traffic accidents, children are actually safer out and about today than they were in the 90s.  The article went on to say that we are a very fearful society and we are raising our kids in a fearful way and the children will rebel because they are not given freedom as they grow and develop.  To read the entire article click on the link where I wrote the "article that made me so angry."

So, now that you have have the summary... this article infuriated me, and even writing that synopsis in the paragraph above has filled me with rage.

Let me be really clear when I say this:
As parents in this day and age, WE ARE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

Speaking for my own demographic... here we are:

• Adults who have been responsible in our decisions
• Adults who are married and have waited to be married to have children
• Adults in their thirties who have worked hard and are settled in their careers
• Adults who have at least an undergraduate college degree, and many have graduate degrees as well

Now, we are taking all of our responsible life choices leading up to this point, all of our study skills and strong work ethic... and trying to raise a child.  We are examining history, and trying to learn from those who have gone before us.

We are:

• breastfeeding
• doing tummy time
• putting the babies to sleep on their backs with no loose covers
• we don't smoke
• we've gotten rid of all the toys that could have killed us when we were a child
• we wear seat belts and use car seats until the child is 10-12 years old (or something like that)
• we have smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors
• in our family, for financial and environmental reasons, we're using cloth diapers

WE ARE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

You know what?  We are raising children at a different time in history than ever before.  I remember life without a microwave -- my daughter will never remember life without a cell phone or television or ipad or twitter or facebook or blogs.  The evil, the bullying, the predators that used to only exist outside on the streets can now come into my home through electronics.

We have a video monitor for the nursery, and I'm not sure I'd be able to sleep without one.

We live in a very VERY scary world, and I am in no mood to read an article telling me that I need to let my kids walk home from the park -- and be charged with child neglect -- lest my children will feel stifled in their development.  This is a different time.

You remember little Laura Ingalls? I seem to remember she, as a child, was left home with her two sisters, tending dinner, over an open fire, when a burning log rolled out of the make-shift fireplace onto the cabin floor.  Laura, not feeling at all stifled by her ability to develop through independence and responsibility, picked up the burning log with her bare hands and threw it back in the fireplace to avoid the wooden cabin from burning down.

Barely over 100 years ago, children were sent off to work in factories to load spools of thread onto spooling machines because their little fingers were nice and small and could switch out the empty and full spools nimbly and quickly.  Never mind that they they occasionally got their fingers caught, and crushed, or that their hair could get caught in with the tread causing the spooling machine to rip off their scalp.  They were growing in their development without the over-reaching hovering arm of mom and dad.  Oh, and *bonus* they also walked to and from work unsupervised -- usually in bare feet regardless of temperature.

Different circumstances demand different ways of parenting.

The world is a scary place and I sure don't need to read an article berating the fact that I am, and intend to stay, protective of my child.

Yes, there will be a time for additional freedoms, and additional responsibilities -- but they will be appropriate for this day and age.  They will not involve earning a living at the spool and tread factory, and they might not involve walking to school alone.  My husband and I will evaluate that situation when it presents itself.  But, rest assured, at that time, and now, we are evaluating our entire situation, and we are doing the best we can.

My Heart as a Mother

Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be a mother.  I know, it's a little late to wonder, as I've now been one for over a year.

But the longer I am a mother... the more I wonder if I'm cut out for the job.  I don't know if my heart can take being the heart of a mother.

When Tracey Ann was a newborn, we just focused on learning how to keep this precious baby, this life with which we had been entrusted, alive.  I have joked that her turning one year old is such a celebration because we have kept her alive for an entire year -- and people laugh because, of course, it is said in jest... but it also said with a great deal of sincerity.  We are fully rejoicing that all of our mistakes as parents -- all of my mistakes as a mother, and I made many mistakes during that first year, were not fatal mistakes.  It is truly a miracle and blessing from God that our precious baby is one year old, and healthy and thriving.

Now that she is no longer a baby... I mean she is... but she's not, she's a toddler, I'm beginning to see more of the road ahead, and I look at the year behind us, and I wonder... can my heart withstand the joy and pride and discipline and training and growth and turmoils that lie ahead.

I have always cared what is going on in the world -- through wars and terrorists and political policies with which I disagreed -- but I knew the Lord was directing my steps, and my future was with Him in Heaven.  Now, I see the world differently.  Our world, our country, our military, our freedom has to last beyond my lifetime because I now have a child.  When I see horrible things on the news, now I do not just grieve and pray for the situation as I used to... I have within me a very deep smoldering fear about the world in which I have to raise my daughter.

The Bible tells us hundreds of time not to fear... but I really feel like there should be a mothers version, because I have more fears now than I ever knew existed.  I know some will pass... but others might be there forever.

I know I am called to put my faith in the One who loves Tracey Ann more than I do... which I can't even imagine, but God does.  And yet, when I think of the future, when I think of our world so full of evil, I am overwhelmed with emotion in my heart as a mother.

People said being a mother would change my life.  People said there is no love like it.  Some may have even said that it would change the way I see the world... but no body told me what it would mean for my heart to become the heart of a mother.

Repost: If My Child Marries Yours

I came across this blog on facebook the other day, and it is so good, that I am going to re-post the entire thing.  Full credit goes to Teach Me To Braid.

 If My Child Marries Yours

If my child marries yours...
I just want you to know that I'm praying for you.
When I'm awake at night - feeding babies, burping babies, giving tylenol to a feverish toddler, covering up chilly toes, tucking green monkeys under little arms - I think of you. Because chances are, you're awake too, doing the same sorts of things. Taking care of tiny children that I already love because they will someday hold the hearts that are beating against my chest tonight.
I'm praying that you'll stand firm against the pressures to overcommit and hyper-schedule, that you'll shut out the voices that tell you you're not doing enough, that your kids aren't doing enough.
I'm praying you'll have the wisdom to know when to pick that crying baby up out of her crib and when to just sit outside her door, your fingertips pressed to the wood, willing her to feel your love and comfort and just finally fall asleep.
I'm praying that you will take those children to church...that the mothers and fathers of our future grandchildren will grow up knowing what it means to worship, even when that means missing out-of-town basketball tournaments and marathon sleepovers.
I'm praying that your love for and commitment to your spouse will swell with each year you're together, that you will grow to love the legacy you are creating just as much as you adore the person you're creating it with.
I'm praying that you take lots of pictures so that I can see where our grandchildren got their sticky-out ears and their mischievous grins.
I'm praying that Jesus will give you just enough strength each day to keep you from losing it but not so much that you forget Who that strength comes from.
I'm praying that we will be friends.
Will you pray those things for me too?

I don't really pray for your child. Maybe I should. My husband does that, and I think it's wonderful. But chances are, your child is just fine. And chances are, a lot of the time, you aren't. Chances are, if you're anything like me, you're very tired. And some days, you get so discouraged. Sometimes, your temper erupts, your selfishness wins, and your smile is fake. Sometimes you forget to change the baby's diaper, to spend time being silly with your toddler, to really see your spouse. So it's you I am praying for right now, in the still darkness, with this baby fist pressed up under my chin and this sweet, sleepy breath on my ear. May you feel these prayers when you need them the most.

We are in this together, you and I. We are building something beautiful with each onesie folded, each invisible owie kissed, each story read.

You don't know how much it means to me that you give your children everything you have every single day...even on days when it's not much at all. Because your child will fall asleep next to mine for fifty-some years. Your child will be the one holding my child's hand when our first grandchild is born. And when they face the darkest days of their lives, it will be your child and mine, facing into the struggle together.

I'm pretty sure that our longest days - the ones that are brim-full with hair-pulling moments, impossible messes, and toddler meltdowns - those are the days that we are fashioning hearts. And someday, one of the hearts I'm helping create will crash into one of your love-crafted hearts, and what spills out as a result of that jolt...it's kind of up to us. I promise to tend to these hearts with utmost care, to plant in them humility and peace and selflessness...especially selflessness. I promise to plant Jesus seeds in these hearts every chance I get. And I promise to keep praying for you.

I'm praying that you will hug your boy tight when he's sad or lonely or scared. Because someday, my girl - all grown beautiful with babies of her own - will be sad or lonely or scared. And he'll need to know how to hold her. Teach him.

And let your daughters hear you speak righteous words that bring life and hope. Because someday, my sons will be worn and weary, and the words you're placing in your daughters' minds today just might become the balm to my sons' souls.

I'm doing my best to do the same. And sometimes...much of the time...I fail. Pray for me too.

Someday we will sit on opposite sides of the aisle...all fancy and with gobs of tissues tucked into our fists. We'll watch our silly, sticky, sweet babies somehow transform into brides and grooms and make the same promises to one another that we ourselves have kept...against all odds and only by His grace. And we will watch these children create families of their own with the ingredients we have given them. The ingredients we are slipping into their souls today.

But until then, I'm sitting here in the dark with babies in my arms.

And I'm praying for you.

Foreshadowing?

Could this be foreshadowing that Tracey Ann met and had her picture taken with Alpine Skier Olympic Gold Medalist, Lindsey Vonn?

Current Olympian with future Olympian?

Either way, it's a really cool picture for Tracey Ann to have in the future...

The Next Twenty Years...

Hubby and I are just beginning our crazy 20 years.  We have lived our lives as children, adolescences, teenagers, twenty-somethings... and then in our late twenties/early thirties our two lives became one.

Now, we are not the children to be cared for... we are the ones caring for others.  We are not the kids with wild angst giving our parents grey hairs... we are the parents.
... and it is all just beginning.

Sunday night we were up late, and up in the middle of the night because Tracey Ann's sleep schedule got messed up on Sunday and so she was up at weird hours.
Monday night we were running around the house late because Lloyd got sick.

My parents are visiting us and helping us with childcare for these three weeks, and they are SUCH a help to us -- but we are the ones tending to Lloyd and up late with Tracey Ann.  My parents have already paid their dues and had their season of caring for all children and animals under their roof... now its our turn.

I know there will be nights in our future when several children are sick, or animals run away --  we have much more drama ahead than our puppy getting sick so we get to bed a little late, but, in it, we remain so joyful.

To be the parents -- to be the ones caring for all children and animals under our roof -- this is our dream come true, and it will not last forever.  We have about twenty crazy, chaotic, dramatic, sleep-deprived, amazing years ahead of us... and then its gone.  Then we move on to another blessed season of life.

I am so excited for these next twenty years.

Asleep in the Boat

In college, the minister of the church where I worshipped, Chap, preached a sermon one Sunday that stuck with me long-term.

Matthew 8, Luke 8, and Mark 4 all tell the story about Jesus out in a boat with his disciples.  While they were at sea, Jesus fell asleep.  While he was sleeping a fierce storm came up, and water began swamping the boat and the disciples (many of whom were fishermen -- very familiar with boats and the sea) were so afraid that they awoke Jesus.  Jesus spoke to the wind and the waves, and immediately the storm ceased.

Then, He turned to the disciples and scolded them for not having faith.

Chap's sermon talked about the fact that the disciples did exactly what was, as Christ-followers, are taught to do -- they called out to Jesus when they were afraid... and yet Jesus scolded them for having so little faith.

Chap said that, if the disciple's faith had been stronger, instead of crying out to Jesus, they would have pulled up a pillow and peacefully fallen asleep right next to Him.  Chap said that in the storms of life, the only place he wants to be is asleep in the boat, right next to Jesus.

I want to have a great faith.  I want a life full of trials and tribulations that consistently and repeatedly provide me with testimonies of God's faithfulness, wisdom, protection, and provision.  I want to teach my children about strong faith through an example of my own -- but sleeping in the boat is a really hard place to be.

Hubby and I are praying like crazy about life next year -- we are considering many options -- everything from staying exactly where we are with the jobs we currently have, to moving over seas with one of us working -- and everything in between...

I am calling out to Jesus passionately, and often... but the best place for me to be is asleep in the boat.

Psalm 100:5

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."
Psalm 100:5

via

This verse holds so much more weight now that I have a child... my next generation exists -- I hear her breathing in her sleep right now.  My God's love endures FOREVER -- His faithfulness -- the same faithfulness I have come to know, understand, count on, my entire life, continues through ALL generations.  His same faithfulness will maintain through Tracey Ann's whole life... and through her daughter's (my granddaughter's) life and beyond.

American Child

I am not always thrilled with my country.
I love America, but I don't always love Americans.
I would say, the past 5-6 years, I've been especially dissatisfied with the policy and direction of legislation in my country.

That being said... but a pin in that thought for a moment.
I have not been especially emotional throughout my pregnancy.  I think both my husband and I are surprised by this, because I am a very emotional person when I'm not pregnant.  Since becoming pregnant, some things still make me cry, but both Hubby and I agree, I cry less since I've been pregnant than I regularly cried before getting pregnant -- go figure.

That being said... one subject has brought me to emotional, joyful, overwhelming tears without fail throughout this pregnancy, and that is the thought of our child growing up in America.

I am not always thrilled with my country, but there is NO OTHER COUNTRY that has more opportunities for my child.  My child will be a citizen of the greatest country in the world.  My child will not be limited because of his or her culture, or religion, or income, or family history, or political opinion.  Our child can develop any interest, hobby, passion, career goal he or she can dream.

The fact that my husband and I are teachers does not determine what our child will be.  The fact that our child may fail kindergarten, or skip sixth grade doesn't determine his or her career path.  The fact that our child's grandparents were blue-collar workers, or white-collar workers, or congressmen, or jail birds does not determine our child's occupation.  Our child's drive, and intelligence, and hard work, and desire, and tenacity, and calling determines his or her occupation.  Our child will be born in a country without predetermined limits.  Our child will be born in the land of the free.

Our child will be an American child, and that knowledge fills me to with joy and goosebumps.  My husband and I may not be able to provide everything for our child that he or she wants or desires... but we can instill in him or her the value of hard work and the accomplishment and reward that comes from working hard in America.

Among others, these are two songs that have left me sobbing lately:

"American Child" by Phil Vassar



and
"Only in America" by Brooks & Dunn

God Bless America.

Treasuring the Present: Boy or Girl...

Hubby and I are having...

...

...

 ... a Boy or a Girl!

via

There is no denying it -- our baby is either a boy or a girl.

Chris and I both want...
BOTH!

Yes, we want a healthy baby... but we want both a boy and a girl.  We hope that this baby will not be our only baby... we want at least one boy and at least one girl -- at least one daughter and at least one son -- hopefully two of each, eventually.

So then, the questions becomes which do we want FIRST... a boy or a girl.

I have thought a lot about this question... not that Hubby and I have a choice on this matter... but it is fun to think about.  Since I am not planning a purple or green nursery (A blog topic for another time -- How did Pink and Blue become the signature colors of boys or girls?  The beauty lies in Purple and Green, people!!  Embrace the purple and green color scheme!)  There are Pros and Cons to having either first.

Pros to a Firstborn Son:

• A big brother and male leader for future siblings
• We are almost completely sure of the name for our first... and second sons (for daughters, Chris and my opinions mix like oil and water)
• Chris' sister has a baby girl who will be about 6 months older than our child, and it might be nice if they were not the same sex.  If Zivah is allowed to do something or wear something, it might be easier if we had a boy the same age instead of a girl asking why she isn't allowed to do/wear the same thing.
• Chris' father and grandfather are still alive, and if we had a son, we would be able to have 4 generations of Miller men together.  That would be beautiful and very meaningful.  Tomorrow is promised to no one, and so this would be such a blessing.    (My only living grandparent is my mom's father, so we will be very blessed to have four generations of family together, but it is not so monumental as four generations of Miller men... or four generations of mothers and daughters).
• On Chris' side, his grand parents only have great-grand daughters (and his parents only have a grand daughter).  If we had a son, he would be the first male of the next generation on that side.
• Chris is so excited for a son... a miniature Christopher James.  I am excited for a son too... I'm just a little afraid of a miniature Christopher James.  :-D

Pros to a Firstborn Daughter:

• A big sister and a "little mother" for future siblings
• On my side, my parents only have grand sons.  If we had a daughter, she would be the first female of the next generation on that side
• I want a sweet, perfect, frilly, joyful little girl... because I was as sweet, perfect, frilly, joyful little girl.  I am hoping to see myself in a daughter someday.
• I want little dresses, bows, curls, ribbons, nail polish, and tutus to scatter my house someday.
• I'm not sure that I think girls are easier per se... but I've been a little girl, so in my mind, a girl is going to be easier than a boy... and maybe if we have a little girl first, she can sort of tone down the craziness of her little brother when he arrives a few years from now... maybe... wishful thinking?
• I am so excited for a daughter... a miniatures Brookie.  Chris is excited for a daughter too... he just seems to think she will be a tom-boy (he's nuts)!

So... there you have it.  We want both, daughters and sons and there are about equal the numbers of pros and cons to our having either one first.  I can't wait to re-read this post when our sons and daughters are in middle school and look back at who I THOUGHT the children would be compared to who they ACTUALLY ARE.

Today, I am treasuring the present -- that we have so much to learn about our child.  We have a lifetime ahead of learning about our child... the first question -- is it a boy or a girl... and then a lifetime ahead of learning all the traits and characteristics that makes our firstborn boy or girl an unique individual.  What color eyes, or hair will he/she have?  Will the child be a miniature Chris, or a miniature Brooke... both or neither?  We have so much to learn about our baby, and today, I am treasuring that all of these discoveries are ahead.

The bottom line is we are so excited to be having this baby, and whichever kind we are blessed with first -- a son or a daughter, we are prayerful that he/she will be healthy, happy, and God-honoring.  We know that God has perfectly knit this boy or girl together in my womb to be the firstborn of our family, and our faith and our family's future rests completely in Him.