Almost there

It's  been a while.  Life is a whirlwind of burning all of our candles at all ends.  We are on the countdown of John graduating in 1 month.  I feel exhausted.  He feels exhausted.  But the end is near and I'm holding on to that.

We found a little house this past weekend that will become our new home.  It's a little 3 bedroom 2 story house with a red door and a big back yard. I'm anxious to see what kind of memories we make there. What kind of lessons in motherhood await me there and how we will all grow in love and patience and tolerance and grace together there. I hope, oh how I hope, that little Wren or Oakley join us there.  I look forward to new routines and a little extra space.  I look forward to a yard to run and create and imagine in.  

I feel nothing but gratitude for what we've had here at UGA.  It's stings a little to leave the friends we've made here but more than anything to watch Evie have to leave her friend.  She's learned a lot about friendship here.  I've been doing a lot of growing myself as I've had to learn to let her go.  "Mom, I want to play with Alba."  "I'll play with you Evie!" "No, that's ok, I want to play with Alba."   Growing pains.

I can feel myself growing.  Growing in depth of experience.  I feel like I'm being refined as I face my flaws every day.  Being a mother challenges the spectrum of everything I am and everything I want to be.  

how right we were

Catching up on some memories here. Two months ago in May John and I celebrated 6 years of marriage.  We went to Nashville and ate our way through some bucket list items.  We finally got to try Tom and Chee which was a Shark Tabk favorite, one of our all time favorite shows.  John bought me a bouquet of flowers right off of a flower truck and we purchased some lemonade from some kids selling it on the side of the road.  

He had the fun idea to pack light and then to each get an outfit head to toe, it was a pretty fun idea!

 I just can't get over how much I love collecting years with him.  Each one is better than the last and I'm not sure how he manages to do it but I am still learning stories about him.  I thought I might know it all but he seems to save back details and stories here and there, I love it.  He makes me laugh HARD just about every day.  I am astounded by his work ethic and his devotion to school, I know he is trying so hard to lay a solid foundation for our family's future. He is so kind to me and just about the easiest person to get along with.  

We like to remember back to the night we drove out to my parents house for him to ask my dads permission to marry me. He wore a weird sweater that I'd never seen him wear before or since.  He was nervous and my dad gave him a hard time but eventually said yes. When we left that night we both shut our car doors and looked at each other and squealed at the top of our lungs and said, "this is going to be so fun! We have so much good ahead!" And we were right, we had no idea how right we really were.

I love him and I respect him and I like him. 

Happy 6 years my love, can't wait for what's to come for us. 

A horse face out of glass

Evie, we are so proud of our little artist! A few weeks ago you went to your first summer camp! It was for one week 9-12 in the morning.  You had such a hard time with me leaving every single day.  I am grateful for your attachment to me but I am also hopeful for you to have confidence.  Confidence in yourself and confidence to know that I will come back.  Trust me, I don't want to rush you in to growing up too fast but I am also eager to give you experiences to help you grow and see your talents and to recognize your strength. It is in you!! 

I couldn't have been prouder to walk in to your exhibit after you had been creating all week and to see your work displayed. I imagine you will create a lot in your life and whatever it is I know I will beam at it just the way I did your art that day.  I'm so proud of you and you were proud of you too.  

Thank you for being the creative little soul that you are, I love you so! 

Such a mess

Avett Murphy, I put you to bed two hours ago and I still hear you chattering away in your room with your sister about something.  You must be on Colorado time still.  

You are such a cute little punk! A couple of weeks ago you stuck gum in your hair. GUM! I suppose it's a rite of passage in childhood for some kids.  You are such a mess.  Luckily your Auntie Kayla was here to give you a nice haircut to remedy this situation, a much better job than your mom could do for sure, sorry buddy! 

I just love you so much, and you love me so much.  You are 'handsome like daddy' and you are so sweet. You say the best things these days and you know all the words and the tune to I am a child of God by heart. It melts me to hear you sing it. We will start potty training soon, wish me luck! Thanks for making me laugh with the funniest faces I've ever seen. 

1,200 miles

We just got home from a week and a half trip out to Colorado to visit John's family. He was also a groomsmen in one of his best friends weddings. Going to Walsh is always such a unique experience.  For starters there is no phone service, none at all! It's quite refreshing for a change but I do breathe a sigh of relief when we surface and connect to wifi here and there.  

Walsh is still a slow, sleepy, so-very-friendly little town.  It never ceases to amaze me that we can drive from one end to the other on Main Street in about 30 seconds with non traffic stops or lights.  Every one waves to you as you pass them on the street.  I love seeing John's eyes light up with some of that old town glory.  He's told me so many heart warming stories of living there and I love to see him remember those things. The dirt roads are tricky and charming.  We had one particular experience this time where we were trying to get out to Granny's house after leaving the Doner's in a storm. The dirt road was starting to flood and turn straight in to mud. We shouldn't have been traveling that road but I was being piloted by a determined grandson who wanted to see the smile on his grandmothers face. There were so many moments I was sure we were stuck or stranded.  We made it out to her home in 6 miles of prayers and anxiety. At one point john looked to me and said, "there is non reason this can should be making it right now.  Thank you to the Angels pushing us on back covered in mud no doubt."  I second that.

On the 4th of July we drove up to the top of a hill and set off some of our own fireworks we had driven to Springfield earlier that day to get.  The children giggled and squealed and covered their ears and I did most of the clapping and cheering. We took folding chairs and sat and watched towns on the horizon 40-50 miles away shoot off fireworks of their own.  It was quiet and simple and magical.  Evaleigh and Avett and I had some races round the corners back and forth a few times. 

We went out to Minneapolis cemetery and pulled right up to Grover's grave.  We blasted a new Avett Brothers tune, No Hard Feelings, for him as loud as we could, he would have loved that song.  

When my body won't hold me anymore

And it finally lets me free

Will I be ready?

When my feet won't walk another mile

And my lips give their last kiss goodbye

Will my hands be steady?

When I lay down my fears

My hopes and my doubts

The rings on my fingers

And the keys to my house

With no hard feelings

When the sun hangs low in the west

And the light in my chest

Won't be kept held at bay any longer

When the jealousy fades away

And it's ash and dust for cash and lust

And it's just hallelujah

And love in thoughts and love in the words

Love in the songs they sing in the church

And no hard feelings

Lord they knows they haven't done

Much good for anyone

Kept me afraid and cold

With so much to have and hold

When my body won't hold me anymore

And it finally lets me free

Where will I go?

Will the trade winds take me south

Through Georgia grain or tropical rain

Or snow from the heavens?

Will I join with the ocean blue

Or run into the savior true

And shake hands laughing

And walk through the night

Straight to the light

Holding the love I've known in my life

And no hard feelings

Lord they knows they haven't done

Much good for anyone

Kept me afraid and cold

With so much to have and hold

Under the curving sky

I'm finally learning why

It matters for me and you

To say it and mean it to

For life and its loveliness

And all of its ugliness

Good as its been to me

I have no enemies

I have no enemies

I have no enemies

I have no enemies

I love that song. It's how I feel about dying someday.  John and I spoke briefly about being buried there someday.  It would be a beautiful place to be laid to rest.  Wide open skies and earth as far as the eye can see. Not to mention a plot there costs $1.  Sold. 

Walsh has a certain charm but it's a charm that I can soak in for about a week and then I start to get a bit antsy for traffic or crowds or I don't know...a Target. 

Our road trip with the kiddies was quite nice.  They were sick on the way out So a bit fussy but very patient on the way home.  We stopped outside of Memphis on the way back and swam out some wiggles. The little potty came in handy 4 times, good thing we had it.  

When we drove east on 20 and spotted the Atlanta skyline we both look at each other and smiled.  I knew what we were both thinking, "Home."