Caturday Burglar

Was it a twist of fate or personal magnetism?

Unlike Beto O'Rourke, Ted Cruz burgles his Whataburgers

before he eats them.

"Would whoever stole my upper lip please return it?"

Why is it so easy to imagine Jamie Dimon as the 

protagonist in House of Cards?

All options had remained on the table until

someone stole the table.

"Would the person who stole Mike Pence's dentures 

please return them immediately?"

Now we know: it was that Wascal Wabbit who stole

the office fwidge.

Translated from Russian, Vladimir Putin (Влади́мир

 Путин) means 'Powerful Highwayman'. That he is.

Thieves Who Stole Fragments of Saint John Bosco's Brain

 Say They Are Making a Movie, The Great Brain Robbery

"Sure, he's a kleptocratic SOB," Ryan mused, "but he's

our kleptocratic SOB."

Minnesota Trumpnik Humbly Beseeches Thieves to Stop

Stealing His 'Make America Great Again' Flags

Man Dies in Failed Condom Machine Theft, Forgets Rubbers 

Sold in Johns Are Intended for Entertainment Purposes Only

Bank Robber:  "Everybody freeze! Everybody down 

on the ground!"

Marsha Blackburn:  "Well, which is it, young feller? 

You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? 

Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And 

if'n I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see..."

Bank Robber:  "Shut up!"

Marsha Blackburn:  "Okay, then."

Michele Bachmann and Javier Sanchez, Her Legislative

Assistant and Petty Cash Thief, En Route to Spank

President Obama for Waving His Magic Wand

Warm Scuzzies #337

Vikram Pandit

Congolese Rebel Group Still Seeking Thieves

Who Stole Office Building

"Can you believe I lifted this sucker from Spencer's

 Gifts and nobody was the wiser?"

Factoid of the Hour #13

Minnesota Shoplifter Hides $6,500 Mink Coat in Her

Drawers, Is Arrested and Jailed, But Coat Isn't

Discovered Until Three Days Later

"Hey, that's the guy who stole my teeth!"