Those of you with long memories may recall that I used to write articles for a blog network called the House of Paincakes. One of my fellow writers on that network was a strange creature known as SinSynn who has decided to return to the world of blogging that quite frankly has been lessened by his absence...well...there were less tentacles at least...and Megan Fox was marginally safer...
Having no desire to manage a blog of his own will be utilising mine so here's his third article this time with some warnings about the dangers of addiction....
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Hey, folks. SinSynn here.
Sorry
for the lack of posting, but I've actually gotten mixed up with a bad
crowd, and I'm up to no good.
Oh,
sure, '40k Escalation League' sounds all innocent an' whatnot,
but lemme tell ya - I've already found myself breaking night, on work
nights, no less. I've spent money I don't have. I've been lying,
sneaking, and generally acting like a shady character in an effort to
get my slimy tentacles on my next 40k fix.
*Look, man...Lemme just hold a sprue* |
Yes,
folks. You read that correctly. I'm jumping back into the
hobby like I'm brand-noob.
I
joined a 40k Escalation League.
:D
The
good news is that I won't be forced to play Battlefront's somewhat
awful Team Yankee (yeah, I said it), but I think I might've
pulled off a really cool Matrix-like dodge maneuver: I avoided the
bullet, only to step right in front of a cannonball.
D'oh.
People
were practically giving Team Yankee stuff away. I had already
scored brand-new, in-box sets of U.S. Abrams Tank platoons and a U.S.
Mechanized platoons for like 20 bucks a box. Nevertheless, in truth,
I didn't really wanna play Team Yankee. I didn't.
I was
gonna do it, cuz the Ultimate Rival was all into it, and welp,
waddayagonnado? That's my boy, and I don't really have any other
excuses to offer other than that.
Team
Yankee's future looked bleak 'round my way; gamers were unloading
their brand-new boxsets - that's always a bad sign once the initial
'new game excitement' wears off. With new systems like the Star Wars
X Wing game you couldn't find new kits anywhere when they released.
A few
months after Team Yankee releases and folks are happy to lose more
than half of their investment cuz hey – sumpthin' is better than
nuthin.'
Such
is life huh?
*shrug*
The
Ultimate Rival and I were happy to play it in the Gaming Garage, and
we had a couple other suckers to make up the numbers for club vs.
club tournaments.
We
played a few games, and the future seemed set, but then, outta the
blue, Games Workshop started...doin' stuffs.
Neither
the Ultimate Rival or myself saw it coming. Neither of us could've
predicted it. It didn't sneak up on us, either. One day we just
started talkin' 'bout 40k. GW was makin' moves, releasing new stuffs,
giving fans things they wanted...
The
Ultimate Rival and I went back 'n' forth for a bit, and there was
definitely something in the air, but neither of us was willing to
commit. We've both been burned by GW before.
Sadly,
both of us are huge suckers when it comes to 40k.
We have the collective willpower of an alcoholic trapped in a bar
following the inevitable zombie apocalypse when 40k gets a buncha new
shinies.
We
wants them. Yesh, we do.
*Is that a new shiny?* |
I
will say this- the Ultimate Rival broke down first. It wasn't me.
So
nyah.
One
day I just got a text, showing a picture of a buncha Beakie boxsets,
with a total bullsh*t excuse that simply read, 'I'm
gonna start building a Salamanders army for my youngest son.'
Every
single stalk-mounted occular appendage on my knobbly Xeno head rolled
in a nearly teenage-girl sooper-dramatic drama level.
'Sure
thing, dude,'
I replied, 'Your
son needs a Salamander army. That looks like enough boxsets to build
more than a single army, though. Unless that's gonna be a full-blown
Drop Pod army...with a buncha Landraiders, and Rhinos, and is that a
Storm Talon?'
There
was a somewhat lengthy pause. We both knew what was happening here,
but we've both fallen off this particular wagon a handful of
times...it's just that admitting it is a lil' embarrassing.
A
smidgen. A tad. A wee bit...
So
making the other guy suffer is mandatory.
'Well,'
he says ever-so-innocently, 'I've been thinking that maybe my Black
Templars can use a flyer.'
Pffft.
This guy...So full of it.
'I
thought you already had a Storm Raven,'
I countered, 'That's
a flyer, no? Your Templars already have a flyer, wiseguy.'
I
could hear him throwing his hands up.
'Ok,
more flyers, then. I was totally in the store, buying stuff for the
kid, and I saw the Storm Talon, and I was like “Hey, why not?”
You know how these things happen. So yes, I bought a Storm Talon for
my Black Templars. We have access to all the Vanilla stuff now,
y'know.'
I
narrowed most of my stalk-mounted occular appendages. 'And
that's all you bought?'
Another
pause.
...
'I
ASKED IF THAT'S ALL YOU BOUGHT,' I
repeated, in an entirely overly loud voice.
'I
HEARD YOU, YOU IDIOT,' he shouted back at me, 'jeez, I was just
thinking.'
There
was something in the tone of his voice that was triggering every
'It's a trap!' sensor in my head. Him 'thinking' is never a good
sign.
'Oh
gawd,'
I exclaimed quietly, 'What
did you do, you maniac?'
Again
with the pause...well, I was suffering a frighten. Maybe he didn't
hear me...
...
'I
SAID WHAT DID...'
'I
FRIGGIN' HEARD YOU FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!!'
'Well
maybe chill with the awkward pauses. I feel like you're trying to
work up the nerve to tell me you're pregnant with my child...Oh gawd,
please tell me you're not pregnant with my child...'
The
Ultimate Rival put on his exasperated voice. 'Y'know, it's just
impossible to have a normal conversation with you. It's like you
can't go five minutes without saying something weird, or something
only you think is funny. I swear, after all these years...'
'I
can't help but notice you've failed to answer my question,'
I interrupt his lil' tirade, 'Just
fess up, dude. What did you do? What army are you building now?
Whatever it is, you're on your own. We discussed this. We both agreed
we wouldn't do anything about 40k until we saw new rules that we both
liked.'
Clearly,
I was putting my foot down. I wasn't gonna give in to 40k and its
wily ways.
'Well
ha, wiseguy,' came the Ultimate Rival's ever-so-smug retort, 'I'm not
building a “new” army. This is all Templars stuff.'
...there
was something about the way he said that that made me say my next
thought aloud...
'You're
building a brand-new Black Templars army, aren't you?'
...and
his reply was completely unsurprising...
'Basically
yes.'
-_-
Well
that's a cute story, SinSynn, I hear you say. That hardly explains
how you're suddenly in a 40k Escalation League, now does it? Mister
'I
won't fall for 40k and its wily ways' over
here.
Well,
first of all...Don't
you judge me.
I've
already admitted to being so weak I can't bench press a Kleenex, fer
cryin' out loud.
Furthermore...Chill,
money.
I
haz excuses. Good ones, I swearz,
*Just don't ask any questions and this will all work out fine* |
Ok,
well...It all started with The Hamster That Lives In My Head,
y'see...
(Yes,
we're totally going with this excuse. You shadddup. This is gud
excuse)
There
I was one night, fighting with him over which tab was gonna be open
on the laptop, the tentacle porn tab, or the...what the hell was
that?
'Oh that?' the
Hamster casually replies to my frenzied queries flippantly. He knows
what he's doing, the fuzzy little jerk. My weakness for tentacle porn
can only possibly be topped by my weakness for...
'That, my
empty-headed Xeno friend, is one of the new Tau Mechs.'
*What is it? Oh, it's just a giant Stealthsuit, that's all O-o WHAT THE FLYIN' F*CK? Gimme naow* |
Normally at this
point, The Hamster That Lives In My Head is frantically spinning my
thoughts on his lil' Hamster exercise wheel, but since he was
currently surfing the 'net on my laptop, I just kinda stared blankly
in open mouthed amazement.
'Did you just
say “one of” the new Tau Mechs?' I asked in a monotone fashion,
my eyes glued to the monitor, the tentacle porn forgotten, despite
the flopping tentacles and sticky fluids everywhere, 'As in, there's
more than one new Tau Mech?'
The Hamster
smiled a smile that probably looked very much like the smile the
Serpent gave Eve as he convinced her that apples are delicious, and
so good for you too.
'Oh yeah,
man...there's a bunch. Just lookit thi-'
He didn't have
time to finish that sentence, as I swept him and the tentacle
lubricant and generous pile of towels off the desk, and started going
through the Tau section over at the Games Workshop website.
...After a
couple of minutes, I retrieved the lubricant and towels...
A day or so
later, this happened...
*I swear, I was reverse-mugged on East 8th street in the Village! That's totally what happened!* |
Aaaaand...the
next thing you know, I'm in an Escalation League, cuz apparently
there's a whole buncha fools that caught this sudden outbreak of
40k-itis, or whatever you wanna call it.
Look, I'm not
proud.
But OHMYGAWD I
luvs da new Tau Codex.
It's so shmexy.
*Hey...That's a mighty big burst cannon you've got there* |
And we're gonna
talk all about it, next time. I swearz.
Right now, I've
got two more Crisis Suits to build, and I've still got several
tentacles that aren't glued together yet.
:D
You thought I
complained a lot about Games Workshop before?
Hah!
Have you seen
the price of a Broadside lately?
0_o
Until next time,
folks – Have a very Xenos day!
(Returning to
the original)
- SinSynn