The return of Mr. Crush !!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry for abandoning my blog temporarily....

Two months with grueling research project ............. is not good, and it's still not completed yet...

So this is me today....

Sick, tired, hopeless, angst, desperate, despair, sleepy, loveless...... haish !!!!!!!

Two months of fighting with a so called "mean asshole Prof"........... also not good (not my supervisor)

Two months of suffering with extreme financial difficulties .............. not good

Two months of missing the person I'd cared the most ................ not good :(

Absence makes heart grow fonder...... its not good but its okay!


Voila! I have something to share before we will moved to 2012 soon... very interesting I say... I could not believe that the tragic "crush" story of Mr. Crush and I are not actually ended few months ago..

Apparently the story continues.... I couldn't say if it's a tragic story however *I-would-not-it-to-be-end-silly-me-for-I-got-bored-with-my-hectic-life-now-I-need-a-puppy-love !!!!!


So I will create two scenes about the returns of Mr. Crush, macam Jedi Star Wars pulak...(maybe two, or three.. but what a heck)

since I'm losing my blogging skills.. I hope that my sense of humor still here.. hah!

Mind you... Mr. Crush that I previously liked has a beautiful wife and a cute son.. so, I'm in big dilemma basically.

big.... big... dilemma!

Scene 1

*time balik kerja*

since me and Mr. Crush's wife are very good friend right know... I singgah office dia just to say hi and have a small chat with her... apparently that time Mr. Crush came by to jemput his wife... he look surprised to see me there... I assume he doesn't know that his wife and I kinda "close" right know

Tetiba....


"Abang, let me introduce you..... this is ZZ.... MY BEST FRIEND IN FACEBOOK !!!!"

DANG !!!!!

I could not believe this....... daringnya statement !!!

I saw his face blushing.... maybe in his mind he say.... "Matilah, the kancil girl I'd chased at Shahpadu toll before is my wife's best friend !!!"

He'd replied with.............

Me..... with my wicked eyes.... pretending that I don't know Mr. Crush ... baiknye aku kan.. so I went......

I teringin nak cakap....

"eleh buat2 tak kenal plak... dulu hampir setiap hari race kete ngan aku pegi kerja ;"

I sure his wife couldn't figure what we both think at that moment..... this is an awkward moment darling !!!!!!

After that awkward moment, he'd become more awkward .... instead of waiting his wife to pack her things... he went to "take a look" at all the Photostat machines in the department, Internet connection..



play all the button he could see.... ushering all the documents...., it's unbelievable that he could walk here and here very fast.... it's out of norm... duh!

It's past office hour lah dude.. chill out.. time kerja tak mau pulak ko datang tgk2 semua tu..... upppppsssss (mind you, his scope of work is related to ICT) ;p

So I decide to cut off his nervousness with this "so-called nerved ice breaking session" earlier and left his wife's office... and I went back home giggling !!!!

*After this nerve breaking scene* he is finally smiling and say hi at anytime we bump to each other...( I remember that previously both us a "cold hard meat".. we didn't even speak or smile what so ever...) ahhhhhh heaven, I could die happy now...... *gila kontroversi*

but wait, the story doesn't end there...

Scene 2

It happens yesterday. I went to the canteen for my daily breakfast, I bump to him again..... ahhhhh~~ smile like usual... then I assume his wife are there too... and yes she's there.. so I greet her since I haven't speak to her for few weeks due to my hectic thesis and working life. As I left the canteen she said..

"ZZ come join us for breakfast!"

Did she just invited me to join both of them for breakfast ??????????



It's true y'all..... no mistakes !!!!


I'd declined her offer three (3) times ladies and gentlemen !!!!!!

But...... you might think I want to be there, don't you?

*come on la ZZ, how can you have a breakfast in front of the guy you'd your crushed on before*



However, his wife still insist.... and wants me to have breakfast with her

"Come lah ZZ, takkan hari2 nak breakfast dalam lab"


Haruslah I terima ajakan dia walau terpaksa.... *padahal dalam hati excitingly cakap... YES!!!!!!!*

I wonder if Mr. Crush kinda surprised when seeing me joined them for breakfast.... Sedang I rancak berbual dengan his wife, dia pun tekun dengar perbualan kami... I saw his side of awkwardness *again*.... he's got a little problem bila pegang ayam goreng depan I...... I kesian him you know... I don't want my presence there makes him feels awkward...

kan......

I know he takes time to be comfortable with me.. since he should know that his wife and I are good friends now..... he should take chances to befriend with me right??? hihihihihi...

I promised myself that I'm not going after someone's husband... in fact I got my eyes on somebody else... hehehe!!!!!!

Eventually yesterday is a good day... unfortunately one stupid asshole had break my liquid nitrogen scoop that he had borrowed from my lab and decide to keep it secret from me.

He think he is safe... NOT,

apparently his students let me know about it, kantoiii !!!!...

get it fix nitwit ... or I'll report to the Director if you failed!!!!!!!!!!!

Round up.... wrap up!!

Okay... it's been a while...

I've been studying hard from April to mid of May and I manage to complete my 2nd semester final exam... *sigh*... I must admit that I'm having difficulties to cope up with 4 subjects this semester compares to 6 subjects taken on previous semester (last year). I think I made a mistake here and there. Because others take a huge advantage over me and I'd left exhausted to keep the rhythm of the course.

Anyway, Alhamdulillah I'd passed again *wink*... the result aren't that good as expected but I'm officially qualified to commence the dissertation project.

In addition, the struggle of final exam comes to the top level when I found out that my contract as Science Officer will expire and they decide that there will be no renewal of my contract nor to make me a permanent staff.. It's just so heartbreaking because I'm gonna lose my job and I'll no longer have a stable financial support. I haven't received a proper one month notice and the letter only come 1 week before actual date of termination, to make it worse the date on the letter are fucking "backdated"... I'm seriously oppressed by their acted, management and decisions. Hope God will deal them good enough to make them suffer. Don't call me childish but yes... everything is unforgivable. Sorry....

So, during the exam week... most of the time I'd acted quietly... like a mental disorder kid after get her ass kicked in the asylum and try to do everything on my own.. I do have my study group but I only joined them if I'm ready for any conversations and questions. I hope they understands me..... I thank God, I'm wiser enough to realize that there's a big exam coming up and I'd depended on my "emergency" determination to performed as good as I could..

Alhamdulillah I'm passed... Thank you Allah

So currently, I'm jobless right know... with nowhere to go... The dissertations will commence on September and I need to find some fund to pay the semester fees.... Please get easy on me Lord!

Insyallah, I'll post up special rants about my previous Birthday and of course my current "love and friendship" story.... so stay tuned ;)

Rejuvenated... I wish ;p

Hello readers (seriously?? It's like I'm talking to myself ;p),

4 months I'd leave my beloved blog-sphere... it's 4 months ... tsk... tsk.. tsk...

I didn't except to make a come back in here.. I think that I'd died and reincarnated as a person that's extremely pathetic on writing something in blog. The moment I was in hiatus, many things happens in my life... oh, I wish I could squeeze a little time to write about it in here at that moment.

I'll try to make this fits all the story that I would like to share on what's going on in my life lately.. so sit tight, grab some coffee and read my post

THE BROKEN STRINGS OF LOVE

Few months ago, I'd shared to you the stories of the "guy" that I'd my crushed on and how the crush finally "crash" when I'd seen him with his girlfriend. So I've gotten myself another sad news.. He's finally ENGAGED !!!!! When I'd heard about it... I was motionless, I don't know what to react... If I'm really pathetic woman.... I would cry myself for "losing" him... But I didn't cry.. with God's name. I haven't seen him quite a while until 3 weeks ago we'd bumped again somewhere near my office. At first, I didn't catch the glimpse of him. He looks different with his Baju Melayu. I'd stared him and he stares me back, no smiles comes out from both of us... it's like we haven't known each other... a very cold and sad moment indeed. Anyway he looks good... I keep thinking, can I really let go my feelings towards him and throw it away and never comes back? His face keeps flailing in my mind and recently I'd keep hearing his name in the other office department although he wasn't there... I was hoping it was a coincidence but it's start to annoys me and makes me missed him badly. *sigh*

ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL

I've been admitted to hospital in mid-September due to Kidney stone. I was in the hospital for 5 days. Two days before, I'm having a great Iftar hours at my friends house. The day after the event, I'd started to feel painful cramps on my left waist and having a uremia moment. I didn't know how I'd gained a strength to bring myself to hospital WITHOUT getting help from anybody. Honestly, I didn't get enough rest due to laboratory affairs and worrying about career rather thinking about myself. I would like to say thank you to all the people that had visited me, sms me and prayed for me... I'd learn something about friendship and foes. People only come to you when they really needs you, but when we're in difficulties.. they didn't care about you a little.. Call me paranoid or spoiled but can't you spare a moment to show your concern to your friends???

F*ck You !!!!

OFF THE ENGINES?

I think I couldn't control my emotion nowadays.. That's why two weeks ago I'd started to crying, yelling and screaming to co-worker (because he's such an A**)... I'm extremely tired of it. I keep thinking that I'm actually doing physical abuse to myself... Last month until todays, I'm too exhausted... I'm having flu for 3 weeks now and never eat any pills because I'm freaking busy. Nobody wants to understand my situations... I'm fighting hard not to collapse :(

THE LOVE TYPHOONS

One of the biggest "event" that happens in my life recently is that people thinks that I'm fall in love with a two guys on the same time. I'm so washed away by the "love" gossips ;p. So, I'm here to clarify my relationships with these two special mens;-



The first person "Y" is my friend for 7 years, but the last 4 years our friendships is getting closer and closer because we're in the same class, Since then we'd been studied together and hang-out with him very frequently. 2009 marks the year of our reunion after nearly 2 years we'd walked away from the university and embracing our new career ;p .... People had questioned our relationships because we're "too close"... Erm, not to buffer the arguments but yes, we're actually getting very close now. Compare to our friends in the study group, only Y and I are single ;p .. What can I say is, our relationships had reach the "plateau" level of so-called very closed friendships. We'd shared lot's of things together. He's my partner in crime and he has been there for me through thick and thin. But I didn't see the long term relationships as a real couples or getting married with him. Let God's decides what the best for both of us.

The second guy "W", is the man that I'd meet at my friend's house during Iftar session in Ramadhan. Although it's our first meet, he's obviously being a gentlemen by offering a helping hand that I didn't asked for it (because I prefer doing things by myself)... Of course my friends and I were shocked by his gestures and my friends said I'm very lucky that I'd meet a man that treat me nicely. I thought... after the Iftar gathering we will not seeing each other again. Until I'd been admitted to hospital two days after Iftar session, he is my first visitor by making a surprise visit on the first night I'd been warded. Of course I did sms few friends including him about my admission to hospital... but I didn't expected to receive a visitor "very quickly" (4 hours after admission).

If you asked me when is the real "time" we're both hook up.... I would say it happens after Eid-Fitr after he'd returned from London for a trip. We went out few times and attend few friends occasions together. I'd introduced him to Y *laugh*.... both are friends now. Lately, we haven't meet each other due to hectic schedule, we hardly have time to call or sms... you name it. After the gossip rises, I'd sensed that he might stay away from me. Maybe I'm paranoid about it. Until he'd make a surprise appearance at my friend's daughter birthday party. His concerns on me never change a little... Although he didn't reply my sms much.. he remembers every detail in it very well. Like "Y", "W" is a best listener, I'd enjoyed the communications and he'd been open minded about himself, families matters and lifestyle.

I'd lost my grandmother last two weeks and "W" is the only person that I'd called and to cried about it. I knew that he can't helped much but I hope he will understands it because I'm too brokenhearted due to many bad things happens to me few days before my grandmother's demise. Last Saturday (the day he'd attended at the birthday party) the first things he'd asked to me is how am I feeling. Me.. after 7 days of grieving still can easily cried about it. But I choose not too. Before he left the party, we look at each other. I knew he'd sensed my sadness... I knew he wants to give me a comfort hug (if he's my husband can hug lah). Luckily, I didn't ended up over reacted, with God's name... I rather not to talked what had happened next hehehe.... ;)

But, I'm still single by now and I'm grateful to know these two mens. Both are my friends. I let God decides over my fate.. I can only choose. But I believe that there's gotta be somebody for me out there.

MASTER

Unofficially I'll pursuing my Master's Degree in University Malaya around mid-December. I'll taking course of Master's of Engineering (Occupational, Safety and Environment) or Master's of Engineering (BioMedical)... I've got two offers for the same faculty and decided to look for the elective courses... Engineering?? Scary !!!!