The trouble with love is.......... part 2

Okay let's continue (am trying hard to compose what I want to share in this one... bleh)

So... the episode with Mr. X-Crush at my working place is over... Although am terribly missed him.... sniff... sniff.... The search for Mr. Right still goes on.... I realize that I'm now 27th.. and I'd unconsciously developed a new habit for not going to "friends kenduri kahwin" because I know I have nobody to accompanied me and most of the time other peers start to ask me a pretty noble questions..

"Wei.... engko bila lagi.... jangan tunggu lelama le..... nak tgk jugak laki ngan anak ko... best woo kahwin... rugi... rugi"

Okay.... it's something like that... repeating all over again *sigh*

I thank God it's not my parents (or the whole family exclude the older relatives) that did uttering such a heart wrenching words. My parents are my biggest supporter so far by just saying... go for what you believes in .. and make more money (we want your money) ;p

You make me feel like you're gonna die soon and hope that you could see my husband and child before you're gone.... If I die before getting married pun what's the fuss?... I've got lot's of debts need to be paid and unless I'll getting married to a millionaire and he wants to pay all my bills then okay....

But then, I will not put a rich man as my top priority for a man in my life.... judging from my previous liking over the man that I did have my eyes on.... most of them are just an ordinary guys that has wiser thoughts (oh maybe... they are.. darn) .....and some physical criteria that my only heart knows to judge, what can I tell you, most of them has a pair au naturale Hazel color eyes *drools*..... I couldn't list it by my own... "God did"

and it's not someone like;


Aaron Aziz..... em no



Fahrin Ahmad..... no no....



Ashraf Muslim..... no no....



Anuar Zain....... oh no!!!!



or



Justin Bieber (what do you think ??)



etc... etc....



(There you go... I don't like your kind of man.... I like Daniel Craig ... no point to fuss on what I like hehehehehe ;p)


But then again wherever a man did come and get close to me... I'd nearly become vulnerable, and I pathetically thought, "if he's the one for me" every single day. Sometimes I'd failed to hide the true feelings of myself towards them (am no hypocrite... because I'm a desperate single... darn) and my friends do noticed it. I get upset and angry over myself for being too honest and be truth about myself.

Unfortunately all of them walked away... because, they not consider me as special as their good friend and they befriend me for sake of their own benefits (cerita lain). I can conclude that they found me are not attractive towards their eyes or better say... "desires"... Who am I to judge them anyway? everyone likes beautiful things.. it's only me to accept the uglier truth about me and everybody else.

Some people gives me a comfort words... by saying that,

there will be a man that meant for me... just be patient *umm where's the tasbih...*

some of them ask me to not to wait, we must search them

"how the heck I know who... I did search but no luck"..

In religious purpose... the women must keep their modesty and if she likes someone, she can assigned someone to do the proposal (indirect wali) to the guy she like... and some rants I'd read tells, if we likes someone.... it's better to like him secretly... pendam perasaan itu (it's a religious rant.. I'd forgot the blog link). So I have to pendam my perasaan just to make sure if he likes me or not... It might goes on for years, I might committed suicide...

and

God aren't that cruel you know.... God wants us to be brave, outspoken and speaks on our mind.. upppsss... *I should control my feminism modesty-ala gadis-gadis berkimono jepun bukan utk hentai purpose.... uuupppsss... and I can't be a gadis melayu terakhir because I tak pandai pakai kain batik.. tak pandai duduk simpuh... tak pandai gelak sopan, I know masak western food only upppsss*

No wonder friends called me a "difficult person"..... you know why I keep striking some sentences in this post.. because am difficult to be outspoken... oppsss!!!


I wonder why some so-called religious blog didn't rant something that cheered the depression single like me... why make a religious post that more to depress people like me.

Come on.... you makes us feel burden about it... because I believe it's God that decide our future... and at the same time I have find them for sake of not marrying in a later age *sigh*. It's hard to be a women.. I know, kahwin awal salah... kahwin lambat salah.... tak kahwin lagi salah.... bercerai pun salah.... some of our Malay societies (am not biased, but it's true apparently) can't be satisfied with their own life and start dissing other's life to make themselves better. Please, please don't tarnish the good name of Islam... Some "singles" did consult the Ustaz asking about their jodoh. I didn't found something wrong with that, I'll consult Ustaz/Uztazah if the time is right for me to do so... usaha tangga kejayaan, Insyallah kata aku dan mereka juga :)

Feels desperate as a single is normal, natural, common and anything you can relates to.....

to get married is easy maybe...

to live with the spouse is not easy... and I'm scared of that...

(to make it worse... with the Obedient Wives Club factor... automatically I got an extreme fear factor now ..... it's just not right, people dissed the ex-rated show but then want to teach a wife how to become good in bed as 1st class prostitutes ... jeezzz)

To enlighten my current status... I did befriends with someone *smile*... but I guarantee you that 95% of my assumptions tells that; he'll leaves me and the other 5% he found me as the one that could accompanied him for the rest of the life, as his forever best-friends and wants to marry me because he loves me. So I don't have a big hope to be in love and get married any sooner.

If he wants me to joined the Obedient Wife Club.... Sorry honey, I can be someone you can trust for a lifetime but not as good as 1st class prostitutes... I patah pinggang already... I cannot do lion dancing.. or poll dancing to you.... hahahahhaha!

Maybe the raunchy I can be is.......

Thou' shalt always acted as 1st class virgin like these;



Or these........

The Last Syawal

Hello.. hello..

I'd accidentally forgot my own blog as this month "scheduled" me hectic working days. Not because lot's of Rumah Terbuka invitation (Hence, my family didn't do any open house this year). Since we back from Sabah, we all terus berpuasa sunat Syawal for 6 days. I think that this year Syawal does move pretty fast. Maybe because I'm not going many open house ;p. Just attending Ella's open house on October 18t and few friends house. It's good to see that Ella's mom is now getting healthy after devastating sickness 2 months ago.

Left: Ella's Mom, Me, Bro. Muhi and Ella

I'd upload pictures "Aidilfitri holidays" to Sabah in my Facebook and Friendster. If you already add me in your friendlist.. just surf my photo gallery ya. Sorry I couldn't upload all the picture in here due to save more storages for future picture uploads.. hehehhe..

I do have lot's of story to share with ya guys... but I couldn't write everything in one post... Will try to make it in few days ahead... For now, enjoy some pic of my "Aidilfitri holidays". See ya guys in the next chapter.

One hour after deplane at Sandakan.. I'm going straight to Tawau via car.


Somewhere in Lahad Datu


My Grandmothers house in Kunak


Freakin cheap Brinjals.. Satu Ikat RM 5.00.. Bibik Ivan gonna love this.. haha


Mom at Kunak Fish Bazaar.. That is Laut Sulu you're looking at.


Me and my cuz in Tawau


Me and my little cuz in Sandakan Aiport.. before boarding


My dinner while in plane to LCCT from Sandakan


Shoot inside the plane.


Sunset above South China Sea.. My masterpiece. I'm loving this shoot.

It's Over

I'm currently packing my luggage for tomorrow flight to KL. The break is over and the next Monday I'll back in my office *smile*.

Few days ago I start to miss my own bedroom, my PC, my car and my friends. It is a first time I think that my holidays looks pretty "long".. and I getting bored. It's not that I hate visiting relatives, but I really craving to have some private vacations with my parents, like visiting to Sepilok ke... Madai Waterfalls ke.. Gua Gomantong ke... Kundasang ke...

Dad's earlier plan is go to Kota Kinabalu via car from Sandakan. We will stop by at Kundasang first. Pretty exciting to hear that. Unfortunately he canceled the plan because of short vacation. Oh man.... I'm extremely bored !!!

I'll try upload some pictures on Sunday.. Not many shoot look exciting, just a humble raya pictures *sigh*

KL... here I come !!!

Raya and Rants

As-Salam and hello to all readers, what a surprise *smile*.. I'd stated before that I'll be offline for 2 weeks. Apparently I'm able to online in my Uncle's house @ Sandakan. Hence, it's a best time to tell you guys about my Eid-Fitr journey in Sabah. I prefer to type this post with a short point.



Before Raya

1) Like I said before I must catch flight to Sabah by 7.15 a.m. Honestly I didn't sleep. After sending parents at 4 a.m last Sunday, I go straight to Pasar Tani behind Giant SS 13 Shah Alam. My bad, the pasar is in their worse day. People marching around buying stuff as the it's the last day before "raya". Even the clock shows 8 o'clock the temperature is too hot than afternoon. Some dudes got bad B.O... and it nearly kills me.

2) Back at home I try to get some sleep... Sh!t.. I got terrible migraine.. not sure if I'm asleep or awake.. or maybe I'm floating somewhere. I did accidentally leave the tap water open for 2 hours ! after washing my car.. luckily it was in a small flows (or.. did it?).. Gee I'm afraid *shriek*

3) While the migraine still fondling around in my head, it effects my activity of packing my luggage. The 1 hour stuff become 4 hours. I bet my Bro is already loosing his patience... sorry dear.

4) While arriving in the airport, people movement is getting heavier. The worst part is... it's the Sandakan counter that makes the heavy que.. arggh!!!! Guess what.. I've to wait for 45 minutes just to check-in at the counter... not forgetting... There is one girl bring the same type of bag (red polka dot) like my bag... Oh my, hopefully we didn't switch our damn bags !!!!

5) Waiting at the departure hall makes everyone crazy... the flight is delayed for 30 minutes. Everybody looks like they want to chase the windows side of the plane. I thought I can walk faster because I'm in the earlier group.. but then I ended up in the middle group. My boot sucks !!! Luckily I got the windows side.. huhu

6) Why in the hell LCCT tend to put the Sandakan flight on the last gate ????... people have to walk nearly 1 KM just to catch the plane... People mostly fly to Sandakan.. can we have a shorter route to the plane itself? Bleh !!!!

7) Nothing problems after deplane. I still can recognize my polka dot bag. Yay !

8) One hour after deplane at Sandakan.. the journey continue to Kunak, Sabah.. another 3 hours torture.. ummm. Luckily it's dad who drives the car.. hehe

9) We arrive safely in Kunak.



While Raya

1) I didn't go to cemetery to visit my grandfather's grave. Some bad karma happens after visiting grandfather's grave 3 years ago.

2) I'm glad to see my grandmother in her good condition.

3) Grandma's home is really a real kampung's house... behind her house is a small "jungle". On the first raya, I'd saw two enormous fat PIG scratching their back at the backyard of her house.. I mean... they really fat ass !!!! Unable to snap a photo.. they ran away when see me. My cousins tell me... there is also some monkeys disturbing their roof, eating the plants and fruit, bitting the cable everyday. While staying there. I'm no see a monkey.. I guess the monkey sense that there is someone full with sneer @ growl of monkey-evil wraths in the house that makes their afraid to disturb.

4) While visiting relatives, I hate some aunties teased me by saying that I'm a f**king fat. Don't they know what a fat people really feels, since they are fat themselves??? At one point.. mom compare me to my cousin who also in the house, looking which one is fatter. I think mom secretly enjoying her clans teasing me so can she stand in the crowd by saying she "beautifully maintain" konon nye ???? People always like to look people physical appearance. Sick !!

5) One aunty jokingly link me with her gorgeous son (okaylah.. handsome). He's blushing when his mom "saying" that (so do I haha). With laugh Abah said, I don't want to marry a guy from the relative.. well.. well.. he speaks my mind after all.

6) With the age of 24, people look at me in a very different perspective. Good God I already have a stable career.

7) One uncle in Sandakan encourage me to pursuing Master Degree. I will.. I will..

8) I'm currently in Sandakan after 3 days in Tawau.. not sure of upcoming event. I'll be back Tawau on 9th October.

9) Most of you know about the disaster happens in Lahad Datu-Kunak road. 15 people kills after a freak accident. That scene happens 2 kilometer from my grandmother's place. We did see the remains of wrecked car and vans when we are on the way to Lahad Datu to visit other relative. We didn't know that all victims involve are all dead. Rest in Peace to all victims.



After Raya

To be continued....

Next Plane Home

Next 5 hours I'll be in LCCT to catch my flights to Sabah. I'll be off blogging for about two weeks starting from now.

I would like to wish Happy Eid-Fitr to all my Muslims friend and all Muslim's visitor in my blog. To my non-Muslim friends, happy holidays !

Regards,
Aziya Hj. Zahar

3 Days of Eid ul-Fitr (عيد الفطر)

Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar
الله أكبر الله أكبر الله أكبر

la ilaha illa Allah
لا إله إلا الله

Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar
الله أكبر الله أكبر

wa li-illahi al-hamd
ولله الحمد

Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest
There is no deity but Allah
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest
and to Allah goes all praise

Hi Everyone. Sorry for the update's delay. I'm kinda busy helping my mom to clean our home... Hmm.. not forgeting my bedroom. ;p

First of all I would like to wish all my Muslim readers a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. In this blessful month i would like to ask for forgiveness from all of you if i'd hurt your feelings by my menace acts or inappropriate words to you etc.

BTW, this year Aidilfitri is a bit "less" merrier for me . I'd decided not to buy my new baju raya which makes my mom "wondering" about it. Mom had brought and sewing our new "langsir and kain kusyen" for our living room. I guess we have to change it because we didn't buy new "langsir or kain kusyen" more than 4 years already.

I should thank my mom because she buy me a new bed sheets. I'm a "recycling my mom's bed sheet for my bed" type of people. As long as the bed sheets is fit to my queen size bed, I'm happy.. he he he he......

Oh not forget, my current current bedroom "langsir" had been loyal to me for more than 15 years already. See??? I pandai jaga my langsir tau. Tak pudar-pudar pun... *berlagak okeh*

One week before Hari Raya, mom and I going to PKNS surveying the cookies and cakes. But we decide to buy cookies at Plaza Shah Alam instead. The price is bit cheaper there. This are two pic i'd snapped at PKNS.

The Sarawak Layer looks tasty to eat. But i don't think they can beat the real Sarawak Layer Cake at Kuching.

3 Days of hari raya. I didn't snapped any picture of me or..... my family. My Brother going to his in-law house at Port Klang. My sister heading to Kelantan meet her in-law too. Only Mom, Dad and Me left at home. Mom didn't cook Nasi Briyani. She only cook Ayam Masak Lada Hitam, Kari Kambing and Daging Dendeng. Served with white rice only.... Well, is okay for me. I don't eat Briyani often.

I didn't follow my parents to go to Seremban to visit father's cousins. It's boring there (I'm honest to say that ;p). My Atuk Saudara (who actualy stay at Seremban) is here at Kapar. So.. it's only me bitchin' around my house alone. Watching Zombie Kampung Pisang at Astro Ria.. *laugh again*

The 2nd day of Hari Raya, Dad is fall sick. He suffered Diarrhea again. Tsk..tsk... (Lucky me i didn't follow him balik kampung). Supposely mom cook the Nasi Briyani but she did't. Due to my father's health condition. Ella come to "beraya" at my home. I fell sorry i didn't served her any heavy food like Fried Mee or Rice. But she do enjoy eating my aunty's home made swiss roll and some kerepek.

Ella "drag" me out from my home and followed her "beraya" at her aunty's house at Setapak. Her aunty actually a senior actress and Norliah Ghani's best friend. Ahh.... i forget her name. Zainon I think.

The picture above is my first Aidilfitri picture. Pose with Ella makes me think i'm her "dayang's" at her engagement day.. *laughs*

After Ella send me home... I have to "look busy". My Cocos uncle and aunt's will come for a visit. Around 30 people i thought. Mom had cooked the food and it's my job to serve the food for the guest. Alahai... tak sempat mandi larr....

Today i supposed to ikut my parents beraya at my aunty's house in Sepang and Banting. But i'm too tired and decide to stay home doing some housework... It's raining now... Thank You Allah

So.. um.. yeah I'm Home Alone...................... Again.

Selamat Hari Raya, Minal 'Aidin Wal Faizin. Amin !!!!!!!!!

Thank You Adibah Noor !!!!!!

Today... someone had cheered me up. Honestly i'm not in mood to celebrate Eid-Mubarak except i'm just grateful to Allah by giving me his blessing after 30 days fasting. Alhamdulillah.

Eid-Mubarak for me it's an opportunity to get together with family and minta ampun dan maaf kepada semua insan yang I kenali.

Eid-Mubarak is something special, but for me it's less meaning because i cannot celebrate it with my grandfather and grandmother anymore. Both my grandfather had passed away since i was a kid. One of two my grandmother also had passed away. I never had the opportunity to have a good time with my grandfathers and grandmother or at least kiss their hand. The other grandmother lives in Kunak, Sabah. Which is sad because my family had canceled our flight's booking.

But i still have my dear parents and family to celebrate Raya with. They are the people that i love.

Kids do like Eid-Mubarak... it's different when you're adult. Kids going everywhere with their friends, collecting duit raya and eats the cookies until full.. heheheh....

Actually i'm suprised to receive a post card from Adibah Noor. Dad who had returned home earlier from work gives me this beautiful post card. Okay, that makes me "terharu" and nearly cried. I never expected to get something from Adibah Noor herself, because i'm not really an active fans. Yes, i did register in Adibah Noor FC (my membership no. 0236-SEL). I'd registered in ANFC just to give Adibah my full support. Before her "comeback"... she's a forgotten star. Everybody nearly forgot her. But not me....

I'm flattened the way Adibah treat her fans. Most of the time, she will handle the Fan Club alone or with few assistants of her. They efficient, fast response and full responsibility. Ah... I wish I could be like them.

Miss Adibah, if you read this posting... i would like to thank you for this postcard. It does cheer me up and i still cannot believe in my eyes that you had send this to me. I wish I could meet you face to face. Thank you very much. You're too kind ... too kind for the FC. Allah will bless you woman !!!!. *sobber*

Oh ya... today is my Mom's birthday lah... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY

If Rock was this faithful and sincere as Adibah Noor. *cries*