Chronicaziya 2009: The Fallen of a Fighter

I've got a list of the things that I'd archived in 2009. I don't believe of doing a new year's resolution... everyday should be a resolution to everyone... but 2009 brings more unhappiness to me rather the happiness. I believe I'm a fighter... I always fight to survive the tense of the challenge and I'm doing it alone...

But in 2009, most of the time I've been defeated by the human nature's cliff of what previously I could handle it very well. 2008 is the year that I'm losing my stamina due to Archilles Tendonitis (spell?) and the effect goes until yesterday, hopefully 2010 the pain will eased.. or magically healed.

So... here's the short list of my achievement in 2009 so far:-

1) Bachelor's Degree Convocation ... after 2 years experiencing technical glitch over my credit hours ... damn

2) Manage to setup from 20% to 70% of the MLT's and Environmental laboratory by my own ideas, type of equipment, proposal .... before the experts takes over my job due to over burden *sigh*

3) Work so hard until I'd been admitted to Hospital due to Renal Stone... apparently the left kidney is a lil' weaken by it.

4) Had survived undergoing the Computed Tomography (CT) Scan... because since I was a kid... I'm having a nonsense phobia over this big-ass machine.. because the machine are virtually "slicing" you off... *gulp*

I wonder if I could survive the gigantic Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) machine.... (it's scarier and bigger than the CT Scan) in a future for a claustrophobic like me... I might pass out before entering the machine *gulp*... fengsan ~~

Do you believe that love can healed the pain? I thought it so... I realize that when we reach 25th years old.. the nature of wanting to be loved start to bloom. Majority people are "supposed to get hitched" between this range. Me being a loner never thought to actually taste a lil' puppy love.... or as I thought it would be. I'm crazy over the man that had my crush on and he didn't know about it... hence, he looks a lil' cooky. I wonder what kind of look he'd given me in few times... maybe he hate me because I'm ugly fat ass. After I'd undergo my renal stone surgery, I look a little different and he seems disbelief by my new looks. Still, nothing that comes out from our mouth.

To make things worse... he'd just married few weeks ago and I'm trying hard to accept it. I was a little off minded that time and it affect my relationships with other man. Yeah, another man... whom is my close friend... My biggest weakness is I'm too caring to the person that cares me.. it makes him uncomfortable because he was gay and for him, I shouldn't do that because it will affect his friend's view about him. I knew he was gay... I knew it after our first meet... I'm not stupid. But I'm not a God to judge that. We had an argument over things that actually could be solved easily.. he thinks I'm obsess about him, lately he thinks my melancholic status are referred to him. The things that really breaks my heart now that he didn't come forward to settle it down with me. Instead he tells it to my girlfriends. Now, I'm ashamed of myself in front of my girlfriends... really.

I fell like to say this to him (my friend). The melancholic status that I'd wrote is NOT about him ... is about the guy that I'd my crushed on who'd just married and had it had shattered my heart. Do I need exposed that guy, telling the whole world how he's look like?... of course not. I'd move on. I didn't know about any further details that you'd tell to my girlfriends or what they'd told you about me... but I'm seriously hurt by your moves. So I decide to take the risk since you're unable to come forward and settle it with me... Maybe you don't want to see me cry... It looks stupid but maybe that is the best options. Part of me had left Facebook. I'd taken down all the pictures of the best moment that we'd together... with all my social activity pictures with my other best friends. Keep myself quiet and I'll be a fighter again... I'm not afraid to be a loner.

New year's eve marks the most severe fall for me, I keep crying in my car and I'd nearly losing myself.... but before my breakdown hits the ground... I feel like my "hand" has been grabbed by something and whispered to my ear.. "Hold on young lady.... tomorrow there is a shining light for you"... maybe it's because I'm pursuing my postgraduate study starting today... I should able to forget about it.. for God's sake...

Happy New Year !!!!

I'm wishing all my readers a Happy New Year. Welcome 2008 and farewell to 2007. What's your new year resolution? For myself, i haven't created any new resolution every year. Don't know why. Making resolution is not the way to motivate myself. I believe everything that will happen to me is God's will and the only way i could change my life is making effort on every good things i will do.

2007 is not a lucky year for me. I think lots of people do think the same too. But i never feel down over things that happens to me. Because no matter how high the challenge I will face I will keep going and focus to make a change in me.

The main thing i would like to focus on this year is completing my Bachelor study by March and aiming for Medical Laboratory Tutor as my career. Well... I might want to buy a new car too.

Talk about my leisure activities like attending Jaclyn Victor's and Vince's performance . *Sigh* I don't know what to say. Everything happens this year is base on my mood lar. Surely not hesitate to come over is the schedule is not clash with my other activities. I'm also considering to cooperate with Fazli Zainal's activities too.

Oh yea, talk about Fazli Zainal. I would like to inform you that Fazli had opened a blogspot for himself cum as his activities report few days ago. His account now is managed by his best friend and also my good friend Shamsul Bahrin. Everyone are invited to visit. You may visit Fazli's Blogspot by typing this URL

http://fazlizainal.blogspot.com

Have a great time people... see you on the next post !!!

Deepavali, Estate's old memories and Mutton Curry

Ahh... i hope i'm not that late to wish all my Hindu's friends a Happy Diwali. Tempat I sekarang memang meriah dengan Mercun and Meriam Buluh.. oooppssss (Dun noe how they get buluh in Kapar).

For more 20 years, I'd live in palm estate's environment. Making friends with lots of Indian's friends. Some of them went to school together with me and play together. Honestly my relationship with non-Malay friends are stronger than my Malay friends. Dekat Sabah, lot's of my friends are Indians, Chinese, Cocos, Caucasians (because their fathers are the Estate General) and Kadazans. Hard to find a Malays friend that time.

When my family and I moved to Selangor... baru I dapat kenalan Melayu. I have to learn speak proper Bahasa Malaysia because my primary school friends/teachers says my accent are too funny to hear. (Of courselah i'd feel embarassed... I'm the only one in the class speaks funny and bizzare Sabahan accent). I also had found out that all my Indian and Chinese classmate speak proper Malay. Itu yang menguatkan semangat belajar Bahasa Malaysia. Very excited that my Indians friend sendiri ajar I Bahasa Melayu when I was in Primary School. Sekarang susah nak tengok Indians and Chinese people speaks fluent Malay. Rojak already... (Including Me !!!!)

The best thing when you live in Estate. You'll celebrate a lot of festivals. Chinese New Year, Aidilfitri and Deepavali. Dekat Pamol Estate, Sabah lagi best.... add with Kaamatan Festival and Christmas. Semua orang dekat estate akan jemput all of you datang rumah setiap kali ada perayaan. Kalau tak dapat jemput pun, they will give you BIG Hamper. Full with Maruku, Sparkling drinks, and some junk food. Christmas time, you'll get a present (al-maklumlah Estate General kaya..).

The thing that makes me "horrified" when it comes to visit "rumah terbuka" at Sabah, they will ask me to sing. I repeat, SING !!!! Tak kira Kenduri Kahwin, Aidilfitri, Deepavali, Chinese New Year or Christmas. Nampak aje anak Hj. Zahar sorang nie, mesti kena tarik suruh menyanyi Hehehe...

I start singing when i was 4 (according to my Dad). I'd sang in front of thousands audients when i was 6 years old (more than 4 times). I'd sang for Christmas Pageant, Kindergarden's Convo day, Karaoke's guest artist, school choir. Got some pictures of it... but malas nak scan. That time i'd meet lots of new friends, especially Indians and Kadazans.

But when I'd moved to Selangor. I'd retired from singing. Kalau celebrate raya pun, setakat Aidilfitri and Deepavali. Kalau dah ada keturunan India dalam diri individu... Kari memang sesuatu yang sedap dimakan !!!. I remember that I used to be a "Kari Kambing" freaks. When I attend a Deepavali's open house, mesti nak sambar Kari Kambing dulu. Makan dengan Capati atau roti canai.... Hoh, punyalah sedap. Pernah "overdose" makan Kari Kambing hehehe.... Hinggalah satu hari yang malang. Adalah insan nie tak pandai masak Kari Kambing. Tengah makan kari kambing tue... boleh terasa bau hamis Kambing. Yuck, busuk gila !!!!!! I Migrain 5 hari berturut-turut, my tounge bau hamis kambing. Tak mau jamah langsung "apa-apa" masakan Kari (Mom suka masak Kari Ayam).

From that moment.... I phobia makan Kari Kambing. Mak I masak pun I tak mau makan (Although my late Indian Grandpa said my mom cooks the best Mutton Curry he'd ever tasted). One day mom only cook Mutton Curry for lunch.. she forgot that i can't eat Mutton Curry. My dad had cheats me by telling me that mom cooks Kari Daging..... padahal itu kari kambing. Jadi.. tanpa was-was , I pun makan lah kari tue. Baru gigit small chunk Mutton, I nearly fainted and start vomiting. Of courselah i got pissed with my dad.... Want to "play-play" cheating me to eat that mutton curry. If suddenly I got heart stroke while eating Mutton Curry how???

Before I'm going to sleep... I would like to share 2 vids of Deepavali advertisement that I really like... I'm born with half of Indian's gene. Dad had taugt me some of Tamil's words eventhough he himself not fluent speaking in Tamil like his late father's do. When I watch this advertisement... I understand what they talk.. (without looking at the subtitles). Ahh.. i wish my grandpa still live.... i can learn Hindi, Urdu and Tamil languages from him.




When the boys saw "Patti" @ Granma, i start to laugh. From that I know she will "forces" them to speak Tamil to her. Indian Grandma will always like that one. They always remind their "cucu" to keep honoring Tamil's language.



My family and I like this advertisement... I start laughing hard when the guy with straight face said "This Raj".