Cardinal Dolan says there were ‘touching moments’ between 

Clinton and Trump at the Al Smith dinner. Which raises the 

question: Who was touching whom---and where?

Cardinal Dolan Performing Requiem Mass for 

Trump Campaign

"I thank God for the 'Pope Francis Effect'.  It's even more 

powerful than the 'Kick-Ass Effect'."

It's hard to believe, but Cardinal Dolan says he and his church

 have been 'out-marketed' on gay issues by Hollywood, politi-

cians, and opinion-molders.  Maybe his church should estab-

lish a Sacred Congregation of Propaganda.  What?  You say

 his church did that way back in the 17th century?  Well,

Hully Gee!

Cardinal Dolan, too, evidently believes his hat is

absolutely hilarious.

Former Cheddarhead and Archbishop of Milwaukee 

Recognized Worldwide as One of the Cheesiest Cardinals 

in the Vatican

"I realize my Latin deficiency hurts my chances for 

becoming the next pontiff.  That's why I've just 

purchased Rosetta Stone, the world's best 

language-learning software."

They say Dennis Prous, Nicholas DiMarzio, and Timothy

Dolan put the fear of the Lord into Count Dracula.  But,

quite frankly, that's really hard to believe.

Now that you mention it, the idea of addressing Timothy 

Dolan as 'Your Eminence' really is a side-splitter.

Timothy Dolan Sez:  "Kermit was right:  it's not easy

being green."

"The hat?  Oh, I got it from Zazzle---50% off and free shipping!"

Timothy Dolan's Reaction When the Pope

Promoted Him from Sparrow to Cardinal

If you encounter a religious official whose hat looks like
it came from Burger King and whose outfit looks like
it was handcrafted by the National Embroiders Guild,
greet him politely and then run away.