All 780 prints of Johnny Depp's Paint-by-Numbers

 Quartet sell for $3.6 million.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #190

Scissorhands vs. Sharpiefingers:  

The Battle of the Century

What a Difference a Little 'T' Makes

"So, when did it finally dawn on you that you really

aren't Clayton Moore?"

"I am NOT Louie Gohmert!"

"I am NOT Louie Gohmert, either!"

"Without a doubt, I AM Louie Gohmert!"

Johnny Depp says until he makes more

money than he did last year--a paltry

$100 million--he will continue to dress

like Ken Shabby.

Tea Party Leader Pushes 'Repeal All Laws'

Constitutional Amendment

"Yeah, Johnny, I'm very excited by the government's

more lenient policy regarding the cultivation and use

of tanna leaves."

"The Mad Hatter expected 50,000 to attend the Southfork Tea
Party, billed as the largest in the country, but by mid-afternoon,
only a fraction of that number actually showed up."

Did you know the world's 'Most Beautiful Man' and

Senator Mitch McConnell are both from Kentucky,

the Ironic State?

"You were lucky! I was kidnapped by the CIA, flown

to Gitmo, tortured until I confessed I was Johnny

Depp, and convicted by a secret military tribunal

on charges that I had been a willing co-conspirator

in making three crappy pirate movies. Tell me: did

I, Abizullah, a humble balloon-man from Kabul,

deserve such a cruel fate?"

With Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest grossing

a record $132 million in the first three days of its release,

Johnny Depp is making a killing, even though he has to

split his earnings 50-50 with his identical twin brother.