Reading in Review

 This was a low reading year for me. I'm embarrassed to admit that a lot of that is because I spent time scrolling when I could have been reading - waiting rooms, bathrooms, lines, after dinner check ins. We also watched more TV this year - or I did. I used to skip out on tv time but this year I sat down more with the fam because movie nights are more limited. Unfortunately, very little of what we watched is worth mentioning. "All Creatures Great and Small" is definitely our favorite worthwhile series. "Only Murders in the Building" was entertaining last winter. We watched a little "Abbott Elementary," which I found funnier than the rest of my family.  Some Fr. Brown mysteries, "The Bear." We rewatched some Marvel movies and Star Wars and ET and some other classics like "Return to Me" and "Shawshank Redemption" - both a little too old -  with the youngest for the first time.  I'd rather watch something more redemptive, but working on classics of a sort. 

Why else didn't I read as much? Can I claim I read a lot of the newspaper?- the WSJ, of course. I spend about an hour at least every Sunday reading the weekend Journal and catching up on features from daily editions that I didn't have time to get to. 

I also spent more time rereading books for school - The Hobbit and The Giver, Fever 1793 and The Witch of Blackbird Pond.  I previewed The Outsiders and skimmed The of Anne Frank. But did I waste time looking for reading selections online? I did, yes I did. 

And did time I spent grading and looking for resources also eat away at my reading time? But of course.

So the sad news is that I only read 48 books this year. Fewer by 20 than what I read last year, although I'm pretty sure I forgot to write some books down on my list. I appreciate this list for that very reason. In fact, I know I read something to and from my mom and dad's house at Christmas - but what was it? My November and December reads are missing, and though they are the most recent, I can't remember for the life of me what I read. It's really bothering me. I did spend a lot of our travel time catching up with grading, but I also know I did some reading on the road trip. 

I also started some books I didn't finish. This is the case with a couple of spiritual books I started to read. I subscribe to and read Plough, the magazine published by the Bruderhof. I really enjoy its mix of culture, faith, and commentary, but this is my second year of subscribing, so I might move on to a new magazine next year. 

Most of the books I wrote down were children's classics: Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, Little Women, The Anne of Green Gables books.  All of these were young adult books, but thoroughly enjoyed by this adult. They were probably my favorite reads of the year.

I did not accomplish a read of a long and thick classic. No Dickens, no Trollope, no Tolstoy. And really we only read part one of Little Women. 

But now a review. Of the 48 books: 

• 38 were novels
• 5 were read alouds - a habit that has slowed down, sadly
• 15 were children's chapter books
• 6 were advice books
• 0 spiritual books. I started but did not finish a couple spiritual books this year. A poverty
• 1 book of poetry, although I did skim some books of poetry from the library
• 1 Collection of essays
• 16 were rereads, mostly the children's books
• No local authors, unless you count S. E. Hinton, who was from Tulsa.
• 6 were by BIPOC authors 
• 10 were nonfiction. 

Of the 38 books of fiction.

• Few count as classics - mostly children's books: Where the Red Fern Grows and The Hobbit. The Witch of Blackbird Pond, A Little Princess, The Anne books, the Twain books

My favorite nonfiction book: The Anxious Generation, although the Vanderbilt book was fascinating.

Favorite novels of the year: Huckleberry Finn and James by Percival Everett, although I found Absolution absorbing. 

Least favorite:  Why did I read so many self help books on aging?

Goals for next year: 

Less media, more books, more reading aloud, more reading widely. 

And now to read before falling asleep. 

Looking forward, looking back

 Time for the annual look back - look forward post!  I think I've already quit my New Year's resolutions - or haven't started them yet. I know there's a lot of back and forth about the wisdom of making resolutions, and I suppose I could do a little science experiment and go back over the past 12 years or so of writing a beginning of the year post to assess if I've made any lasting changes. The results would probably be mixed. I know every year I resolve to get more sleep and drink more water, but I haven't yet succeeded. Note that growth mindset "yet" - I'm still trying! But I think in other ways I have made some progress - I like to think I'm a little better at letting things go, at releasing the illusion of control. I like to think that years of saying goodbye have made me a little more grateful for friendship, for beauty, for the time we have. Maybe that's just age.

One thing that is different this year - I have been feeling my age. My feet hurt constantly, my cholesterol is up, my joints are stiff, and my vision is terrible.  I try to avoid looking in the mirror at my wrinkles and gray hair. Worst of all, I catch myself thinking about the kids in ways that are outdated; I have to remind myself they won't live with us any more. For instance, I cleaned out the linen closet and realized I don't need to keep as many twin bed sheet sets and pillows anymore because no one is having sleepovers anymore.  

In between aging and working full time, my fitness resolution is a little different this year because I have to be more intentional about things like getting my heart rate up and stretching. I used to do those things without thinking.  Last year I ran very little. This year I will likely run hardly at all. But I do need to find something to get my heart rate up. My most recent dr's appointment revealed elevated cholesterol, and I firmly believe it is less from a change in diet than a steep decline in vigorous exercise that elevates my heart rate. The solution - plan the time, realizing it doesn't have to be running. I did "Just Dance" with my daughter today and was breathing heavy by the end.

Also new this year: fewer carbs.  Until the last year or so, I was able to eat carbs without ill effect. Now I don't burn the calories I used to burn exercising. The upside is that I don't crave the carbohydrates I used to crave. I started the day with a bowl or two of cereal every day for years and couldn't imagine cutting back. Now I'm lucky if I eat breakfast.  Even so, I've gained weight and lost muscle. Time to cut back on carbs and sugar, woe!  

And of course, drink more water and get more sleep...

In regard to those other pillars of an integrated life - faith, family, academics, and community - I'm really embracing the pilgrims of hope theme for the year promulgated by Pope Francis. We'll be in Rome for our son's wedding this May, so we'll get to experience the Jubilee year opening of the doors. I want to really do some preparation of heart and mind for this, although I haven't really set out how/what to read, etc. We also are talking about making a trip to Lourdes as a part of that European vacation. We were married at Our Lady of Lourdes almost 29 years ago. It seems fitting to make a pilgrimage of thanksgiving. 

In between preparing for that trip and for moving, I will be busy, but with my husband starting his new job, life around the house will be quieter.  I'm hoping to use some of the time to do some of the volunteer things and travel things I've been meaning to do with our 10 year old.  I want to go out with the Mobile Loaves and Fish truck sponsored by a parish near us that serves the hungry in our community and serve donuts on Sundays. That seems kind of simple, but it's a job the church is always asking for help with. 

The other thing I want to shoehorn in with my daughter is visiting a few more of the state parks around here before we move, especially Enchanted Rock, Caddo Lake, and Palo Duro and Big Bend if I can find the time. Enchanted Rock should be easy to do. The other three are farther away, and we'll also be doing some traveling to see the kids/husband some weekends.   

Before I finish up the school year, I want to finish writing out a curriculum map. There was nothing for me when I got here, and working on the vertical alignment of the ELA curriculum has been a goal for the school this year. I'm still trying to match up standards of learning with units for the two grades I teach. It makes me sad to thing here I am finally getting a good handle on our goals and how to reach them when it's time to go. Will I return to the classroom next year? That's something I'm praying about this year. 

I'll also be praying for our house to sell and the grace to trust something will work out with housing if it doesn't. The high interest rates are discouraging.  If we don't sell this house, we'll have a hard time financing a new one, and the rental market is saturated.  Finding and financing housing is always the most stressful part of moving.  The move here in 2021 was particularly stressful because of the post-pandemic shortages in housing and low interest rates that artificially inflated the price of housing. We'll surely lose some and maybe a lot of money on this house.

But blessedly, we have a cushion, and while the financial hit would be uncomfortable, it's survivable. The fires in California are a tragic reminder of how quickly possessions can be lost - and how a house/wealth/stuff isn't what makes life worth living.  Not to diminish the importance of a home, shelter, mementoes, roots - the losses are devastating. But the human heart is resilient and many, hopefully most, if not all, of the people suffering catastrophic losses will find the support and inner determination to start again, even if somewhere else, not in such a lovely but liable place. Or perhaps in the same place, just with more protections - personal hydrants, sprinkler systems, etc. - or more agility to pivot/evacuate quickly.  I was reading about how some of the very wealthy people impacted by the fire have second and third homes to retreat to, but the working class people are struggling to find lodging because landlords are price gouging and charging exorbitant rents.  On the other hand, there are just as many stories about people opening up room in their homes. May the generous side of human nature continue to win out. 

All of these things are cause for prayer.  I'll be praying for answers to big questions, trying to start new habits, find a new home, discern what our newest iteration of life will look like, while at the same time trying to soak up the goodness of our place here, to spend quality time with the friends here, to get to some of the places we meant to visit, to make the most of what we have here before we go. And of course praying for the needs of loved ones and strangers in need. 

New Year, New Beginnings

Perhaps my New Year's resolution should be to post more often - or to just give up this blog. Blogs are out of style, our life has changed, etc. But I do like coming back to this place and reading about what I thought - something I never do with diaries.  I also like that in an era when everything is constantly changing, this little corner of the internet remains the same. I probably should not say that too loud or Blogger may disappear, but here we are.  One of my new year's resolutions is to try to update at least what I'm reading once a month. 

I really didn't mean to let almost three months slip past before posting again.  My lack of posting isn't really due to being busy; I've been busy, but not any busier than I ever was.  Rather, we've had a lot of things simmering that took up time and thought. 

First, the biggest blessing of the year: Our first granddaughter was born! She has been long hoped for, so we are especially grateful for her sweet perfection. She is a real doll baby - weighing in a 9 pounds and 14 ounces at birth a just before Christmas, she is perfectly formed and has beautiful color, a full head of dark Italian hair, soft round cheeks, and the sweetest little rosebud mouth. We are in love! The whole family is thrilled to have a baby in the family again. Everyone was eager to hold her, and she was content to be passed around. Our son and his wife haven't stopped beaming. 

The other big news is that we will be moving again next summer. This wasn't entirely planned.  Just when we were feeling settled at home in Texas, the time has come to pull the roots up again. My husband has just been hired into his dream job. It seems almost too good, too smooth, to be true. Doors opened in a way that suggests Providence at work, except that he has worked hard and well for this opportunity. I am really proud of what he has accomplished here in a short amount of time. The notes from the people that work for him attest to his leadership.  He worked extremely hard to improve the working conditions for a lot of people. My daughter's friend, who is interning in the office, said people cried when he announced he was leaving. He cried. He is going to his dream job, but he is leaving behind a place that almost ate him alive, but now he has them eating breakfast tacos and donuts and birthday cakes... He prioritized the people who work for him - as well the faculty and students he serves- and they appreciated that.  

It is hard to leave a place where you have had such a positive impact, but I know he will continue to be just as dedicated to building morale at this new job. 

The best part of the new job is that we'll just be a couple hours from our new grandbaby and our son and daughter-in-law. We'll be 31/2 hours from my parents and siblings. We'll be 90 minutes from a major city and airports to which our coastal kids can travel easily - and close to a small local airport if needed.

The sad part is we'll be farther from my in-laws, my husband's siblings, and my brother.  We'll have to leave the wonderful community we've found here. We'll have to sell, probably at a loss, this party house that I've had a love/hate relationship with, but I've come to appreciate.  As much as I find the pool a labor and money drain, it has been luxurious to have one in the hot summers. It took me several years to learn to live larger, and now we'll likely return to simpler accommodations. No doubt, I'll miss the comforts like plenty of room in the kitchen and living spaces and a big pantry. We'll miss the great sunsets, the space for games and hanging out together, the mild winters, the view of the forest preserve, and the wonderful neighbors who are happy to help with the dog and the trash when we are gone or to join us for a happy hour or driveway party when we are home. It's a sociable place.

We'll also both miss our jobs here, even though we both experienced challenges our first year or so. I wouldn't claim to be an expert, but I've learned a lot about teaching in general and about middle schoolers and about myself. It turns out I enjoy middle schoolers. They make me laugh. 

Why is saying goodbye so hard? Readers may find it surprising that I feel so sad about leaving when I was not exactly a fan of Texas initially. There are still some things I find off putting about this place, but it has a distinct ethos. Texas knows and loves itself.  The terrain is often stark, but also startling, especially in this hill country area, and when the wildflowers are blooming.  The people are brash but loving.  We have again made wonderful friends, some of whom I haven't told yet because it is so hard to say goodbye, and the move isn't imminent.  My husband will start soon, but our 10 year old and I will finish up the school year before packing up after our second son's wedding at the end of May. 

The irony is that we are moving to a state I couldn't wait to leave when I was a teenager. I'm sure we'll find our spot and our people and settle into a rhythm and routine in this place, but I'm dreading the work of moving and starting over again, if I am honest with myself, even though I'm thrilled for my husband. I'm sad for my daughter and her best friend three doors down. I'm sad for my kids who went to high school here and made good friends. They won't know people when they come home for breaks. I'm sad for my in-laws, whom we've seen more of in the last couple of years than we did in the previous decade.  I'm sad for my older kids who like to visit us here, where we have plenty of space and there are lots of fun things to do and see out and about. We aren't exactly going to a cultural mecca for our next stop. 

This move will likely be for a longer duration, even though I dream of settling in a cute little town, maybe coastal, maybe in New England, maybe in the mountains. I don't know where I hope we retire, but I hope it is someplace with beautiful views and cultural opportunities and good trails nearby - sounds a lot like California or South Carolina or Maine - or our back yard here. I hope I am able to conquer my inability to stay, to attach, to feel at home, to at last find the place where I can finally feel that way. Maybe it will be an airstream trailer we knock about in to go and visit our kids and grandkids wherever they land. 

Now to go back to pretending we are staying here for a few more months. I'm hoping to wait until after spring break to talk about it with our friends and neighbors here.  I want to soak up our days here as fully as possible before they fade into memory.