News in November

Thanksgiving week is upon us. I can't believe the end of the year is in sight, that Advent starts this week. What happened to all the time I thought I was going to have with all the kids in school? 

I filled up a good chunk of it by signing up to be a substitute teacher for both the elementary school and the high school. I did this as a test to see if I liked teaching enough to want to get certified and work in a grade school or high school. I've subbed a few weeks at both schools, and actually have a long term assignment at the high school, and the answer is yes and no. I do like being in the classroom. I like the kids. I think the kids like me.  I am surprised that teaching the high schoolers has been easier than the younger students. The students mostly want to do well and stay on task. As long as they finish their assignments, I don't forbid them from playing video games when they are done.  Their regular teacher, who is out having a baby, left videos and powerpoints with all of the information. Their assignments are all created and on timed release in the Google classroom. There is very little for me to do, other than make sure they are on task and in class. The hardest group to teach has been the middle schoolers. There are a few characters in every class that make teaching pre-teens difficult. There's the class clown, the class helper, that class chatterer, the class disrupter. They keep the classroom lively, but also keep me on task. 

A great deal of my free time has been spent working on my next project - applying to grad school. I'm only applying to UT, which is going to be a long shot because it is highly competitive. But I've always said I was going to do this. I would love to go to class, read, and discuss the topics I want to study. I would love to continue to teach courses in nature writing/environmental literature.  After struggling to write a conference paper this fall to present last weekend, I'm not sure writing is my strong suit anymore, and finding enough time for research and writing will always be a challenge. But we'll be down to two kids next year.

My other poject: teaching adult education. The training has started for this, although classes have not. I'll start as a substitute and teach either ESL courses or High School equivalency classes in preparation for the GED. I am excited about this opporunity to teach in a purpose driven way.  At some point, I will likely need to limit the scope of my interests - elementary, high school, college, or adult education? 

So I have much to be thankful for: These opportunities to work. My health, heart, and head to be able to work. The support of husband and kids to enable me to step away from domestic chores for a bit.  I am also still teaching in the military education program from the computer. And I am thankful for my earnest, hard working students.

I am thankful for my kids, for their willingness to jump into this community, to be outsiders for a bit, to work their way into friend groups. to do well in academics and athletics at the same time. The second grader loves her teacher - a newly professed Dominican. She is very gentle and loving, albeit very young. But she is succeeding in teaching reading and bath to reluctant participants.

I am thankful for my parents, who came to visit at the beginning of the month. We had lunch out at a hipster restaurant coffee shop.  We had their friends from New Braunfels up for a nice chatty visit over pizza and seltzer. Then one day we drove out to a bird sanctuary and a little town known for its pie restaurant. The pie was good, but I don't know that I'd drive an hour for it again. The hike - maybe. We didn't do much of it and I think we went the direction that is not more about bird watching that vista seeking. 

I am also thankful for our community. We hosted both the cross country team and the football team end of season banquets to make use of our spacious house. The cross country team dinner was about 35-40 people and was a pitch in. Lots of snacky bites left over. The kids laughed and lounged and presented gifts to the seniors and coaches, and the coaches said a few words, but nothing as formal. The football banquet was a 107 people We borrowed tables and chairs from a friend of a friend who had just purchased property with a party barn. I was baffled by how we were going to seat 100 people - I was orginally told 60 - but we found space for everyone, and to spare. Those coaches gave speeches and awards and the team mom gave speeches and awards, and the team captains gave speeches and awards. It was a rewarding evening... bad pun...

What I was grateful for was all of the help. I was never alone in the kitchen. My dishes were washed while I was taking pictures, and leftovers from the caterer were packaged up before I finished. Now we have tentative plans for all the senior moms to get together again for a happy hour with no work involved.

 

It hasn't been the easiest year, and the stress has manifested in many ways, including my own bad attitude. But although I may grumble and complain, deep down I am grateful. I know this phase will pass eventually. And I will probably miss it.  But for now I have captured this little snapshot to remind myself that even our difficult days contain moments that are priceless but brief.

Fall sweeps in

After all those blog flashbacks to the past summer, now it is time for more recent updates. I should be working on our moving claim and a paper and a job application, but instead I am procrastinating -or perhaps I should think of this writing session as warm up writing... 

Halloween decorations are up around our new neighborhood - lots of orange lights and inflatable ghouls. We've added our own strings of lights - the purple bat lights are happily at home here where bats are a local icon because they live under the highway overpasses - we just rescued one from our swimming pool. It must have fallen from the limb above the pool. Fortunately, our youngest saw it and called out before it had time to drown. I didn't think it was going to make it because it didn't crawl/fly out of the pool skimmer net for two days, but one day I came out and it was gone, either flown or eaten. I hope the little guy lived to eat more mosquitoes!.

The bat - glad Bert got his rabies shot

Until death do us never part... Ghouls in the hood

Our lame decor, as the girls judge it

Floating pumpkin tree - originality winner

Something scary at our window - plenty of food for it. Also killed a scorpion in the kitchen the other morning - kids wanted to rescue it, but I was not going to try to mess with it.

We've also draped some of our decade old cotton spider webs to our dying live oak in the front yard. A nice oxymoron there. I called three tree services to see about having it cut down. One was $1200, one was $750, and one was $400 cash. Guess who we are going to use? How much difference is there in the process of cutting down a medium sized tree? Perhaps it's time to buy a chain saw. It might add to the spookiness of the season.

Although that tree is brown and losing leaves, most of the trees around the area show no signs of changing color.  Nonetheless, the past couple mornings have had a chill in the air. The sun is rising as we drive to school at 7:20, and setting as we eat dinner.  The seasons are changing. I planted some mums along the walkway and bought some pumpkins. We've been here for over two months now. We hosted our first dinner party a couple weeks ago0 - a homecoming dinner party for about 10 kids and most of their parents. It's starting to feel more like home - other than it still smells slightly like smokers live here after I almost burned the house down. I accidentally left a pot of chickpeas boiling in a pot of water while I took our 7 yr old and the neighbor to the park. I completely forgot about them while the girls played for an hour until I opened the door to a billow of smoke when we returned. The whole house was full of smoke - but the smoke detectors were not going off - despite the fact that they were supposedly replaced as part of the inspection process. A bit concerning. 

The latest action in the "moving on" process has been switching our medical insurance and finding civilian providers. We now have two injured athletes who need care. First our son tore his ACL playing football - he's still playing, but will need surgery when the season ends. And then last week I took our daughter to get her sore foot checked out. Probably just a ligament strain, but the doctor ordered an x-ray. She detected a joint abnormality that could be a lisfranc fracture - a rare metatarsal injury - or it could be nothing. We need to see the orthopedist, but I am still straightening out the switch from Tricare West to Tricare East Retired, because the charges for John's care aren't covered yet. Sigh. We are so used to seeing doctors for free, that this change to a co-pay system has been a bit painful. Fortunately, the foot pain seems to be subsiding this week.

Finding a dentist is next on our list - a tougher decision because we have had such up and down experiences with dentists. Some dentists seem to want to fill every soft spot in our children's mouths and make me feel like a failure because I don't oversee their brushing and flossing. Other dentists we've seen have said nothing but "see you in six months" after our biannual cleaning. I'd like to find a dentist somewhere in the middle. And wouldn't you know that my son's retainer is not fitting right any more? His lower jaw has been growing faster than his upper jaw, so he has some alignment problems. Should I try to convince him that a strong lower jaw is handsome?

I shared pictures on social media last week of our high schoolers dressed up for homecoming. Several people commented that it looked like they were transitioning well. It's a process, I answered one. This is a good example of social media deception - not intentional, although did I share these photos out of a desire to prove we are settling in? To prove to whom? I need the reminder the most. Did I share them to prop up the kids? Peer pressure from all the other homecoming shares? After spending over an hour trying to decide which pictures and whether to post, I finally hit share, and then have second guessed all day the decision, as well as regretting the time wasted on media. The fact that people see the happy smiles and think all is well shows just how well a happy smile can cover the turmoil inside.  I've also noticed lately - maybe because Instagram is sharing more "You might like this" posts, or maybe because I signed up for a promotional giveaway not realizing all the targeted suggestions I might receive  --- that there are A LOT of Catholic mom instagram accounts that show young moms in beautiful spaces with lovely clean children and pretty dresses and cool coffee mugs by beautiful planners and journaling Bibles and thoughtful reflections about growing in holiness and being thankful.  What pressure for young moms! That is a lot of beauty to live up to. Perhaps one of the things I am most grateful for is that most of my child rearing of little kids was prior to the infiltration of influencer social media accounts. Even now I am susceptible to the envy, and I have to be careful around my youngest not to have the phone out often. I guess when the older kids were her age, they wanted to watch VCR tapes and veg in front of the TV, while she wants to watch PBS apps or other shows or look at pictures. But those tapes didn't link to other accounts -  she also sometimes looks through my instagram account to see photos of the cousins, and those "suggested for you" ads are all right there for her to peruse. Fortunately, they are mostly Catholic mom lifestyle pages or Travel Europe pages or Notre Dame sports reports or Bookshelf photo accounts ... following my clicks...

Back to my first point in that paragraph -- the kids. Comparatively, the kids are doing well. They aren't coming home in tears every day, although one day a classmate did tell our 15 year old daughter that she didn't like her - then a couple days later said it was just a joke. Not a funny one. There were some tears that day. And there have been lots of tears shed by the seven year old at odd moments. She tends to feel things strongly. Even the senior broke down a few times about his knee shortly after he tore his ACL, but not from the physical pain. Since the dr gave him permission to try playing with a brace, he is playing through the pain, and every game I am afraid he'll be pulled from the field with a his lower leg at an odd angle, but we've decided the few moments of glory are worth the risk. Perhaps one day we'll regret this decision, but the pain of watching him mourn lost dreams was excruciating. And amazingly, he has had some great catches and has scored a touchdown every game - so the pain has been worth it to him. 

  

Sporty and fancy photos

Meanwhile, I still do my own fair share - or unfair share, really - of mourning. I still have a hard time stopping the broken record of self-pity and self-recrimination about taking on so much debt for a house that isn't our dream house. I'm supposed to be writing a paper about Wendell Berry for an academic conference I signed up for in February or March - it's in three weeks!!- but I can't bring myself to read him because his words are like a knife in the heart. We had the chance to make a radical change and instead chose something that isn't anything like what we had talked about. I've decided it was temporary insanity. This summer was insane.  No one wants to read anymore about this little pity party I keep having for myself, but ugh, I can't seem to leave the party.  

My solution is to keep trying to remember things to be grateful for... the sunsets, the space, the new friends. I've got a new walking friend down the street, and the neighbors had an impromptu happy hour in their driveway the other night to celebrate the cooler weather.  And I'm working as a substitute teacher for the moment while I try to decide what's next - a teaching job? a new degree, either to earn a teaching certificate or to finally finish that PhD I started years ago? Is it too late for that? Any distraction or redirect is helpful, as the parenting experts say.  Shopping for bookshelves without buying any is my biggest distraction right now. One of these days perhaps I'll commit. 

In the meantime, we have been happy to host both our own newlywed children who came for a visit a weekend ago and then this weekend my cousin's newlywed children, who came to town for a wedding. With our oldest kids, we watched the high schoolers compete in football and cross country, suffered a car break down, and then spent a day exploring downtown Austin - walking along the other Colorado River for the first time, and shopping the hipster boutiques and bootshops on South Congress. My cousins' kids spent most of their time at the wedding festivities with their friends, but Sunday morning we had a lovely visit on the back porch lingering over brunch and coffee after Mass before they headed on their drive home.  As I mentioned in the comments section to Hope, it was nice to be able to pay forward the free place to stay, since we frequently received such kindnesses in our early days.   Much to be thankful for. 

 

Getting acquainted with our new towns with the "big kids." This was my penance last week - the priest said, "Enjoy it." Sometimes you get lucky in the confessional, I guess.

And now to look forward to the weekend's haunted festivities... the spooky decorations around the neighborhood likely foreshadow a lively evening on Halloween night ... much candy has been purchased. 

  

Fall colors

An end to an era - Transitioning to civilian life

 Here is one last post about this summer, dedicated to my husband's change of command ceremony and transition to civilian life --Our last Navy event, unless we head back for a ball or some fundraiser or someone else's retirement party.

Presenting Dad with an award and a painting

For so many years, this milestone seemed in the distant future; it's hard to believe it is over. Kind of like getting married or kids graduating from high school - distant events when you are 17 or 27, but suddenly they happen, and life goes on. It's a big change that we still haven't really processed completely, I don't think. No more moving because we have to move - only if we want to. No more long separations. But also no more safety nets of fellow military families, no more experiences we'd never have discovered if it weren't for the Navy. No more free medicine and other benefits, like free passes to National Parks. The biggest loss is that piece of identity that constituted immediate belonging when life shifted - we are a military family no longer. 

Back in the old days...Dan returning from deployment to Afghanistan

To mark this transition, it is traditional to have a ceremony and a big party, so of course that's what we did. Fortunately, the summer dip in Covid cases allowed for a large crowd and many family members and friends showed their support by coming out to California one last time to see us (they may be back to see others ...) 

My husband had been making notes for this ceremony for years while attending other retirements. In addition to the traditional elements of a change of command ceremony, he added a few special parts. A chief read a poem he had written. A former CO gave a heartfelt speech and presented an award. His current commandant gave a nice tribute - but accidentally called our daughter Claire "Clark" - a nickname that will stick.  And then my husband presented his mom and my mom flowers, his dad a flag flown over all his duty stations, including Notre Dame, and his kids and me gifts that represented where they were born. Very touching.  Lots of photos were taken, lots of thank yous said, lots of love everywhere.

Teenager working at the pizza/wineshop to make dinner for the cousins and aunts and uncles who arrived. Lotsa pizza.

Good times

Lots of smiles

This sign was changed before we left for the afternoon...

The long horns seem prescient - gathering in the wardroom

Scenes from the ceremony - there is the piping aboard, prayers by the chaplain, singing of the national anthem, remarks from the commandant, presentation of awards, remarks from the outgoing CO (Dan), then the passing of the colors, short remarks by the incoming CO, and then piping ashore, a last sad farewell to a fulfilling career.

An additional element - One of the masterchiefs reading his original poem about what and who "the Navy" is. 

One last family portrait with construction equipment. Sorry they had already removed the American flag in the background...

Pround parents

The kids with their awards

Ladies

The boys

Another family portrait - we are 10!

Siblings

See ya!

Partytime

My little speech and gift - still need to make a print of the real family portrait

Looking back at these photos is hard. The day went by so quickly. There were so many people to hug and to thank. There are a lot more photos, filled with the faces of friends and family who have loved us across the miles and over the years. Notes and gifts also arrived from those who couldn't attend.  I hope the years bring more opportunities for our paths to cross - for intentional gatherings and random run-ins. But there won't be any more long morning walks on the beach, no more book club gatherings with too much food and wine, no more happy hours around the fire pit, no more concerts in the park, no more chitchat in front yards and after Mass and around time. So many dear, dear people have now passed out of our lives. We'll go back to visit, but it won' be the same. We'll be like ghosts haunting from the past, except with those few who have become like family because of the shared memories. We never lived any place long enough before here to form those attachment, which makes this move all that much harder. In addition, it was our choice to leave, although that was the presumption from the time we arrived - we were only passing through. Moving is like a death, more than I want to admit. 

Enough maudlin thoughts for now. The party really was awesome, though, if I do say so myself.  At the party after the party after the ceremony, I should have made a speech. I really did mean to write something down, but somehow I never got around to it. I gave a sort of rambling tribute to friendship and support and praised my husband for being a great guy, but in retrospect it should have been a toast, or something more thoughtful and coherent. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Missed opportunity number 1212121212.  Does he know how much I love him? Probably not because I have been a real prickly pear lately. Time for another apology and a new day tomorrow. 

Life. It goes on. 

One last time

That last post was kind of dreary and anxious, don't you think? Time for happier memories - Fall is perfect for nostalgia. October has arrived with cool evening breezes. We have all the windows open - partly to enjoy those breezes, and partly because I almost burned the house down, and we need to air it out. I left a pan of dry chickpeas boiling on the stove when I took the youngest and her friend to the park. I meant to just bring them to a boil, then turn off the burner and let them soak until dinner time, when I planned to make the panfried curry chickpeas recipe my son made up. Happily, the girls had a wonderful time at the park and played over an hour. Unhappily, my beans were boiling and burning all that time. We returned to a smoking house. Billows of smoke poured forth when I opened the front door.  I removed the charred pan from the stove and took it outside then opened up every window that raised - the scorched pot and charred peas are still sitting out back perhaps tempting racoons and other vermin. After six hours of open windows and high level fans blowing, the house stills smells like old campfire. I may have to wash curtains tomorrow.

Rather than dwell on that misfortune, here are a few more photos from our last month in Coronado. I've got one more batch to share from Dan's change of command/retirement ceremony, before I fast forward to the present again, whenever that might be.

First up: July birthdays, family bdays and country bdays

Our oldest girl turned 19 on the 3rd. Loved having her home for her freshman year of college, even though we are sorry she missed out on that experience. 

She is the party!

Ready for the Fourth of July parade. 

Here come the classic cars

Classic colors on the curb

Bagpipers piping by

Best treats to eat on the Fourth of July

Ready for more fireworks and fun!

Another birthday party

Had to fit in a few last surfing trips at the beach. They did, not me.

Getting glam for something.

A quick trip to a nature center

Another birthday! Fifth son turns 17! His gifts were mostly edible - +cash. What every teenage boy really wants, and what makes sense when you are getting ready to move in a couple weeks.

And just before our time in California expired, I finally was able to visit with blogging friend Gretchen! For years, we've talked online about visiting. We nearly made a visit to her a few years ago when we went north, but we didn't quite get far enough north. Sometimes the imperative of time running out is needed to make these things happen. So thankful we had a time for tea and to meet in person. Our visit could have lasted much longer, and I hope our paths cross again! 

More birthday scenes - a cakeball cake

The last birthday celebration on F Avenue

And then the cousins arrived!

Time for a few last games at the park - family competitions can get heated

Cloudy skies did not prevent beach time.

A last portraits of our home for six years. We never meant to stay this long, but we are so grateful we did. 

And a last glimpse of the front walk