Following along with The Immediate Book Meme

Linking up with the Darwins on a reading meme. Can't resist these...


1. What book are you reading now?

A Room with a View - E. M. Forster
Thy Will Be Done: Letters to People in the World - St. Francis de Sales
Five Little Peppers and How They Grew - Margaret Sidney

2. What book did you just finish?

Morrissey autobiography (not worthy of Penguin Classic status!)
Mansfield Park - Jane Austen
Charlotte's Web - E. B. White
The Lost Boy - David Pelzer

3. What do you plan to read next?

Need suggestions! Something holy for Lent and something fun to get through last weeks of pregnancy

4. What book do you keep meaning to finish?

Woman - Edith Stein

5.What book do you keep meaning to start?

Story of a Soul - St. Therese Lisieux
Boswell's Life of Johnson
Bleak House - Dickens

6. What is your current reading trend?

A little bit of something spiritual (stashed in the bathroom) for morning/evening reflection,
classic novel alternating with contemporary fiction/memoir, and
something with the kids

Prescription: Jane Austen

Perhaps all the world needs to be a brighter place is an injunction to read Jane Austen once a year or so.  Ah, pastoral escapism at its finest!  I just finished  Mansfield Park, and life feels much lighter and more satisfactory.  I spent several days ignoring the news and current events and everyone else's crises, and now feel refreshed and certain that despite the conniving of shallow people, sometimes the right people end up together.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever read the whole of this novel before, although I thought at first I was rereading. I remember reading part of it years ago - high school, college? - and not finishing.  Then I watched the movie that came out in 1999 directed by Patricia Rozema. Mistake. This movie is takes egregious liberties with the original work, and gave me a mistaken impression. I should have known the film was derivative, but in my mind I had this feeling that Mansfield Park was the "dark" Jane Austen.  The characters may not be as engaging as the Bennets and the Dashwoods, and the plot a little thinner, but I'm glad I finally read it instead of thinking I knew the story from the film.  It pays to read first, watch second. I kept waiting for the dark secrets suggested in the movie to come to light in the book. Of course, they never appeared.

So why do filmmakers feel it necessary to add drama and darkness to a book that is enjoyable enough without the suggestion of perversity?  Would modern audiences really be bored with the story the way Austen tells it?

Surely the scriptwriters are mistaken that audiences want darkness. Judging by what I've read in response to some of the events on Downton Abbey, viewers would be happier if the scandals and surprises were toned down. The acting, dialogue, and cinematography are gripping enough without the writers needing to go to great lengths to keep the viewers in emotional turmoil. In fact, I haven't been watching because I read some spoilers and didn't want to be strung along for weeks waiting for resolutions.  I'd be a bigger fan of Downton if the writers DIDN'T sensationalize the script.

Likewise, Austen's book needs very little drama to be intensely readable.  Her characters and dialogue are interesting enough without excessive plotting.  There's drama in reading about Fanny Price's emotional maturing.  The suspense of wondering whether Edmund Bertram will have his eyes opened or whether Henry Crawford truly has turned a corner keeps you page turning.  Austen adds more suspense by developing her characters enough to keep you wondering whether Fanny's judgment regarding Mary Crawford's shallowness and Henry's flirtatious nature is just.  Their character flaws are masked by attractive characteristics: they're entertaining, they show compassion, they seem to do the right thing most of the time, they bring a spark of life to the party - all the things that make them easy to love, especially when countered with the sometimes dull life of the estate. It's just that every once in a while they reveal a shallowness and selfishness that will probably grow over time instead of lessen. Austen had me wondering if Fanny's goodness could make Henry into a good person, even though I knew the end of the story - would he really give up his careless flirtations if he were wed to just the right person?

Meanwhile in the movie, the characters experience little interior change.  Drama is provided by Sir Thomas' involvement in the slave trade and the suggestion that he behaved criminally to his chattel.  Where Austen suggests immoral behavior on the part of Maria Bertram and Henry, the movie shows it.  Fanny is more independent and energetic in the film than in the book. (Perhaps one change that I don't disagree with - Fanny in the book is extremely shy and unhealthy in the beginning. Does she not translate to the screen well as a heroine because she is too good?)  And the filmmakers exaggerate all the flaws of the Bertram women to make them less likable - which highlights Fanny's attractiveness. Lady Bertram appears as a drug addict. The sisters are hateful to Fanny. Tom, the older brother, is a gambler and spendthrift. And you can see Maria and Henry plotting. It's almost too obvious what will happen.  But I have to admit, the movie is easy to watch - great acting, beautiful scenery and costumes, good chemistry. It's just not Jane Austen's book.

Pregnancy journal - third trimester

My due date is just 7 weeks away. Far enough in the future that labor doesn't feel imminent, but close enough to feel like it's time to start getting ready. Or at least to think about getting ready. I'm tired of maternity clothes but determined not to buy any more after I just bought a formal dress for the military ball in three weeks. (Great deal on clearance at Ross!) I should probably start washing baby clothes - I have a decent sized bag of hand-me-downs waiting to be organized and there are some itty-bitty onesies and sleepers mixed in with the girls' doll clothes that I need to rescue and wash. The car seat returned by my sister-in-law also could use a wash down - and a good inspection to make sure it hasn't been compromised by spending a few years in a garage.

What else needs to be done? Set up the crib some friends gave us and wash the sheets, of which I still have a couple. Start a shopping list to which to add waterproof mattress covers and changing pads (and possibly a new carseat).  Decide about diapers: I'm tempted to try cloth again. We used cloth with the first 3 boys, but when our third was about 6 months old, we moved and lived in temporary housing for about 6 months. The convenience of disposables won me over. Plus, I had begun to feel that the abundance of laundry - not just the diapers themselves, but the leaky clothes and the wet sheets - was creating a drain on resources. I know cloth diapers are much more absorbent and convenient to use now, but our water bill is our largest utility cost here in California, so I haven't yet decided which diaper form to use.

To add to my indecision, I looked up cloth diapers online and was overwhelmed by the choices. So many brands! So many designs! What works best for the least amount of money? If I knew another child would be using these, I would be more willing to invest. On the other hand, I notice that a week's supply of disposables is about $35 now.  This baby will spend a lot of time on the go with her multiple siblings' activities - do I want to pack wet nappies in plastic bags with us? Any recommendations?

Another quandary: we still haven't decided on a name. We are still getting suggestions: "Nola" and "Adelaide" are the two newest. We know three new baby girls: a couple from church just had a Francesca, another had Vivian Louise, and the third new baby in our circle of friends is Christine Elizabeth.

Who does this baby look like?

32 weeks. Going to need braces for that overbite?

This is my most recent ultrasound image by the perinatalogist, who lectured me about having too much amniotic fluid, an indication that my gestational diabetes is not as firmly under control as I thought.  "The baby will come out crying 'Where the hell is my sugar!'" he warned if I don't watch my intake.  And this weekend brought two brunches and two large dinners with company, so my eating habits were compromised. I'm craving chocolate right now, as a matter of fact.

The baby is normal sized but extremely active. I'm sure she's busier than the other kids were in utero. So I've been having anxieties that she has some kind of neurological disorder, and she'll never sleep.  Maybe it's my sugar levels?

Other that her extreme activity and my extreme tiredness by about 7 pm, we both are healthy. Although I fall asleep on the couch every night, I still feel relatively normal during the day. I have already gained 30 pounds and am starting to develop varicose veins, so I'm also nervous about blood clots and my ability to stay active for the next couple of months. After our busy weekend, I bribed my kids to rub my feet and ankles with the promise that whoever rubs my feet the most gets to hold the baby first.  Another perk of being pregnant while having older kids. Their attention to my roiling stomach gets a bit annoying at times (please stop poking my belly!), but for the most part I am touched - bad pun - by their attentiveness and excitement about meeting their baby sister.  I'm excited, too, - the next couple of months will be a test of slow time.

This is how I feel at the end of the day: like a resting harbor seal we saw on a recent boat outing.

Pessimism/Optimism

My husband came home with news the other day that a friend from college was in a rehab center for alcoholism and anorexia.  Wait a minute. I thought I got a happy-looking Christmas card from that family with photos of their four cute kids...

Turns out our friend's husband has been managing for a few weeks with the help of a babysitter and family members to work and run the house.  I don't know how long she'll be in rehab or how long after that her real recovery will take.

And what I really don't know is whether or not I write to her. "Hey I heard this about you. Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers!" Would it be a comfort or proof that the gossip network spreads far and wide?

I can't say I'm surprised that this friend suffers from anorexia.  All of my college friends had weird eating habits. We were high achieving college student-athletes.  The alcoholism part is a bit of a surprise, but I could certainly understand how anyone in a similar situation could drawn into a substance abuse problem. There are a number of our friends/acquaintances who probably also need to cold turkey quit some substance or another. I tend to think most people have secret vices they barely have under control.  So it doesn't surprise me that much to hear about abuse, infidelity, addiction, etc.

My husband and I have an ongoing discussion about whether this makes me a pessimist. I like to think I'm a realist - Sin exists and everyone sins.  War, poverty, disease and criminal behaviors are never going to disappear.  We're at the age when marriages start falling apart.  Not as much fun as the post-college "Everyone's Getting Married" stage, or, a few years later, "Everyone's Having Babies" stage.  Now it's the "Who's Next in the Line for the Counselor" stage.  Unfaithful spouses, substance abuse, children getting into trouble with the law, parents getting sick and dying.  The next decade is when we earn our wrinkles and gray hair. The future sometimes look bleak.

While it doesn't surprise me to hear about people having problems, usually of their own making, I'm not sure this makes me a pessimist. I also have this sort of expectation that people are usually more fascinating - more intelligent, more talented, more together - than they usually are. Easy to assume about people in the internet world: everyone presents their best side to the camera.  But I also assume it about the people we meet. And sometimes it's true - we've met some people with really great stories and experiences.

Nonetheless, usually people are a lot more normal than I anticipate. Their houses aren't always perfectly clean. They forget things, they lose their cool with their kids, they may have had a homebirth but they feed their kids McDonald's. And sometimes they are alcoholics or embezzlers or unfaithful.  No matter how often I witness or experience failure, I still don't think I expect it as a pessimist would. It's not surprising that most of our efforts fall short of our goals or that sometimes we fall into deep pits of despair and disappointment and disillusionment, but rather than throw up our hands and quit trying, we dust ourselves off, try to crawl out of the pit, and try again to live a faithful life. Even better is when we try to help each other up.

Besides, there would be no stories without conflict or suspense or impending disgrace, without a potential redemption in sight.  That is the end of the story, right? That's why it's not pessimistic, but Christian, to expect failure and shortcomings and disappointments, as long as you equally expect people to survive, to endure, to be broken and then healed.  I do believe my friend and her husband will endure this difficult time.  Maybe it will take years. They won't be the same people. Their children will suffer, too, but they will, hopefully, learn about forgiveness and mercy and the need for grace.

The need for grace is why we get married after all - not because we believe in fairy tales of happily ever after, but because we believe life is a struggle and we need a companion who holds our soul's sanctification dear, someone who will be Christ to us, someone who will forgive us over and over and over. I admit, I was perhaps more optimistic about marriage as a newlywed, but I also knew that marriage was not just about the pretty pictures - plenty of people warned us about the "work" of marriage.

Here's Pope Francis from last October's pilgrimage of families:
And that is what marriage is!  Setting out and walking together, hand in hand, putting yourselves in the Lord’s powerful hands.  Hand in hand, always and for the rest of your lives. And do not pay attention to this makeshift culture, which can shatter our lives.

With trust in God’s faithfulness, everything can be faced responsibly and without fear.  Christian spouses are not naïve; they know life’s problems and temptations.  But they are not afraid to be responsible before God and before society.  They do not run away, they do not hide, they do not shirk the mission of forming a family and bringing children into the world.  But today, Father, it is difficult…  Of course it is difficult!  That is why we need the grace, the grace that comes from the sacrament!  The sacraments are not decorations in life – what a beautiful marriage, what a beautiful ceremony, what a beautiful banquet…But that is not the sacrament of marriage. That is a decoration! Grace is not given to decorate life but rather to make us strong in life, giving us courage to go forwards! And without isolating oneself but always staying together. Christians celebrate the sacrament of marriage because they know they need it!  They need it to stay together and to carry out their mission as parents.  “In joy and in sadness, in sickness and in health”.  This is what the spouses say to one another during the celebration of the sacrament and in their marriage they pray with one another and with the community.  Why?  Because it is helpful to do so?  No!  They do so because they need to, for the long journey they are making together: it is a long journey, not for a brief spell but for an entire life! And they need Jesus’ help to walk beside one another in trust, to accept one another each day, and daily to forgive one another.  And this is important!  To know how to forgive one another in families because we all make mistakes, all of us! Sometimes we do things which are not good and which harm others. It is important to have the courage to ask for forgiveness when we are at fault in the family. Some weeks ago, in this very square, I said that in order to have a healthy family, three words need to be used. And I want to repeat these three words: please, thank you, sorry. Three essential words! We say please so as not to be forceful in family life: “May I please do this? Would you be happy if I did this?”.  We do this with a language that seeks agreement. We say thank you, thank you for love! But be honest with me, how many times do you say thank you to your wife, and you to your husband?  How many days go by without uttering this word, thanks! And the last word: sorry. We all make mistakes and on occasion someone gets offended in the marriage, in the family, and sometimes - I say - plates are smashed, harsh words are spoken but please listen to my advice: don’t ever let the sun set without reconciling. Peace is made each day in the family: “Please forgive me”, and then you start over. Please, thank you, sorry!  Shall we say them together? [They reply “yes”] Please, thank you and sorry.  Let us say these words in our families! To forgive one another each day!

Please, thank you, and sorry.  Again and again. To each other and to God.

I also started reading Evangelii Gaudium, finally.  Pope Francis begins by acknowledging the darkness in the world:

 2. The great danger in today’s world, pervaded as it is by consumerism, is the desolation and anguish born of a complacent yet covetous heart, the feverish pursuit of frivolous pleasures, and a blunted conscience. Whenever our interior life becomes caught up in its own interests and concerns, there is no longer room for others, no place for the poor. God’s voice is no longer heard, the quiet joy of his love is no longer felt, and the desire to do good fades. This is a very real danger for believers too. Many fall prey to it, and end up resentful, angry and listless. That is no way to live a dignified and fulfilled life; it is not God’s will for us, nor is it the life in the Spirit which has its source in the heart of the risen Christ.

3. I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy brought by the Lord”.[1] The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk; whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms. Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost! Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy. Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders. No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!

Without Christ, I would be a pessimist. But although my faith waivers often because I am so frequently caught up with my own "interior life" that crowds others out, including God, I know I have witnessed healing and redemption, and the reality of these "resurrections" confirms my belief in the goodness and grace of God.

I don't know if I'll write to my troubled friend or not. Perhaps I lack courage, though I tell myself I don't want to embarrass her. But I have thought and prayed for her. And I'm optimistic about her recovery.

More Kinnell

It's been a busy week. I've started a post or two, but since I haven't had time to finish them, here for your reading delight are a couple more poems by Galway Kinnell from the Academy of American Poets website. The first is in honor of having finished reading Charlotte's Web with the youngers last night.

Saint Francis and the Sow

  by Galway Kinnell

The bud

stands for all things,

even for those things that don't flower,

for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;

though sometimes it is necessary

to reteach a thing its loveliness,

to put a hand on its brow

of the flower

and retell it in words and in touch

it is lovely

until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;

as Saint Francis

put his hand on the creased forehead

of the sow, and told her in words and in touch

blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow

began remembering all down her thick length,

from the earthen snout all the way

through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,

from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine

down through the great broken heart

to the sheer blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering

from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking and blowing beneath them:

the long, perfect loveliness of sow.

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/19852#sthash.xXLJPlql.dpuf

Why Regret?

  by Galway Kinnell

Didn't you like the way the ants help

the peony globes open by eating the glue off?

Weren't you cheered to see the ironworkers

sitting on an I-beam dangling from a cable,

in a row, like starlings, eating lunch, maybe

baloney on white with fluorescent mustard?

Wasn't it a revelation to waggle

from the estuary all the way up the river,

the kill, the pirle, the run, the rent, the beck,

the sike barely trickling, to the shock of a spring?

Didn't you almost shiver, hearing book lice

clicking their sexual dissonance inside an old

Webster's New International, perhaps having just

eaten out of it izle, xyster, and thalassacon?

What did you imagine lies in wait anyway

at the end of a world whose sub-substance

is glaim, gleet, birdlime, slime, mucus, muck?

Forget about becoming emaciated. Think of the wren

and how little flesh is needed to make a song.

Didn't it seem somehow familiar when the nymph

split open and the mayfly struggled free

and flew and perched and then its own back

broke open and the imago, the true adult,

somersaulted out and took flight, seeking

the swarm, mouth-parts vestigial,

alimentary canal come to a stop,

a day or hour left to find the desired one?

Or when Casanova took up the platter

of linguine in squid's ink and slid the stuff

out the window, telling his startled companion,

"The perfected lover does not eat."

As a child, didn't you find it calming to imagine

pinworms as some kind of tiny batons

giving cadence to the squeezes and releases

around the downward march of debris?

Didn't you glimpse in the monarchs

what seemed your own inner blazonry

flapping and gliding, in desire, in the middle air?

Weren't you reassured to think these flimsy

hinged beings, and then their offspring,

and then their offspring's offspring, could

navigate, working in shifts, all the way to Mexico,

to the exact plot, perhaps the very tree,

by tracing the flair of the bodies of ancestors

who fell in this same migration a year ago?

Doesn't it outdo the pleasures of the brilliant concert

to wake in the night and find ourselves

holding hands in our sleep?

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/19553#sthash.XbCGZ1kr.dpuf