Got up this morning and got ready to be at my CT Scan by 9:00. I had been fasting and so I brought some water and a protein bar in the car for afterwards. As soon as I checked in they gave me to containers of the CT Smooties, you know the one with the contrast in them. They asked if I would like Banana, Vanilla, Mocha or Berry, then she quickly told me that Berry was the worst. I still almost laugh out loud. Do you really think those girls sit back there on their breaks, and drink that stuff... just to tell us which one is the best or the worst? I think not but...who knows maybe that is in their job description. Either way they are disgusting and I just keep chugging it until it was gone, and then quickly put some gum in my mouth. My stomach still feels a bit yucky.
I thought as I was laying there getting the scan, how nervous going back into this medical arena makes me feel. I think those feelings are pretty normal once you have had cancer or any medical issues that are big. I wondered what they saw? Is there anything there that is keeping me from getting better? Is it cancer again? Well, all those crazy questions went racing through my head and the feelings that were racing through my heart were ..." can I do this again if it is cancer?" Is there something really bad wrong with me, that is keeping me from getting better and if so, can I handle what it is?"
As I went back in the dressing room, I heard another nurse talking to a lady about her mass that they found previously, and what this scan would show her doctor this time. I remember those conversations when I was first diagnosed with cancer. It is an unreal feeling, when they are just talking to you about something like that, as if it is just an every day conversation. Well, I know it is for them but not for the one who is receiving the news. I wanted to just hug the lady and tell her that she will be ok...but first of all I didn't know her, or her situation; but I just hated the fact that she was there all alone.
My results may be in tomorrow or Friday, we pray and hope for the best. I will go in tomorrow and get more of the vitamin IVs, since after the last one, I started to noticeably get better. For tonight, I will just look at this picture and smile. This is what my granddaughter Jenny does when she is eating or I should say playing with her food.
Life is good, I have much to be happy about. And I am grateful!
Good night dear friends!
