Cheaters never win

Many kids who are abused, do whatever it takes to survive. For some of them it is to excel in school...something they can control. Others it is to over achieve in sports... something to get out their aggression and so the list goes on and on. Mine however was ART, my art took me to a different place, a safe place, a place that only I created, I was doing art since I was a little girl. My abuse started young, I don't remember (thank goodness) anything much younger than 4 or 5.

One thing I do remember was how much schooling I missed, oh I was there.. but not really there, if you know what I mean?  I would just sit at my desk and doodle, my thoughts were far from the math or geography lessons that were being taught. Because the abuse went on for years, I really didn't do well in school.  Actually it was so bad that I cheated to just try and get by. I was warned that if I told anyone...then that would get seriously hurt. I did try to tell at the age of 5,  but was scolded and not believed, that silenced me for many years. I did not want to fail my classes because that would bring attention to me and my situation and that scared me. I wasn't to tell anyone no matter what  and so....I cheated.

I remember well in Elementary we had Spanish taught to us. I was terrified, just trying to keep up with the regular curriculum was tough enough, without adding a foreign language too!  During one test, I got so nervous about trying to label the parts of a face in Spanish that I begged my girlfriend to help me, reluctantly she did. That was bad enough, but then I realized I didn't even know how to spell some of the words she told me. Not a smart thing to do, neither was cheating but I think I just took it a whole new level? Long story short...I got caught and I had to tell the teacher, I also told her it was all my fault so my girlfriend wouldn't get in as much trouble. I don't think I ever regained her friendship. That alone made me feel bad. How I wish I could have told her why I was having so much trouble in school, with all my classes not just Spanish. I wish that she could have understood but....that would have put her in jeopardy. ( or so I thought! ) 

And so that is basically how most of my schooling went, oh I learned some along the way, but as a teenager the abuse was still happening and so I  had a lot bigger problems to worry about. I look back on those years as something I hope never to repeat, and yet tonight I had to remind myself, and all those other survivors of abuse ...that Cheaters never win and I am not talking about me.  I am talking about those abusers (cheaters) who pretend to be dear family members, teachers, and or friends. They will not get by without having to be responsible for their actions.... they will some day have to accept and pay for the consequences of their actions.

Not to end on a negative note but a happy one. I believe the greatest thing we can do to combat abuse is... to do all that we can to get healthy ourselves. To love ourselves. To not cheat ourselves out of a life! To tell, to report and most important to protect those around us that might fall into the cheaters sick web. Yes abuse is bad, it is wrong... but I do think that we all have in us... what it takes to conquer whatever life gives us. We will be the better and the stronger for it, if we learn from it and go on and LIVE!

I pray that ANY OF YOU that are in an abusive situation whether sexually, physically or emotionally, that you will honor the feeling in the pit of your stomach that is telling you this is wrong and do all that you can to get out of it!  I pray you will tell someone, that you will seek help. No one deserves to be abused!  Be strong, be able to find someone to talk to and most important to BELIEVE you. You are worth it!

May you find the strength and courage that you need! Don't give up! Life truly is worth living! I know ...because I am finally living it!

Things aren't always as they appear!

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued. . . Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face. 'Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy, ' he said, pointing to the urine bottle. 'Oh, really?' she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. 'In that case, we'd better run it through again. . . '

A long time ago I remember hearing this joke. It reminded me of when I used to go to my monthly/weekly OB appointments, when I was pregnant with Lee. Lauren was almost two and quite a handful. She wasn't the type of kid that you could just drop off at a friend's house very often. She was a bit harder to handle and most of the time she just stayed with me. Each week we went through the same struggles. I would come in and have to go straight to the bathroom for a urine sample. I would of course have to bring Lauren in the bathroom with me and while I got the sample I would always distract her by looking at something near the door or on the floor. As I got ready to open the door, Lauren would see me carrying the sample and think it was apple juice and begin crying because I wouldn't give her any. The crying turned into a major fit and screaming followed. Each time the nurses would knock on the door and ask if everything was ok and if I needed help. I would respond the same...."no thanks, we are fine!" Although to them I am sure it sounded a lot like someone being murdered. :)

"And this too, shall pass away." -unknown

After a few visits I started trying to remember to bring Lauren a small container of Apple Juice and then we were all happy. Isn't that funny, no matter what I did or what I said to her, she did not believe that it wasn't Apple Juice. It is a cute memory now, but more important it is a good reminder that things aren't always as they appear! Just a great lesson for us all, especially our teenagers! Good night dear friends!

"There will be things in life that aren't what they appear, many of them are dangerous" ~unknown

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~ Franklin P. Jones

Things aren't always as they appear!

I believe that it is getting harder and harder each day to make the right choices. It seems like some choices aren't quite as clear cut as they used to be. I wondered why that is? I believe it is because THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR. Now this is just an example, not a life threatening example... but one none the less.

I was using my hair conditioner today and I realized that I was running out of it. I thought I had quite a bit more to go but when I looked CLOSER at the bottle I realized that part of the bottle was the same color as the conditioner was, therefore it gave you the illusion at first glance that there was at least a few more ounces in there. I was disappointed to realize that. Then when I bought some protein drink the other day, I was automatically drawn to the bigger container because the price was so good at least compared to the smaller one. I did check the ounces so it still was a better deal to get the larger one, but when I opened it up the container was only half full. I wondered why they would waste money on that big container when they could have easily put it in one half the size? Maybe for the same reason that I was drawn to it, it looked too good to be true. Once again THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Isn't that true in life with a lot of things though? I think choices are getting harder and harder. I realize if you don't pay attention you might not get what you paid for. You have to look and see how things are packaged, marketing is a huge thing. Presentation is half the selling technique. If someone can present something to look bigger, fuller, better than it really is ....then why not do it?

I feel like every day, not only do I have to watch things more carefully and be way more attentive on what I am choosing, but I also have to continue to teach that to my kids. Even though they are teenagers still, I believe that we have to constantly be more attentive because THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR! It is important to not judge your worst self against other's best self. It is vital to see what the advertisement is really for, or notice the side effects which are usually worse that your problem is to start with. It is important to not get caught up in the compliments of the world, they many times will tell you what you want to hear so that you will follow a certain path. Jeff and I saw a concert while we were at the fair. I liked the singer and the tickets were quite cheap (they told us that they were bleacher seats and in this case THEY WERE WHAT THEY APPEARED!) I was saddened by the fact that this singer had changed quite a bit. I liked her stuff years ago when she first became popular, but now she seems to have fallen into the same mentality as many in the showbiz world and she was a lot less genuine than before. I guess a bit hardened it seemed. I haven't kept up with what has been going on in her life the last few years but...her concert, her performance is not what I thought it would have been. The songs were a bit bitter and harsh. Yes, SHE WASN'T WHAT SHE APPEARED TO BE.

I hope that every day we will try to be more attentive, not only about the things we shop for but more important ...the things that really make a difference in our lives. Don't be fooled because it looks so attractive, colorful, exciting and too good to be true. Because as my mother always said "if it is too good to be true then it probably is".  Just some food for thought.  Good night dear friends!

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time."  ~ Abraham Lincoln

 

"Any seeming deception in a statement is costly, not only in the expense of the advertising but in the detrimental effect produced upon the customer, who believes she has been misled."  ~ John Wanamaker

"OUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!"   ~Unknown