Demand More From Ourselves

A friend of mine posted this quote the other day, and I had to share it. We are so much more powerful and strong than we think. Sometimes, in life, it is so easy to just be content with our lives how they are and get to the point that we aren't progressing. Yes, life is good, but couldn't it be so much better? Couldn't pushing ourselves and branching out make life extraordinary?
I think so often we are governed by fear, fear to leave our comfort zone, fear of the unknown. I like how the quote says that not pushing ourselves and not struggling and suffering is a "numb existence" when instead we could be taking an "extraordinary trip." This is a concept that I have tried to live my life by, and am now even more motivated to continue pushing myself and exploring the awesome path that is just waiting for me.
 No one ever accomplished all of their dreams by playing it safe, and no one who has accomplished all of their dreams got there without some pain and roadblocks. We just have to "demand more from ourselves" and take the first step to live life truly to the fullest.
-Krystal

Hard earned Wisdom!

As I am getting older, I am beginning to feel like I am wising up,,, just a little. Things that normally would have tripped me up, seem just like another hurdle I have to clear. I actually used to run track and I did the hurdles, they are not easy to clear. If by a fraction of an inch, you don't bring your foot up with your leg, your toe can hit the hurdle and knock it down... and usually you go with it.
Life has given me a few hurdles, some I have cleared, and some I haven't. This week has a few hurdles that I must jump, I pray that I will rise up enough to clear them. Seems so simple, but it's not. So I will remember this Serenity Prayer and remember who to call on for help and courage! Night dear friends!

The Serenity Prayer
By Reinhold Neibuhr

God grant that I might have
The courage to change the things I can,
The serenity to accept the things I cannot,
And the wisdom to know the difference

" Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."  ~ Frederick Douglass

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning.”

A year ago today!

I didn't write last night because I went to bed early with the beginning of a cold. My sweet little granddaughter is sick and I guess my immune system isn't as good as I thought it was.

It was a year ago today that I had my mastectomy. That is hard to believe. It has been one of the longest and hardest years I have ever had! But at the same time, there has been much learning, growing and blessings that have come too! I am entering my post from a year ago to those who are going through it for the first time and also to let you see my progress and to remind us... that time does heal things.

It was an emotional ride and I have to say that even today, it is still a bit emotional. Why?  Well, I am glad that I can finally accept what I see in the mirror ( it is hard, but I can ). I am glad that I want to be among people again (that took me a long time before I felt confident enough to go out in public). I am glad that I am slowly beginning to look and dream of the future. I am a bit sad though, to still be struggling with the side effects of the surgery and treatments. I am sad to still have to worry about my check ups and any thing new that happens to my body. Yet, I am grateful for the inspiration that I received to develop my RECNAC GIFTS and how they have been able to help many other survivors ( and hopefully that will grow and develop till they are available to all cancer patients out there). I am blessed to have met so many wonderful people along the way, (I know it was no accident that our paths crossed and for that I am grateful). I am grateful for the love and strength it has taught our family, I am so lucky to have such an incredible family.  I am also grateful to have had the chance to get closer to my Savior during this whole experience.  Yes, I have been blessed! So it has been a year to forget and yet, a year to remember.

Thank you for all of your help, cards, letters, gifts, meals, and prayers along the way, I couldn't have made it without you.

November 2008

The women that helped take care of me from the first procedure to the last, were amazing and some how I felt like it was meant to be ...that our paths crossed. Jeff teased me today and said "HOW MANY BEST FRIENDS HAVE YOU MADE, SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN HERE?" I did feel well taken care of but was shocked to meet so many women who were in there for cancer and to hear their stories. We all instantly connected and wished each other luck, it was sad, touching and humbling to say the least.

My spirits were high until I got ready to leave the hospital and first took a look at myself in the mirror, what a shock. My whole chest is wrapped with ace bandages so I actually couldn't see the effects of the surgery but my body still looks deformed already. I couldn't help but cry when I looked again in the mirror. How could this really be happening to me and how will I ever feel normal and good about myself again? I know there are many women who have gone through this and worse, but for today I am just talking about me. How can such a routine surgery now days, leave someone feeling so ugly, empty, sad and doubtful?

I am sorry to be so honest, but I know I need to keep writing  these thoughts to make sure that I just keep feeling things. Today every time the phone rang or there was a knock on the door, I kept saying"I just can't talk to any one right now and I don't want any one to see me like this." My sweet family act like I look just the same but wow that must be hard for all of them too. Jeff just keeps holding me and reminding me that these feelings are all normal and that we will all get through this together, but I can't even imagine that right now. Dear Shirley, my sister-in-law who has been with me through this all, has been a real trooper helping me get dressed, emptying my drains and trying to make sure I rest and get all the supplements I am suppose to take.

I wish I felt better and had a more uplifting entry today but this was my day and personally I am glad that it is over and pray that tomorrow will be a bit brighter.

"WHAT SEEMS TO US A BITTER TRIALS ARE OFTEN BLESSING IN DISGUISE" ~ Oscar Wilde

"MAY YOU HAVE ENOUGH HAPPINESS TO MAKE YOU SWEET, ENOUGHT TRIALS TO MAKE YOU STRONG, ENOUGH SORROW TO KEEP YOU HUMAN AND ENOUGH HOPE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY"

Still waiting!

Today is Sunday and I was grateful that I felt good enough to go to church. Amy however didn't feel too good and so she stayed home and rested. My grandmother used to always say " A WATCHED POT, NEVER BOILS" I found that to be true too. But for some reason we can't stop touching Amy's belly, talking to little Jenny and watching to see if there are any changes each day in Amy! So for now, we are still waiting. I think what we need to do is start a big project and it is usually then...when everyone is busy and NOT WATCHING that Miss Jenny, will probably want to make her entrance into this world!

I loved these two quotes I found...

"Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch."
~E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

"Life is magic, the way nature works seems to be quite magical."  ~ Jonas Salk

In church today we had a man spoke about perfection and how many times we make the mistake of thinking we have to be perfect now or that we have failed in some way. He reminded us that perfection is a process, it doesn't just happen in a week or month... but in a life time. He talked about how important it is to use everything the Lord has blessed us with in this life  and remember to do the best we can. One comment that really stuck with me was " When we look at our lives and all the things that we struggle with and all the things we need to change about ourselves, it gets quite overwhelming. But if we would just pick one thing that we wanted to try and change each day and work on that, then we will at least be on the right road to being the person we need to be."

So instead of just waiting for our lives to change and our habits to go away. For our bodies to stop growing older and changing, we should just do the best we can with what we have. We don't really need to wait another minute to change ourselves for the better. The Lord only expects us to keep trying and progress as much as we can every day. Understanding that He is in control of our lives, takes a lot of the worry away. Having faith and understanding that perfection is a process, can truly change our outlook on life. So many times in my life I have waited for things to get better, waited for someone else to make a decision and wait for life to get easier...guess what, it never did. What I forgot was, that I am not suppose to be waiting on the side lines of life but being an active participant in it. This was a great lesson for me and a great reminder for me to count my blessings and enjoy each day to the fullest! So even though Jenny didn't come today and we are still waiting, I am glad that I had this great lesson on not waiting another minute to improve my life!

Hope you had a wonderful day and thank you for being such a great support to our family.

Rough day!

I went in for my Physical Therapy at 9:00 this morning. For some reason the swelling has gotten worse. I am not sure why? I didn't lift anything the last couple of days so I am not sure why it is hurting this much. My Physical Therapist was as puzzled as I was. She is going to talk to the oncologist tomorrow and see if he knows why the swelling keeps coming back, so we have an appointment on Friday. She also is looking into getting a compression sleeve that also has a compression piece for the chest wall. The down fall is that it will have to be done once a day for an hour or so. I just smiled when she said that,because I already have a couple hours worth of stuff that I am suppose to be doing to help this poor old body every day, why not an another thing to do on! :) Pretty soon as soon as I get up and do all the exercises, massages and etc, then it will be time to do the ones that I need to help me go to sleep. I have got to try to have more of an exciting life. I know all of you envy me but...DON'T !

In all seriousness, I am sure things will work out. I was able to go to some of Lee's baseball game today and it was sunny outside too, that was a double blessing. I can't forget to count all of them. I found a quote today that went right along with my baseball theme. "PROGRESS ALWAYS INVOLVES RISKS. YOU CAN'T STEAL SECOND BASE AND KEEP YOUR FOOT ON FIRST" ~ Frederick Wilex

So I need to remember that... compared to 9 months ago, I have made great progress. I can go out in public and not feel so self conscious about my looks, I can enjoy some normal thoughts with out every one being bombarded with a new fear. I am starting to dream...just a little bit...but I am dreaming again. I am being able to serve a bit more and that feels wonderful. I am growing in ways that I am sure I never would, had I not experienced this trial. It has been worth the risk to make it to second base (beating cancer for a second time). I will keep trying, keep believing that life will get better and most importantly...trust in the Lord and in His timing and in His plans for me. Patience, not an easy virtue!

Thanks for being my cheering section, it means more than you will ever know! Good night!

"Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player." ~Author Unknown