Would You Like Fear with That?

We've heard the old saying ‘starve a fever, feed a cold’. As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. This is where I can help. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. Perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said; "Fear is the enemy."
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Asparagus and a Sun Roof

Perhaps this has happed to you; it's happening to me a lot lately. You have a dream where you know most if not all the people in it, but you are all in a different scenario. 

Years ago I had a recurring one where I opened the door to the office and it was a grocery store. Everyone working in the store were current colleagues. My boss was working the cash and my assistant was managing the produce department. 

Recently, random people keep showing up in the most bizarre situations in my dreams again. In one, I was working at a car dealership and a former colleague whom I haven't seen in two decades and has since passed away came into the store. 

It's you again.

I knew I was dreaming but it was so vivid. She worked in another department and we didn't know each other well. Why did she show up and why in such a strange scenario? 

Our brains are fascinating factories of facts and instructions. Why do we store the most inane things in there but can't find our keys? I often ponder what life would be like if it was like it is in our dreams. 

And then I wake up. 

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The Stories We Tell Ourselves

That won't work. It's a dumb idea. You're too sensitive. You can't do that. Don't dream so big. You aren't mean for great things. Don't be ridiculous. Lower your expectations. 

The stories we tell ourselves are often influenced by the stories others tell us about us. Bill isn't good with math; Sally tends to talk too much; Byron has issues with authority; Janet has no success with relationships; Kyle doesn't socialize well.

Mean What You Mean

Our friends, family, parents, and even our colleagues may mean well but they shape how we feel about ourselves whether their assessments are accurate or not. It's easy to say "don't listen to them" but it takes a lot of energy and fortitude to do that, especially if some of this imprinting has been going on for years.

Far too often, we put others and ourselves in a box. I'm too old, I don't have the money, I couldn't do that, it won't work, it's too late. Easier said than done, but let's accept the past has passed, and take the shot. We could just resign ourselves to letting others build our narrative. After all, they know best, right?

Or perhaps we may enjoy making some new stories.

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Changing Gears

There is much debate on whether the coronavirus pandemic is over. With over 450,000 new cases last week, I'd say it's not much of a debate. It's not over and may not be over for decades to come. 

Over six million have lost their lives since March 2020 and the reason it's not tens of millions like the pandemic of a century ago is because of scientific breakthroughs like vaccines. Despite the suggestion of some, the boogie man did not create this and magic rainbow dust did not find a way to save lives.

Shift and Pivot 

What I'm fascinated by is how many of my friends and close colleagues have taken the last two years to make a shift in their lives. Some have dumped that gig they hated and started something new; some are taking online courses to train in areas they've always wanted to explore; and others are still ruminating but have begun the process that will clearly bring them to somewhere much different than the former "normal". 

After a lot of discussions, I made a shift late last year, and as much as many would think it's a lot to take the leap, it doesn't mean you have to or are tossing all your experience away. Sometimes a small adjustment can give us an entirely new perspective. 

In my case, after over sixteen years in consulting, I returned to a role in a media organization. I do have a few decades of experience in many areas and this role gives me the opportunity to utilize all of them. But it took someone I've known for over twenty years to give me that nudge to take that leap.

Pump the brakes

In my case, I now have a boss and I work on a team and they rely on me as much as I rely on them. I worked for myself for a decade and a half and my boss was my clients. My other boss was the person writing this post who had to fight through self-doubt, ignored emails, dead end prospect meetings, and lots of Thursdays without a paycheck. 

We have had a lot of time to think about this over the past two years. If I can offer some advice; pay attention to the signs whether those are conversations with friends, articles you stumble upon online, or that big dream you promised yourself you'd reach for years ago. If we don't learn anything through this pandemic, then what was the point. 

Not one day of our lives is guaranteed and no one is coming to rescue us, so the question remains what we're going to do about it. You know you can do it. You know you want to see what else is out there for you. The question that remains is the key. 

Are you ready?

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I'll Go First

I do wake up at 4am wondering if my life is fulfilled. It may not be the same time on the clock for you, but I'm going to guess I'm not alone. I worked with a guy early in my career who was instrumental in my professional development. He was awesome, in fact. And he passed away earlier this month. He was about 15 years older than me and now I'm thinking about what will I do in the next decade and a half that will matter. 

I get lost. I get scared. Sometimes I don't know what to do next. Occasionally I forget that I do have gifts to give the world and just to keep going. I can say the same for you. There are times when I wonder if it will all work out. Of course, worrying with no action won't get me anywhere, so I give myself a mental kick in the backside and keep going. 

What Have We Learned? 

We are still in a global pandemic and if the conversations I've had over the least 18 months are anything like the ones you've had, people are stressed but wondering what they want to truly do with their lives to be happy. I spoke with a colleague this week I hadn't spoken with in probably a decade. She and her partner are thinking seriously about dumping their careers, selling their house, getting rid of most of their stuff, and moving to Costa Rica to help others. That's so cool and brave. 

I don't suggest we have to go to those lengths to find happiness, but doing the same crap we've been doing for the last couple of decades may not be working either. So yeah, there are early mornings when I wonder what I could be doing to better my life and the lives of others. And that's okay because I will be more worried when I stop thinking about those things. 

Now it's your turn.

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Your Next Want

You've said it; you’ve heard it; you’ve been asked it - what do you want? It’s a huge question and most of us have a list. It’s too much to ask. I want to be financially stable. I want a puppy. I want to have millions. I want to retire. I want to live in a lakefront mansion and sip iced tea all day.

We all dream of winning the lottery. We all let our minds wander to places where we perceive our problems will vanish and life will be endless bliss. It's like the old story of the nine year old boy who is once asked; "So Sam, what do you want to be when you grow up?" and Sam quickly replies; "I wanna be rich!" 

Tougher Done Than Said

It took me years to grasp the concept of the fear of success. It sounded counterintuitive. The fear of failure, to me, is easy to understand. You don't want to fall on your face or run out of money or have to give up things you have your life. The embarrassment of failing is terrible. But, what about our fear of what we will do if what we try actually works? How will you handle the responsibility of that dream coming true?

The marketing genius Seth Godin once challenged that it's easier to fail small. Complaining about the fact we never amount to anything or we're not meant to win or no one ever gives us a break, is way easier than the unwavering persistence required to achieve something we want.

It's Way Too Big

In my opinion, it's easy to say you want a Bugatti Veyron because odds are pretty good it will never happen. It's much more difficult to identify the small shifts we need to make every day to get to the bigger dreams we possess. My business partner and I have been working on a project for close to a year. There are days we wonder if we are out of our minds. But each day, you push a bit more, ask a little bit more, and keep at it. Giving up now will only make us forever wonder what if we had kept going. 

You have dreams. You have things you want to accomplish. You have stuff that may feel a little out of reach. But I'm willing to bet if you suspend those for just today and think about what you could do right now to get what you need right now or your next want, over time, those bigger things will come clearer into focus. 

Let's try that and see what happens.

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Fear Diet

We've heard the old saying ‘starve a fever, feed a cold’. As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. This is where I can help. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. Perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said; "Fear is the enemy."
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The Bully and Radiohead

I was having breakfast with a great friend and colleague this week and we started talking about how each of us often gets in the way of our own success. Why do we do that? Is it self-sabotage? Is it a fear of failure or success? We humans aren't born with fear; we teach ourselves fear. It's easy to blame outside sources but we have a choice on how we process influences and what to do next.

In a previous chapter of my career, I worked in the radio industry and during the last few years of that, I oversaw the launch of two radio stations from concept to creation and then went on to consult a handful of radio station clients in my consulting work. But I told my friend I'm often visited by a force that seems to hold me back. As I continue my work at an executive recruiter, it's not the candidates or clients who are in my way, it's me!

Voices Inside Your Head

So she put me through an exercise. She said we will call that force - The Bully; and the man who launched radio stations and built teams with confidence, we'll call him Radiohead. She warned me the bully is my comfort zone; my ability to fail without trying because it wasn't meant to be. She said it was a bunch of hot air meaning nothing. She then said whenever the bully shows up, thank him for his time and wish him well and focus back on Radiohead.

You can put your own labels on your life but you have them. There are two strong forces pulling you in opposite directions. One likes it safe so it reminds you to not take bold moves while the other has shown up when you weren't even paying attention because you were so focused on the task at hand.

Say goodbye to the bully and welcome radiohead.
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Calendars and Reflections

I'm not sure about you, but I get reflective this time of year. I know we can make plans in April and course correct ideas in August, but it's the end of a year and it's as good a time as any to take stalk and get clear. 2017 was a year for confusing elections, technological advances, straight talk about harrassment, and all the events in each of our lives.

As we look back on the year that has almost passed, let’s reflect on the most important element of our lives – our relationships with each other. Money comes and goes; jobs and homes change, but nothing can replace the important people in our lives, love, home, and family. For me, this was a year of challenges, successes, strong career work, and spending time with people I love.

Cheers to you and yours!
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Coffee and TV and Sleep

Here are some interesting facts about how we spend our lives from Distractify.

Twenty five years is for sleeping. We’ll work about 10-12 years in real time. This is discouraging, only 48 days having sex – keep in mind, it’s an average. We’ll watch about 9 years of television. Close to 3 years cooking, another year cleaning, and just over 4 years driving our cars.

We’ll drink 12,000 cups of coffee, 48 pounds of tea, and a measly 14 days kissing. Tack on another year of our lives deciding what to wear, 8 years shopping, 5 years sitting at a desk, and we’ll swear about 2 million times.

Life Gets in the Way

Interesting stats but if the average person in North America lives just over 78 years, it doesn’t leave us much time for reflection. But we’re far too busy for that. We have stuff to do, places to go.

When was the last time you gave your team a few minutes off, during the day, at work, to just clear their heads? Yes, quiet time at work. Life is an instant yet we take so little time for ourselves. You just spent about a minute reading this post.

Give yourself the next moment to reflect.
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Time is a Dangerous Partner

Time can fool us into thinking we can buy her or wait for her or allow her to show us when to strike; when to move; when to take that step. All the while she is still. She is where she was a moment ago and where she'll be a year from now.

She is time. It is us who moves through her; not her who moves through us.

She knows what we want and yet we often wait for that perfect sign from her in an imperfectly gorgeous life that will never show us until we open our eyes and be honest with ourselves.

Time doesn't wait; it's up to us to move.

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Scary Monsters

We've heard the old saying; "starve a fever, feed a cold". As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. But perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Look under the bed

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

Recently, I've made some big leaps and some were scary but none guaranteed or easy. But in my gut I knew they had to be made.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said: "Fear is the enemy".
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Eating Lemons

It's hard to believe that the worst economic downturn in the previous nine decades was almost a decade ago. But the world was forever changed. I'm an executive recruiter and I hear stories every day what people went through during that time and emerged with a creative calling that changed their lives for the better.

The Lemonade Movement has been around since 2007 and perhaps you've living it and don't even know it. If you're making a change, you may not need a movie or a group but perhaps this two minutes will give you inspiration that you can do it.


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One Question

We work thousands of hours each year. Life gets busy. There are deadlines and meetings, commitments and activities. Someday becomes part of our daily routine. We plan for the future, we look forward to a time when we'll have more time or money.

Then suddenly another decade is gone. And no matter how much time or money we spend, we cannot change the past. That is what is going on in each of us, in each of the people in our organization, in each of our clients. That is what is happening with everyone you meet on social channels, in the grocery store, at that business function, in your company. None of us escapes it.

Filmmaker Kamil Krolak asked the same question to fifty people. What's your answer?


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We're All Afraid

We've heard the old saying ‘starve a fever, feed a cold’. As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. This is where I can help. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. But perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, fear is the enemy.
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Hindsight is Easy

The red element on the stove means it’s hot. The amber light means slow down. The object 100 yards ahead of our car may be danger. These are things we have learned are to be avoided. Is it critical to look back and sift through evidence, examine results, and take to the present the lessons we learned? In part, yes. But beating ourselves up over the past in the comfort of now is dangerous.

Celebrating what worked is important. Letting go of those lessons to make room to do it better this time is the point, but what if this time is slightly different or we don't see it coming until after it happens?

Warning Signs

You may have learned the hard way as a kid not to touch the stove element again. Perhaps it was your experience with a punctured tire at 2am in the thunderstorm that ensured you would swerve around foreign objects on the road again. Learning from the past is important; embracing the lessons is critical.

We may not see the next stove element, road object, or conflict before it arrives. Perhaps the only way to manage that uncertainty is to understand we may mess up again and perfection is an impossible pursuit.

We only ever have right now.
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What?

What do we do?
What's holding us back?
What do we want to do?

What will we give up?
What are we willing to do?

What do we fear?
What won't we do?
What will we sacrifice?
What if we went for it?

What if we couldn't fail?
What if we started right now?

What if we stop wondering what if?
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Measuring Your LIfe

How do you measure your worth? What metrics do you apply to your experience? Where do you see your value? David Brooks poses an important question. Do we measure ourselves by what we do or who we are?

Watch this.

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Resolutions Begone

The year is ending, the reflections continuing, and the resolutions compiling. I wonder why we don't pick the middle of April or the second week of September to do this, but this when we seem to build a big list of will stop, start doing, do less, do more, etc.

There are ample data to show we don't really intend to keep most - if any - of our new year's resolutions. We mean well, but we're completely full of crap. If we wanted to cut down on beer, we can do that on May 17th or decide October 19th is a good time to start going to the gym.

Here's a thought...

Take a few minutes and dream; let yourself go. What do you really want to do in 2016 you have always wanted to try but never had the balls do to it? It doesn't have to cost a bunch of money or take a lot of time, but something completely for you.

Forget judgement or anyone's opinion. One thing that you honestly want to do and will commit to doing it. It can have absolutely nothing to do with your work or family or friends or anyone else. Or we could all make a bunch of empty promises we won't keep in a champagne haze at midnight like we do every year.

That seems to work never.
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As a passionate leader, Kneale Mann has extensive experience as a business advisor and project manager in numerous industries and organizations including; human resources, corporate training, financial services, media, real estate, healthcare and more. He is always open to meeting leaders who want to improve their bottom line through strong culture and leadership. knealemann@gmail.com

My Life Path

I don’t share much about me and my life here. Sure, there are stories of clients and work and situations I try and relate but still not a lot of me here.

This website was born in April 2008 and it’s one of the only things in my life I have committed to consistently since then. I have done good work, I have felt lost, I have moved twice, I got closer to my friends, I walked away from a long shitty relationship, and I have had a lot of time to think about my life.

Good for you, son!

My parents were always supportive of my creative pursuits. They didn’t always understand how their son would make a living being on the radio or creating social media workshops or speaking in front of strangers or writing a blog or coaching executives. And they certainly wouldn’t enjoy finding out that their son has been a stuck in a lot of ways for a lot of years. Keep up a good front, don’t let them see you sweat, smile and wave.

I had told myself for years I was following my passion. Then an emotional truck broadsided me and put my on me ass for years. I'm reading more now, I'm seeking knowledge and inspiration, and most importantly, I'm moving again. I read this post from my Mark Manson and he's bang on.

Sit down!

This past Sunday, I sat with a remarkable woman named Lindsay Knight. As soon as I sat down, she looked at me and said; “Wow. You have a lot going on in there.” We sat for what felt like half an hour but was almost three. She did my life path and outlined all the places where I had acquiesced to other people.

The repeated patterns in my life were so clear and obvious to her. They are clear to me now too. I had always said I was curious about others. I felt the need to help and talk about them. She said that was a defence to not allow myself to show up. I had lived a life avoiding any conversation about me for fear I’d appear egotistical. She called bullshit. I was scared. I didn’t want to make a fuss. I did everything to smooth things over. I didn’t want to offend or stand up for myself. She smacked me around and it was wonderful.

Wake up!

I’m writing a book, I’m working with clients, I’m meeting prospective clients, I’m finding my way after years of being lost, and all the while thinking I was fooling everyone around me that I had my shit together. Lindsay woke me up to see me.

I don’t know if this is for you. For me, it’s life changing. I slept through the night last night for the first time in years. I woke refreshed and ready to write. I have begun to allow myself to be creative again and do what I want in my life. It has reminded me to stand up for me and do what I want with my truth no matter what anyone else thinks.

I had forgotten that or maybe never knew it.
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As a passionate leader, Kneale Mann has extensive experience in project management, leadership development, business, marketing, media, and talent coaching in numerous industries and organizations including; radio, digital marketing, corporate training, real estate, financial services, healthcare and more. He is always open to meeting companies and organizations who want to become even greater.