Dropping the Carry-On

I was recently in a heated discussion with a friend about an event that happened years ago. The details are irrelevant but he was still so upset about what happened. The actual issue was solved, no one lost money, no one got hurt, but he has been carrying this around for about a decade.

I told him that we could get the top class from Harvard, the brightest scientists from NASA, and the most talented business leaders from the Fortune 500, and we would be able to do nothing about changing the past. And it finally hit him. He agreed and discovered he was carrying around resentment or whatever it was because of ego. He was stuck in the spot where he was before this innocuous event occurred. It had absolutely nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with his reaction. 

Let it go

It got me wondering how often we do that. Big or small, something happens. And years later when it's no longer even important, we have galvanized a story in our minds of what may or may not have happened. Eckhardt Tolle once said the past is what we recall, the future will never arrive, and all we have is now.

It's true but not easy to grasp when you add in human emotions, winning or losing, and results. A friend used to say a phrase that made me upset which is - it will be whatever it is according to the outcome. Also true. But also hard to grasp.

Two guys, one girl, and a bike

So how do we let go of all this unnecessary emotional carry-on luggage in our lives? It seems if we just decide to drop it, it's dropped. It's akin to forgiveness. Once you forgive, you move on. It's done. We waste so much time trying to rewrite history and protect ourselves instead of moving on.

Think about the last time you recounted a story from your childhood to a friend. We humans have this tendency to exaggerate both negative and positive experiences. My friend David didn't break my bike, I did, but I told my mom it was his fault then convinced myself it was true. We were five. 

I met David for lunch years later and he brought up the story. He was laughing about how that bike was so important to me back then. He did steal my first girlfriend in grade two but I've been able to let that slide.

Less baggage does wonders for our journey.

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Asparagus and a Sun Roof

Perhaps this has happed to you; it's happening to me a lot lately. You have a dream where you know most if not all the people in it, but you are all in a different scenario. 

Years ago I had a recurring one where I opened the door to the office and it was a grocery store. Everyone working in the store were current colleagues. My boss was working the cash and my assistant was managing the produce department. 

Recently, random people keep showing up in the most bizarre situations in my dreams again. In one, I was working at a car dealership and a former colleague whom I haven't seen in two decades and has since passed away came into the store. 

It's you again.

I knew I was dreaming but it was so vivid. She worked in another department and we didn't know each other well. Why did she show up and why in such a strange scenario? 

Our brains are fascinating factories of facts and instructions. Why do we store the most inane things in there but can't find our keys? I often ponder what life would be like if it was like it is in our dreams. 

And then I wake up. 

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Checkng the List

I recently found this list I posted back in 2011. If we review, I think we find that all of these are still valid and some are even more important twelve years later.

Read more, skim less. Turn your phone off once in a while. Don't wait for approval. 

Forget the past. Spend more time with people you love. Dream big; do bigger. Be gracious. Make quick decisions. Stop comparing your effort to others. Enjoy the ride.

Stop doing anything that weakens you. Trust yourself. Take a digital day off.

Keep an open mind. Plan ahead then be flexible. Ask for help. Help someone without their knowledge it was you who helped them.

Go for it. Eradicate unnecessary meetings. Eat the cookie. Listen more. Sing often.

Say thank-you. Trust your gut. Make time for think time. Don't wait.

Find the lesson. Keep learning. Thank a friend. Take the nap.

Don’t settle. Collaborate. Consume more funny. Good enough is not good enough.

Be yourself.

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Smelling Flowers

Through the pandemic, I have gotten a lot more reflective. I'm not suggesting I've climbed that mountain or executed the billion dollar idea that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams, but it has given me pause about a lot of things about life. I did make a career significant career shift which turned out well but I haven't ordered the Bugatti just yet. I can honestly say my mind is clearer or at the very least more inquisitive than it has been in years. It has given pause to whether I'm utilizing my time well. 

I was running late for a client meeting last week and found myself getting angry at the audacity of other drivers being on the road slowing me down. Then I took a deep breath and laughed out loud. By myself in my car. If the roads had been clear, I may have made it to my destination four minutes earlier. 

Take a breath

It's those moments where I seem to be taking a longer pause to discover what really is important. Countless books have been written about being present now and not fretting so much about the past or future. If we could only be more like my cat. She does not worry that she purred wrong yesterday or that she's sleeping on my good sweater. She just lives in the moment. 

We spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about stuff we can't change, won't happen, or has happened. Why do we do that? It usually works out and even if it isn't exactly how we envisioned it would turn out, it's fine. 

Did nothin'

The Sunday before last, I got up early, had a coffee, read some news, had a nap, got up, had some breakfast, watched a Formula 1 race, had a nap, watched a show, made some dinner, watched another show, went to bed. And you know what? The sun came up the next day. Nothing terrible happened because I took a day off.

I think it's been accredited to the great philosopher Confucius who apparently said; "Life is simple; we choose to make it complicated." So I was four minutes late for my appointment. As it turned out, my client was 15 minutes late. We laughed about it over a spectacular cup of coffee.  

Cherishing every moment remains excellent advice.

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Not Today

Today we won’t focus on what we can’t change. Today we won’t do what they say we should do. Today we won’t compare ourselves to others. 

Today we won’t second guess ourselves. 

Today we won’t make assumptions. Today we won’t worry about yesterday. 

 Today we won’t sabotage our goals. Today we won’t lament about our weaknesses. 

Today we won’t listen to opinions. Today we won’t expect them to read our mind. Today we won’t get distracted by actions that derail us. Today we won’t change the past. 

Today we won’t be hard on ourselves. Today we'll focus on today. 

Today we won’t fret the details. Today we won’t listen to our inner critic. 

Today we won't concern ourselves with petty arguments. 

Today we will get to that item we keep meaning to complete. 

 Today is all we got.

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Forward Steps Back

I was thinking about a situation that happened a couple of years ago that sucked. Life moved on but I still think about it. I've asked numerous people if they have events they relive in their heads over and over again. The answer is almost always yes because most of us do. But why is that?

I'm not suggesting we don't relive happy memories, but the challenges seem to cut deeper for some reason. Is it perhaps because we are still learning a lesson? I know this, the more we try and not think about those events, the more we think about them. If I was to ask you to not think about an orange elephant riding a motorcycle – good luck getting that image out of your head!

Beware of the Lizard Brain

I'd consider myself a fairly smart dude, so why can't I just tell myself to stop letting something that has already happened, which I cannot change, continue to bug me? It has to do with the part of the limbic system in our brains that is in charge of fight, flight, feed, fear, or freeze. It is our survival mechanism which decides what we do next if we are experiencing stress. It's why we can't seem to get started on the project even though we know the deadline looms.

If we have a situation, current or past, real or imagined, it will react immediately. If we are experiencing or have experienced pain, it will focus solely on that moment. When I think of that event, it's as if I am reliving it over and over again. 

Negative vs Positive

Perhaps this is more prevalent in Western culture, but we seem to do it more often when remembering negative situations over joyous ones. Do we think we don't deserve joy and need to pay for pain? I'm obviously not a psychologist but I think there's something to that. Our frontal lobe is in charge of reasoning, motor skills, higher level cognition, and expressive language. So our complicated brain starts to fight with itself. 

I've started an exercise and like most when you begin, I'm terrible at it, but I'm trying to think of five positive things in my life or events that have happened whenever a negative thought or memory crosses my mind. When I can do it successfully, it actually works. So perhaps you can try it if you can't seem to get past a negative event in your past.

I wonder how the elephant balances on that motorcycle? 

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Advice for Leaders

Flexibility will garner better results. You don’t need to make every decision.
Show grace under pressure. If people call you sensitive, thank them.

It's better than being insensitive.

Turn your wounds into wisdom.
Oprah Winfrey

Don't let job titles get in your way. Trust your gut.
Don't play favorites.

Resist the temptation to take all the credit.
Fall seven times, stand up eight. (Proverb)

A short no is often preferred over a long maybe.
Bury the past. Laugh at least once a day.

We acquire the strength we have overcome.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t hesitate this time. Be honest about your efforts.
No is a perfectly acceptable response.

Respect is how to treat everyone, not just those you want to impress.
Richard Branson

Balance confidence with competence.
Self-doubt serves no one. Own your decisions.

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
Dalai Lama

Imagine. Create. Share. Lead.
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The Good Life

If we want to invest in "the good life", where should we put our time and energy? Robert Waldinger outlines riveting data from a 75-year-long Harvard study of adult life that continues today. It seems clear; a happy life is not measured by a larger paycheck, more stuff, higher investments, or financial net worth.


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What About Now?

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to tackle a new task or refine an idea or meet a deadline but been unsure where to begin? That’s obviously rhetorical because we all have but the trick is how we successfully get out of that first key step to move forward.

It’s often been said leadership is about results but those results have to begin with an idea that must be advanced and refined before we can deliver it. But how much think time do we allow in our day to even get any of done? Our biggest hurdle is often us and in our inability to get started.

Ideas to get us moving forward.

Inspiration can often be unexpected. Recently, I was renewing my passport and while leaving the office I looked at my old one that had been with me for every flight, hotel, packed bag, cancelled flight, security check, delayed flight, and journey since 2007. Five years of fun, adventures, stress, bad food, opportunities, laughs, setbacks, great meals, and new friends.

How could a passport renewal create such a rush of memories? Perhaps it’s why we have pictures that trigger the emotion we felt at the time they were taken. It's not good to feel your best is behind you, but lessons and memories are part the deal.

Memories not Mementos

No matter what expertise we deploy, we can’t change the past. But it can teach us and remind us. It can clear a path to what could work in the future. Think about how you can apply that lesson to your leadership journey.

It’s the people who touch our lives and the experiences we most recap and recall. That booklet filed with paper reminded me to get back in touch with a few friends, remember good times, and think of lessons learned which weren't pleasant at the time but were necessary to reach the next milestone.

We need to give the past the respect it deserves, but on our way to the future, we can't forget to enjoy the now.
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More Stuff Doesn't Make Us Happy

If we want to invest in "the good life", where should we put our time and energy? Robert Waldinger outlines riveting data from a 75-year-long Harvard study of adult life that continues today. It seems clear; a happy life is not measured by a larger paycheck, more stuff, higher investments, or financial net worth.


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Your Good Life

If we want to invest in "the good life", where should we put our time and energy? Robert Waldinger outlines riveting data from a 75-year-long Harvard study of adult life that continues today. It seems clear; a happy life is not measured by a larger paycheck, more stuff, higher investments, or financial net worth.


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Enjoy This Ride

The new year is fresh and many of us are looking it with optimism, but how often do we look at the past to compare it to what's ahead of us rather than focusing solely on possibilities ahead? One of my go-to songs is from a band called Morcheeba, it's entitled "Enjoy the Ride".

I think we spend far too much of our time looking back and looking forward and not enough time enjoying now. Now is not always fun and the ride is certainly not always smooth – in fact, it’s often quite bumpy. But if we pay more attention, we may stop chasing shadows in our work, our companies, our relationships, and our lives.

Maybe we'll enjoy this ride.


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Mom's Wisdom

On the night before I left for college, my mom said: "I'm so proud of you. Enjoy this time as you are going out into the world and as much as I'd love to help you never make mistakes, you will make lots of them. I can teach you not to make the same ones I made, but you'll make news ones all on our own."

That talk has carried me through some rough times and mom still helps me with her wisdom. But what is in a mistake? You spent too much on that dinner; you took that relationship too far when you knew it was over; you took that gig you knew you didn't really want; you trusted that person you know was lying to you.

Time's wisdom

The key element to any mistake is time and more importantly time after the event. I'm not referring to those decisions we make when when we know right at that moment we aren't making the right call. This is about that relationship, job, or experience that we endured because we decided with all the evidence we had at the time.

I don't know about you, but I've spent far too much of my life regretting stuff I can't change. Then again, those mistakes can often push us to where we need to go and the doorway was the so-called misstep we made in the past.

Let's live for today not yesterday.
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Be True to Yourself

I was having dinner this week with a close friend and we started talking about past missteps, relationships, jobs, and family stuff. It's so very easy to look back with the wisdom of now but we never get that then so why do we torture ourselves with something in our past we can't change and how we'd do it differently?

She shared a story of a former relationship she thought was based on trust and found it was built on lies. Been there? Yeah, me too. It's worse than coming home to realize someone has broken into your home. In these cases, someone has broken into your heart and trust. How can someone be so selfish and mean? Because some people are selfish and mean.

Watch for Oncoming Traffic

It sounds so blissfully simply to suggest we need to take care of our own needs first. Secure your mask before helping other passengers, they say. And yet we walk into these situations throughout our lives. Perhaps it's an innocent way to put it but if we know the element is hot, we may not want to touch the stove this time. It shouldn't make us mistrust everyone but we may want to heed the warnings this time.

You will run into people who will lie to you; I will as well. You will wonder if it's okay to be true to you; I will too. And the best way we can navigate these challenges it to look back for the lessons, try not to repeat them, and when they show up again, stop them quicker. If they lie to you, they will lie to others and it's not your fault.

Let's not forget ourselves in our own lives.
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Not Today

Today we won’t focus on what we can’t change. Today we won’t compare ourselves to others. Today we won’t do what they say we should do. Today we won’t second guess ourselves. Today we won’t make assumptions. Today we won’t worry about yesterday.

Today we won’t sabotage our goals. Today we won’t lament about our weaknesses.

Today we won’t listen to opinions. Today we won’t expect them to read our mind. Today we won’t get distracted by actions that will derail us. Today we won’t change the past.

Today we won’t be hard on ourselves. Today we'll focus on today. Today we won’t fret the details. Today we won’t listen to our inner critic. Today we won't concern ourselves with petty arguments. Today we will get to that item we keep meaning to complete.

Today is all we got.
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Let's Not Do That Today

Today we won’t focus on what we can’t change. Today we won’t compare ourselves to others. Today we won’t do what they say we should do. Today we won’t second guess ourselves. Today we won’t make assumptions. Today we won’t worry about yesterday.

Today we won’t sabotage our goals. Today we won’t lament about our weaknesses.

Today we won’t listen to opinions. Today we won’t expect them to read our mind. Today we won’t get distracted by actions that will derail us. Today we won’t change the past.

Today we won’t be hard on ourselves. Today we'll focus on today. Today we won’t fret the details. Today we won’t listen to our inner critic. Today we won't concern ourselves with petty arguments. Today we will get to that item we keep meaning to complete.

Today is all we got.
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Hindsight is Easy

The red element on the stove means it’s hot. The amber light means slow down. The object 100 yards ahead of our car may be danger. These are things we have learned are to be avoided. Is it critical to look back and sift through evidence, examine results, and take to the present the lessons we learned? In part, yes. But beating ourselves up over the past in the comfort of now is dangerous.

Celebrating what worked is important. Letting go of those lessons to make room to do it better this time is the point, but what if this time is slightly different or we don't see it coming until after it happens?

Warning Signs

You may have learned the hard way as a kid not to touch the stove element again. Perhaps it was your experience with a punctured tire at 2am in the thunderstorm that ensured you would swerve around foreign objects on the road again. Learning from the past is important; embracing the lessons is critical.

We may not see the next stove element, road object, or conflict before it arrives. Perhaps the only way to manage that uncertainty is to understand we may mess up again and perfection is an impossible pursuit.

We only ever have right now.
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Just Say No

Just say no to accepting the past will repeat.
Just say no when you hear that negative self-talk.

Just say no to naysayers. Just say no to those who reject you.

Just say no to giving up. Just say no when you think you can't.
Just say no to letting go of your dream.

Just say no to letting setbacks stop you. Just say no to distractions.
Just say no to sharing your ideas with negative people.

Just say no to fear. Just say no to doubt. Just say no to stopping.

Just say no to being hard on yourself.
Just say no to disbelieving your ideas matter.

Just say no to avoiding asking others for help.
Just say no to average. Just say no to excuses.

Just say no to thinking it won't get better.
Just say no to people who hold you back.
Just so not to procrastinating.

Just say no to accepting you can't do it.
Just say no to emotional vampires.

Just say no to thinking mistakes define you.
Just say no to comparing yourself to others.
Just say no to not shipping your art.
Just say no to letting yourself stop following your dream

Let's just say yes we can and will.
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What Makes Us Happy?

If we want to invest in "the good life", where should we put our time and energy? Robert Waldinger outlines riveting data from a 75-year-long Harvard study of adult life that continues today. It seems clear; a happy life is not measured by a larger paycheck, more stuff, higher investments, or financial net worth.


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As a passionate leader, Kneale Mann has extensive experience as a business advisor and project manager in numerous industries and organizations including; human resources, corporate training, financial services, media, real estate, healthcare and more. He is always open to meeting leaders who want to improve their bottom line through strong culture and leadership.

Enjoy the Ride

One of my go-to songs is from a band called Morcheeba entitled Enjoy the Ride. There was a situation recently that made me crank it a few times. We spend far too much of our time looking back and looking forward and not enough time enjoying now.

Now is not always fun and the ride is certainly not always smooth – in fact, it’s often quite bumpy. But if we pay more attention, we may stop chasing shadows in our work, our companies, our relationships, and our lives and enjoy this ride.


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Kneale Mann | People + Priority = Profit

Morcheeba | mickym77