Would You Like Fear with That?

We've heard the old saying ‘starve a fever, feed a cold’. As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. This is where I can help. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. Perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said; "Fear is the enemy."
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The Stories We Tell Ourselves

That won't work. It's a dumb idea. You're too sensitive. You can't do that. Don't dream so big. You aren't mean for great things. Don't be ridiculous. Lower your expectations. 

The stories we tell ourselves are often influenced by the stories others tell us about us. Bill isn't good with math; Sally tends to talk too much; Byron has issues with authority; Janet has no success with relationships; Kyle doesn't socialize well.

Mean What You Mean

Our friends, family, parents, and even our colleagues may mean well but they shape how we feel about ourselves whether their assessments are accurate or not. It's easy to say "don't listen to them" but it takes a lot of energy and fortitude to do that, especially if some of this imprinting has been going on for years.

Far too often, we put others and ourselves in a box. I'm too old, I don't have the money, I couldn't do that, it won't work, it's too late. Easier said than done, but let's accept the past has passed, and take the shot. We could just resign ourselves to letting others build our narrative. After all, they know best, right?

Or perhaps we may enjoy making some new stories.

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Count to Four

We all know we are flawed and we all make mistakes. We know we don’t have it all figured out and we never will have it figured out. We know there's work to do because there's always work to do. But part of finding clarity is discovering the joy in our work rather than the never ending deadlines and unattainable finish line.

Clutter makes us nervous and stressed. It derails us from our goals. Clarity can help us find our baseline and silence some of that unnecessary noise. To gain clarity, there are four questions we can ask ourselves and our teams. 

These may make the clutter crystal clear.

1. What do you stand for?

 2. What won't you tolerate?

3. Why do you do what you do?

4. What won't you do? ________________________________________________________________

TikTok Now

One of my colleagues sent me a post from TikTok by Mel Robbins. In it, she outlines her key tenets to life. I told my friend that I had seen Mel's TEDTalk and posted it here a couple of times. In fact, the first time I posted this video was a decade ago. 

 Her message has never been more relevant that it is right now.

 
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Ready?

When I was a kid, my parents would try and tell me to enjoy life and not get too caught up in the minutiae, but they did all the time. Now that my mom is in her 80's, we're able to have great discussions about life and her common message remains clear - don't live with regrets. If you want that relationship, go for it. If you want to try that new job, don't wait for an invitation.

This is not a new revelation; we've been saying and reading it our entire lives. The classic; no one will be on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at the office. But it's deeper than that. It's more than what we do for a paycheck or even better a passion that pays our bills. It's ubiquitous; it doesn't go away after work or on the weekends. It's with us always.

Now what?

I saw this wonderful quote and it sums up life rather nicely. The question isn't whether we have the guts or time or ability or talent or money to go for it. It's a much deeper yet simpler issue.

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Hugh Laurie
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Fear Diet

We've heard the old saying ‘starve a fever, feed a cold’. As leaders, what would happen if we applied that to our lives by feeding our passions and not giving any table scraps to our fears? Yes, easier said than done but worth a shot.

Some organizations, for all their efforts, become a dysfunctional environment. This is where I can help. Some don't want to be helped and it's best we leave them to their misery. Perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be put on a diet.

Often, much of what we may fear isn’t the big scary monster but simply something we haven’t tried or an instance where we need help from others or a bit more experience. We may have fear while others navigate it with ease and can help us. There will be times the roles are reversed but we need to starve our fears together.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said; "Fear is the enemy."
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My Gramps' Advice

My grandfather used to love telling the story of his boyhood friend Campbell. One day, they were at my great grandmother’s house and she had just baked a delicious chocolate cake. She asked my grandfather if he’d like a slice and he replied; “Yes please!” and she gave him one.

She then turned to Campbell and asked him the same question and he said; “I don’t mind”. She replied; “I don’t mind either” and left the room. No cake for Campbell.

Real or Imagined

Whether this story happened or not isn’t the point. My grandfather was trying to teach his 9 year old grandson to say please and thank-you and if I wanted something someone had offered me, it was okay to accept it.

How often do we do that to ourselves? We send out confusing messages to the universe and wonder why more confusion returns. My grandfather didn’t teach his grandson to take what wasn’t his or be an arrogant self-centered person, he was showing me how to discover what I wanted and be okay with wanting it.

Say What You Mean

Now take the Campbell story into your life, your work, your company, and see how often basic communication breaks down to the point of confusion. We humans try our best but often we don’t communicate very well with each other.

In our relationships, if we aren’t clear, how on earth can we expect others around us to have a clear sense of what we want, mean, or say? So the next time someone offers you a piece of cake, simply say yes please or no thank-you. It’s all you would expect if you were doing the offering.

Thanks Gramps.
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Enough is Enough

The annual strategic meetings are on. The big boss says profit margins need to widen. The new product line has to help increase market share. The southwest division has to pick it up on sales results. The list goes on.

The desire for infinite monetary growth permeates the room. No one is allowed to say this may be a flat year because of market shifts and customer demands. No one would suggest business comes with ebbs and flows as does life.

More of more!

In the developing world, it appears the need for prosperity and material possessions is a core belief and desire. Do we really need the four bedroom house on half an acre? Will granite counter tops bring us nirvana? Are 34 dress shirts enough? Can profits increase infinitely? Will we ever have enough?

We know buying stuff keeps the economy going and all of us employed. We need to ensure we can sustain our lives now and into retirement but the desire for something that we can’t even define is creating widespread unhappiness and uncertainty. Perhaps the bigger decision is to figure out who we want to spend our time with and what experiences we want.

More is rarely better.
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Our Unexpected Ally

For most of my life, I've been called an extrovert. I can stand in front of a crowd and deliver a talk; as an executive recruiter I'm able to call complete strangers and tell them about an opportunity; and yet I need a lot of quiet alone time. I used to think you had to be either an introvert or an extrovert and being both was confusing to me.

Kare Anderson shares her story as someone who suffered from chronic shyness and found the capacity through her challenges to make change to become an opportunity maker and how we can do the same.


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Grandfather's Lesson

My grandfather used to love telling the story of his boyhood friend Campbell. One day, they were at my great grandmother’s house and she had just baked a delicious chocolate cake. She asked my grandfather if he’d like a slice and he replied; “Yes please!” and she gave him one.

She then turned to Campbell and asked him the same question and he said; “I don’t mind”. She replied; “I don’t mind either” and left the room. No cake for Campbell.

Real or Imagined

Whether this story happened or not isn’t the point. My grandfather was trying to teach his 9 year old grandson to say please and thank-you and if I wanted something someone had offered me, it was okay to accept it.

How often do we do that to ourselves? We send out confusing messages to the universe and wonder why more confusion returns. My grandfather didn’t teach his grandson to take what wasn’t his or be an arrogant self-centered person, he was showing me how to discover what I wanted and be okay with wanting it.

Say What You Mean

Now take the Campbell story into your life, your work, your company, and see how often basic communication breaks down to the point of confusion. We humans try our best but often we don’t communicate very well with each other.

In our relationships, if we aren’t clear, how on earth can we expect others around us to have a clear sense of what we want, mean, or say? So the next time someone offers you a piece of cake, simply say yes please or no thank-you. It’s all you would expect if you were doing the offering.

Thanks Gramps, you are still teaching me!
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The Daily Art of Being Human

There are over seven billion of us on this planet, over two billion online, and the noise is unbearable most days. Look at this, click on that, check my offer, attend this event, go to that store, read this article, buy that cool gadget, the list is endless. Then we're expected to share it, text it, tweet it, connect it, friend it, email it, or blog it.

The cries for attention seem unrelenting and perhaps as we have trained ourselves to sift through endless data, content, and advertising, we have forgotten ourselves? But it would be good to think we take more care with our relationships and careers. This creates strong bonds, great friendships, and successful companies.

Culture Matters

Leadership and culture are not job titles and your team is not a group of robots carrying out mindless tasks to grow the revenue for your shareholders. Like you, they have dreams and goals and a need for more meaning and passion in their work.

If you focus on the meaning of your business, significance of your people, and importance of creating a collaborative culture, the focus on revenue will no longer get in the way of creating all of your goals.

Daily Care

If you feel yourself wanting more on a deeper level, you are certainly not alone. In a busy world with too much going on, keeping relationships our biggest priority will serve us well. Letting the distractions replace the interactions is dangerous.

If you understand that everyone around you is not too different than you, have a need to belong like you, and want contribute and be a part of something like you, that will go a long way. As a leader, be human.

Your team will thank you.
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Consciousness Streaming

Take from the past what you want and leave the rest. Rest assured you can do what you set your mind on accomplishing. Accomplishments are not just monetary.

Money and relationships are not related. Relating to those around you can help you better understand yourself. Selfishness does not have to come at the expense of others. Other points of view can often help clear your path.

Pathways to success are rarely straight. Straightening your focus is a daily exercise. Exercise your right to your own success. Succeeding is measured by your standards and those who matter won't mind.

Mindfulness can calm the storm. Storm in and take control of your life.

Life is finite; let's live it.
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Squeeze Some Lemons

The Lemonade Movement has been around since 2007 and perhaps you've living it and don't even know it. If you're making a change, you may not need a movie or a group but perhaps this two minutes will give you inspiration that you can do it.


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Reasons vs Excuses

We all have those moments, those things, those conversations, those fill in the blank, that we say we want to tackle but we often find plenty of brilliant excuses. It's not the right time; it's best we wait; I'll get to it soon.

Mel Robbins demystifies the excuses and drops the f-bomb.


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We Will Never Be Ready

When I was a kid, my parents would try and tell me to enjoy life and not get too caught up in the minutiae, but they did all the time. Now that my mom is in her late 70's, we're able to have wicked discussions about life and her common message remains clear - don't live with regrets. If you want that relationship, go for it. If you want to try that new job, don't wait for an invitation.

This is not a new revelation; we've been saying and reading it our entire lives. The classic; no one will be on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at the office. But it's deeper than that. It's more than what we do for a paycheck or even better a passion that pays our bills. It's ubiquitous; it doesn't go away after work or on the weekends. It's with us always.

What are we gonna do about it?

I saw this wonderful quote recently from actor Hugh Laurie and it's been rattling around in my grey matter ever since and it sums it up nicely. The question isn't whether we have the guts or time or ability or talent or money to go for it. It's a much deeper yet simpler issue.

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Hugh Laurie
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We Need More!

The annual strategic meetings are on. The big boss says profit margins need to widen. The new product line has to help increase market share. The southwest division has to pick it up on sales results. The list goes on.

The desire for infinite monetary growth permeates the room. No one is allowed to say this may be a flat year because of market shifts and customer demands. No one would suggest business comes with ebbs and flows as does life.

More of more!

In the developing world, it appears the need for prosperity and material possessions is a core belief and desire. Do we really need the four bedroom house on half an acre? Will granite counter tops bring us nirvana? Are 34 dress shirts enough? Can profits increase infinitely? Will we ever have enough?

We know buying stuff keeps the economy going and all of us employed. We need to ensure we can sustain our lives now and into retirement but the desire for something that we can’t even define is creating widespread unhappiness and uncertainty. Perhaps the bigger decision is to figure out who we want to spend our time with and what experiences we want.

Or we could continue deploying the hope and wish strategy.
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Calendars and Reflections

I'm not sure about you, but I get reflective this time of year. I know we can make plans in April and course correct ideas in August, but it's the end of a year and it's as good a time as any to take stalk and get clear. 2017 was a year for confusing elections, technological advances, straight talk about harrassment, and all the events in each of our lives.

As we look back on the year that has almost passed, let’s reflect on the most important element of our lives – our relationships with each other. Money comes and goes; jobs and homes change, but nothing can replace the important people in our lives, love, home, and family. For me, this was a year of challenges, successes, strong career work, and spending time with people I love.

Cheers to you and yours!
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Coffee and TV and Sleep

Here are some interesting facts about how we spend our lives from Distractify.

Twenty five years is for sleeping. We’ll work about 10-12 years in real time. This is discouraging, only 48 days having sex – keep in mind, it’s an average. We’ll watch about 9 years of television. Close to 3 years cooking, another year cleaning, and just over 4 years driving our cars.

We’ll drink 12,000 cups of coffee, 48 pounds of tea, and a measly 14 days kissing. Tack on another year of our lives deciding what to wear, 8 years shopping, 5 years sitting at a desk, and we’ll swear about 2 million times.

Life Gets in the Way

Interesting stats but if the average person in North America lives just over 78 years, it doesn’t leave us much time for reflection. But we’re far too busy for that. We have stuff to do, places to go.

When was the last time you gave your team a few minutes off, during the day, at work, to just clear their heads? Yes, quiet time at work. Life is an instant yet we take so little time for ourselves. You just spent about a minute reading this post.

Give yourself the next moment to reflect.
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Summer Leadership Tune-Up

In the Western part of the planet, summer has arrived and as we embark on this season, vacation plans come to mind. It feels less stressed this time of year and perhaps I may sound like a buzzkill but it's always dangerous as we could let up on our work when we're not off to enjoy adventures with friends and families and sunshine.

But if you are planning a road trip this summer, you will ensure your vehicles get a once over. It's also a chance to put your leadership performance on the hoist once in a while to ensure everything is in working order.

If you want to check your alignment, see below:

1 - Do you know what you believe?
2 - Will you dedicate a minimum of 25% of your time helping others?
3 - Can you keep a truly open mind?
4 - How will you ensure you have ample think time?
5 - Are you fair and do you care about the people on your team?
6 - Could you identify one personal interest of each team member?
7 - Have you clearly outlined and documented your goals?
8 - Do you encourage an open collaborative co-creative environment?
9 - Do you have trouble asking for help?
10 - Are you sure you know what each person on your team believes?
11 - Can you articulate to others what success looks like to you?
12 - Are you bringing and having fun?

Now let's hit the road!
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The Dreaded F-Word

You're not fine. You will never feel like doing it. Get off your ass and get going.
Wise words from Mel Robbins. Watch this.


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