The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We love stories. They give our lives perspective. They help give context to concepts we share. If we can present a new idea that resonates with the audience, it holds more credibility. But if I share an idea with you, you don’t just digest what I'm saying; your beliefs, perceptions, and point of view come into play. Your experience and bias is always part of the equation. 

The same happens with team culture. If you work in an environment that encourages sales at all costs but you prefer building relationships first, your time will be challenged. Those who measure success solely by financial gain may tell you to just make more calls because their perspective is relationships are a numbers game. 

 It’s the way we do it around here 

 If your leadership style is to give a good portion of your time to help the development of your people to in turn grow the bottom line; someone who tells you the best way to motivate people is through fear, will be a recipe for conflict. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They feed our narrative, perspective, and beliefs. They can become our truth regardless of reality or facts. 

And it gets even trickier when you have culture comprised of people from different demographics, psychographics, or points of view. This is not to suggest teams succeed when everyone thinks the same way - just the opposite - but if we become rigid, we can close ourselves off from even better ideas. 

Turning the camera around 

If you have a belief embedded deep inside you, it will require enormous energy for me to first convince you another stance and then share my view. 

Multiple that dynamic by hundreds or thousands in an organization and you can quickly see how the power of story can morph into complication. But if we accept our differing points of view, we both win. 

 The stories we tell ourselves can also get in our way.

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Mindful Nothing

We live busy lives often being busy doing busy things with others getting busy on busy tasks. But how often do we take time for think time or better yet, do nothing?

Andy Puddicombe is the co-founder of Headspace, a project that aims to demystify meditation and make it applicable to everyday life. He is a Clinical Meditation Consultant and former Buddhist monk.

For more than a decade, Andy’s meditation training took him all over the world. He became a fully ordained monk at a Tibetan Monastery in the Indian Himalayas. In his TEDTalk, Puddicombe explains the importance of making time to do nothing.


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Engineered Pasta

If you have worked a day in your life, it is fairly safe to say you have worked alongside others. In some cases, those experiences have been enjoyable while others have not. You may have had to endure an arrogant selfish boss while other situations have been filled with giving collaborative coworkers.

We seem to enjoy looking at things “on paper” but they get all wobbly when we add the human element and often it’s because we are unclear about the mandate. Often there is a struggle among conflicting agendas or someone comes in and plays the “I’m the boss” card. None of these scenarios are effective, productive, or long lasting business success models. However, sadly they are far too common.

But what happens when you ask a group of people to build a structure out of spaghetti, string, and a marshmallows?


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Help is on the Way

In my experience, if we are currently faced with something we think we can’t accomplish, we can get clear on what we want, what drives us, and what makes us happy. Then we ask those around us for help, or we freeze in fear and nothing gets done.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Let's Dig Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of our existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. 

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Finding that quite place in this busy lizard brain is my challenge. Allowing gratitude for those who help takes practice. There are people in our lives right now who want to help. 

 We just need to pay attention and accept their help.
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Bringing Our Work to Life

It has often been stated work is for work and if you want to interject something that is happening in your life, do that after work or during lunch, but work is for working.

While we see four generations trying to mix cultures in the workplace plus more telecommuting, virtual teaming, technology, and flex time, we are seeing a shift and the process may not be going smoothly in many cases. I’m not a fan of stereotypes but generally older employees are more resistant to change while the younger employees adapt quicker. The pandemic has forever shifted what work means to a large percentage of us. Some (many/most) companies may never return to the traditional Monday to Friday 8:30am to 5pm at your desk like a worker bee environment ever again.

Smile for the Camera

If you're like me, and millions of others, you spend your day working from home or on Zoom calls. This poses a unique challenge. I don't know about you, but I hate being on camera, so having meetings on TV makes me nervous and self-conscious.

But what is good culture? What does it mean to create a space people from all walks of life and demographics will enjoy and flourish? We know foosball tables and fancy coffee in the lunchroom isn't the answer. But blending generations, mixing perspectives, and allowing life to permeate your company will make it personal. 

How are you?

Through the last two years, we've all heard people say they can't wait until things get back to normal. This is now normal. Virtual teams, employees working from home, remote collaboration, and culture requires much more flexibility. 

The "new normal" featuring work environments with employees working remotely makes culture harder to define. But if we allow each other to bring some of our life to work on those calls and Zooms, we might see more of our work come to life.

It's worth a shot

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Perspective

We love stories. They give our lives perspective. They help give context to concepts we share. If we can present a new idea that resonates with the audience, it holds more credibility. But if I share an idea with you, you don’t just digest what I'm saying; your beliefs, perceptions, and point of view come into play. Your experience and bias is always part of the equation. 

The same happens with team culture. If you work in an environment that encourages sales at all costs but you prefer building relationships first, your time will be challenged. Those who measure success solely by financial gain may tell you to just make more calls because their perspective is relationships are a numbers game. 

 It’s the way we do it around here 

 If your leadership style is to give a good portion of your time to help the development of your people to in turn grow the bottom line; someone who tells you the best way to motivate people is through fear, will be a recipe for conflict. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They feed our narrative, perspective, and beliefs. They can become our truth regardless of reality or facts. 

And it gets even trickier when you have culture comprised of people from different demographics, psychographics, or points of view. This is not to suggest teams succeed when everyone thinks the same way - just the opposite - but if we become rigid, we can close ourselves off from even better ideas. 

Turning the camera around 

If you have a belief embedded deep inside you, it will require enormous energy for me to first convince you another stance and then share my view. 

Multiple that dynamic by hundreds or thousands in an organization and you can quickly see how the power of story can morph into complication. But if we accept our differing points of view, we both win. 

 The stories we tell ourselves can also get in our way.

__________________________________________________________________

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Stories give our lives perspective. They offer context to concepts we share. If we present a new idea that resonates with the audience, it holds more credibility. If I share an idea with you, you don’t just digest what I'm saying; your beliefs, perceptions, and point of view come into play. Your experience and bias is always part of the equation.

The same happens with team culture. If you work in an environment that encourages sales at all costs but you prefer building relationships first, your time will be challenged. Those who measure success solely by financial gain may tell you to just make more calls because their perspective is relationships are a numbers game.

That's not how we do it here

If your leadership style is to give a good portion of your time to help the development of your people to in turn grow the bottom line; someone who tells you the best way to motivate people is through fear, will be a recipe for conflict.

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They feed our narrative, perspective, and beliefs. They can become our truth regardless of reality or facts. It gets trickier when you have culture comprised of different demographics, psychographics, or points of view. 

What's your opinion?

This is not to suggest teams succeed when everyone thinks the same way - just the opposite - but if we become rigid, we can close ourselves off from even better ideas.

If you have a belief embedded deep inside you, it will require enormous energy for me to first convince you another stance and then share my view. Multiple that dynamic by hundreds or even thousands in an organization and you can quickly see how the power of story can morph into complication. The dangerous part is this bias can hide inside what some may mistake as company culture. 

If we consider our differing points of view, we both might win.

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Doing Nothing

We live busy lives often being busy doing busy things with others getting busy on busy tasks. But how often do we take time for think time or better yet, do nothing?

Andy Puddicombe is the co-founder of Headspace, a project that aims to demystify meditation and make it applicable to everyday life. He is a Clinical Meditation Consultant and former Buddhist monk.

For more than a decade, Andy’s meditation training took him all over the world. He became a fully ordained monk at a Tibetan Monastery in the Indian Himalayas. In his TEDTalk, Puddicombe explains the importance of making time to do nothing.


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Spaghetti and Marshmallows

If you have worked a day in your life, it is fairly safe to say you have worked alongside others. In some cases, those experiences have been enjoyable while others have not. You may have had to endure an arrogant selfish boss while other situations have been filled with giving collaborative coworkers.

We seem to enjoy looking at things “on paper” but they get all wobbly when we add the human element and often it’s because we are unclear about the mandate. Often there is a struggle among conflicting agendas or someone comes in and plays the “I’m the boss” card. None of these scenarios are effective, productive, or long lasting business success models. However, sadly they are far too common.

But what happens when you ask a group of people to build a structure out of spaghetti, string, and a marshmallows?


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Collaboration Meal

If you have worked a day in your life, it is fairly safe to say you have worked alongside others. In some cases, those experiences have been enjoyable while others have not. You may have had to endure an arrogant selfish boss while other situations have been filled with giving collaborative coworkers.

We seem to enjoy looking at things “on paper” but they get all wobbly when we add the human element and often it’s because we are unclear about the mandate. Often there is a struggle among conflicting agendas or someone comes in and plays the “I’m the boss” card. None of these scenarios are effective, productive, or long lasting business success models. However, sadly they are far too common.

But what happens when you take a group of people and ask them to build a structure out of spaghetti, string, and a marshmallow?

Tom Wujec explains.


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Fix the Window

Years ago, I worked at an organization that did a company-wide survey on various issues such as compensation, benefits, ability to advance, collaboration, leadership, communication, and others. The item that was surprisingly high on the list was management’s inability to deal with non-performance.

Money is always high on the list, pay people properly. The ability to advance and grow is up there as well, offer an environment where people can thrive and improve. But what may have appeared to be a minor issue when they crafted the survey became a big topic of discussion.

Accepted Behavior

When we dug deeper, it was clear that employees wanted to be treated fairly which is no surprise but things that were tougher to measure like favoritism and compassion came to the forefront.

One stakeholder said she had grown tired of seeing others in her department being allowed to show up late for meetings, unprepared, miss deadlines, and nothing was done about it. Another mentioned he had cared less and less about his department because his boss was doing the same. In “The Tipping Point”, Malcolm Gladwell calls this the broken window hypothesis.

Gap Analysis

This is where something small turns into something that can paralyze your organization which is leadership’s inability to deal with people showing up late for meetings, not getting their work done, or playing favorites. Those little things can add up to a feeling or an attitude you can't quite describe and it can hurt a company at the core.

There are data that shows close to a trillion dollars in lost revenue just in North America each year is attributed to disengaged employees. The challenge is committing to engagement.

The cost of great people isn't only measured by competitive compensation, pension contribution, and three weeks' vacation.
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Walk Away and Ask for Help

Have you ever felt yourself shut down and think no solution seemed plausible? There never seems to be enough time, money, resources, people, sunlight, matching socks, peace and quiet, food, good shows on TV, shelter, budget, gas in the tank. Though new socks every morning would be sweet!

At times, we put ourselves into a corner and begin to read the new reality as our only choice. "We have no budget for that" replaces "is this a good idea?"

Maybe it's time to replace no’s with some how’s. 
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Now

Karen Lamb said a year from now you will wish you had started today while Jim Rohn said if you really want to do something, you'll find a way, if you don't, you'll find an excuse. We all have ideas we don’t act on. We may be waiting for the best time, more money, or permission. We may be out of excuses and left with one option.

The best time is probably right now.
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Ch-ch-changes

You have heard the quote “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Some say it was Einstein; some say it was Franklin. The point is the meaning behind it.

Change is awkward and unsure. The ground begins to move beneath us and we crave for things to return to "normal". We are creatures of habit and like to feel safe and comfortable. We may scan the menu but there are usually only a handful if items we order each time we're back to the restaurant.

Rinse Don't Repeat

There are two significant issues going on – the sheer will of stakeholders to keep their status quo and the monumental task of building inspirational leadership.

Change is not this. Change can be exciting. Change is unproven. Change can be scary. Change requires a leap of faith. Change can conquer courage. When the bottom line is the only objective, affecting change can often be an illusive pipe dream.

We can't always predict the outcome of change.
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Is it Magic?

There are a thousand ways we can go with leadership development and talent training but without knowing the specifics, it can be a lot of activity with disappointing results.

The best way, in my experience, to build anything is to include everyone. This isn't to suggest you take the committee approach forever, but you need to find the waterline. Here's one simple tactic you may want to try if your company or department or team are stuck. Give everyone the day off.

You read that right. Without letting important deadlines or projects drop, give the team a work day away from the office to think and gather their thoughts. Then it's time to get back together and do a brainstorming session. I love to facilitate these because it allows everyone to have a voice and ideas to be streamlined into realistic and executable chunks. So wave your magic wand and dream big. Then get to work.

It will be worth it.
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Find and Seek

In my experience, if you are currently faced with something you think you can’t accomplish, you can if you are willing to get clear on what you want, what drives you, and what makes you happy. And this is a critical ingredient; open your heart to those around you who want to help.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Looking Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of your existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. We need to understand there are people on our side and when help arrives, we need to be grateful because we help others without hesitation.

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Allowing gratitude for those who help can require practice. Understanding we can go after what we want if we disallow distractions and self-doubt to derail us is a key element of the journey.  There are people in our lives right now who want to help.

It’s up to us to let them and be grateful they did.
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Widening the Lens

We love stories. They give our lives perspective. They help give context to concepts we share. If we can present a new idea that resonates with the audience, it holds more credibility. But if I share an idea with you, you don’t just digest what I'm saying; your beliefs, perceptions, and point of view come into play. Your experience and bias is always part of the equation.

The same happens with team culture. If you work in an environment that encourages sales at all costs but you prefer building relationships first, your time will be challenged. Those who measure success solely by financial gain may tell you to just make more calls because their perspective is relationships are a numbers game.

It’s the way we do it around here

If your leadership style is to give a good portion of your time to help the development of your people to in turn grow the bottom line; someone who tells you the best way to motivate people is through fear, will be a recipe for conflict.

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They feed our narrative, perspective, and beliefs. They can become our truth regardless of reality or facts. And it gets even trickier when you have culture comprised of people from different demographics, psychographics, or points of view. This is not to suggest teams succeed when everyone thinks the same way - just the opposite - but if we become rigid, we can close ourselves off from even better ideas.

Turning the camera around

If you have a belief embedded deep inside you, it will require enormous energy for me to first convince you another stance and then share my view. Multiple that dynamic by hundreds or thousands in an organization and you can quickly see how the power of story can morph into complication. But if we accept our differing points of view, we both win.

The stories we tell ourselves can also get in our way.
__________________________________________________________________

The Human Company

It’s been said for generations that bringing your life to work is frowned upon. It has often been stated work is for work and if you want to interject something that is happening in your life, do that after work or during lunch, but work is for working.

While we see four generations trying to mix cultures in the workplace plus more telecommuting, virtual teaming, technology, and flex time, we are seeing a shift and the process may not be going smoothly in many cases. I’m not a fan of stereotypes but generally older employees are more resistant to change while the younger employees adapt quicker.

This isn't to suggest comfy lounge chairs and basketball nets in the boardroom will create a collaborative culture but blending generations, mixing perspectives, and allowing life to permeate your company will make it personal and that’s a good thing.

Your team will reciprocate.
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The Importance of People

I once worked for a "boss" who felt compelled to remind people his title and raised his voice every time he didn't get his way like a five year old who can't have ice cream. Perhaps you've met this guy.

A lot is said about the power of human connection but we need to mean it and dig deep on it and live it and embrace it for real. No stakeholder will believe a well-crafted mission statement that says people are important if it’s not proven through action. You can’t pretend to care simply to get someone to do their job. Yelling guy did't care about us.

The human network

If you have kids, you have experienced a time when they defied you, acted up against your direction or disobeyed you. Discipline can be a justified response but what is the real issue going on? In the enterprise, if an employee has a temper tantrum, they are often reprimanded and sometimes dismissed. It’s not tolerated. But why is it endured when "the boss" flips out?

Your team does not want a boss. They don’t want to fear you. They don’t want to walk on egg shells around you. They need you to lead and help them grow. People will mess up, because they are people just like you. Your team will make mistakes, just like you. Your company will have challenges, just like you.Your job title might be on the org chart and your email signature.

If you feel compelled to remind your team, you've lost the room.
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How Does That Work?

We live in a plug-in-play world. The gadget comes with an instructional manual but few of us take the time to read it. Our collective impatience is too strong. We want to open the box and start using it. If there’s a problem, we’ll call someone or research the answer online. But what do we do when we can’t figure out how people work?

There is no owner’s manual with human interaction and relationships. Decades of experience can only give us a guide but each person is wired and motivated differently. We can’t simply apply one rule for all yet often the business world tries to do just that.

People are Complex

You hear claims such as; “millennials behave this way” or “women 25-49 don’t like that” which are a generalizations. Marketing companies try and predict habits and companies attempt to guide behavior. No two people in history are identical.

If you have kids, you may have taught them how to ride a bike. At first, you put on training wheels, and then over time you raised them off the ground so your child could slowly learn how to balance.

Then the day came when the training wheels were removed. You may have stood nervously as they started to pedal off without your help or the help of two extra wheels. That’s trust in them, the system, and yourself. You gave them the tools but eventually had to let them find their way. Take time to find their motivation

Or you may never know how the gadget works.
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