Helping the Yankees with Derek Jeter's range problem

Watching the Mets take out C.C. Sabathia on Sunday Night Baseball to win the Subway Series, one thing became apparent.

Actually, there were several things, but let’s focus on one of them. Friends, despite what Joe Morgan said, Derek F. Jeter has no range.

None. Nada.

The reason the Mets could rip doubles up the third base line was because ARod was playing so far over that he was practically a co-shortstop.

The charitable folks at the Crane Pool Forum discussed during the game Jeter’s, um, issues, and decided to help the Yankees with this problem.

Here, submitted with love and respect, are potential players who, right now, have better range than Derek F. Jeter.

1) Roadkill opossum: Well look, he can cover both sides of the highway. And he’s already got pinstripes.

2) Garden gnome: A tribute to the Yankee farm system. Will have to lose the facial hair, though. But if Johnny Damon can do it. Hmmm, he can already throw better than Damon.

3) A tree: A little difficult to bring on the road, especially in stadiums with artificial turf.

4) The wax Jeter from the museum: All the range and twice the personality. Can also fill in for Derek’s busy advertising schedule.

5) A rock: Waiting patiently for his Yankee Moment, then he can be rolled out to Monument Park to be with the other True Yankee monuments.

6) Lady Liberty: Dressed for the occasion. Then again, the Yankees’ record on diversity isn’t good and they’re probably not going to let a lady take the field until every other team but the Red Sox makes the move.

7) Don Zimmer. Look! Zimmer already knows how to dive for a ball, as evidenced by this impromptu lesson from Pedro. When was the last time you saw Jeter dive?

8) A garden slug: Leaves a trail of silvery Yankee aura whever he goes. But no salt in the dugout, please.

Well, that should tide the Bombers over until the next Subway Series, when we can offer base running assistance to Francisco “Pump, Trot and Whine” Cervelli.

Tiger fans, these New Yorkers know your pain

One of the nice things about going to a game at Comerica Park is that you occasionally bump into another New Yorker.

I ran into Liberty near the carousel food court last month and a Tigers photog snapped this shot. Both of us are dressed for the occasion, though I’m wearing Pedro Martinez’s Mets All-Star Game jersey from 2005.

My relationship with the Tigers is complicated.

There are two big strikes against the team.

First, they play in the American League. Ick.

Second, they’re not the Mets.

Neither are entirely the team’s fault. But I can only obsessively follow one heart-breaking franchise at a time and I certainly cannot abandon my roots.

After all, I’m not a Michigander who was born in New York. I’m a New Yorker who lives in Michigan.

The former fondly remembers eating great poppy seed bagels for breakfast every day. The latter still eats poppy seed bagels for breakfast every day and bemoans that they’re just not as good as the ones in Massapequa Park.

I don’t root against the Tigers. I treat them with friendly indifference.

A lot of friends here are big fans, and the Tigers have provided a venue for some amazing baseball adventures for me over the years, including a World Series game.

It’s nice to see former West Michigan Whitecaps wearing the Old English D. I make an annual late-season trip to Comerica. I watch some games on television while on the treadmill.

This year, however, was a little different.

With the Mets decimated by injuries, I started paying a little bit of attention to the folks in Detroit, checking the scores each night and looking to see if Curtis Granderson was doing well.

I cared, for a change.

And I commiserated with co-workers as losses to the Royals and White Sox mounted and the Twins crept closer.

I followed Tuesday’s disaster on my iPhone, and felt a very familiar feeling setting in.

On Wednesday, a distraught co-worker slumped into her seat, saying she was still unable to get over that the Tigers lost first place on the final game of the season, blowing the tie-breaker in extra innings.

After months of planning and looking forward to post-season baseball, there would be none for her.

"Oh, I know how you feel," I said with a sigh. "Exactly how you feel."

Closing out a season at Comerica Park and the Tigers

Made my annual end-of-season trip to Comerica Park to see the Tigers this week.

They got smacked around by the Kansas City Royals, 11-1. Since I'm a neutral observer, this was fine with me. And it was a spectacular night to see a ballgame.

It's taken almost 10 years, but Comerica is starting to grow on me. It's far from perfect, but it's becoming a little more affordable.

So I took a comp day from work and picked a Tuesday night game. After walking down to the Hard Rock Cafe to snag a pin for my son, I popped into a memorabilia shop that's a block from the stadium. It's kind of discounted place, and had table with $1 items, including pins and ticket holder lanyards from the 2006 All-Star Game in Pittsburgh and the 2006 World Series. T-shirts from that All-Star Game were four for $10, but I've got a lot of T-shirts.

Expecting a small crowd, my plan was to buy a cheap upper deck seat and wander around, snapping photos from all vantage points.

Scalpers were out in force. I rarely buy from these guys. But one offered a seat for $10, which is cheaper than what I'd pay at the ticket window, so off we went.

Lady Liberty made the trip from New York after last year's All-Star game. This version is better than some of the others I've seen, but I have some issues with depicting the statue as an object instead of as a person. How much better would this have looked had she been wearing a jersey instead of looking like a graffiti-tagged object?
I like the carousel, which has all tigers and no horses. It's a little pricey for such a short ride, but it's a nice decoration for the center of a food court.
There's another food court with nice tables and decorations. There's an outside television studio on one side, and the Ferris wheel at the end of section.
The Ferris wheel is kind of cool. There's not much of a view, since it's pretty small. But how often do you get to ride a Ferris wheel at a baseball game?
General Motors wanted to take its name off the center field fountains in a cost-cutting move. But the Tigers gave them the ad for free, and added Ford and Chrysler, too, to show support for the three automakers.
I have some issues with the placement of the statues. Their backs face the concourse, making it a tight squeeze if you want to shoot the front. But at least they have statues.


Ty Cobb, forever sliding in with spikes high.
This is what the warning track had to see whenever Al Kaline made a leaping catch at Tiger Stadium.

Lots of Gary Sheffield t-shirts and bobbleheads available on clearance racks. Dontrelle Willis' stuff was on sale, too, which sure indicates his status with the team.

The Tigers also hade a game-used memorabilia section, with all kinds of things ranging from affordable to silly. But I snagged Lloyd McClendon's spring training locker nameplate for $10, and a game-used cap from when the Indians and Tigers wore Negro Leagues uniforms. I have Indians first base coach Luis Rivera's cap -- he's an ex-Met!
The team did a nice job with little details. These tigers are at the end of every row -- and seem a lot better than the stickers the Mets slapped on their seats.
Dusk settled in. In the middle of summer, it stays light in Michigan until after 10 p.m. since we're on the far end of the time zone. But this was a beautiful mid-September night.
This guy ran on the field near the end of the game. He started tugging his shorts like he was going to be a streaker. Fans were cheering, I think, that security got there in time.
Curtis Granderson's a good guy who does a lot for the community and made the All-Star team this year. If there was any player I'd consider "My Tiger," it would be him.
This fan seems to think so, too. But it looks like her son favors Magglio Ordonez.
Here's a cameraman's view of Victor Marte closing the door on the Tigers. By the end of the rout, I managed to wander down to the section right behind the Tigers' dugout.
The tigers atop the scoreboard roar when a Tiger hits a home run, but they were silent this night.

The Tigers are atop a weak AL Central, but they're slumping at the wrong time and the Twins are inching closer. Not that we'd know anything about that.

It's been a good season as far as attending Major League games. I caught the Mets twice in spring training, and then the glorious day at Citi Field. August had the Executive Game at U.S. Cellular and wrapping things up at Comerica, which has become a tradition.

Treat her like a lady, please

Poppy seed bagels led to a strange experience this week — and will kick off a Deezo Friday Five that still leans heavily from my New York trip and the All-Star Game.

1) There was no way I was going to leave Long Island without a dozen real poppy seed bagels. They threw in three more knowing I was taking them back home — though at least that many disappeared somewhere along I-80 in Pennsylvania during snack time.

I’ve been rationing my bagels, defrosting one every other day.

This concerned the clerks in my regular bagel stop here in Michigan, who wondered why I was buying a cinnamon crunch bagel for my wife and nothing for myself.

I told her about my frozen stash, and the clerk seemed surprised that a New York bagel would be different than one in her shop, which actually is called Big Apple Bagels.

Another customer at the register jumped in: "They’re much bigger in New York," she said, and I joyfully recognized the accent.

"What part are you from?" I asked.

"Long Island," she replied.

"What part of the Island?" I asked.

"Mineola," she replied.

"Massapequa Park!" I offered. I didn’t realize there were other Islanders out here. "I was back home to see a game at Shea."

I was all ready to bond and discuss our favorite Billy Joel songs.

Then she broke out with this: "Did you go see a game at Yankee Stadium? It’s the final year."

"Hell no, I went to see a game at Shea, which also is in its final year."

"Are the Mets getting a new ball park, too? I don’t follow them. I like the Yankees."

She might have said something after that, but I was instantly mentally disengaged. I politely but quickly ended the conversation.

I don’t converse with Yankee fans.



2) I have mixed emotions about the sidewalk art for the All-Star Game.

You have to understand that I love all things related to the Statue of Liberty. My tolerant wife even allows me to display part of my collection on a tasteful shelf in the family room. And they’re pretty sweet, too, especially the one that dances when you put it near the stereo speakers.

So you’re thinking, "OK, baseball and Lady Liberty. How can anything be wrong with that?"

Something was bothering me and it took a while to figure it out.

Basically, they took the statues and covered them with logos. That works fine if you are dealing with an inanimate object, like the Liberty Bell for example.

But the Statue of Liberty depicts a person. Well, a person representing a concept, but you get the idea.

These painted statues treat her like an object, with logos where they shouldn’t be. It’s almost disrespectful.

How much cooler would it have been to treat her like a person — and paint jerseys on the statues? She could be wearing a special number for each team, saluting their best player.

Lady Liberty would look like she’s heading off to the game with the rest of the huddles masses yearning to breathe free instead of appearing like a giant paperweight.



Detroit had the right idea when the Tigers went to the World Series in 2006, putting a jersey on the Spirit of Detroit statue.

When Detroit does something better than you do, well, that’s not something you want to boast about.



3) Speaking of artwork, the church coed softball team I coach is in the playoffs and we kicked some butt in the first game. I almost kissed the Nitro after my sweet double.

This week we’re facing a challenge, going up against the best team in the league that, well, has yet to know the agony of defeat. Hopefully we can do some educating.

At least I think we’re playing them. Here’s what the league sent over. I’m not sure if this is the playoff bracket, abstract art or a map showing local bus routes.



4) Back to the All-Star Game. I have more issues.

I collect the programs from each game. Yes, I am obsessive. This was a fairly easy task, and I have them going back to the early 1970s.

MLB started getting difficult by producing multiple covers. First it was about five, saluting players including Mike Piazza with old-fashioned portraits. I grumbled, but I rounded them all up, as MLB knew I would.

This happened to varying degrees in recent years, with the number ebbing down through 2006.

But last year MLB went nuts and produced a program with the All-Star Game logo, then one for each team, showing a player headed to the game. Horrendous. There was no chance — none! — that I would even consider attempting getting 31 programs.

I was seriously irked because my streak of having every program since the 1970s was snapped. Now I have to add a disclaimer, saying I have one version of each program since the 1970s.

At least last year’s Met cover boy was Jose Reyes. This year we get Billy Wagner, who was our sole representative until David Wright was added this afternoon.

And there are at least two generic covers as well, one being called a limited stadium edition or some such nonsense.

I know MLB likes to take not just some of your disposable, but all of your disposable income. But sometimes I just wish it wasn’t so blatant about it.

5) I’m a good Long Islander. I like Billy Joel. People out here don’t get it, and that’s OK because they don’t get proper bagels, either.

Billy’s got some Yankee taint, but I chalk that up to pandering to raise some cash during his lawsuit period.

He’s making up for it by performing the last concerts at Shea Stadium next week. Here’s a clip of my favorite song from the Piano Man.



Yes, I know this is from Yankee Stadium. David Wright is going to be playing there, too, on Tuesday and we're not holding that against him.

Get well Bob Klapisch

I sure do like to vent about Bob Klapisch, but this is nasty.

His paper reports that Klapisch might have suffered permanent damage to his right eye after being struck by a one-hopper while pitching for a semi-professional baseball team in Morris County. He was pitching in relief for the Morris Mariners when a ground ball took an errant hop and caught him in the eye. The accident broke four orbital bones around that eye and may require doctors to reattach its retina.

I need Yankee lovers like Klapisch so I have something to get all worked up about. Otherwise I might have to start worrying about things that actually matter.

So let's wish Mr. Klapisch a speedy recovery. Maybe he'll run into Moises Alou at the hospital.

A delayed five for the Fourth

After wrapping up road trips to spend quality time celebrating all sorts of things with both sides of the family, I can offer a delayed Deezo Friday Five showing the parts of our heritage tour that did not include Shea.

The day before the our farewell to the ballpark, we made a tour of the old stomping grounds, including the former home, the former favorite place, the proposal spot, schools, and the park where I worked during summers. We also reunited with family and even had some adventures.


1) First, the homestead on Third Avenue in Massapequa Park doesn’t seem to have changed in the 17 years since my family moved. Many Mets games were viewed in the room on the upper right. I planted the tree on the left. The yard seemed bigger when I was complaining about raking the leaves.


2) Speaking of homes, Theodore Roosevelt’s home, Sagamore Hill, in Oyster Bay was my favorite place when I was a kid. I was all about TR – during the off-season, when TS wasn’t busy. So it was a thrill to bring my daughter there for the first time.


3) Then we made what was supposed to be a quick stop to snap a photo of the president’s resting place, which is kept safe behind iron gates. But as we were stepping away, the very enthusiastic cemetery superintendent came out of nowhere. He opened the gates so we could go inside for a respectful photo, and then proceeded to give us a tour of most of the graves, pointing out Roosevelt family buried there. Then he started handing me all sorts of paper including copies of every letter to the editor he’s ever sent.

He was very passionate and informative – but my daughter said it was like a Scooby Doo episode about an old man in a cemetery and wondered if were going to be permanent residents. We broke free when Dad beeped the horn.


4) Did I mention that I have the coolest cousin ever? Tim, who is full of surprises, presented me with a brick on the new Citi Field Fan Walk! There are not words to describe how moved I was. I might be 800 miles from the Mets when they play, but I’ll feel like a little part of me will be there. Of course, given the streak of shame, the Mets might not like that. But we still have some more temporaty tats for a game next year to locate my part of Citi.


5) Now for lesser, but still cool, souvenirs. I was holding off buying anything for this year’s All-Star Game except for a program, pennant and ball because of all the Yankee taint. But then I saw this t-shirt and it’s just too glorious. I know the painted Ladies Liberty are to coincide with the game, but this is more about the Mets and Shea’s final year with no mention of the Yanks at all. Plus you gotta love the saying on the front: “Freedom, Opportunity & Baseball.” That pretty much sums up the US on a July 4th weekend.

Willie Randolph, the tribe as spoken.

This past season of Survivor was the best in years even though Parvati pretty much flirted her way to $1 million without contributing to anything in any way that I could see.

Then it had me thinking. What if we could combine my two favorite shows – Mets baseball and Survivor – into one. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could have "Survivor – Flushing?"

Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez is like Jonny Fairplay, who has the rep and the cool nickname – and seems to make only a cameo appearance in the season.

Brady Clark would be like Mikey B, who got voted off during one of the first episodes and I forgot all about him until the reunion show.

Aaron Heilman is like Chet, the guy who kept getting his butt kicked week after week and somehow kept hanging around. Aaron, take note. Eventually everybody got tired of Chet’s whining and sent him packing. And unless you want to be playing in New Orleans in July – shudder – you’d better get your act together.

Pedro is like Jonathan — a great player and good leader who was ejected early because of an injury.

Nelson Figueroa is like James, who was just happy to be there and was in over his head, sticking around so long that even he was surprised that he was still there. You just know he’d hand off a fake immunity idol to Jorge Sosa, like James did to Eliza.

No Met is as stupid as Erik, who was tricked into giving away his immunity necklace.

And speaking of the immunity idol, Willie Randolph has been managing like he’s had the thing in his back pocket. Realistically, I think he played it to keep his job after last season’s collapse.

Willie, if you lose two of three to the vile Yankees this weekend, and you see the players chatting together on the beach, rest assured they are going to write your name on the next ballot.

The tribe has spoken. It’s time for you to go.

On happier note, let’s get to the Deezo Friday Five.

1) I loved the pink bats and ribbons players used on Mother’s Day to bring awareness to breast cancer. My daughter and I went to see the West Michigan Whitecaps, who were going to wear pink jerseys. The game was rained out, but they didn’t announce this until we had already had our fill of Bosco sticks and the gift shop. They handed out pink T-shirts with the ‘Caps logo on the front. Only problem was the back listed the date as "Mother’s Day, May 11, 2007." Oops. The game has been rescheduled for May 26, and the team promised correctly dated shirts.

2) Holland, Mich. is a city about a half-hour from here, and you know you’ve crossed the border when you see each yard has either a decorative wooden windmill or statues of two Dutch kids bending at the waist and puckering — but not actually kissing, because you wouldn’t want to encourage such racy behavior. Don’t get me started. I was making fun of this at work, and my wife pointed out that such abuse was being hurled about by a guy who has a Statue of Liberty lawn sprinkler. I replied that the issue shouldn’t be whether or not I have one, but why everyone else doesn’t have such a glorious display.

3) The Home Run Apple lives. Apparently Jeff Wilpon took reporters on a tour of Citi Field and confirmed there would be a place for the beloved apple in centerfield. While it might not be THE apple — which looks a little worse for wear, though we certainly can’t blame Carlos Delgado for that — a sparking new one has the potential to be very cool.

4) The Ebbets Field Flannels catalog is always a fun read because of the obscure minor league teams they choose for jerseys, caps and T-shirts. I was very impressed to see them come up with an Alaska Goldpanners jacket. That’s a short-season team usually stocked with college players — including a young Tom Seaver. That nugget led me to purchase a Goldpanners cap though the team years ago. The team hosts the famous Midnight Sun Tournament, played overnight, without lights.

5) Last week’s hidden iPod gem has a hit, so I thought I’d hit shuffle and see what else came up. There is absolutely no reason why Sniff ‘n’ the Tears’ "Driver’s Seat" should be as good as it is. The lyrics make no sense whatsoever, the drummer sounds like he’s playing a different song and the other instruments drop in and out as if a middle schooler with ADD is deciding who plays when. I love it. A quintessential one-hit-wonder track.

What I Want to See in the New Mets' New Ballpark

I’m a stadium junkie.

It’s true. I love everything about them. One of my best days ever was when we had total access, roof to clubhouse, of Tiger Stadium while crews were getting it ready for opening day one year.

I try to visit a new park every year, and I have to get there as soon as the gates open to explore every view and concession stand.

So naturally I’m already obsessing over the new Mets ballpark. This is the important time, when the powers at be are busy plotting.

Now’s the time to play stadium designer. The friends at Faith and Fear in Flushing and The Eddie Kranepool Society took a shot at this and had some great ideas.

I’m going to look at things a little differently. I’ve been fortunate enough check out games at a number of stadiums — old and new — around baseball, and here are some of the features I’ve seen elsewhere and would like see considered for the Mets’ new playground.

Details are coming out slowly. We know about red brick and an entrance that will recall Ebbets Field. I’m OK with that as long as its a starting point. While it is important to pay homage to history, we have to continue creating history on our own.

Views: What you see beyond the field is important, which is one of the reasons the donut stadiums were so reviled. Instead of a great city view, they give fans a panorama of usually empty seats.

Shea, had it faced in any other direction, would have had a much better view than what we have now, which is a not especially nice section of Queens.

Realize, of course, that tradition called for most stadiums to face the same way to deal with the sun and shadows when such things were issues for most of the games. And we know that change comes at a glacial pace in the Grand Old Game. But now stadiums face in all directions, so we are free to wonder.

If the New Shea — I know it will have a different name — faces north, we have a view of the water, which is a little further than McCovey Cove but still a short walk. Another direction and the Manhattan skyline rises in the distance. Other options are listed in other sections.

The Liberty Bell bongs every time a Phillie hits a bomb.

A Local Icon: The Phillies did an OK job of highlighting the Liberty Bell, which is done up in massive neon and "rings" when a Phillies player hits a homer.

New Yorkers, of course, have many icons to celebrate. No other city can compete. Yet we downplay this natural advantage. I offer: The Statue of Liberty.

Lady Liberty roots for the Mets.

C’mon! You know Lady Liberty’s a Mets fan. You think the Yankees want any part of your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free in their snooty ballpark? Heck no.

We need to claim Miss Liberty as a Met the way the Rangers have with their alternative sweaters. We need some kind of presence. Perhaps something like Kiss did here on its revenge tour, having her peering over the right field wall, torch glowing brightly and serving as a warning beacon for the planes heading into LaGuardia.

If Kiss can pull it off, so can the Mets!

And while we’re at it, let’s make the food court look like Times Square, at least the mall-like version in recent years. And make sure they serve bagels. Lots of poppy seed bagels.

Pittsburgh has a nice little bridge beyond the fence. We have the mighty Whitestone.

Bridges: Pittsburgh did a fine job of facing their stadium to include the view of bridges. It looks cool -- if you like little bridges. We, on the other hand, have big-ass world-class bridges. And some are not too far from the stadium, like the Whitestone, easily viewed in the distance if the yard is facing the right way.

Landmark in view: The Cardinals have the Arch looming overhead. We have the Unisphere. If we’re not going to set our view on Manhattan or the bridges, I suggest facing south. Heck, build the stadium in Flushing Meadows Park so the symbol of the 1964 fair is a Carlos Delgado blast away. It’s not like there’s a lot of stuff in that park anyway. The Mets are forever linked with the fair, so go all the way. And I have to say that incorporating the Parachute Jump at Keyspan Park was brilliant.

A sign: Every time I’ve been to Wrigley Field, I’ve seen people posing with that red sign, even where there’s no game going on. It’s a perfect snapshot that tells where you are and what you’re doing, and is at a nice, posable height. We have the signs, but they’re spread out over a long space or way up high. Put a nice, colorful sign somewhere low and have an employee standing there offering to take photos for people.

Statues: Speaking of photos, we need some statues. Teams are all over the place on this. The Cards do a lot of things well, but they dropped the ball in this area, with one large statue of Stan Musial and a whole series of small sculptures of Bob Gibson and the gang. The Tigers have lots of statues, but they’re placed in a spot that makes them hard to pose with unless you want to be photographed with Willie Horton’s butt, which you do not.

We can get this right. Tom Seaver is an obvious choice, as is Mike Piazza once he’s got his plaque in Cooperstown with a Mets cap. Honoring Gil Hodges would be great. I wouldn’t object to Willie Mays, and you can check out the Brewers’ Hank Aaron statue for precedence.

Now for the bold pick: Jackie Robinson. The Mets have become the defacto preservers of the Robinson story even though he’s a Dodger. Where was the national celebration of the 50th anniversary? At Shea.

Greg Luzinski is on display at Cit Bank

Old Guys: One of the best features of Citizens Bank Park was Greg Luzinski. It’s true! He runs "Bull's Barbecue" and hangs out posing for photos, telling stories about playing with Tom Seaver and just being a nice guy. Think of the possibilities for us! Rusty used to run a restaurant. How about "Mexican Food with Mex?" "Kranepool’s Kitchen?" "Grote’s Grill?" "Bagels with Benny Agbayani"

The Pirates salute both recent and ancient history at PNC Park.

History: The Mets have a colorful history. And while I hear they’ve become better at celebrating it, they can still do a lot more. A museum and Hall of Fame that the average fan can actually see are a must. The Pirates have some great touches at PNC Park, such as banners decorated with baseball cards from all eras. Very cool.