The glorious disaster that was the Mercury Mets

You can get a uniform purist all riled up with a discussion about black alternate jerseys.

And if you want to get them really agitated, just talk about MLB’s 1999 “Turn Ahead the Clock” promotion.

Then, if you want to push them over the edge into a foaming-at-the-mouth rage, all you have to do is say “Mercury Mets.”

It was either a horrible promotion or a brilliant one. Personally, I liked baseball’s “Turn Ahead the Clock” nights — in theory.

The fact that the promotion is still hotly debated eight years later speaks volumes. I get several hits every day from people Googling Mercury Mets.

The idea was a fun reversal of the frequent “Turn Back the Clock” games where teams take the field wearing uniforms of the past.

Teams were supposed to wear futuristic uniforms in these games. Apparently, teams in the future will have the same logos as they do now, just blown up really, really big — with really short sleeves. At least that seemed to be the template.

Some were horrible, like the Phillies. And some were really cool, like the Diamondbacks, which had a snake wrapping around a player’s entire body.

Then you had the Mets.

If only they’d stuck to the template. A proud New York skyline stretching across the entire jersey could have been a beautiful thing. Or an apple, or the Statue of Liberty...there was endless potential.

No, for some reason, designers opted to go in an entirely different direction for our Mets. Only they weren’t our Mets anymore. Suddenly the team hailed from Mercury.

I suspect a Yankee saboteur, implying that the punks in the Bronx not only chased us out of town, but entirely off the planet.

If that alone doesn't scare you, consider the design.

A gray, cratered planet takes up a big chunk of the front, with the astronomical symbol floating above with words Mercury Mets in the top corner. It looks nothing like a baseball jersey.

And worse, we were one of the few teams with a matching cap.

Does the Bulldog look happy? No, he does not.

I remember seeing the first photos on the wire and being crushed with disappointment. It was truly one of those “What in the heck were they thinking?” moments. As a lover of all things uniform-related, I was ticked. I wanted better.

Then it slowly dawned on me. These uniforms are so horrible, so mind-numbingly disastrous that they’re glorious.

I figure you can lie there and suck like a Devil Ray, or you go down in a spectacular ball of flames.

We are the Mets. When we lose, we don’t just lose, we set the modern record for losses, baby!

When we have a bad free-agent signee, we don’t just have a guy who doesn’t play well. We get a washed-up, over-priced and delusional outfielder who throws fireworks at toddlers.

So I was pretty excited when I saw that Starstruck was selling Mercury Mets caps online, at a discount, of course. Soon after, I found the jersey on eBay. I might have been the only bidder.

I’m not saying I wear these things in public. But they are an important part of the Mets collection in the baseball room. We must embrace all aspects of our history.

We are the Mets. We are fun. The Yankees wanted no part of the “Turn Ahead the Clock” night. Screw ‘em, the joyless punks.

The game itself was no treat for Mets fans of this planet or Mercury, a 5-1 loss to the Pirates with Kris Benson tossing a complete game.

And speaking of what-were-they-thinking moments, it was Jason Isringhausen’s next-to-last game as a Met before he was dished off to the Athletics with Greg McMichael for Billy Taylor. Because when we make a bad trade.....

In other words..

The game also was famous for turning players into aliens for their scoreboard photos. Rickey Henderson didn't like how he was portrayed, with three eyes and long ears.

Riding With Rickey is a kick-butt blog on its own. But Rickey directs us to other blogs that Rickey likes, and Rickey knows some really funny people.

I must point out this link to Timothy McSweeney’s site, in which author Joe Moe sizes up the presidential hopefuls, posted here then taking a fresh look at issues raised by “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” required reading for people who went to high school in New York in the 1980s and were subjected to the whole Daniels fad.

Finally I'm fashionable

It appears that my wardrobe is suddenly fashionable, possibly for the first time in my life.

You have to understand that I'm not the most adventuresome dresser. We had a discussion in the office that my many khaki Dockers were the type O blood of men's clothes because they go with everything -- at least all the dark-colored polo shirts I wear. I wore a shirt with a pattern one day and the newsroom was abuzz.

But according to the New York Post, my outside-of-work wardrobe, assorted Metswear, is now hot, hot, hot. Mets merchandise is now among baseball’s best-sellers. And David Wright has bumped off Derek F. Jeter as the most popular player for T-shirts and jerseys.

This shouldn’t be a complete surprise. The Mets have long had the best-looking uniforms in the game, just ahead of the Cardinals and Dodgers.

But I suspect this means a lot of demoralized, bandwagon-jumping Yankee fans are realizing that life is better on the Queens side of the street. Or maybe they’re trying to infiltrate.

I’ve long been a jersey-lover, and I mean the apparel, not the state. And Mets gear always maintained a large presence in my closet.

Now that I have a baseball room, I have a special rack to display my jerseys. I’ve searched for both authentic and game-worn, when I can find and afford them -- and I don't spend a lot of money on these things. I stay away from the cheesy replicas on principle.

I get them from various sources; including a family-owned business that always have a booth at the National Sports Collectors Convention. You know the jerseys are legit because they have all almost all the players, including the scrubs and coaches. And I favor the srcubs and coaches because they’re affordable and they’re more likely to fit me, since I only buy jerseys I can wear.
Here are my favorites, at least the ones from our beloved team.

1) 1969 Mitchell & Ness Tom Seaver home flannel. (Authentic replica)
This was an anniversary present, and it was expensive, but before these things got stupid expensive. I wear it on special occasions. When you are with my company for 10 years, they shoot a photo of you and make a little plastic cut-out that is displayed in the cafeteria. To prevent them from all looking the same, you’re supposed to be doing something that shows who you are or what you do. Naturally, I’m wearing the Seaver jersey and holding a big red apple.

2) 1991 Barry Lyons warm-up.
This is kind of a strange thing. It’s a pull-over with a short zipper. The player’s name is stitched into the back, but the number is on the sleeve. The classic NY logo is on the chest. And for some reason, there are pockets sewed into the sides.

3) 1986 home (authentic replica)
I don’t know if there is still a Gerry Cosby store on Long Island, but it was jersey Mecca when I was a kid. This was my first real jersey, and Mom sewed the 1986 patch properly on the racing stripe. I proudly wore this when I was attending the University of Missouri at the height of the Mets-Cards rivalry. And I was wearing it when I proposed to my wife. Would she have said yes if I was wearing a cheesey replica instead? We'll never know.

4) 1992 Eddie Murray home (authentic replica)
It is the button-down version of the racing stripe jersey. And I was thrilled when Mets acquired the surly slugger because I could finally put my own name on a jersey. I have the 1993 version, too, with the disastrous addition of the tail under the team name. Now that Metstradamus has labeled it “the wardrobe of failure” I don’t wear it much.

5) 1997 Mel Rojas road batting practice
I got this from the team store, and there’s two reasons I can’t wear it much. The first is that it’s autographed, which makes it hard to wash without ruining the autograph. The second is that it’s Mel Rojas instead of Cookie, who I like. It’s a weird jersey, made of a satin mesh that seems too thin. And the letters are gray on a blue jersey, so they don’t stand out much.

6) 1997 Rick Trlicek home batting practice jersey
I like this one better. Trlicek had cups of coffee with the team in 1996 and 1997. The high number makes me think this one is from spring training. The home version is just so much brighter than the road BP jersey, and Trlicek, while not especially successful, is no Mel Rojas.

7) 1999 Mercury Mets “Turn Ahead the Clock” Night (authentic replica)
For one infamous night, most teams wore futuristic versions of their uniforms. Some were awesome. The Mets versions were not. Other teams had bright colors and their logos blown up to cover almost all the chests. For reasons unknown, the Mets decided to become the Mercury Mets, with a silver symbol for the planet taking the place of the NY on the cap, and a black and gray jersey featuring the symbol floating above the planet’s surface. It’s so horrible...that it’s kind of cool.

8) 1993 Bobby Bonilla road (Authentic replica)
Kind of a double whammy here. It represents both the wardrobe of failure and the player who personified the era. But I found it on clearance at the outlet store for Manny’s Baseball Land in Florida, which was like Cosby’s South but with much, much cheaper stuff and sales clerks that were actually nice. I was wearing it to a spring training game one night, and it turned out I was sitting a row in front of Shawn Abner – he was trying to make a comeback – and some other Mets minor-leaguers. Abner was mocking me for wearing a Bonilla jersey, and we all got to talking and had a nice conversation throughout the game. At one point Abner, who was loud and kind of obnoxious, went to get more beer and one of the other players said to me, “Can you believe the Mets wasted a No. 1 pick in the nation on that goofball?”

9) 2001 Robin Ventura alternate road (Authentic replica)
Found this one really cheap on eBay. It’s my one black Mets jersey. Ventura was such a classy guy, and it’s my souvenir of those magical 1999 and 2000 seasons.

10) 2005 Pedro Martinez All-Star game batting practice jersey (Authentic replica)
This was on clearance because, as you know, Pedro was selected for the team but didn’t go to the game. I love the All-Star Game, and this one in Detroit so I was able to hang out at the FanFest all day and check out the action around the yard and clean up on some last-minute souvenirs.

I have several more, but these are the favorites. And they even go with khaki Dockers.