Save your memories starting today

Hello, friends. It's a new year, and high time I return to my neglected blog. To help me get over my inertia, I thought I'd respond to questions I've been asked that are writing process-oriented rather than editing-related, and offer some online writing coaching.

Dear Coach Laurel,

I'm looking to write a mini history of growing up. Something to keep memories alive and to share with my mom.  But I can't seem to get started. Any tips or techniques?

Sincerely,
Forget-me-not

---

That sounds cool, and I applaud you. Not many ever take the time, and their life stories are thus forever lost.

I completely understand being daunted by the task. Many people get discouraged about writing, thinking there has to be some secret technique. But beginning an informal memoir project like this is really quite simple. 

Start by considering your most powerful memories--the ones you most want your loved ones to know--and make a list of them. I'd recommend using the jot technique, putting a sentence or two on an index card. You can later sort the cards into chronological order or thematic categories. 

(If you find yourself getting stuck after the first dozen ideas, consider working with prompts like "59 memoir ideas," "drawing from a well of experience," "NYT 500 prompts for narrative and personal writng.")

Next, begin to work your way through your jot-prompts, writing out that memory. Start with whichever memory floods back the most fully when you view your jotted note. Keep in mind that we all gravitate toward problem-oriented stories--what went horribly wrong and how that hardship was coped with.

Tell the story as if you had a kid on your knee, or an old friend across the table, eager to hear about what you did, and what happened next. You absolutely should do that quite literally and record yourself, if that's easiest. Then transcribe your recording. Or just imagine that audience of one as you write, to help you make decisions about what details would appeal most to that person. 

This draft doesn't have to be perfect or even terribly coherent. It's better to write a lot and sloppily than be cramped up with fear about doing it perfectly. My mantra is "You can always fix it later!" Be brave enough to write a super rough draft, let it cool off, then come back to it at a later point and revise. 

Once you have a lot of material, then decide how you want to shape it. Strict chronology is perfectly fine as an organizing principle, though consider grouping material thematically. 

If your goal is simply to preserve family stories for the next generation, don't worry too much about creating a very literary or very sensational manuscript to hook a publisher. (They're mostly interested in celebrities anyway.) Simply tell your experiences as you remember them, with as much detail, humor or wisdom as you can. 

Thanks to print-on-demand technology, it's easy to turn your musings and memories into an attractive book your can pass along to loved ones. 

Q4U: What are some of your favorite memoirs? What might motivate you to preserve your life stories?

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Capitalization Conundrum

Dear Editor-on-Call:

When should you capitalize a noun such as "the Virus"? In my WIP, the characters refer to a virus which ended up wiping out most of the human population. Would it be correct to say "the Virus" when referring to it? If so, when they speak of it as belong to a certain person (the creator) would they say "his virus" or "his Virus"?

--Capitals Conundrum

Dear Cap,

The general rule on capitalization in English is to capitalize proper nouns. In other words, NAMES of specific things.

People and animals
Bob Marley. Billy the Kid. Bo Jangles. Street Sense (racehorse). Tolkien Raintree Mister Baggins (show dog).

Adjectives based on names are also capitalized--Alexander technique, Freudian slip.

Places and Organizations
Seattle. Republic of Congo. Piccadilly Circus. Shop Rite. Grover Cleveland High School. Purdue University. Red Cross. Roman Catholic Church.

Adjectives based on places are also capitalized--French fries, English grammar.

Caveat: some regions are referred to by a directional name, such as "the West." Context should make clear that what's meant is either the geographic region west of the Mississippi or the culture of the western hemisphere (vs. the eastern). 

Titles of artistic works (except the non-leading prepositions, coordinating conjunctions, and articles [a, an, the])
The Mona Lisa. The Marriage of Figaro. To the Lighthouse. "She Walks in Beauty." Terminator. Waiting for Godot. "You Belong to Me."

Trademarked products
Kleenex. Big Mac. Kindle.

Named events and holidays (same rules as artistic work titles)
Cloverdale County Fair. Annual Walk for Peace. Easter. Rosh Hashanah.

Calendar units (for lack of a better category)
Summer. September. Friday.

The category of noun you describe is a thing. It's less common for a thing to be specifically named, unless it is an artistic work, a trademarked product or a copy of a living thing (Barbie, Winnie the Pooh). We more often use generic terms that the grammar gurus call "common nouns": tree, couch, daisy, leopard, skateboard, pork chop, party, secretary, professor, chemistry, sculpture.

You might have only one spleen, but I'm willing to bet you haven't named it. Likewise, diseases are not treated like proper nouns unless they are named after a person or another proper noun (like a place).

Example:
Julie has diabetes, Glenn has Parkinson's disease and their puppy has Lyme disease.
Jared might have irritable bowel syndrome or Crohn's disease.
Baby Miles needs measles, mumps and rubella inoculations.

If you want to give your fictional virus a name that takes a capital, name it for its creator or the one who discovered it: Malfoy virus, for example. Otherwise, refer to it simply as "the virus" and "his virus."

Which of these trip you up? Any follow-up questions on capitalization rules?

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Inventing a language to enrich your fictional world

by guest author Lauren H. Salisbury

Tolkien deployed invented languages to enrich his fantasy.

There’s nothing better than opening a new book and being swept away into an imaginary world. I love discovering fantastical realms peopled by strange races and bizarre creatures. I also enjoy the sense of immersion that comes from comprehensive world-building, one of the hallmarks of my favourite speculative fiction.

Using an original language is often part of this. Just as little details add a sense of realism to a setting, even a couple of words or phrases can make a huge difference to the overall impression of an unfamiliar culture or species. In fact, where there’s no unique terminology, I often feel like something’s missing, which can disconnect me from the narrative.

I wanted my own worlds to be as authentic as possible, so I invented languages for each species. My process was reasonably simple and involved the following three stages:

Sounds

I started with the overall sound I wanted my languages to have, whether to make them guttural, lyrical, harsh or soft. Did I want clicks or glottal stops? Based on this, would they use or omit any specific letters?

This was influenced by the general image I wanted to create for each species. For instance, Esarelians are ambitious and politically astute, making alliances and continually plotting. Baketags are a warrior race with a strict honour code, and Oeals are empaths known for manipulation. I chose soft sounding consonants and glottal stops for the Esarelians while Baketags have hard, clipped sounds, and Oeals use mostly vowels in their speech. This gave me a pool of letters from which to draw when naming characters and inventing specific words.

Grammar

Once I knew what sounds I wanted, I thought briefly about how complex the grammar should be for each language. Things like word length, whether they’d use prefixes and suffixes, whether adjectives and adverbs went before or after nouns. I didn’t want to go too deep into this area, as I only wanted a taste of each language, but it helped me build the words I did need.

For example, Baketag words have only one syllable with adjectives forming suffixes. Their words also join together to form longer single words and don't include articles, determiners, auxiliary verbs, etc. The name Baketag—people (bak), warriors (et), leader (ag)—translates to “people who are warriors under the ultimate leader.” Their planet, Vobaket is “planet of the people who are warriors.”

Specifics – Names and Phrases

With the sounds and basic grammar in place, I was able to create specific words and phrases that would imply cultural references and make each species more authentic. For instance, Esarelian names have two syllables, and the second often denotes class. I was able to play with this principle in the first book, having a character’s suspicions regarding another’s rank confirmed by her name, which made the scene much more interesting and nuanced.

As for the number of alien words I incorporated, that was more intuitive. I started with the names of the main characters, a handful of animals and plants, some foods, and a phrase or two that would fit the story or act as a species’ motto. After that, I added more as I needed them. For Conviction, this included an Esarelian game of strategy and a term for suspected assassination.

I only use alien words and phrases where they’d appear naturally, and I’ve tried several means of explaining their meaning. These methods range from a simple definition following the term, i.e., “As the Ra’hon, the ultimate leader, of the largest known Empire, Ashal needed to…,” to an integrated explanation. Here’s an example from Conviction.

I also found that having a clear idea of their language influenced the way I wrote the narrative in scenes from their viewpoint. I avoided contractions and stuck more rigidly to grammar rules than I did in scenes with a human viewpoint. This reflected their formal speech and helped distinguish them as an alien species.

Several readers have specifically mentioned the way I balance the alien and familiar in my novels, and including parts of their language was one of the main ways I accomplished that.

I hope sharing my process has shown that constructing languages doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated to be effective. However, I’m by no means an expert, and I highly recommend reading around the area, especially if you want to invent more than just a few phrases and names. There are a lot of great resources out there, but a good place to start would be the Language Creation Society at conlang.org.

Thank you for taking the time to find out a little bit about me and my writing, and have fun!

About the Author

Lauren H. Salisbury was an English teacher for sixteen years with an MA in Education. She is now a writer who dabbles with tutoring and lives with her husband and a room full of books in Yorkshire, England. She likes to spend winters abroad, following the sunshine and becoming the seasonal envy of her friends. When she’s not writing, she can be found spending time with family, reading, walking, crafting, or cooking. The Legacy Chronicles is her debut series.

Website: http://www.laurenhsalisbury.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gillascourage

Email list sign-up form: http://eepurl.com/djCo0z

About the Book

Conviction
The Legacy Chronicles 2
Christian speculative fiction

Can two people with opposing principles overcome their differences to be together?

Than has spent his life ostensibly having fun while secretly fighting for his people’s freedom. A member of the underground resistance, he is only ever serious around his comrades and his family. When an injury forces him to step down from active duty and his reluctant nurse sparks his interest, Than finds himself in uncharted territory. The fascinating woman will have nothing to do with him.

Menali’s past has taught her to keep her head down and trust that God has a reason for allowing the human race to suffer on U’du. When Than explodes into her life, he refuses to take no for an answer and challenges all of her preconceptions. He soon has her re-evaluating her priorities and wondering what life with someone like him would be like.


The Legacy Chronicles available here:

Courage: http://amzn.to/2ItzMl4

Conviction: http://a.co/doeQtkg

Giveaway

Use the Rafflecopter below to enter Lauren's giveaway, a Conviction swag bag, which contains character pictures, a themed greeting card, a cross stitched bookmark, a stone necklace and a signed print of the passage it's taken from.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Q4U: How have linguistic details enhanced your favorite spec fic books? 

Any questions for Lauren?

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Career advice for young people interested in writing

This does NOT have to be you, young writer!

Over the years, I've had a number of friends reach out asking for me to speak with their child or cousin or niece/nephew who loves to write and needs some career direction. They see me as Exhibit A of how you can actually support yourself with an English degree, as if I'm a mystical unicorn. Perhaps I'm more like a white rhino, an endangered species. Much has changed about the publishing world since I left college and I don't think my path is one many could easily pursue today.

I entered the workforce before the Internet was widely available, and print media was still in its heyday. My relevant experience was limited to being a co-editor of the college literary magazine and tutoring at the writing center, plus a summer internship where I did administrative and communications work at an insurance company. It took ten months to find my first editorial job during the early 90s recession. But I've been able to find continual work as an editor ever since. One of those editorial jobs, at a nonprofit, even provided training in graphic design and paid for my grad school courses in journalism.

So while most college grads can't expect there to be scads of entry-level editorial jobs in print publications, there are still many ways to be involved in writing that can support you. It's also not unusual for fiction writing to be an avocation that becomes a serious side hustle as your skills grow and your voice matures.

People with strong writing and editing skills are needed in a broad array of fields. I think what's key is to figure out what genres and kinds of content you enjoy, and choose courses, extracurriculars, and work/internship experiences that give you "crossover appeal."

Career ideas for writers

If it's pure creative writing that excites you, consider script writing. Television series are booming with the advent of streaming services, and talent will always be needed. So combine your English or creative writing degree with one in drama or film studies. Look for creative ways to begin building a portfolio while you're in school by, say, writing sketches, monologues, or one-acts for the college drama group. Intern in the college publicity department, with local advertising agencies that create TV spots, or with a YouTuber.

If poetry is your jam, becoming a lyricist might be the career for you. Study music alongside poetry; join a college band or offer to write with one.

If you love science as much as writing, there's a consistent need for skilled writers in editors in medical publishing. Coursework, a minor or double major in biology, biochem or chemistry will give you the needed knowledge base. Consider joining a medical club on campus and doing some communications work for them to build your portfolio.

Maybe the wheeling and dealing world of business is more interesting to you. Consider corporate communications, which involves all kinds of written materials, from advertisements to internal newsletters to prospectuses to grant writing. Trade publishing is another field where business knowledge is needed. Again, courses that build your knowledge base will be key for finding work in corporations, accounting firms, banking, and the professional associations that support them. Trying your hand at promotional writing or grant writing for a college club can be a portfolio-builder.

If you're a gadget-loving techie and good at making complex ideas easy to understand, perhaps technical writing is the field for you. A background in computer science would be an asset.

If you have an artistic eye, learning graphic design and HTML coding along with writing and editing skills will make you a stand-out candidate in non-profit communications and marketing. Smaller operations need folks who can not only create and tidy up written content but also create finished products like newsletters, magazines, and websites. The more you can build a real-world portfolio (projects beyond class assignments), the better, so offer your design services to school clubs, family/friends, or favorite small businesses in the neighborhood, Many also want folks who know their way around social media. So get some experience under your belt running Twitter and Instagram accounts for your school clubs to show that you have some know-how developing a consistent message and building an audience, or reach out to family and friends and offer to manage social media for one of their businesses, as an informal internship.

If your one true love is fiction writing, by all means read as widely as possible and write all kinds of things. Don't limit yourself to fiction courses, because there are valuable skills to be learned from courses in poetry writing, drama, journalism, and rhetoric that will make your fiction stronger. Get involved with the literary magazine, because reading and critiquing others' work will grow your skill as well. If your school doesn't have one, search out some online literary zines and ask about joining the team that reads through submissions; these all-volunteer operations usually welcome the assistance. Submit work to small zines as a way to build up a portfolio that can help you break in to paying fiction markets and even land a literary agent. Join online forums like Wattpad, which enable you to test out your stories with an audience. Offer to beta-read for your classmates and try to connect with writers in the community at large, perhaps through NaNo meetups or at your neighborhood library. Developing your skills as a reader and critique partner can put you on the path toward a gig in a literary agency or with a publishing house. (Just be aware that you might have to moonlight elsewhere to pay the bills.)

Veronica Roth, who became a successful novelist fresh out of college, is one in six billion. Keep your expectations realistic: your goal now, while you are energetic but still green, is to work on your craft, learn a variety of skills, begin building a portfolio, and network.

Are there other writing fields you know of? How would you advise someone to break into the field?

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Writing a tenacious faith: Interview with author Aleigha C. Israel

1. Tell us a little about how this story first came to be. Did it start with an image, a voice, a concept, a dilemma or something else?

“A Marvelous Redeemer” is the last book in “A Light for Christ” trilogy. It just seemed fitting that it should be Amira’s book. Amira was first introduced in the first book, “A Higher Ransom,” as Caleb’s little friend. He was often seen sharing his faith with her and trying to turn her away from her Muslim beliefs. “A Marvelous Redeemer” follows the life of Caleb and Amira as they both journey through their own unique struggles. But the outcome is the same for both of them. They discover that through everything, they still serve a Marvelous Redeemer.

2. Who are your main characters? Tell as a little about what makes them tick.
Amira is a feisty young lady, with a heart for the Lord. She loves Him so much, that she gives up everything she knows. Most of her journey throughout the story is spent trying her best to trust Him, even if that means living in a cave and eating watered down soup.

Caleb is a slight mystery. He has a heart for others and a strong desire to be the hero. He feels as if no one understands him and that no one cares. It ultimately leaves him making a decision that he soon regrets. Caleb’s journey is one of redemption. He comes to understand that no matter what, we still serve a Marvelous Redeemer. A Redeemer that always takes us back, no matter how many times we stray.

3. What special knowledge or research was required to write this book?
Well, this story was enhanced by a certain special character named Hemlock. Hemlock is a dear fellow who never stops talking about sea creatures. Because of this, I had to do a bunch of research on sea creatures. The results were absolutely amazing! The amazingness of God’s creation just goes to show you that we serve a Marvelous Redeemer!

5. What research methods have been most fruitful for you?
I use so many methods! Books, the internet, Wikipedia, the Bible. Google is my best friend though. 😉

6. What's the strangest thing you had to do to create this story?
Hmmm, what a great question! Probably the day I spent the night in a cave. All alone, in the middle of the woods. The coyotes howled all night. I wanted to know exactly how my main character would feel…

Okay, I actually didn’t do that. I probably would have died. At the very least I wouldn’t have slept at all.

The “strangest thing” was probably pulling several days on four to five hours of sleep, trying to work through the formatting process. But, that’s not exactly “strange.” Sleeping in a cave sounds so much better than that, haha!

7. What do you hope readers will take away from this story?
That no matter what, no matter how many times you stumble, no matter how many people try to tell you that God will never forgive you, always remember this; we serve a Marvelous Redeemer. A Redeemer that gave His very LIFE so that you could be saved! He loves you, He cares for you, you are His. So, remember that and don’t ever let it go.

8. How does your faith or ethical outlook inform your writing?
My goal with all of my books is to share the light of Christ. If I ever stray away from penetrating my books with the Gospel, then I hope someone out there will lock me in a dungeon and throw away the key. Because, without Christ, we are nothing. And my books, without Christ in them, would be just useless words on a page that might be entertaining to a soul, but not enriching, encouraging, or giving them a glimpse of light in this dark world.

9. What aspects of your creative process do you enjoy most? Which are most challenging?
All of it! I couldn’t choose a favorite! By the time I finish writing my story, I’m ready to move on to something else. That “something else” usually includes the editing process. And by the time that I’m finished with the editing process, I’m ready to not look at words for just a few days. Which then is always a good time to do some formatting. And, by the time by book is hot off the press, I’m ready to write again. It’s a great revolving door of creativity! Each part has its own challenges, but I’ve always been one to enjoy a challenge!

About the author

ALEIGHA C. ISRAEL writer of inspirational fiction and poetry, is an author of multiple books and enjoys sharing God's love through the powerful art of storytelling.

Her trilogy "A Light for Christ" is distributed by Grace and Truth Books and has been enjoyed by ages nine to ninety-three!

Aleigha is a Student Mentor over at the Young Writers Workshop and she'll be quick to tell you how amazing that community is.

She resides in Georgia with the world’s best parents, and five of the greatest siblings. When she’s not writing (or reading!) she can usually be seen working around the house, playing games with her siblings, or traveling with her family’s band, “Fret Not.”

She doesn’t have to search very hard for inspiration. Living in the Israel household, it’s guaranteed there’s an adventure waiting around every corner!

About the book

She knew the decision would change her life. But she didn't know she'd have to fight to survive.

When Amira put her faith in Christ, she knew life wouldn't be easy. But hiding her conversion from her Muslim family soon becomes the least of her worries.

Forced to leave the only home she's ever known, she travels to the island of Gabeburough, trying her best to make a fresh start.

Two escaped convicts and a treasure map. A leafy paradise that becomes her home. Amira begins to wonder, where is her Redeemer when she needs Him the most?

Caleb Haddington is prince of Carpathia. Life should be perfect, but he can't get a certain dark-haired girl out of his mind. Amira was his best friend when he lived in France, but her letters to him have suddenly stopped. Her last letter is filled with terror that her faith will soon be discovered.

Only a single hope keeps him alive; when the time is right, he's going after her. He'll bring her back and prove to the kingdom that he's a man.

But the journey proves to be more perilous than he'd ever imagined.

Ridicule, comfortless days, and the threat of a hurricane are just the start of his problems.
Lying becomes easy for Caleb until his own life crumbles before him. Brought to his knees under the pressure of his actions, he comes to realize the sweetness of his Savior.

Forgiveness, grace, and mercy are granted fully to those who ask.

Caleb and Amira soon discover that they don't just serve a gracious Savior, but a wonderful, magnificent, Marvelous Redeemer.

Giveaway

Aleigha is generously offering a basket of gifts including old-fashioned candies, 4 bookmarks, a pen, a paperback copy of the book, and a little bottle on a key chain. You can enter at this link: https://kingsumo.com/g/ko9bwa/a-marvelous-redeemer-giveaway.

Blog tour schedule

May 21

Bookish Orchestrations – Intro post

Spoonful of Surprises – Book Review

May 22

Letters from Annie Douglass Lima – Book Spotlight

Jannette Fuller – Book Spotlight

May 23

Rebekah Lyn Books – Book Spotlight

Frances Hoelsema – Book Spotlight

Writings From A God Girl – Author Interview

May 24

Laurel's Leaves – Author Interview

May 25

Rachel Rossano's Words – Book Spotlight

May 26

Bookish Orchestrations – Giveaway winner

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Misplaced modifiers: what are they and how do you fix them?

Dear Editor-on-call,

I got this comment in a critique of mine and I have NO idea what it means. Could you shed some light? I feel so stupid, but I just don't get the terminology: "Misplaced modifiers. I’m seeing this phenomenon all the time with my clients! You do this just a little, but watch your antecedents."

Sincerely,
Mystified about Modifiers

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Mystified,

Your knuckle-rapping English teachers were trying to break you of this problem when they made you diagram sentences. You might have vague memories of identifying sentence parts as subject, verb, object. Each of these sentence parts can have modifiers--words or phrases that tell details about them.

Problems arise when those details are not close enough to the word they describe. The resulting sentences can be confusing at best, and inadvertently hilarious at worst.

Let's look at some examples.

Subject modifier misplaced

Example: The boy chased the cat who had asthma.

Whoops--Asthmatic kitties are not too common (though friends of mine work for a recording label by that name). The modifier needs to move closer to the subject, "the boy."

Revised: The boy who had asthma chased the cat.
Alternate: The asthmatic boy chased the cat.

Example: Growling and snapping, Melody was stalked by the werewolf.

Whoops--Is Mel trying to confuse the predator? More likely the writer doesn't realize the subject and object are in the wrong order.

Revised: Growling and snapping, the werewolf stalked Melody.


Example: Walking along the bridge, a ship suddenly appeared.Whoops--Is The Ship Who Walked related to Anne McCaffrey's The Ship Who Sang? You've got either some really wacky personification or a sentence with an unclear subject. I chose the latter.

This example is what's usually called a "dangling modifier"--the part of speech being described is actually missing. This sentence needs an actor walking and seeing that ship appear. Here are three ways to resolve the issue:

Revised: Walking along the bridge, the captain saw a ship suddenly appear.
Alternate: A ship suddenly appeared while the captain was walking along the bridge.
Alternate 2: As the captain walked along the bridge, a ship suddenly appeared.

Verb modifier misplaced

Example: He kept a black book of all the girls he had dated in his desk.Whoops--It might get a mite crowded in there among the paperclips! That directional "in his desk" needs to be closer to the verb "kept."

Revised: He kept in his desk a black book of all the girls he'd dated.
Alternate: In his desk, he kept a black book of all the girls he had dated.
Alternate 2 (with a shifting emphasis): There in Jason's desk drawer was his black book--a list of all the girls he'd dated.

Example: Larry told me he was getting married that afternoon at night.Whoops--When the heck is the wedding?? Oy vey. Please separate the time of the telling from the information told. "That afternoon" modifies "told," describing when Larry gave information.

Revised: That afternoon, Larry told me he was getting married at night.
Alternate: That afternoon, Larry told me about his plans for a nighttime wedding.

Object modifier misplaced

Example: You need someone to carry that load with a strong back.
Whoops--It the load is so strong, why can't it carry itself? The modifier "with a strong back" needs to move closer to the object of the sentence, "someone."

Revised: You need someone with a strong back to carry that load.


Example: I showed my dog to the veterinarian with the fleas.
Whoops--That poor, itchy vet! Sounds like he's been infested. In this case, it's the object "my dog" that needs to be closer to its modifier "with the fleas."

Revised: I showed the veterinarian my dog with the fleas.

Word order problems

Limiting modifiers can change the meaning of a sentence depending on where they are placed. Some words to beware of: only, not only, just, not just, almost, hardly, nearly, even, exactly, merely, scarcely, and simply.

Below are examples of how a sentence's meaning can change when one moves around a limiting modifier.

Subject modified:
Just Evan drank a Coke.
(No others drank Coke, only Evan did.)

Verb modified:
Evan just drank a Coke.
(Others had a big bar brawl while Evan sat there sipping his cola.)

Object modified:
Evan drank just a Coke.
(Others had vodka tonics, but Evan? Just Coke.)

Squinting modifiers are modifying phrases that could modify more than one part of a sentence. Clarity problems arise when you place them near to both possible choices.

Example: She said on Sunday she would call.

Whoops--Did she say it on Sunday? Or is she going to call on Sunday? We don’t know. The phrase “on Sunday” could modify “said” or it could modify “would call.” Revising sentences like this usually requires adding words to make clear who's doing what and when.

Revised: On Sunday, she said she would call me soon.
Alternate: On Sunday, she said, "I'll call you."

To capture the other possible meaning, try these revisions:
Revised: She just said she would call me Sunday night.
Alternate: She said, "I'll call you on Sunday."


Side note: the editor mentioned in this letter was misusing the grammar term "antecedent" to mean "a thing referred to," which should only be used when discussing pronouns. The correct grammatical term for something being modified is "headword."


Which of these areas trip you up? Any other helpful pointers for correctly placing modifiers with their headwords?

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Tips for taming run-on sentences

Dear Editor-on-call,

I'm weak when it comes to run-on sentences. Can you help?

Sincerely,
The On-Runner


Dear Runner,

You are in good company. Run-ons are one of the three most common errors I see in academic writing. PhD programs in English seem to encourage jamming as many ideas as possible between full stops. I once broke an 11-line sentence into FOUR parts. Clearly this was a case of reader distrust--an anxiety that the reader wouldn't comprehend the way ideas were linked unless crammed together. Keep in mind that a paragraph is the best unit for clearly and readably holding together a series of linked ideas.

The biggest danger of run-on sentences is incoherence. The reader will lose the thread of what you're saying if information isn't parsed into manageable pieces.

The most common form of run-on is the comma splice. This term refers to two complete sentences joined with a comma when they should either be divided or have a conjunction inserted (i.e., and, but, for, nor, or, so, yet).

Example:
It will be clear and hot today, you should put on sunscreen.

Possible fixes:
It will be clear and hot today. You should put on sunscreen.
It will be clear and hot today, so you should put on sunscreen.

Another cause of run-ons is misuse of conjunctive adverbs like however, moreover, nonetheless.

Example:
Rocco has sent his three children to ivy-league universities, however, he has sacrificed his health working long shifts at the foundry.

Possible fixes:
Rocco has sent his three children to ivy-league universities. However, he has sacrificed his health working long shifts at the foundry.
Rocco has sent his three children to ivy-league universities; however, he has sacrificed his health working long shifts at the foundry.

I am no fan of the semi-colon and would recommend against using the latter method. These two ideas--"children in ivy-league" and "working long shifts"--are not so tightly bonded they need to be in one sentence. The semi-colon version also contains so much information in such a large chunk it can lose a reader.

And speaking of overload, the worst kind of run-on is the clause-a-thon--too many clauses strung together.

Example:
She read the letter from the insurance company that said that the claim we had filed as a result of our accident in center city on May 3 had been sent on to a review committee which would consider the matter and render a decision within a month.

Possible fixes:
She read the letter from the insurance company. It said the claim we'd filed for our May 3 accident had been sent to a review committee. The committee would review the matter and render a decision in a month.

Note that some unnecessary details are dropped and phrases condensed. The claim is for an accident (less wordy than "as a result of"). Where the accident occurred is unimportant. What matters most is whether the insurance company will pay.

The sentence could be further condensed to hit only the most important information:
The insurance company's letter said our car accident claim had been sent to a review committee. We'd have to wait another month for an answer.

The clause-a-thon is the most likely form to occur in fiction. When you run across sentences that are trying to do too much, look for ways to trim details and parse the information into smaller, more manageable chunks.

Example:
My best friend Nancy, who lived down the hall from me and who I first met at a departmental wine-and-cheese event, wore her onyx hair in a braid, smoked clove cigarettes and went through boyfriends like Kleenex.

Possible fixes:
My best friend Nancy lived down the hall from me. We first met at a departmental wine-and-cheese event. She wore her onyx hair in a braid, smoked clove cigarettes and went through boyfriends like Kleenex.

Leaner:
I first met my best friend Nancy at a departmental wine-and-cheese event. Smoke from her clove cigarette had curled around her onyx braid and wafted toward her boyfriend-du-jour.

In some cases, your best fixes will come from deeper level rewrites like this. Instead of using a list to describe Nancy, I turned the descriptions into an active flashback.

Which of these areas trip you up most?

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