Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts

Thursday, May 4

Creative slumps can happen to anyone who strives to bring creative works into the world, be they written works, visual art, music, or handicrafts. Slumps can come on slowly or all at once. Often you aren't entirely aware you're in a slump until you've spent some time there, stuck and unmotivated.

Slump thinking sounds like this:

"I'm so stressed out, I can't focus."
"My brain is so full of noise, I can't hear my characters."
"These ideas are just a big mess."
"This project feels rangy and shapeless."
"I can't remember why I ever thought this was a good story idea."
"Why can't I make any progress?"
"I want to write, but feel adrift every time I sit down."
"I used to have things to say. I'm not sure what I believe or care about right now."
"I should be farther along than this. I'm such a hack/poseur/failure."

Slumps tend to happen after you've expended a lot of energy in one direction (say finishing and releasing a new book) and in the midst of crises in your personal life.

Very possibly it's a temperament thing, that some bounce back quickly from burnout and/or crises, and others of us slip into slumps.

If you're one of those bouncy types, I beg you not to douse your slumped friends with buckets of positive thinking mantras. They make us feel worse--inadequate and deeply flawed, rather than simply different from you. Instead, remind us that you care. Listen without dispensing advice. Invite us to join you in some activity we can enjoy together that's not too demanding--taking a hike or walking tour, poking around cute shops, playing cards or board games, visiting an art opening, crafts festival, outdoor concert, or mellow jazz club. Something fun that gets us out of the house--and out of our own heads for a few hours.

Make no mistake, slumps can morph pretty quickly into full blown depression. If you're prone to it, seek professional help. If your slump feels more like creativity blues--you're functioning okay in other areas of your life, but aren't creating at all--some self-care may be your road out of the Slough of Despond.

Here are some ways you can help yourself:

Go someplace new

Get off the couch or out of the desk chair and leave the house--explore someplace new, even if it's a ten minute stroll down a side street in your neighborhood you've never been on before.  Take a slightly different route to work, try a new restaurant, shop at a different market. When "something different" feels beyond your grasp, little forays out of your routine can be a powerful way to prove that mental message wrong--different is ten feet from boring, old, usual, not ten thousand miles. And you can get there in a few steps.

Care for your body

Times of stress can make it difficult to maintain an exercise program or sleep schedule. Stress eating can leave you even more lethargic. Look for small ways to begin giving your body the care it needs, starting with good sleep hygiene, then good food choices, simple exercise (like walking), and a little pampering like a haircut or new outfit. Some change can work from the outside in.

Seek some small accomplishments

Emerging from a slump is a gradual process. Look around for a few small things you've been avoiding and accomplish those things--whether it's making some overdue doctor appointments, weeding that ugly patch in the corner of your yard, or reorganizing a dresser drawer. That sense of pride can energize increasingly larger projects.

Reconnect with old loves

Slumps can feel like a source of joy has taken off, abandoned you. Think about long-lost hobbies or enthusiasms you haven't tried in a while, whether it's going back to earliest memories of finger painting or biking with your elementary pals, playing an instrument you gave up after high school, or a craft you've forgotten about like knitting, sewing, or leather craft, decoupage or beading. Creativity begets creativity.


Draw on sources of strength

Connect with people who love you, like an long-term friend, a sibling, or a grandparent. Chances are after a brief phone call you'll realize how deeply you are valued and valuable to others. Pick up an inspiring book like Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, or Rising Strong by Brene Brown. Resume or take up new spiritual practices, like prayer, meditation, or scripture reading. Talk to a counselor or mentor.


Take baby steps with your dreaded project

In the peak of a slump, you're going to view everything about your unfinished writing project with a jaundiced eye. But once you've begun the process of emerging from it. look for ways to reconnect with it. Glance over your notes, and perhaps organize them. Research some aspect of the story, whether it's details about your hero's job, the psychology of the family dynamic in  your story, floor plans of the buildings in your setting, or cultural influences on your characters. Create an idea board on Pinterest. Brainstorm concepts for the cover design. Interview your characters or write journal entries in their voices. Bit by bit, these fictional people and their world will come alive for you again.

Have you ever suffered a creative slump? What helped you emerge from it?

In a creative slump? Six tips for recovery

Thursday, May 04, 2017 Laurel Garver
Creative slumps can happen to anyone who strives to bring creative works into the world, be they written works, visual art, music, or handicrafts. Slumps can come on slowly or all at once. Often you aren't entirely aware you're in a slump until you've spent some time there, stuck and unmotivated.

Slump thinking sounds like this:

"I'm so stressed out, I can't focus."
"My brain is so full of noise, I can't hear my characters."
"These ideas are just a big mess."
"This project feels rangy and shapeless."
"I can't remember why I ever thought this was a good story idea."
"Why can't I make any progress?"
"I want to write, but feel adrift every time I sit down."
"I used to have things to say. I'm not sure what I believe or care about right now."
"I should be farther along than this. I'm such a hack/poseur/failure."

Slumps tend to happen after you've expended a lot of energy in one direction (say finishing and releasing a new book) and in the midst of crises in your personal life.

Very possibly it's a temperament thing, that some bounce back quickly from burnout and/or crises, and others of us slip into slumps.

If you're one of those bouncy types, I beg you not to douse your slumped friends with buckets of positive thinking mantras. They make us feel worse--inadequate and deeply flawed, rather than simply different from you. Instead, remind us that you care. Listen without dispensing advice. Invite us to join you in some activity we can enjoy together that's not too demanding--taking a hike or walking tour, poking around cute shops, playing cards or board games, visiting an art opening, crafts festival, outdoor concert, or mellow jazz club. Something fun that gets us out of the house--and out of our own heads for a few hours.

Make no mistake, slumps can morph pretty quickly into full blown depression. If you're prone to it, seek professional help. If your slump feels more like creativity blues--you're functioning okay in other areas of your life, but aren't creating at all--some self-care may be your road out of the Slough of Despond.

Here are some ways you can help yourself:

Go someplace new

Get off the couch or out of the desk chair and leave the house--explore someplace new, even if it's a ten minute stroll down a side street in your neighborhood you've never been on before.  Take a slightly different route to work, try a new restaurant, shop at a different market. When "something different" feels beyond your grasp, little forays out of your routine can be a powerful way to prove that mental message wrong--different is ten feet from boring, old, usual, not ten thousand miles. And you can get there in a few steps.

Care for your body

Times of stress can make it difficult to maintain an exercise program or sleep schedule. Stress eating can leave you even more lethargic. Look for small ways to begin giving your body the care it needs, starting with good sleep hygiene, then good food choices, simple exercise (like walking), and a little pampering like a haircut or new outfit. Some change can work from the outside in.

Seek some small accomplishments

Emerging from a slump is a gradual process. Look around for a few small things you've been avoiding and accomplish those things--whether it's making some overdue doctor appointments, weeding that ugly patch in the corner of your yard, or reorganizing a dresser drawer. That sense of pride can energize increasingly larger projects.

Reconnect with old loves

Slumps can feel like a source of joy has taken off, abandoned you. Think about long-lost hobbies or enthusiasms you haven't tried in a while, whether it's going back to earliest memories of finger painting or biking with your elementary pals, playing an instrument you gave up after high school, or a craft you've forgotten about like knitting, sewing, or leather craft, decoupage or beading. Creativity begets creativity.


Draw on sources of strength

Connect with people who love you, like an long-term friend, a sibling, or a grandparent. Chances are after a brief phone call you'll realize how deeply you are valued and valuable to others. Pick up an inspiring book like Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, or Rising Strong by Brene Brown. Resume or take up new spiritual practices, like prayer, meditation, or scripture reading. Talk to a counselor or mentor.


Take baby steps with your dreaded project

In the peak of a slump, you're going to view everything about your unfinished writing project with a jaundiced eye. But once you've begun the process of emerging from it. look for ways to reconnect with it. Glance over your notes, and perhaps organize them. Research some aspect of the story, whether it's details about your hero's job, the psychology of the family dynamic in  your story, floor plans of the buildings in your setting, or cultural influences on your characters. Create an idea board on Pinterest. Brainstorm concepts for the cover design. Interview your characters or write journal entries in their voices. Bit by bit, these fictional people and their world will come alive for you again.

Have you ever suffered a creative slump? What helped you emerge from it?

Wednesday, December 2

Photo credit: danielemusella from morguefile.com
December is here, and with it comes a lot of rush and bustle. Shopping, decorating, parties, concerts, recitals, bake sales, visiting family and friends, preparing for visitors, more shopping, more baking, more parties, etc. All the festivities can be pretty draining, not only of your bank account and time, but of your creativity, too.

"Caring for your creativity" might sound a little strange, but think of it like a muscle. It needs both consistent exercise and protection from injury. Holiday busyness provides both unique opportunities and unique dangers for your creative powers.

Deeply engage socially


The times I've been most blocked with my writing have not been for want of time, but want of ideas--specifically interesting stuff for the characters to be doing that move forward their arcs of change. Busy seasons provide an opportunity to fill up with ideas. Getting butt out of chair and living life can help, as can being exceptionally curious and nosy.

During the holidays, you are thrown together with lots of people in all sorts of venues, so take advantage of it. Everyone who crosses your path has an interesting story to share, so make it your mission to access those stories. Some folks will be quick to share their best adventures, others have to warm up a bit. Here are some conversation starters that can help you get people talking:

  • What is your favorite holiday memory?
  • What happened on your worst Christmas ever?
  • What is the most memorable gift you ever received? 
  • What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you?
  • What unique traditions have been passed down in your family?
  • What do you love most about your family? Dislike most?
  • How are you like your parents? How are you different?
  • What was your most precious childhood possession?
  • Are you a collector? What do you collect and why?
  • What is the weirdest secret you ever discovered?
  • What is the funniest thing you’ve ever done?
  • What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? Was it worthwhile?
  • What is the coolest place you’ve ever visited? Scariest? Most disgusting?
  • What mishap turned out better than you ever expected?

Once you ask, listen, not only to story ideas, but also how the story is told. Note the storyteller's tone of voice and be alert to unique turns of phrase. Watch their expressions and gestures. Jot down the best stuff. Get a copy of Emotions in the Wild, a guided journal I created to help you collect data about how real people express emotions, and use it to keep your observations organized.

And if you're a party host, your guests just might love a structured time of storytelling, in which they take turns sharing a funny or touching memory with the group.

Seek pockets of stillness


Busy seasons also have a way of filling our minds with a lot of noise. This can be a big cause of post-holidays burn-out. The more you can give your mind pockets of quiet and stillness, the more mentally healthy you will feel during and after the holidays. Here are some ways to reduce noise and introduce peaceful moments into your day:

  • Pare back on social media. Most of what you'll find there is buy, buy, buy anyway,
  • Set your phone and computer aside more often.
  • Limit TV watching
  • Take far-away parking spaces and walk more
  • Begin and end the day with a few minutes of silent reflection or prayer
  • Journal: write away some of the noise of the day, then write about your childhood
  • Snuggle with pets and loved ones
  • Cook something that has to be constantly stirred
  • Listen to soothing music while doing gentle stretches
  • Walk, preferably during daylight hours to get vitamin D
  • Swap a few showers for baths
  • Copy poems or inspiring prose into your journal
  • Write snail-mail letters to distant friends and family
  • Improvise with a musical instrument
  • Doodle, draw or color
  • Build Legos with or without your family

Balancing out the hustle and bustle with quiet should make for a happier holiday season, and keep burn-out at bay.

What special challenges make writing difficult for you in December? Which ideas above appeal to you most?

Caring for your creativity during the holidays

Wednesday, December 02, 2015 Laurel Garver
Photo credit: danielemusella from morguefile.com
December is here, and with it comes a lot of rush and bustle. Shopping, decorating, parties, concerts, recitals, bake sales, visiting family and friends, preparing for visitors, more shopping, more baking, more parties, etc. All the festivities can be pretty draining, not only of your bank account and time, but of your creativity, too.

"Caring for your creativity" might sound a little strange, but think of it like a muscle. It needs both consistent exercise and protection from injury. Holiday busyness provides both unique opportunities and unique dangers for your creative powers.

Deeply engage socially


The times I've been most blocked with my writing have not been for want of time, but want of ideas--specifically interesting stuff for the characters to be doing that move forward their arcs of change. Busy seasons provide an opportunity to fill up with ideas. Getting butt out of chair and living life can help, as can being exceptionally curious and nosy.

During the holidays, you are thrown together with lots of people in all sorts of venues, so take advantage of it. Everyone who crosses your path has an interesting story to share, so make it your mission to access those stories. Some folks will be quick to share their best adventures, others have to warm up a bit. Here are some conversation starters that can help you get people talking:

  • What is your favorite holiday memory?
  • What happened on your worst Christmas ever?
  • What is the most memorable gift you ever received? 
  • What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you?
  • What unique traditions have been passed down in your family?
  • What do you love most about your family? Dislike most?
  • How are you like your parents? How are you different?
  • What was your most precious childhood possession?
  • Are you a collector? What do you collect and why?
  • What is the weirdest secret you ever discovered?
  • What is the funniest thing you’ve ever done?
  • What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? Was it worthwhile?
  • What is the coolest place you’ve ever visited? Scariest? Most disgusting?
  • What mishap turned out better than you ever expected?

Once you ask, listen, not only to story ideas, but also how the story is told. Note the storyteller's tone of voice and be alert to unique turns of phrase. Watch their expressions and gestures. Jot down the best stuff. Get a copy of Emotions in the Wild, a guided journal I created to help you collect data about how real people express emotions, and use it to keep your observations organized.

And if you're a party host, your guests just might love a structured time of storytelling, in which they take turns sharing a funny or touching memory with the group.

Seek pockets of stillness


Busy seasons also have a way of filling our minds with a lot of noise. This can be a big cause of post-holidays burn-out. The more you can give your mind pockets of quiet and stillness, the more mentally healthy you will feel during and after the holidays. Here are some ways to reduce noise and introduce peaceful moments into your day:

  • Pare back on social media. Most of what you'll find there is buy, buy, buy anyway,
  • Set your phone and computer aside more often.
  • Limit TV watching
  • Take far-away parking spaces and walk more
  • Begin and end the day with a few minutes of silent reflection or prayer
  • Journal: write away some of the noise of the day, then write about your childhood
  • Snuggle with pets and loved ones
  • Cook something that has to be constantly stirred
  • Listen to soothing music while doing gentle stretches
  • Walk, preferably during daylight hours to get vitamin D
  • Swap a few showers for baths
  • Copy poems or inspiring prose into your journal
  • Write snail-mail letters to distant friends and family
  • Improvise with a musical instrument
  • Doodle, draw or color
  • Build Legos with or without your family

Balancing out the hustle and bustle with quiet should make for a happier holiday season, and keep burn-out at bay.

What special challenges make writing difficult for you in December? Which ideas above appeal to you most?

Wednesday, August 19

You regular blog readers may find this hard to believe, but I am not a naturally optimistic person. My inclination is to always look on the shadow rather than bright side of life. (Listen carefully to the Monty Python song, though, and my inner moroseness seems positively cheerful in comparison.) I could blame my upbringing or my birth order or a host of other things, but what ultimate good would it do? Our culture loves to keep us stuck in these blame games, and has industries dedicated to helping us wallow more.

Photo credit: GaborfromHungary from morguefile.com
But tossing on a clown costume and faking perpetual cheer isn't going to be sustainable either. I believe we have to own our temperaments and figure out how to be functional within them. We need to develop adaptations, like the deaf with sign language, rather than remain cut off in some way.

(BTW, I'm not talking about clinical depression here. That's a bigger, more deeply biological problem than mere pessimism.)

The pessimistic outlook often presents itself as "realism." A hope or dream begins to form, and the pessimistic mind will quickly devise an elaborate deconstruction project, bent on showing you how that hope or dream is unrealistic.

A pessimistic mind has to be combated with affirmations based on tangibles before any truly optimistic thoughts can make headway. It's one of the reasons I love the Psalms so much. The psalmists have their share of Yippee, yay, hallelujah moments, but usually in the midst of reminders of things God's people have endured with God's help. Our memories are short, so actively reminding ourselves of our own histories can be a helpful way of getting a grip on hope.

So when your inner pessimism responds to "Yes, you can!" with "No, I can't!" try mulling these thoughts.

  • I am really struggling with fear of ___. I'm going to journal about that, consider worst-case scenarios, and come up with a plan to take small steps anyway.
  • I don't really know where to start with this, but I remember other times I was a newbie, and eventually I got more competent. Who taught me then? Who in my life could teach me now?
  • I haven't done this exact task before, but I did this other hard task ___. What lessons can I take from that?
  • I don't know if I have the stamina for the hard work. But I know that stamina grows, and that the biggest effort is just starting. I remember another time I had to overcome inertia and what I gained.
  • If this fails, I don't want the effort to go to waste. How have I become stronger, wiser, or more compassionate from setbacks I've suffered before?
  • I struggle to believe in myself, so I am going to ask these people who care about me, [NAMES], to check in on me and affirm me.
  • I am struggling to be patient and wait for results. What other good things in my life came later than I'd hoped, but were perfectly timed just the same?
  • I feel like a failure compared to ___. But everyone struggles with this. Who could I encourage today who is younger, less resourced, less experienced, less skilled, etc., to keep on keeping on and see hopeful signs in the progress they are making?
  • I worry that I am becoming jaded and bored with this, but I might find it more exciting if I helped a newbie gain skills and confidence. What younger or less experienced person in my life would I like to mentor?
  • I feel stuck today. What skills do I have that I didn't a year ago? Five years ago? Ten years ago? What skills do I hope to have in five years? What small steps might help me gain them?
  • I'm scared of doing this alone. What other times have I faced hardship and got unexpected support? How can I better ask for support instead of expecting it to magically appear? 
As you can see, pessimism requires thoughtful answers, not chirpy quips. Pessimism wants to go deep. So maybe we should stop calling it "pessimism" and give it a new name. Any suggestions?

Which of these affirmations speak most to you?

Yes, I can? Affirmations for the pessimistic

Wednesday, August 19, 2015 Laurel Garver
You regular blog readers may find this hard to believe, but I am not a naturally optimistic person. My inclination is to always look on the shadow rather than bright side of life. (Listen carefully to the Monty Python song, though, and my inner moroseness seems positively cheerful in comparison.) I could blame my upbringing or my birth order or a host of other things, but what ultimate good would it do? Our culture loves to keep us stuck in these blame games, and has industries dedicated to helping us wallow more.

Photo credit: GaborfromHungary from morguefile.com
But tossing on a clown costume and faking perpetual cheer isn't going to be sustainable either. I believe we have to own our temperaments and figure out how to be functional within them. We need to develop adaptations, like the deaf with sign language, rather than remain cut off in some way.

(BTW, I'm not talking about clinical depression here. That's a bigger, more deeply biological problem than mere pessimism.)

The pessimistic outlook often presents itself as "realism." A hope or dream begins to form, and the pessimistic mind will quickly devise an elaborate deconstruction project, bent on showing you how that hope or dream is unrealistic.

A pessimistic mind has to be combated with affirmations based on tangibles before any truly optimistic thoughts can make headway. It's one of the reasons I love the Psalms so much. The psalmists have their share of Yippee, yay, hallelujah moments, but usually in the midst of reminders of things God's people have endured with God's help. Our memories are short, so actively reminding ourselves of our own histories can be a helpful way of getting a grip on hope.

So when your inner pessimism responds to "Yes, you can!" with "No, I can't!" try mulling these thoughts.

  • I am really struggling with fear of ___. I'm going to journal about that, consider worst-case scenarios, and come up with a plan to take small steps anyway.
  • I don't really know where to start with this, but I remember other times I was a newbie, and eventually I got more competent. Who taught me then? Who in my life could teach me now?
  • I haven't done this exact task before, but I did this other hard task ___. What lessons can I take from that?
  • I don't know if I have the stamina for the hard work. But I know that stamina grows, and that the biggest effort is just starting. I remember another time I had to overcome inertia and what I gained.
  • If this fails, I don't want the effort to go to waste. How have I become stronger, wiser, or more compassionate from setbacks I've suffered before?
  • I struggle to believe in myself, so I am going to ask these people who care about me, [NAMES], to check in on me and affirm me.
  • I am struggling to be patient and wait for results. What other good things in my life came later than I'd hoped, but were perfectly timed just the same?
  • I feel like a failure compared to ___. But everyone struggles with this. Who could I encourage today who is younger, less resourced, less experienced, less skilled, etc., to keep on keeping on and see hopeful signs in the progress they are making?
  • I worry that I am becoming jaded and bored with this, but I might find it more exciting if I helped a newbie gain skills and confidence. What younger or less experienced person in my life would I like to mentor?
  • I feel stuck today. What skills do I have that I didn't a year ago? Five years ago? Ten years ago? What skills do I hope to have in five years? What small steps might help me gain them?
  • I'm scared of doing this alone. What other times have I faced hardship and got unexpected support? How can I better ask for support instead of expecting it to magically appear? 
As you can see, pessimism requires thoughtful answers, not chirpy quips. Pessimism wants to go deep. So maybe we should stop calling it "pessimism" and give it a new name. Any suggestions?

Which of these affirmations speak most to you?

Wednesday, July 22

I'd intended to blog once I got back from Florida, where I was helping my mother prepare to move from independent to assisted living in her retirement community. What I didn't anticipate was arriving there with a toothache that turned out to be an abscessed molar. Fortunately, mom's dentist put me on an antibiotic, and we had so much to do that tasks rather than pain occupied most of my thoughts. But I kind of crashed when I got home. A root canal has alleviated the worst pain, and I'm slowly returning to normal.

Photo credit: sideshowmom from morguefile.com 
The primary task while in Florida was to help my mom choose a small portion of her copious belongings to move to her new studio apartment. Oddly enough, most of the purging process was pretty painless, because Mom hadn't even looked at some of her belongings in a decade, or realized she had no use for some items in her "new life" in which all meals are served in a dining room--no more meal prep or clean-up.


For over a year, she had resisted making the move, even though she was painfully lonely and isolated, because she falsely believed she needed a bigger apartment. All this stuff was holding her back from moving ahead, being in a better environment.

The whole experience got me thinking deeply about my relationship to not only stuff, but also ideas that can keep a person stuck. To extend my moving-prep metaphor, first step to overcoming the junk crammed in the closets is to open the door and actually look at it.

Here are a handful of ideas that can limit you, keep you stuck.

  • No one cares what I have to say; I'm a nobody.
  • No one else is writing about ___, so it must be a stupid idea.
  • Everyone is writing in __ genre, so I should, too.
  • That's way too complicated.
  • If I try this new thing, it will be such a time-suck, I'll go under.
  • I can't build a new routine, it's just too hard.
  • I can't afford ___ (to attend a conference, a pro editor, a computer that doesn't crash). 
  • This technique worked for me in the past.
  • All the experts say ___ will guarantee me success.
  • I'm scared of ___ (rejection, public speaking, not having a steady income).
  • My family needs X, Y, Z from me.
  • I can't ask so-and-so to pitch in, they'll just say no and make me resentful. 
  • My one experience doing ___ was so bad, no way will I try it again.
  • I can't approach X or Y, they are way too busy.
  • I don't have a head for ____ (marketing, social media, business).
  • What if I do this new thing at the wrong time and it flops?
  • What if people read my work and think I'm ____ (weird, unhinged, a heretic, a bad parent)?
  • I didn't do such-and-such perfectly the first time, so I might as well quit now.
  • This is really hard, therefore I must not have any natural talent and should quit.

Wow, that was kind of frightening, wasn't it? But I've had a lot of these thoughts, or heard them in some form from writer friends.

I don't have a quick fix for self-sabotage. But I know for sure that remaining in denial isn't going to resolve the problem any more than refusing to see the doctor about that weird mole will prevent you from having skin cancer.

So take the time to open that metaphorical dark cabinet where you've stuffed your worries and fears. Bring them into the light, examine them. Then consider how they might be false and need to be trashed, pronto. Or perhaps they seem true, but tell only part of the story. The unwritten part might involve a creative work-around, a challenge you just need to contemplate for a while, and a solution will come in time.

Do you ever emotionally "clean house"? What negative thoughts plague you that you'd like to jettison?

Purging the clutter that holds you back

Wednesday, July 22, 2015 Laurel Garver
I'd intended to blog once I got back from Florida, where I was helping my mother prepare to move from independent to assisted living in her retirement community. What I didn't anticipate was arriving there with a toothache that turned out to be an abscessed molar. Fortunately, mom's dentist put me on an antibiotic, and we had so much to do that tasks rather than pain occupied most of my thoughts. But I kind of crashed when I got home. A root canal has alleviated the worst pain, and I'm slowly returning to normal.

Photo credit: sideshowmom from morguefile.com 
The primary task while in Florida was to help my mom choose a small portion of her copious belongings to move to her new studio apartment. Oddly enough, most of the purging process was pretty painless, because Mom hadn't even looked at some of her belongings in a decade, or realized she had no use for some items in her "new life" in which all meals are served in a dining room--no more meal prep or clean-up.


For over a year, she had resisted making the move, even though she was painfully lonely and isolated, because she falsely believed she needed a bigger apartment. All this stuff was holding her back from moving ahead, being in a better environment.

The whole experience got me thinking deeply about my relationship to not only stuff, but also ideas that can keep a person stuck. To extend my moving-prep metaphor, first step to overcoming the junk crammed in the closets is to open the door and actually look at it.

Here are a handful of ideas that can limit you, keep you stuck.

  • No one cares what I have to say; I'm a nobody.
  • No one else is writing about ___, so it must be a stupid idea.
  • Everyone is writing in __ genre, so I should, too.
  • That's way too complicated.
  • If I try this new thing, it will be such a time-suck, I'll go under.
  • I can't build a new routine, it's just too hard.
  • I can't afford ___ (to attend a conference, a pro editor, a computer that doesn't crash). 
  • This technique worked for me in the past.
  • All the experts say ___ will guarantee me success.
  • I'm scared of ___ (rejection, public speaking, not having a steady income).
  • My family needs X, Y, Z from me.
  • I can't ask so-and-so to pitch in, they'll just say no and make me resentful. 
  • My one experience doing ___ was so bad, no way will I try it again.
  • I can't approach X or Y, they are way too busy.
  • I don't have a head for ____ (marketing, social media, business).
  • What if I do this new thing at the wrong time and it flops?
  • What if people read my work and think I'm ____ (weird, unhinged, a heretic, a bad parent)?
  • I didn't do such-and-such perfectly the first time, so I might as well quit now.
  • This is really hard, therefore I must not have any natural talent and should quit.

Wow, that was kind of frightening, wasn't it? But I've had a lot of these thoughts, or heard them in some form from writer friends.

I don't have a quick fix for self-sabotage. But I know for sure that remaining in denial isn't going to resolve the problem any more than refusing to see the doctor about that weird mole will prevent you from having skin cancer.

So take the time to open that metaphorical dark cabinet where you've stuffed your worries and fears. Bring them into the light, examine them. Then consider how they might be false and need to be trashed, pronto. Or perhaps they seem true, but tell only part of the story. The unwritten part might involve a creative work-around, a challenge you just need to contemplate for a while, and a solution will come in time.

Do you ever emotionally "clean house"? What negative thoughts plague you that you'd like to jettison?

Tuesday, January 13

Photo credit: pippalou from morguefile.com 
Habit formation is always a hot topic in the new year, when many make resolutions regarding behavior changes they intend to make or goals they will strive to achieve. Key to these sorts of changes is new habits--behaviors one does automatically at certain times or in the presence of certain stimuli.

Habits, once formed, are difficult to change. That's both good and bad news. Good because if you focus on creating a habit through repetition, it will stick. Bad because negative habits can be difficult to overcome--they become hard wired into one's brain.

In my reading on habit development, a few basics struck me as useful, whether the habit being acquired was wiser spending, being smoke-free, writing regularly, or using social media effectively.

1. Take an honest self-assessment


Often we self-sabotage because we aren't intentional about what truly matters most, but go on moving in the same old ruts.

Begin by writing out your goals--say finishing a novel draft or saving a certain amount of money.

Next, figure out what current habits are blocking you from achieving your goals. What do you actually do now, when you do it, and what circumstances trigger it? For example, what do you do with your time when you could be writing? When do you impulse buy? What consistent triggers seem to impel you to not write or to overspend?

Lists like this can be long. But don't let that discourage you. You're looking for opportunities to make small changes that will add up to big boons in your life. You might discover, for example, that you spend an inordinate amount of time tidying up after your family--hours that could be reclaimed if they were better trained and given incentive to pitch in (reward charts, pay-per-chore). Or perhaps your lost time is due to TV watching four hours a day, an addiction to games on your phone, or frequent text sessions with you BFF about every inconsequential event of your day.

You might be surprised how you've been sabotaging yourself without really thinking about it. But this kind of knowledge is power.

2. Change your routine


Our harmful habits get ingrained mostly through repetition. The good news is that small changes can often remake our habits. If you are regularly wasting time and money sitting in the drive-thru line at Dunkin Donuts, try firing up the coffeemaker at home and change the route you drive to work. These two changes will remove the temptation to continue stopping at your old haunt.

Think creatively about each of the self-sabotaging behaviors on your list, and how small tweaks to your routine could remove the temptation to continue them. For example, move the TV to the exercise room to link the reward of TV with fitness. Perhaps you've had a hard time waking at dawn to write because it just doesn't fit your circadian rhythms to be mentally acute early. Shifting activities you now do in the evening to the morning (say laundry and ironing, paying bills and the like) could enable you to write in the evening instead.

Breaking the old routine can be a powerful tool for breaking a harmful habit.

3. Take small steps


Don't try to change every self-sabotaging behavior on your list at one time. Take on one thing at a time. And consider also what was comforting about those bad habits. How might a slight modification get you closer to your goal? For example, say you've been overspending at a weekly dine-out with your friends. Those times are precious for your friendships but hard on the wallet. Could you try cheaper eateries? Alternate between restaurants and pot-luck meals in someone's home? Modify what you order, perhaps skipping the wine and dessert, to save your budget?

The small change I'd like to implement is to blog on a different day. I've found that early in the week, I have far less time to devote to social media because my day job is consistently very busy Monday and Tuesday. Starting next week, I plan to shift to midweek posting. Stay tuned!

How are you doing so far with goals you've set for the new year? 


Get yourself on your side: developing better habits

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 Laurel Garver
Photo credit: pippalou from morguefile.com 
Habit formation is always a hot topic in the new year, when many make resolutions regarding behavior changes they intend to make or goals they will strive to achieve. Key to these sorts of changes is new habits--behaviors one does automatically at certain times or in the presence of certain stimuli.

Habits, once formed, are difficult to change. That's both good and bad news. Good because if you focus on creating a habit through repetition, it will stick. Bad because negative habits can be difficult to overcome--they become hard wired into one's brain.

In my reading on habit development, a few basics struck me as useful, whether the habit being acquired was wiser spending, being smoke-free, writing regularly, or using social media effectively.

1. Take an honest self-assessment


Often we self-sabotage because we aren't intentional about what truly matters most, but go on moving in the same old ruts.

Begin by writing out your goals--say finishing a novel draft or saving a certain amount of money.

Next, figure out what current habits are blocking you from achieving your goals. What do you actually do now, when you do it, and what circumstances trigger it? For example, what do you do with your time when you could be writing? When do you impulse buy? What consistent triggers seem to impel you to not write or to overspend?

Lists like this can be long. But don't let that discourage you. You're looking for opportunities to make small changes that will add up to big boons in your life. You might discover, for example, that you spend an inordinate amount of time tidying up after your family--hours that could be reclaimed if they were better trained and given incentive to pitch in (reward charts, pay-per-chore). Or perhaps your lost time is due to TV watching four hours a day, an addiction to games on your phone, or frequent text sessions with you BFF about every inconsequential event of your day.

You might be surprised how you've been sabotaging yourself without really thinking about it. But this kind of knowledge is power.

2. Change your routine


Our harmful habits get ingrained mostly through repetition. The good news is that small changes can often remake our habits. If you are regularly wasting time and money sitting in the drive-thru line at Dunkin Donuts, try firing up the coffeemaker at home and change the route you drive to work. These two changes will remove the temptation to continue stopping at your old haunt.

Think creatively about each of the self-sabotaging behaviors on your list, and how small tweaks to your routine could remove the temptation to continue them. For example, move the TV to the exercise room to link the reward of TV with fitness. Perhaps you've had a hard time waking at dawn to write because it just doesn't fit your circadian rhythms to be mentally acute early. Shifting activities you now do in the evening to the morning (say laundry and ironing, paying bills and the like) could enable you to write in the evening instead.

Breaking the old routine can be a powerful tool for breaking a harmful habit.

3. Take small steps


Don't try to change every self-sabotaging behavior on your list at one time. Take on one thing at a time. And consider also what was comforting about those bad habits. How might a slight modification get you closer to your goal? For example, say you've been overspending at a weekly dine-out with your friends. Those times are precious for your friendships but hard on the wallet. Could you try cheaper eateries? Alternate between restaurants and pot-luck meals in someone's home? Modify what you order, perhaps skipping the wine and dessert, to save your budget?

The small change I'd like to implement is to blog on a different day. I've found that early in the week, I have far less time to devote to social media because my day job is consistently very busy Monday and Tuesday. Starting next week, I plan to shift to midweek posting. Stay tuned!

How are you doing so far with goals you've set for the new year? 


Tuesday, December 9

Photo credit: chamomile from morguefile.com

When the advent wreath comes out, my writing can often go off the burners entirely, which tends to make me a bit cranky and resentful inside. In a season in which special events and preparations for them can eat up most of one's waking hours, it can be really tough to carve out space for your creative life. But for my mental and emotional health, it's essential.

Finding writing time in December can be a bit like searching for loose change in pockets, under the couch cushions, in the washing machine, and under the car mats. Bit by bit you bank a little here, a little there, and your story continues to grow, like a bank account would,

The usual wisdom is to simply sleep less or decline invitations. That might be necessary if you're under an actual hard-and-fast deadline. But if you aren't, take advantage of the seasonal change to recharge and to stimulate your thinking.

Here are some ideas to try in various venues.

Shopping


Imagine how  your character would approach gift giving. How budget-conscious or extravagant is she? How much does he enjoy or dread selecting gifts? Which secondary character would it be most difficult to shop for?

Imagine what it's like to be an employee or shop owner at one the businesses you visit.

Gather sensory details about holiday shopping. How does it look, smell, feel?

Observe how other shoppers embody emotions like frustration, anxiety, impatience, excitement, worry.

Buy yourself a few knickknacks that draw you more deeply into your characters' world. (For an example, see my post, 'Take Me There' Objects.)

Parties


Observe how party-goers interact with one another. Whose relationships seem shaky? How can you tell? How do family similarities express themselves? How do people flirt or try to blend with the wallpaper? How do listeners show speakers they are engaged, bored, or offended?

Try to discover connections between people you meet and your characters, whether profession, hobbies, life experiences, family structure, or temperament. Once the connection is established, ask things you wish you knew about your character. For instance, "What is the most difficult/annoying aspect of your job?" "What was it like to gain step-siblings?"

Seek out experts in areas you are researching for your story and bravely ask questions. (For more on impromptu research interviews, see my post Expertise is Everywhere.)

Try out your elevator pitch.

Travel


Gather sensory details about the airport. How does it look, feel, smell? How is it different now than in, say, July or August? Observe how fellow passengers express excitement, dread, impatience.

Research setting while on the road, everything from sensory details to the unique features of local culture as seen in architecture, speech patterns, clothing, food, music and art. (For more detailed ideas, see my post, Writer on the Road)

Listen to audio books in your genre.

Read books on the craft of writing or on topics you need to research.

Engage in an art or craft hobby that stimulates your creativity and helps your mind relax.

----

These are just a handful of ways you can stay connected to your story world during a busy season.

What new things might you try this holiday season?

Cultivating your creativity during the holi-daze

Tuesday, December 09, 2014 Laurel Garver
Photo credit: chamomile from morguefile.com

When the advent wreath comes out, my writing can often go off the burners entirely, which tends to make me a bit cranky and resentful inside. In a season in which special events and preparations for them can eat up most of one's waking hours, it can be really tough to carve out space for your creative life. But for my mental and emotional health, it's essential.

Finding writing time in December can be a bit like searching for loose change in pockets, under the couch cushions, in the washing machine, and under the car mats. Bit by bit you bank a little here, a little there, and your story continues to grow, like a bank account would,

The usual wisdom is to simply sleep less or decline invitations. That might be necessary if you're under an actual hard-and-fast deadline. But if you aren't, take advantage of the seasonal change to recharge and to stimulate your thinking.

Here are some ideas to try in various venues.

Shopping


Imagine how  your character would approach gift giving. How budget-conscious or extravagant is she? How much does he enjoy or dread selecting gifts? Which secondary character would it be most difficult to shop for?

Imagine what it's like to be an employee or shop owner at one the businesses you visit.

Gather sensory details about holiday shopping. How does it look, smell, feel?

Observe how other shoppers embody emotions like frustration, anxiety, impatience, excitement, worry.

Buy yourself a few knickknacks that draw you more deeply into your characters' world. (For an example, see my post, 'Take Me There' Objects.)

Parties


Observe how party-goers interact with one another. Whose relationships seem shaky? How can you tell? How do family similarities express themselves? How do people flirt or try to blend with the wallpaper? How do listeners show speakers they are engaged, bored, or offended?

Try to discover connections between people you meet and your characters, whether profession, hobbies, life experiences, family structure, or temperament. Once the connection is established, ask things you wish you knew about your character. For instance, "What is the most difficult/annoying aspect of your job?" "What was it like to gain step-siblings?"

Seek out experts in areas you are researching for your story and bravely ask questions. (For more on impromptu research interviews, see my post Expertise is Everywhere.)

Try out your elevator pitch.

Travel


Gather sensory details about the airport. How does it look, feel, smell? How is it different now than in, say, July or August? Observe how fellow passengers express excitement, dread, impatience.

Research setting while on the road, everything from sensory details to the unique features of local culture as seen in architecture, speech patterns, clothing, food, music and art. (For more detailed ideas, see my post, Writer on the Road)

Listen to audio books in your genre.

Read books on the craft of writing or on topics you need to research.

Engage in an art or craft hobby that stimulates your creativity and helps your mind relax.

----

These are just a handful of ways you can stay connected to your story world during a busy season.

What new things might you try this holiday season?

Tuesday, August 12

I don't know about the rest of you, but August can be a very chaotic month for me, with vacations and back-to-school preparations and a total lack of routine in far too many areas. My daughter's dance lessons are "drop ins" and her guitar teacher shifts days around, some church activities don't meet, while others are more frequent.

But even when I feel this scattered, I have a couple of routines that help me not lose all track of my writing.

Walk

Image by jorgeyu, morguefile.com
A fifteen to thirty minute walk first thing in the morning makes me more alert and helps me gather my thoughts. I bring no gadgets, no music, no companions. This is distraction-free time when I can just think.

An April 2014 study from Stanford University found "Creative thinking improves while a person is walking and shortly thereafter." They also noted "Across the board, creativity levels were consistently and significantly higher for those walking compared to those sitting."

The good news? It's the act of walking and not the environment that matters. So when the weather's horrid, stepping onto a treadmill can give you similar benefits.

Of course, there are also health benefits to a daily walk, including reduced cancer, diabetes and heart disease risk. And if you're struggling with low energy, short walks are the ticket to breaking the vicious cycle of lethargy (lethargy tends to breed more lethargy). A bit of sun exposure during an outdoor walk will increase your levels of vitamin D, an important nutrient that improves not only bone health but also mood (why that is hasn't yet been studied in depth, but depression can be a symptom of vitamin D deficiency).

A walk can also be a great afternoon pick-me-up, especially when you've hit a crossroads in a story and can't decide how to proceed. Let your mind roam as your feet do, and your creative mind will offer ideas and solutions.

Write longhand

While I have no desire to return to the days of all longhand composition, I do find it extremely helpful to do some longhand writing every day, whether note jotting, brainstorming, or free-writing. I've tried all kinds of warm ups over the years and longhand is the one that never fails to "prime the pump" for me.

Apparently educators and cognitive scientists have been looking into why longhand writing is so beneficial to our brains. Virginia Berninger, professor of educational psychology at the University of Washington, used brain scans in her research on the benefits of longhand. She found that "as your hand executes each stroke of each letter, it activates a much larger portion of the brain’s thinking, language, and 'working memory' regions than typing." Keyword there? The language portion of the brain is more actively engaged.

Another study of elementary aged children found "writing by hand improves students’ creative writing skills, and elementary students actually write more quickly by hand than when typing. Compositions are also longer when written by hand...."  My experience bears that out--when writing longhand I'm more apt to write more ideas and edit less. There's something about the flow of the physical act of moving a pen across paper that keeps ideas flowing. (For more on this line of research, see "How Handwriting Trains the Brain.")

If you want to get out of the vicious cycle of having nothing to say, try journaling about it with a pen and paper. Chances are pretty good that you'll have more to say about having nothing to say than you might believe. Then voila, you've taken the first baby steps away from wordlessness and toward expression.

What routines do you try to maintain in chaotic times? What benefits have you found from walking and/or writing longhand?

Two habits that will cultivate creativity

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 Laurel Garver
I don't know about the rest of you, but August can be a very chaotic month for me, with vacations and back-to-school preparations and a total lack of routine in far too many areas. My daughter's dance lessons are "drop ins" and her guitar teacher shifts days around, some church activities don't meet, while others are more frequent.

But even when I feel this scattered, I have a couple of routines that help me not lose all track of my writing.

Walk

Image by jorgeyu, morguefile.com
A fifteen to thirty minute walk first thing in the morning makes me more alert and helps me gather my thoughts. I bring no gadgets, no music, no companions. This is distraction-free time when I can just think.

An April 2014 study from Stanford University found "Creative thinking improves while a person is walking and shortly thereafter." They also noted "Across the board, creativity levels were consistently and significantly higher for those walking compared to those sitting."

The good news? It's the act of walking and not the environment that matters. So when the weather's horrid, stepping onto a treadmill can give you similar benefits.

Of course, there are also health benefits to a daily walk, including reduced cancer, diabetes and heart disease risk. And if you're struggling with low energy, short walks are the ticket to breaking the vicious cycle of lethargy (lethargy tends to breed more lethargy). A bit of sun exposure during an outdoor walk will increase your levels of vitamin D, an important nutrient that improves not only bone health but also mood (why that is hasn't yet been studied in depth, but depression can be a symptom of vitamin D deficiency).

A walk can also be a great afternoon pick-me-up, especially when you've hit a crossroads in a story and can't decide how to proceed. Let your mind roam as your feet do, and your creative mind will offer ideas and solutions.

Write longhand

While I have no desire to return to the days of all longhand composition, I do find it extremely helpful to do some longhand writing every day, whether note jotting, brainstorming, or free-writing. I've tried all kinds of warm ups over the years and longhand is the one that never fails to "prime the pump" for me.

Apparently educators and cognitive scientists have been looking into why longhand writing is so beneficial to our brains. Virginia Berninger, professor of educational psychology at the University of Washington, used brain scans in her research on the benefits of longhand. She found that "as your hand executes each stroke of each letter, it activates a much larger portion of the brain’s thinking, language, and 'working memory' regions than typing." Keyword there? The language portion of the brain is more actively engaged.

Another study of elementary aged children found "writing by hand improves students’ creative writing skills, and elementary students actually write more quickly by hand than when typing. Compositions are also longer when written by hand...."  My experience bears that out--when writing longhand I'm more apt to write more ideas and edit less. There's something about the flow of the physical act of moving a pen across paper that keeps ideas flowing. (For more on this line of research, see "How Handwriting Trains the Brain.")

If you want to get out of the vicious cycle of having nothing to say, try journaling about it with a pen and paper. Chances are pretty good that you'll have more to say about having nothing to say than you might believe. Then voila, you've taken the first baby steps away from wordlessness and toward expression.

What routines do you try to maintain in chaotic times? What benefits have you found from walking and/or writing longhand?

Tuesday, March 11

Every year, I toy with the idea of joining the A-Z blogging challenge, and I always talk myself out of it. It has the potential to be a huge time suck. But it's also a great way to make new connections, and I could use some of those. As part of my new year's housecleaning, I unfollowed seventy-some blogs I used to read that have gone inactive. That's a lot of lost connection.

April is also National Poetry Month, which would make it very, very easy to come up with a theme for posts. Poem a day, featuring the letter of the day. I could introduce readers to some poets they may not know or simply forgot. I could challenge myself to write a new piece or three to work into the lineup. With planning, I could get a majority of the posts prepared well ahead of time.

So what's the problem?

I don't seem to be able to maintain enthusiasm for anything for very long. Inevitably, I hit a low every single month and it's a struggle to do much other than soldier through those eight or nine days doing the absolute minimum. It's "just" a hormonal thing, and a pretty rare one that only about 8% of women deal with. But because there have been so many studies linking depression to creativity, I wouldn't be surprised if a number of my writer friends also suffer from the same thing. Unlike clinical depression, PMDD clears up quickly, and that can make you feel extra crazy. And then guilty. Really, really guilty for these short spurts of do-nothing.

Apparently dietary changes and supplements are the first line of attack with the fewest side effects. So if you also find yourself going through monthly 7-14 day stints of feeling really blue, lethargic, unable to enjoy or engage with anything, irritable, having sleep problems, or any of these symptoms, studies show that upping your intake of magnesium, calcium, vitamin B6 and l-tryptophan will improve how you feel. There are other medication options your doctor might also want to try.

I've been encouraged by others' willingness to share their struggles with depression and bipolar disorder. I hope this encourages those out there who feel absolutely terrible a week every month of the year. It's a chemical thing for us, too, friends. Try the dietary changes. Talk to your doctor. Don't just keep sucking it up and toughing it out alone.

Have you participated in the A-Z challenge? If so, what did you enjoy most about it? Do you struggle to be a joiner? Why?

"I want to join in, but...": another kind of blues

Tuesday, March 11, 2014 Laurel Garver
Every year, I toy with the idea of joining the A-Z blogging challenge, and I always talk myself out of it. It has the potential to be a huge time suck. But it's also a great way to make new connections, and I could use some of those. As part of my new year's housecleaning, I unfollowed seventy-some blogs I used to read that have gone inactive. That's a lot of lost connection.

April is also National Poetry Month, which would make it very, very easy to come up with a theme for posts. Poem a day, featuring the letter of the day. I could introduce readers to some poets they may not know or simply forgot. I could challenge myself to write a new piece or three to work into the lineup. With planning, I could get a majority of the posts prepared well ahead of time.

So what's the problem?

I don't seem to be able to maintain enthusiasm for anything for very long. Inevitably, I hit a low every single month and it's a struggle to do much other than soldier through those eight or nine days doing the absolute minimum. It's "just" a hormonal thing, and a pretty rare one that only about 8% of women deal with. But because there have been so many studies linking depression to creativity, I wouldn't be surprised if a number of my writer friends also suffer from the same thing. Unlike clinical depression, PMDD clears up quickly, and that can make you feel extra crazy. And then guilty. Really, really guilty for these short spurts of do-nothing.

Apparently dietary changes and supplements are the first line of attack with the fewest side effects. So if you also find yourself going through monthly 7-14 day stints of feeling really blue, lethargic, unable to enjoy or engage with anything, irritable, having sleep problems, or any of these symptoms, studies show that upping your intake of magnesium, calcium, vitamin B6 and l-tryptophan will improve how you feel. There are other medication options your doctor might also want to try.

I've been encouraged by others' willingness to share their struggles with depression and bipolar disorder. I hope this encourages those out there who feel absolutely terrible a week every month of the year. It's a chemical thing for us, too, friends. Try the dietary changes. Talk to your doctor. Don't just keep sucking it up and toughing it out alone.

Have you participated in the A-Z challenge? If so, what did you enjoy most about it? Do you struggle to be a joiner? Why?

Tuesday, February 4

Many of us have suffered great difficulties and hardships, and as a result we've developed an internal organ for processing pain I call The Inner Fist. The Inner Fist clamps around that set of hurts and keeps it "safe"--unprodded, airless, always raw.
image: wikimedia commons

When anything comes at us that feels like the clenched pain--rejection, violation, terror and the like--the Inner Fist hits back. When it hits inside, it punches holes in our confidence, pummels our joy, hammers home the thought that, as usual, the universe and its creator are against us. Sometimes the Inner Fist hits outward, making us lash out at others or become pleasure-chasing addicts.

The Inner Fist strengthens itself by drawing around it expectations that we believe will make the hurt inside magically dissipate. As writers, some of our fist-builders are thoughts like these:

"I will get published and...
...I will have honor instead of shame"
...I will have worth instead of worthlessness"
...I will have abundance instead of deprivation"
...I will be popular instead of ignored or bullied"

Can any publishing experience bear the weight of expectations like these? Not likely. So the Inner Fist goes on punching us inside.

Unclenching the Inner Fist is the heart work of a lifetime. Until you grant access to the pain--to God, yourself, others--the Inner Fist will remain a destructive force in your life. It requires great courage, grace, faith and hope. It is the only path to peace and to creating great art that changes lives. That changes the world.

What unclenches the Inner Fist are ordinary graces--things like delight, wonder and play; learning, mentoring and teaching; communicating with open honesty; freely giving you time, skill, creative output and praise with no expectations simply because it's fun and makes you feel alive. Above all, the gracious work of love--God's, your family's, your friends', and yours for them--builds skin over the raw places.

At times these winds of grace may feel like a tornado. They may feel like self-immolation. Like tossing your possessions out the window. Like standing yourself before a firing squad. Who am I without my defenses after all? You'll never know unless you let light inside.

You might just find that the place of your deepest pain is a well of great beauty--your truth--which when drawn out, has the power to unclench other Inner Fists. I think of Anne Lamott's raw honesty in Traveling Mercies and Operating Instructions. Of Donald Miller's meandering hunger in Searching for God Knows What.

Have you felt the Inner Fist in your life? What ordinary graces have unclenched a finger or two for you? What books have encouraged you in your own heart work of healing and maturing?

Inner pain and the myth of "safety"

Tuesday, February 04, 2014 Laurel Garver
Many of us have suffered great difficulties and hardships, and as a result we've developed an internal organ for processing pain I call The Inner Fist. The Inner Fist clamps around that set of hurts and keeps it "safe"--unprodded, airless, always raw.
image: wikimedia commons

When anything comes at us that feels like the clenched pain--rejection, violation, terror and the like--the Inner Fist hits back. When it hits inside, it punches holes in our confidence, pummels our joy, hammers home the thought that, as usual, the universe and its creator are against us. Sometimes the Inner Fist hits outward, making us lash out at others or become pleasure-chasing addicts.

The Inner Fist strengthens itself by drawing around it expectations that we believe will make the hurt inside magically dissipate. As writers, some of our fist-builders are thoughts like these:

"I will get published and...
...I will have honor instead of shame"
...I will have worth instead of worthlessness"
...I will have abundance instead of deprivation"
...I will be popular instead of ignored or bullied"

Can any publishing experience bear the weight of expectations like these? Not likely. So the Inner Fist goes on punching us inside.

Unclenching the Inner Fist is the heart work of a lifetime. Until you grant access to the pain--to God, yourself, others--the Inner Fist will remain a destructive force in your life. It requires great courage, grace, faith and hope. It is the only path to peace and to creating great art that changes lives. That changes the world.

What unclenches the Inner Fist are ordinary graces--things like delight, wonder and play; learning, mentoring and teaching; communicating with open honesty; freely giving you time, skill, creative output and praise with no expectations simply because it's fun and makes you feel alive. Above all, the gracious work of love--God's, your family's, your friends', and yours for them--builds skin over the raw places.

At times these winds of grace may feel like a tornado. They may feel like self-immolation. Like tossing your possessions out the window. Like standing yourself before a firing squad. Who am I without my defenses after all? You'll never know unless you let light inside.

You might just find that the place of your deepest pain is a well of great beauty--your truth--which when drawn out, has the power to unclench other Inner Fists. I think of Anne Lamott's raw honesty in Traveling Mercies and Operating Instructions. Of Donald Miller's meandering hunger in Searching for God Knows What.

Have you felt the Inner Fist in your life? What ordinary graces have unclenched a finger or two for you? What books have encouraged you in your own heart work of healing and maturing?

Thursday, October 17

By Tessa Emily Hall
author of Purple Moon

Like many teenage girls today, my protagonist, Selena, doesn’t have a very high self-esteem. She’s never been called beautiful, and often skips meals in order to be more pleased with her appearance. The thing is—if someone has a low self-esteem, they’re never going to come to a point when they’re pleased with their appearance. Why? Because they’ll always find something wrong with themselves. 

The pressure that society puts on us woman today is ridiculous. Just flip through a fashion magazine or even watch television commercials and you’ll see why. No wonder most teens today have a poor body image!

Although it is okay to wear makeup and jewelry and cute clothes, those things are eventually going to fade. As Selena’s neighbor in Purple Moon tells her, “all that material junk doesn’t define true beauty.” True beauty comes from developing your relationship with Christ; true beauty comes from being confident in who you are. 

What about you? When you look in the mirror, what do you see? If you have a negative perception of yourself, then I think it’s time for a little transformation of your reflection. And I’m not talking about the one in the mirror.

Have you ever seen someone and just knew, without even knowing them, that they had a low self-esteem? The reflection that you have of yourself will always reflect to others. 

The opposite is also true—it’s easy to spot those who have confidence. Even if they aren’t necessarily what’s considered “attractive” in the world’s eyes, these people know who they are in Christ, and other opinions cannot change that. 

What if I told you that you can be confident in who you are, without having to change your appearance? You don’t need a new image to create it—all you need is a new self-image. You will always act upon the image that you have perceived of yourself, and the only way to rise above a low self-esteem is to see yourself the way that God sees you.

“You made my whole being;
    you formed me in my mother’s body.
I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
    What you have done is wonderful.”
-Psalm 139:14 (NCV)

If you don’t find your reflection appealing, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to work out more. It simply means that it’s time to get a new perspective, to transform your reflection…

Of your reflection.

=====

Tessa Emily Hall is the 19-year-old author of Purple Moon, a YA Christian fiction novel published September 2013 by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She is also the editor for the faith department of Temperance Magazine, a column writer for Whole Magazine, a contributing writer for More To Be, as well as the PR for God of Moses Entertainment. Other than writing, Tessa enjoys acting, music, Starbucks, and her Teacup Shih Tzu—who is named Brewer after a character in her book, as well as her love for coffee.

Website:  www.tessaemilyhall.com
Blog: www.christiswrite.blogspot.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/tessaemily
Facebook: www.facebook.com/tessa.h16

About Purple Moon

Selena's life isn't turning out to be the fairy tale she imagined as a kid. That hope seemed to vanish long ago when her dad kicked her and her mom out of the house. This summer might finally hold the chance of a new beginning for Selena ... but having to live with her snobby cousin in Lake Lure, NC while waiting for her mom to get out of rehab wasn't how Selena was planning on spending her summer. She soon begins to wonder why she committed to give up her "bad habits" for this.

Things don't seem too bad, though. Especially when Selena gains the attention of the cute neighbor next door. But when her best friend back home in Brooklyn desperately needs her, a secret that's been hidden from Selena for years is revealed, and when she becomes a target for one of her cousin's nasty pranks, she finds herself having to face the scars from her past and the memories that come along with them. Will she follow her mom's example in running away, or trust that God still has a fairy tale life written just for her?

 Amazon /   Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas
Add it on Goodreads / Like on Facebook


Enter to win the Purple Moon Prize Pack! 

For more chances to win, visit the next stops on Tessa's tour:

Friday, October 18: Behind the Scenes: Brewer’s Coffee: A Splash of Ink
Monday, October 21: Purple Moon Excerpt: Farkle at the Park: A Slightly Nerdy Bookworm
Tuesday, October 22: Teenage Dating: Tell The World
Wednesday, October 23: Q & A: The YA Book Stack
Thursday, October 24: How Much of My Personal Life Did I Put Into “Purple Moon”?: Read For Your Future
Friday, October 25: Fairy tales & Happy Endings + Contest Winners!: Inspiring Daring

Body Image: Transforming Your Reflection

Thursday, October 17, 2013 Laurel Garver
By Tessa Emily Hall
author of Purple Moon

Like many teenage girls today, my protagonist, Selena, doesn’t have a very high self-esteem. She’s never been called beautiful, and often skips meals in order to be more pleased with her appearance. The thing is—if someone has a low self-esteem, they’re never going to come to a point when they’re pleased with their appearance. Why? Because they’ll always find something wrong with themselves. 

The pressure that society puts on us woman today is ridiculous. Just flip through a fashion magazine or even watch television commercials and you’ll see why. No wonder most teens today have a poor body image!

Although it is okay to wear makeup and jewelry and cute clothes, those things are eventually going to fade. As Selena’s neighbor in Purple Moon tells her, “all that material junk doesn’t define true beauty.” True beauty comes from developing your relationship with Christ; true beauty comes from being confident in who you are. 

What about you? When you look in the mirror, what do you see? If you have a negative perception of yourself, then I think it’s time for a little transformation of your reflection. And I’m not talking about the one in the mirror.

Have you ever seen someone and just knew, without even knowing them, that they had a low self-esteem? The reflection that you have of yourself will always reflect to others. 

The opposite is also true—it’s easy to spot those who have confidence. Even if they aren’t necessarily what’s considered “attractive” in the world’s eyes, these people know who they are in Christ, and other opinions cannot change that. 

What if I told you that you can be confident in who you are, without having to change your appearance? You don’t need a new image to create it—all you need is a new self-image. You will always act upon the image that you have perceived of yourself, and the only way to rise above a low self-esteem is to see yourself the way that God sees you.

“You made my whole being;
    you formed me in my mother’s body.
I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
    What you have done is wonderful.”
-Psalm 139:14 (NCV)

If you don’t find your reflection appealing, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to work out more. It simply means that it’s time to get a new perspective, to transform your reflection…

Of your reflection.

=====

Tessa Emily Hall is the 19-year-old author of Purple Moon, a YA Christian fiction novel published September 2013 by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She is also the editor for the faith department of Temperance Magazine, a column writer for Whole Magazine, a contributing writer for More To Be, as well as the PR for God of Moses Entertainment. Other than writing, Tessa enjoys acting, music, Starbucks, and her Teacup Shih Tzu—who is named Brewer after a character in her book, as well as her love for coffee.

Website:  www.tessaemilyhall.com
Blog: www.christiswrite.blogspot.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/tessaemily
Facebook: www.facebook.com/tessa.h16

About Purple Moon

Selena's life isn't turning out to be the fairy tale she imagined as a kid. That hope seemed to vanish long ago when her dad kicked her and her mom out of the house. This summer might finally hold the chance of a new beginning for Selena ... but having to live with her snobby cousin in Lake Lure, NC while waiting for her mom to get out of rehab wasn't how Selena was planning on spending her summer. She soon begins to wonder why she committed to give up her "bad habits" for this.

Things don't seem too bad, though. Especially when Selena gains the attention of the cute neighbor next door. But when her best friend back home in Brooklyn desperately needs her, a secret that's been hidden from Selena for years is revealed, and when she becomes a target for one of her cousin's nasty pranks, she finds herself having to face the scars from her past and the memories that come along with them. Will she follow her mom's example in running away, or trust that God still has a fairy tale life written just for her?

 Amazon /   Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas
Add it on Goodreads / Like on Facebook


Enter to win the Purple Moon Prize Pack! 

For more chances to win, visit the next stops on Tessa's tour:

Friday, October 18: Behind the Scenes: Brewer’s Coffee: A Splash of Ink
Monday, October 21: Purple Moon Excerpt: Farkle at the Park: A Slightly Nerdy Bookworm
Tuesday, October 22: Teenage Dating: Tell The World
Wednesday, October 23: Q & A: The YA Book Stack
Thursday, October 24: How Much of My Personal Life Did I Put Into “Purple Moon”?: Read For Your Future
Friday, October 25: Fairy tales & Happy Endings + Contest Winners!: Inspiring Daring

Friday, December 21

As an author who writes about grief, specifically a loss that occurs during the holidays, I'd be remiss if I didn't take a moment to talk about how to cope with the pain of loss during what's supposed to be a joyful season.

I highly recommend this wonderful series from griefshare.org, "Surviving the Holidays."

A few practical things I gleaned from it:

image by Bekahboo42, morguefile.com
Keep your expectations low
It's not necessary to accept every invitation, nor do the level of decorating and baking you've done other years. You're more vulnerable to being ambushed by emotions by the season, so don't add more stress.

Take care of your body
Exercise and exposure to sunlight should be part of your daily routine. If you feel like self-medicating with alcohol or unhealthy food, take a walk.

Dispense with the usual traditions or build new ones
If the thought of going through the usual holiday rituals fills you with dread, give yourself permission to do something completely different. Leave the usual ornaments in a box and make new ones. Take an impromptu trip to a lovely destination, or offer to house-sit for friends who are traveling. Change the time of day or room in which you open gifts. Make a completely different menu.

You might alternately find it comforting to build new traditions into your existing ones that honor your lost loved one. Here are some ideas for doing that.

Treat yourself
Give yourself a gift from your lost loved one, something that honors the special relationship you had or simply comforts you: a new album if you shared a love of music, an item of clothing in your loved one's favorite color, a book you've been eager to read, tools for a hobby you've always wanted to try.

 Stay connected
Force yourself to attend social gatherings, if only for a short time. Try to plan a few fun activities with a good friend, like seeing a movie or concert or going out for coffee.

Reach out
Get involved with charity work--perhaps visiting a nursing home, delivering meals to needy families, serving at a homeless shelter. Supporting others who are also hurting can ease some of your pain.

Have you endured a post-loss Christmas? What helped you most? How might you reach out to a grieving friend during the holidays?

Unhappy holidays? Strategies for coping with grief

Friday, December 21, 2012 Laurel Garver
As an author who writes about grief, specifically a loss that occurs during the holidays, I'd be remiss if I didn't take a moment to talk about how to cope with the pain of loss during what's supposed to be a joyful season.

I highly recommend this wonderful series from griefshare.org, "Surviving the Holidays."

A few practical things I gleaned from it:

image by Bekahboo42, morguefile.com
Keep your expectations low
It's not necessary to accept every invitation, nor do the level of decorating and baking you've done other years. You're more vulnerable to being ambushed by emotions by the season, so don't add more stress.

Take care of your body
Exercise and exposure to sunlight should be part of your daily routine. If you feel like self-medicating with alcohol or unhealthy food, take a walk.

Dispense with the usual traditions or build new ones
If the thought of going through the usual holiday rituals fills you with dread, give yourself permission to do something completely different. Leave the usual ornaments in a box and make new ones. Take an impromptu trip to a lovely destination, or offer to house-sit for friends who are traveling. Change the time of day or room in which you open gifts. Make a completely different menu.

You might alternately find it comforting to build new traditions into your existing ones that honor your lost loved one. Here are some ideas for doing that.

Treat yourself
Give yourself a gift from your lost loved one, something that honors the special relationship you had or simply comforts you: a new album if you shared a love of music, an item of clothing in your loved one's favorite color, a book you've been eager to read, tools for a hobby you've always wanted to try.

 Stay connected
Force yourself to attend social gatherings, if only for a short time. Try to plan a few fun activities with a good friend, like seeing a movie or concert or going out for coffee.

Reach out
Get involved with charity work--perhaps visiting a nursing home, delivering meals to needy families, serving at a homeless shelter. Supporting others who are also hurting can ease some of your pain.

Have you endured a post-loss Christmas? What helped you most? How might you reach out to a grieving friend during the holidays?

Monday, July 9

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I heard this interview with psychologist Dan Gottlieb reflecting on the idea of "absolute rest." He was responding to questions about a new study on therapy for concussions, but went on to discuss the possible wider implications. It's worth a listen (click the audio player on the page I linked above).

I was particularly struck by Dr. Gottlieb's description of taking a "silent retreat" as beginning with a 24-hour painful withdrawal process, of "detoxing" from the "drugs" that are familiar to us all: technology, speed and distraction. He noted that we fill our lives with so many distracting gadgets that "we often can't even feel our own bodies." Ouch. So true. I had my personal wake-up call on that front last fall (my poem "Anemia" in Poetry Pact vol. 1 describes some of it). Now that I'm on the other side of the tests and treatment, I know it will take concerted effort to fully live in my skin, not just my brain.  

I'm intrigued with the idea of technology detox. I generally stay off the interwebs over the weekends in order to focus on my family. And yet, I wonder if two days is enough to do what I really need--get my head cleared out and my creativity fully energized.

Do you find you live in your mind more than in your body?  Do you ever truly rest? Have you tried abstaining from all technology for a period? What was that like?


image credit: Dorne, www.morguefile.com

Cure for a weary mind

Monday, July 09, 2012 Laurel Garver
As I was getting ready for work this morning, I heard this interview with psychologist Dan Gottlieb reflecting on the idea of "absolute rest." He was responding to questions about a new study on therapy for concussions, but went on to discuss the possible wider implications. It's worth a listen (click the audio player on the page I linked above).

I was particularly struck by Dr. Gottlieb's description of taking a "silent retreat" as beginning with a 24-hour painful withdrawal process, of "detoxing" from the "drugs" that are familiar to us all: technology, speed and distraction. He noted that we fill our lives with so many distracting gadgets that "we often can't even feel our own bodies." Ouch. So true. I had my personal wake-up call on that front last fall (my poem "Anemia" in Poetry Pact vol. 1 describes some of it). Now that I'm on the other side of the tests and treatment, I know it will take concerted effort to fully live in my skin, not just my brain.  

I'm intrigued with the idea of technology detox. I generally stay off the interwebs over the weekends in order to focus on my family. And yet, I wonder if two days is enough to do what I really need--get my head cleared out and my creativity fully energized.

Do you find you live in your mind more than in your body?  Do you ever truly rest? Have you tried abstaining from all technology for a period? What was that like?


image credit: Dorne, www.morguefile.com

Thursday, March 22

Thanks, blogging pals, for all the well wishes. As I enter my third week of recovery post-surgery, I can tell you it has been an eye-opening experience. And sometimes an eye-closing one. (Thank you, Percocet, for making me sleep 14 hours a day.)

Some random things I've discovered:

~One of my husband's students was having surgery at the same time. In the surgery-prep area (where they give you your stylish hat and put in your IV), he tried to chat with me, but I couldn't see him because they'd made me give up my glasses. Poor kid was about to have his face reconstructed after a rugby injury, so maybe it's a blessing I couldn't see.

~Robotic surgery is cool. I had a four-pound benign tumor removed through an incision that's less than an inch long. (It was removed in pieces, if you're wondering how that trick was achieved.)

~I'm a lightweight when it comes to anesthesia. The nurses wanted to send me home and I couldn't stay awake.

~Nausea and abdominal incisions are a bad combo. Ow.

~Best diet when the idea of food grosses you out: jello, apple juice, animal crackers.

~There are way too many steep stairs in my 3-storey, historic, urban townhouse. What gives? Weren't people shorter in 1907?

~Reading is actually more restful that watching movies or TV. Less data to process at once.

~You can't beat a Kindle if you frequently doze off while reading. It powers down on its own and never loses your page.

~The hardest thing to give up was managing my daughter. I was sure her teeth would go unbrushed, her homework unfinished or lost. She was fine, even if she got more screen time than I'd like.

~It's good for one's spouse to experience how the house runs without you (or more accurately, which things don't get done).

~When your ability to achieve is taken away, you realize how much being busy is actually a choice. And often it's a shabby substitute for deeper relationships.

How have your last few weeks been? What's new?

Slowing down

Thursday, March 22, 2012 Laurel Garver
Thanks, blogging pals, for all the well wishes. As I enter my third week of recovery post-surgery, I can tell you it has been an eye-opening experience. And sometimes an eye-closing one. (Thank you, Percocet, for making me sleep 14 hours a day.)

Some random things I've discovered:

~One of my husband's students was having surgery at the same time. In the surgery-prep area (where they give you your stylish hat and put in your IV), he tried to chat with me, but I couldn't see him because they'd made me give up my glasses. Poor kid was about to have his face reconstructed after a rugby injury, so maybe it's a blessing I couldn't see.

~Robotic surgery is cool. I had a four-pound benign tumor removed through an incision that's less than an inch long. (It was removed in pieces, if you're wondering how that trick was achieved.)

~I'm a lightweight when it comes to anesthesia. The nurses wanted to send me home and I couldn't stay awake.

~Nausea and abdominal incisions are a bad combo. Ow.

~Best diet when the idea of food grosses you out: jello, apple juice, animal crackers.

~There are way too many steep stairs in my 3-storey, historic, urban townhouse. What gives? Weren't people shorter in 1907?

~Reading is actually more restful that watching movies or TV. Less data to process at once.

~You can't beat a Kindle if you frequently doze off while reading. It powers down on its own and never loses your page.

~The hardest thing to give up was managing my daughter. I was sure her teeth would go unbrushed, her homework unfinished or lost. She was fine, even if she got more screen time than I'd like.

~It's good for one's spouse to experience how the house runs without you (or more accurately, which things don't get done).

~When your ability to achieve is taken away, you realize how much being busy is actually a choice. And often it's a shabby substitute for deeper relationships.

How have your last few weeks been? What's new?

Tuesday, July 5

We all get stuck at times, find our productivity come to a screeching--or sputtering--halt. In THIS previous post, I discussed one of the causes--hitting walls because we hadn't let our intuition guide the process and had taken the story in the wrong direction.

In the comments on that post, I got the sense that walls are not as common as desert times for making us unproductive. So what is this phenomenon--"desert" writer's block?

Image from weathersavvy.com.

Desert


"The word block suggests you are constipated or stuck, when in truth you are empty."

--Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird 178.


"You're blocked because you have nothing to say. Your talent didn't abandon you. If you had something to say, you couldn't stop writing. You can't kill your talent, but you can starve it into a coma through ignorance."

--Robert McKee, Story 73-74

We've all been there--somehow stuck in a place where you're plumb out of ideas. This place feels hot and parched and lifeless--desert-like. Entering a desert usually looks like the following:

- Your characters are faceless mannequins.
- The story setting is a big white box.
- Your characters slump around looking bored.
- The sound loop is your head is chirping crickets, or some really annoying pop song with unintelligible words.
- When you sit down to write, the only word that comes to mind is "waffles."
- You can't blog, tweet or update your Facebook status.
- Your house is exceptionally clean.

Lamott says that you need to accept that these desert times are going to come. In that acceptance, you free yourself to begin filling up again. When the Israelites let the pillar of cloud and fire lead them, God sent them the resources they needed--manna to fell from the sky, water gushed from a rock. The fact was, they couldn't get to the Promised Land on their own--they needed divine intervention. So do we. Call it "the muse," one's "inner light," "intuition," "unconscious mind," "talent" or "the Holy Spirit"--the sources of creativity need freedom and care and feeding.

So how do you allow the empty places to refill? Acceptance, as Lamott says, is a huge piece of it. If you try to push, "Your unconscious can't work when you are breathing down it's neck" (Lamott, 182). She suggests writing 300 words a day culling your memories--just rough journaling to keep you loose. Then seek things that feed you--walking, visiting friends, reading lots of great and terrible books, wandering museums and historic sites.

McKee's advice is strikingly similar. He suggests research as a way of filling up in empty times: "No matter how talented, the ignorant cannot write. Talent must be stimulated by facts and ideas. Do research. Feed your talent. Research not only wins the war on cliche, it's the key to victory over fear and its cousin, depression."

What things have helped feed you in empty, desert times? What new thing might you try based on Lamott's and McKee's advice?

*This is a revised repost from October, 2010

Desert wandering: another kind of "writer's block"*

Tuesday, July 05, 2011 Laurel Garver
We all get stuck at times, find our productivity come to a screeching--or sputtering--halt. In THIS previous post, I discussed one of the causes--hitting walls because we hadn't let our intuition guide the process and had taken the story in the wrong direction.

In the comments on that post, I got the sense that walls are not as common as desert times for making us unproductive. So what is this phenomenon--"desert" writer's block?

Image from weathersavvy.com.

Desert


"The word block suggests you are constipated or stuck, when in truth you are empty."

--Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird 178.


"You're blocked because you have nothing to say. Your talent didn't abandon you. If you had something to say, you couldn't stop writing. You can't kill your talent, but you can starve it into a coma through ignorance."

--Robert McKee, Story 73-74

We've all been there--somehow stuck in a place where you're plumb out of ideas. This place feels hot and parched and lifeless--desert-like. Entering a desert usually looks like the following:

- Your characters are faceless mannequins.
- The story setting is a big white box.
- Your characters slump around looking bored.
- The sound loop is your head is chirping crickets, or some really annoying pop song with unintelligible words.
- When you sit down to write, the only word that comes to mind is "waffles."
- You can't blog, tweet or update your Facebook status.
- Your house is exceptionally clean.

Lamott says that you need to accept that these desert times are going to come. In that acceptance, you free yourself to begin filling up again. When the Israelites let the pillar of cloud and fire lead them, God sent them the resources they needed--manna to fell from the sky, water gushed from a rock. The fact was, they couldn't get to the Promised Land on their own--they needed divine intervention. So do we. Call it "the muse," one's "inner light," "intuition," "unconscious mind," "talent" or "the Holy Spirit"--the sources of creativity need freedom and care and feeding.

So how do you allow the empty places to refill? Acceptance, as Lamott says, is a huge piece of it. If you try to push, "Your unconscious can't work when you are breathing down it's neck" (Lamott, 182). She suggests writing 300 words a day culling your memories--just rough journaling to keep you loose. Then seek things that feed you--walking, visiting friends, reading lots of great and terrible books, wandering museums and historic sites.

McKee's advice is strikingly similar. He suggests research as a way of filling up in empty times: "No matter how talented, the ignorant cannot write. Talent must be stimulated by facts and ideas. Do research. Feed your talent. Research not only wins the war on cliche, it's the key to victory over fear and its cousin, depression."

What things have helped feed you in empty, desert times? What new thing might you try based on Lamott's and McKee's advice?

*This is a revised repost from October, 2010

Tuesday, May 10

Waiting. It's a huge piece of what it is to be human. We wait for the weather to change. We wait for payday or that insurance reimbursement. We wait for decisions to be made, calls to be returned, packages to arrive and all sorts of mundane things that somehow just don't happen instantly.

Writing has its own set of waiting hurdles. We wait for our skill level to improve. We wait for the perfect character name to dawn on us. We wait for the shiny new idea. We wait for solutions to plot holes to occur to us. We wait for critique partners to give feedback. We wait for our market savvy to increase. We wait for agents, editors, reviewers, royalty statements, etc., etc., etc.

My faith tradition ties waiting to one of the "abiding things" along with faith and love: hope. "If we hope for what we do not have," says Romans 8:25, "we wait for it patiently."

Personally, I struggle a lot with hope. It's a heck of a lot easier to despair. No real effort or waiting required. Indeed despair can be yours right now with no wait! Not much of a selling point though, is it? Anyway, I've come to grasp the fact that waiting in a state of hopelessness is actually a kind of impatience--one that immobilizes.

We tend to think of patience as a very passive virtue that requires idle serenity. But the serenity that comes from patience is actually quite active. The patient mind works hard hoping. It refuses to moan or flail around. It keeps a steady routine and doesn't lose sight of the thing hoped for. Patience is diligent (not slothful), continuing to find places to progress during times of waiting.

Let's encourage one another to take up the tools of patience when we're on this wait-filled journey. Here are some I can think of:

~limit "stalking" behaviors online (those aimless hops from post to tweet to status without ever interacting); instead use social media to meet friends and encourage others. Take social media breaks when necessary.

~limit slothful habits (TV, video games and the like); instead produce pages of something every day--drafts, research, notes and outlines, wordplay, journal entries.

~experiment with a new technique, genre, style, POV, verb tense.

~focus on learning--study craft books, attend seminars, research new ideas.

~critique others' work and learn from them.

~read widely and make notes about what other authors do that you can emulate.

I could go on an on about all the active ways to wait--there are so many! The key ingredients are progressing toward a goal because you believe with hope that something good will eventually come of it.

What impatient habits or "habits of despair" do you struggle with? What habits of hopeful patience might you try?

Give me patience now!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011 Laurel Garver
Waiting. It's a huge piece of what it is to be human. We wait for the weather to change. We wait for payday or that insurance reimbursement. We wait for decisions to be made, calls to be returned, packages to arrive and all sorts of mundane things that somehow just don't happen instantly.

Writing has its own set of waiting hurdles. We wait for our skill level to improve. We wait for the perfect character name to dawn on us. We wait for the shiny new idea. We wait for solutions to plot holes to occur to us. We wait for critique partners to give feedback. We wait for our market savvy to increase. We wait for agents, editors, reviewers, royalty statements, etc., etc., etc.

My faith tradition ties waiting to one of the "abiding things" along with faith and love: hope. "If we hope for what we do not have," says Romans 8:25, "we wait for it patiently."

Personally, I struggle a lot with hope. It's a heck of a lot easier to despair. No real effort or waiting required. Indeed despair can be yours right now with no wait! Not much of a selling point though, is it? Anyway, I've come to grasp the fact that waiting in a state of hopelessness is actually a kind of impatience--one that immobilizes.

We tend to think of patience as a very passive virtue that requires idle serenity. But the serenity that comes from patience is actually quite active. The patient mind works hard hoping. It refuses to moan or flail around. It keeps a steady routine and doesn't lose sight of the thing hoped for. Patience is diligent (not slothful), continuing to find places to progress during times of waiting.

Let's encourage one another to take up the tools of patience when we're on this wait-filled journey. Here are some I can think of:

~limit "stalking" behaviors online (those aimless hops from post to tweet to status without ever interacting); instead use social media to meet friends and encourage others. Take social media breaks when necessary.

~limit slothful habits (TV, video games and the like); instead produce pages of something every day--drafts, research, notes and outlines, wordplay, journal entries.

~experiment with a new technique, genre, style, POV, verb tense.

~focus on learning--study craft books, attend seminars, research new ideas.

~critique others' work and learn from them.

~read widely and make notes about what other authors do that you can emulate.

I could go on an on about all the active ways to wait--there are so many! The key ingredients are progressing toward a goal because you believe with hope that something good will eventually come of it.

What impatient habits or "habits of despair" do you struggle with? What habits of hopeful patience might you try?

Thursday, April 28

Many of us have suffered great difficulties and hardships, and as a result we've developed an internal organ for processing pain I call The Inner Fist. The Inner Fist clamps around that set of hurts and keeps it "safe"--unprodded, airless, always raw.

When anything comes at us that feels like the clenched pain--rejection, violation, terror and the like--the Inner Fist hits back. When it hits inside, it punches holes in our confidence, pummels our joy, hammers home the thought that, as usual, the universe and its creator are against us. Sometimes the Inner Fist hits outward, making us lash out at others or become pleasure-chasing addicts.

The Inner Fist strengthens itself by drawing around it expectations that we believe will make the hurt inside magically dissipate. As writers, some of our fist-builders are thoughts like these:

"I will get published and...
...I will have honor instead of shame"
...I will have worth instead of worthlessness"
...I will have abundance instead of deprivation"
...I will be popular instead of ignored or bullied"

Can any publishing experience bear the weight of expectations like these? Not likely. So the Inner Fist goes on punching us inside.

Unclenching the Inner Fist is the heart work of a lifetime. Until you grant access to the pain--to God, yourself, others--the Inner Fist will remain a destructive force in your life. It requires great courage, grace, faith and hope. It is the only path to peace and to creating great art that changes lives. That changes the world.

What unclenches the Inner Fist are ordinary graces--things like delight, wonder and play; learning, mentoring and teaching; communicating with open honesty; freely giving you time, skill, creative output and praise with no expectations simply because it's fun and makes you feel alive. Above all, the gracious work of love--God's, your family's, your friends', and yours for them--builds skin over the raw places.

At times these winds of grace may feel like a tornado. They may feel like self-immolation. Like tossing your possessions out the window. Like standing yourself before a firing squad. Who am I without my defenses after all? You'll never know unless you let light inside.

You might just find that the place of your deepest pain is a well of great beauty--your truth--which when drawn out, has the power to unclench other Inner Fists. I think of Anne Lamott's raw honesty in Traveling Mercies and Operating Instructions. Of Donald Miller's meandering hunger in Searching for God Knows What.

Have you felt the Inner Fist in your life? What ordinary graces have unclenched a finger or two for you? What books have encouraged you in your own heart work of healing and maturing?

The fist

Thursday, April 28, 2011 Laurel Garver
Many of us have suffered great difficulties and hardships, and as a result we've developed an internal organ for processing pain I call The Inner Fist. The Inner Fist clamps around that set of hurts and keeps it "safe"--unprodded, airless, always raw.

When anything comes at us that feels like the clenched pain--rejection, violation, terror and the like--the Inner Fist hits back. When it hits inside, it punches holes in our confidence, pummels our joy, hammers home the thought that, as usual, the universe and its creator are against us. Sometimes the Inner Fist hits outward, making us lash out at others or become pleasure-chasing addicts.

The Inner Fist strengthens itself by drawing around it expectations that we believe will make the hurt inside magically dissipate. As writers, some of our fist-builders are thoughts like these:

"I will get published and...
...I will have honor instead of shame"
...I will have worth instead of worthlessness"
...I will have abundance instead of deprivation"
...I will be popular instead of ignored or bullied"

Can any publishing experience bear the weight of expectations like these? Not likely. So the Inner Fist goes on punching us inside.

Unclenching the Inner Fist is the heart work of a lifetime. Until you grant access to the pain--to God, yourself, others--the Inner Fist will remain a destructive force in your life. It requires great courage, grace, faith and hope. It is the only path to peace and to creating great art that changes lives. That changes the world.

What unclenches the Inner Fist are ordinary graces--things like delight, wonder and play; learning, mentoring and teaching; communicating with open honesty; freely giving you time, skill, creative output and praise with no expectations simply because it's fun and makes you feel alive. Above all, the gracious work of love--God's, your family's, your friends', and yours for them--builds skin over the raw places.

At times these winds of grace may feel like a tornado. They may feel like self-immolation. Like tossing your possessions out the window. Like standing yourself before a firing squad. Who am I without my defenses after all? You'll never know unless you let light inside.

You might just find that the place of your deepest pain is a well of great beauty--your truth--which when drawn out, has the power to unclench other Inner Fists. I think of Anne Lamott's raw honesty in Traveling Mercies and Operating Instructions. Of Donald Miller's meandering hunger in Searching for God Knows What.

Have you felt the Inner Fist in your life? What ordinary graces have unclenched a finger or two for you? What books have encouraged you in your own heart work of healing and maturing?

Saturday, October 30

Many of you are on board with a NaNoWriMo alternative in which we DON'T push ourselves to the brink of insanity drafting 50K words in a month (kudos to those who do--there's a great site with support and accountability all ready for you).

Rather than call it something negative, like NaNo-No, which I did jokingly in a previous post, I'd love this to be a positive, fun, relaxed, 30-day creativity-enriching experience, so I'm dubbing it:

NaBalWriMo
National Balanced Writers Month
More creativity, less guilt!

If you're up for it, please take a moment to think about places in your life that feel out of balance, and share your list of a few simple things you'd like to try to regain sanity and creative joy this month. We can cheer each other on! I'll go first.

My November goals:

-To be more emotionally present, especially to family
-To have more energy
-To recharge spiritually and emotionally
-To explore deeply some themes that I care about
-To rediscover the joy of creating
-To offer encouragement to other writers
-To maintain momentum with querying

And my "action items"
(to steal from boring corporate training I've sat through):

-Write one page a day of memories or notes or wordplay
-Watch lots of movies
-Read widely and with relish
-Have coffee with a friend
-Do a messy craft with hobbit girl weekly
-Walk the dog 4x week on the hiking trails nearby
-Blog some journal explorations and fun stuff
-Cheer on my NaNoWriMo, NaNoWraMo and NaNoRevMo pals
-Query 10 more agents

Anyone up for designing a badge? Let me know that you did and I'll send folks over to copy it and display with pride.

What do you think of the concept? Let me know if you're planning to join in NaBalWriMo!

It's on! NaBalWriMo

Saturday, October 30, 2010 Laurel Garver
Many of you are on board with a NaNoWriMo alternative in which we DON'T push ourselves to the brink of insanity drafting 50K words in a month (kudos to those who do--there's a great site with support and accountability all ready for you).

Rather than call it something negative, like NaNo-No, which I did jokingly in a previous post, I'd love this to be a positive, fun, relaxed, 30-day creativity-enriching experience, so I'm dubbing it:

NaBalWriMo
National Balanced Writers Month
More creativity, less guilt!

If you're up for it, please take a moment to think about places in your life that feel out of balance, and share your list of a few simple things you'd like to try to regain sanity and creative joy this month. We can cheer each other on! I'll go first.

My November goals:

-To be more emotionally present, especially to family
-To have more energy
-To recharge spiritually and emotionally
-To explore deeply some themes that I care about
-To rediscover the joy of creating
-To offer encouragement to other writers
-To maintain momentum with querying

And my "action items"
(to steal from boring corporate training I've sat through):

-Write one page a day of memories or notes or wordplay
-Watch lots of movies
-Read widely and with relish
-Have coffee with a friend
-Do a messy craft with hobbit girl weekly
-Walk the dog 4x week on the hiking trails nearby
-Blog some journal explorations and fun stuff
-Cheer on my NaNoWriMo, NaNoWraMo and NaNoRevMo pals
-Query 10 more agents

Anyone up for designing a badge? Let me know that you did and I'll send folks over to copy it and display with pride.

What do you think of the concept? Let me know if you're planning to join in NaBalWriMo!
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About Me

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City dweller, word nerd, Indie film enthusiast and incurable Anglophile. Professor's wife and mom to a young adult daughter. Follower of the Good Shepherd, who is faithful when we are faithless. My poetry and fiction explore the places where heart and soul are tested and growing up truly begins.

I'm also a freelance editor who has been editing professionally since 1991. How can I help you make your manuscript shine? Click my "editing services" tab to learn more

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