Eleventy-one Winner: Grand Prize

Welcome to the final day of my Eleventy-one awards program, celebrating my 111 followers (plus quite a few more) and their wonderful writing. Day by day, you've had a chance to see different approaches to persuasive dialogue in action. Today I reveal the top prize winner!

As in the previous days, I provide a short commentary after the winning entry that includes take-home tips to try in your own work. Today's winner, as you'll see, shows us how negotiation can be complex, yet still FUN. There are some great techniques to see here, and try at home!

Without further ado, my grand prize winner is...

Janet Johnson!

Janet won a fifteen-page critique. You can read Janet's winning novel excerpt from The Other Prince HERE.

(My publishing copyright arrangement with winners was a one-time short term use. All rights reverted to the respective authors after one week.)

====================

What I noticed immediately is how natural Janet's dialogue sounds. I found I could read this aloud in two distinct voices without any effort, just based on the word choices and cadence. I feel Bob's somewhat whiny petulance, and yet I like this guy from the beginning. He's insightful and witty about his predicament and really humble. Briann exudes a no-nonsense approach to life, and yet she, too, is insightful and a good listener to boot.

Some of the details tell us we're in a fantasy setting, but the lingo here is lighter and more contemporary feeling. It's fantasy that doesn't take itself too seriously, very like Rowling in tone. That's a plus as far as I'm concerned, because I can't read much of the "forsooth, my lord," sort high fantasy nowadays without snickering. But I digress....

Janet's piece is a persuasion you'll see in almost every genre--creation of an alliance. I learned a lot about what goes into trust-building by studying what she does here.

Trust surely comes when one feels understood and heard. Notice how Briann draws Bob out, getting him to talk about his specific fears. I love how she pulls up a bucket and sits. It's a nonverbal cue that says "I'm available, I'm invested, talk to me." She asks questions initially, but doesn't interrogate. As he opens up more, she simply reflects what he's saying to show that she's processing, taking it in.

She waits to press him to action, first by teasing, then by offering a solution. Because she has heard him out and because of the earlier teasing, he doesn't get angry at her suggestion. He instead shifts the conversation's tone to a humor sparring. It's a way of getting back onto familiar territory. Bob's more comfortable with his self-deprecating side than with the guy Briann suggests he might be. That, my friends, is some solid characterization. Go and do likewise!

Briann knows just which buttons to push to get Bob to agree to her plan. It's an interesting mix of attack, shaming, name-calling, plus compliments, reassuring, and even exposing inner self. Janet grabs many tools from the negotiation toolbox and works them to great effect in a very small space. It impressed me greatly.

What totally kicked me in the throat here, though, was Bob's inner thoughts near the end of the scene. He's sensed that not only does he have a plan for dealing with his problem, but that his relationship with Briann has subtly shifted. Or at least he's aware that he wishes it would. He reads back meaning into what just transpired and hopes intensely for just a moment, caught up in the dream of being that guy, the one Briann sees in him. That guy that Briann could love. Then...THUD, he's back to being humble old Bob. Wow. I've just seen the larger story arc play out in his head in just a handful of words. Nice. Very nice.

Technically, I think the piece would be just as effective with fewer dialogue tags. Feel free to weigh in about that in the comments.

What do you appreciate about Janet's winning entry? Which of her techniques do you want to try in your own work?

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Eleventy-one Winner: first runner-up

Welcome to day three of my Eleventy-one awards program, celebrating my 111 followers (plus quite a few more!) and their wonderful writing. Day by day, you'll have a chance to see different approaches to persuasive dialogue in action. As your ever-analytical host, I provide a short commentary after each winning entry that includes take-home tips to try in your own work.

Without further ado, my first runner-up winner is...

Victoria Dixon!

Victoria won You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen.

You can read Victoria's winning novel excerpt from Mourn Their Courage HERE.

(My publishing copyright arrangement with winners was a one-time short term use. All rights reverted to the respective authors after one week.)
===================

Elegant. That word sums up this delicious bit of tense dialogue. What makes it so is Victoria's use of milieu and balance.

By milieu, I mean more than just setting. Victoria draws on the larger cultural mores of her Asian setting--how the characters dress, move, gesture, emote, establish hierarchy and express intimacy is formed by a larger culture. That culture pours meaning into the deepness of a bow. Power plays in this environment happen with the flicker of an eyebrow. Friendship is given or withdrawn in the inches between to two people on a bench. In this rigid social structure, so much deep conflict is expressed in the slightest gesture or inflection or turn of phrase.

The words these two men say to one another seem, on the surface, rather bureaucratic and even dull. But the tension ripples nonetheless. How does Victoria do that? She interprets the data through Xiongli's thoughts. His interpretations guide us so we know what to make of Wu. In the West, we might see a look in the eyes as honest, a confident stride as ease. Not in this culture. These things make Xiongli uneasy. We quickly pick up that Wu's manners mark him as cocky--a force to be reckoned with.

If your writing involves any kind of world-building, whether it's a contemporary non-Western culture, an historic culture or a futuristic non-earth world, you need to establish milieu. Victoria demonstrates an important aspect of how you present the particulars of your milieu: use of a protagonist interpreter guide. Without Xiongli's hints about how to understand every gesture, this piece would have quickly become incoherent.

Victoria also balances three narrative elements very well: dialogue, action and inner thoughts/emotions. The dialogue takes on greater weight because the movement through the scene and Xiongli's reactions work alongside to heighten tension. While no actual fighting takes place, there is a constant threat of violence, from seeing a face "covered with scars," to "guards...within sword range" to a dagger clutched inside a sleeve. The constant reading of nonverbal cues also puts us on edge. We quickly realize this meeting is more than two men talking--these are representatives of two large powers, with the ability to back up any threat made.

I think I was most wowed by the insertion of Wu's fish feeding in this scene. This gesture that seems innocuous is anything but. It's a delay and diversion tactic on one hand, and a show of power on the other. It makes Wu appear calm, unruffled by this government heavy. And yet Xiongli's description of "gasping" fish and "waiting mouths" undergirds the impression that Wu holds power over his guild and can call upon them when necessary.

In the midst of all these small gestures, these men exchange threats and negotiate a way for the empire to capture an enemy that Wu's guild has been traitorously harboring. The give and take is so very diplomatic and coldly calculating, you can picture how the enemy Zhang will be brought to justice--in a swift, stealthy ambush. Chilling and powerful and incredibly page turning!

What do you appreciate about Victoria's winning entry? Which of her techniques do you want to try in your own work?

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Eleventy-one Winner: second runner-up

Welcome to day two of my Eleventy-one awards program, celebrating my 111 followers and their wonderful writing. Day by day, you'll have a chance to see different approaches to persuasive dialogue in action. As your ever-analytical host, I provide a short commentary after each winning entry that includes take-home tips to try in your own work.

Without further ado, my second runner-up winner is...

Tricia O'Brien!

Tricia won an eight-page critique. You can read Tricia's winning story excerpt from
"Princess Charming" HERE.

(My publishing copyright arrangement with winners was a one-time short term use. All rights reverted to the respective authors after one week.)
=========================

Tricia's use of detail and description is important for cluing you in that this isn't a contemporary setting, but a fairy-tale-esque one. But she doesn't belabor the point. There are just enough "telling details" for the reader to sense the wealth, pomp and especially the MCs discomfort. The contrast of Charming's colloquial inner voice with the formality of the situation shows us she's being forced into a defensive position.

Looking for a way to make your antagonist more formidable? Have him force a meeting somewhere he is comfortable and in control and your protagonist is disadvantaged and out of her comfort zone.

The way father and daughter attempt to chip away at one another is clever indeed. King Ormond presses again and again by calling upon lofty themes of destiny and duty and calling. Charming refuses to play the game on his terms. She acts at her "maximum capacity" (as James Frey calls it in How to Write a D**n Good Novel) and uses every skill in her arsenal to defend herself. Charming's feistiness is what makes this piece sing. Nothing irritates me more as a reader than the helpless wimp who capitulates without putting up any resistance. Even Jesus wrestled with God in Gethsemane about facing the cross. Give your characters a spine, please!

Charming openly defies the king, first by questioning the validity of his interpretation. Seeing that her mother is sympathetic (and a potential ally), she highlights the personal risk she'd face on this quest. In doing so, she's shifted the ground under the king. He can stick with his line of argument, but he risks losing the queen's goodwill.

When you find your characters' arguments becoming a little too predictable or boring, consider following Tricia's lead. Add a third party witness who isn't actively taking sides and see how it can add complexity and alter the techniques your characters use to try to get their way.

The more the king tries to boss and bully, notice how Charming emphasizes her own unfitness. Her hope is to gain advantage in her cause by showing herself weak. This kind of move might seem counter-intuitive, but it's effecting and real. It tells you a lot about what kind of girl she is--quick-witted and self-deprecating and likely to approach problems creatively.

Once her father stops bullying and instead appeals to her uniqueness, he reclaims the superior position of sympathy. She must take on the quest because no one else can--and people are counting on her. To continue to defy at this point will no longer earn Charming any sympathy from the queen or the courtiers. Her options for escape are cut off. She capitulates.

What do you appreciate about Tricia's winning entry? Which of her techniques do you want to try in your own work?

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Eleventy-one Winner: third runner up

The happy day has arrived to begin announcing the winners of my Eleventy-one Celebration Writing Contest, in honor of making 111 blogging friends.

Contest entrants submitted a short piece, 700 words or less, that was dialogue-driven and displayed and instance of characters negotiating or persuading. I've selected four winners out of the thirteen entries: a grand prize and three runners up. Winners were selected based on how well they followed the prompt. Here are the questions I asked when evaluating each piece:

~Does each character have a clear point of view and emotional pulse?

~How skillfully does the persuader work his or her tools of persuasion?

~Does the persuaded character convincingly defend his or her ground before capitulating?

~Is the story coherent and smooth?

~Is the dialogue paced well for the situation?

~Does each character have a distinct voice?

As I post each winning entry over the next four days, I plan to include a short commentary afterward with some analysis and take-home tips to try in your own work.

Without further ado, my third runner-up winner is...

Jenna Wallace!

Jenna won The Scene Book: A Primer for the Fiction Writer by Sandra Scofield.

You can read Jenna's winning novel excerpt from The Shadow Scribe HERE.

(My publishing copyright arrangement with winners was a one-time short term use. All rights reverted to the respective authors after one week.)
========================

I really like the economy of this interaction between MC Lara and Isobel. We pick up pretty quickly that they're in a restaurant without getting bogged down in excessive description. Just a few well-placed cues like pointing with food and the waitress interrupting. The setting is somewhat incidental, but not irrelevant--being in a public place puts certain constraints on how heated a conversation can become.

Jenna uses almost no dialogue tags, the "she said, I said" sort of thing. Instead, she makes each character's voice unique enough you can quickly distinguish each speaker. Isobel's speech is more formal and nuanced, while Lara's is colloquial and straight forward. A few actions sprinkled in keep us anchored.

This act of persuasion is very light-touch. Isobel builds her case in little increments, always starting from points of agreement with Lara, then pressing against Lara's areas of resistance with questions. This is an excellent way to shape a negotiation.

When Lara presses back, note how Isobel tries to appear nonchalant, as if she's willing to back down, when in fact she's just dodging a blow. Lara's internal thoughts show where and how the persuasion is working. Nice, huh?

I think Jenna's most compelling technique here is drawing in an off-stage character and building an alliance against him. She's subtly moved the line of conflict. Not longer is it Isobel vs. Lara, but Isobel and Lara vs. David.

What do you appreciate about Jenna's winning entry? Which of her techniques do you want to try in your own work?

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Unplugging

Thanks to everyone who submitted a story or excerpt to my Eleventy-one Celebration Writing Contest. You should receive a confirmation e-mail from me by 10 a.m. today at the latest. Contest judging will take place 4/5 through 4/13. I'll begin announcing winners 4/14.

I'll be unplugging for the week while I read contest entries, strive to meet a deadline at my job and, of course, revise my heart out. Thankfully, chocolate is back on the menu. :-)

Have a great week, friends!

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Deadline approaching and Easter miracles

The deadline is fast approaching (tomorrow!) to submit your entry to my Eleventy-one Celebration Writing Contest in honor of making 111 blog friends. (For my new readers, the celebration has a hobbit theme built around the amazing age Bilbo celebrates in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring.)

Let's start with the tantalizing treasure to be won:

Grand Prize
A 15-page critique OR copy editing
From a professional editor with 14 years' experience and a masters degree in journalism

Runner-up prizes (3 total):

An 8-page critique OR copy editing

The Scene Book: A Primer for the Ficition Writer by Sandra Scofield
Scofield's primer on the basic building block of fiction--the scene--is the one resource that took my writing to the next level. It's like an MFA course in travel size. It covers everything you need to know to build solid scenes that flow logically and artfully build and release tension.


You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
If you ever want to write the opposite-sex POV, this is an invaluable resource for understanding the differences between how men and women talk. Tannen is a linguist who studied gender communication styles and does an in-depth analysis. It's a fascinating book written for a general audience that will improve your writing AND your relationships.

What do you need to do to capture such fabulous prizes?

Contest rules:
1. Submit a piece of original fiction (not previously published), up to 700 words. It can be flash fiction or a scene from an existing WIP that works as a stand-alone scene. It may be any genre except erotica or horror. And please refrain from using R-rated language.

Your scene or story must be dialogue-driven and show an instance of negotiation (give-and-take conflict) and persuasion, like the post-party scene in Fellowship of the Ring in which Gandalf convinces Bilbo to leave the ring of power in the Shire (pp. 41-43). You can read an excerpt HERE. (This is meant to illustrate the type of scene, not the style. You don't have to mimic Tolkien.)

2. Include your name, e-mail and postal addresses with your submission.

3. By submitting to the Eleventy-one contest, you give me permission to publish your winning entry on Laurel's Leaves. Payment for this publication is stipulated above. (The editor in me had to include that legal stuff. If you have concerns about rights being granted, drop me an e-mail.)

4. Send your submission via e-mail as inline text to laurels (dot) leaves (at) gmail (dot) com.

5. The deadline to submit is Sunday, April 4, midnight EDT (eastern daylight time).

Many thanks to all of you. I look forward to the prize drawing and reading your amazing dialogue scenes!

Easter miracles
As many of you know, I have a fantastic teen alpha reader who's part of my church youth group and has been cheering me on since 2006. She graduates this spring and will be heading off to college in the fall. I'd already begun grieving her loss as I edited her college application essays around Christmas time, because all but one of her top school choices were far-flung.

At the Good Friday service yesterday, I got amazing news: she's decided to attend a great Ivy-League school right here in Philly--University of Pennsylvania! As I hugged her and cried happy tears, I said, "I was willing to let you go, but I'm just so happy for me that you're staying!"

I also recently got a very exciting incentive to push hard to complete revisions: one of those out-of-nowhere this-must-be-divine-intervention things. I can't say any more about it now. But watch out, chapters 10 and 11--you will be getting a hard thrashing! And chapters 12-20 will continue their strict weight-loss regimen that I've been attending to this week.

Have a joyful Easter, friends!

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Will write for prizes

Great minds think alike? Sarah at Fallen Formulates Fiction is also holding a writing contest to celebrate hitting a followers milestone. Choose from a list of six writing prompts, write a flash fiction piece (up to 750 words) and submit it by Friday, March 26 for a chance to win some pretty fabulous prizes. Read about the details HERE.

If you need a little more lead time, my Eleventy-one Followers Celebration Writing Contest has a deadline of Sunday, April 4. Submit a dialogue-driven piece, up to 700 words, that involves negotiation and persuasion. Novel excerpts are fine, if they can stand alone. The genre and content is up to you. I only ask that you keep it clean: Please no erotica, horror or R-rated language. I'm giving away critiques or copy editing (I edit professionally for a scholarly journal), as well as some pretty awesome books. Click HERE for more details.

And don't forget my microfiction challenge! It's a fun way to join the ranks of the published!

Are you considering my contest, but feel a little low on ideas? Would some writing prompts help get the juices flowing?

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We have a winner!

Just moments ago, my hobbit assistant drew the name of my Eleventy-one Followers Celebration prize drawing.

And the winner is...(drumroll please)...

Abby Annis!
visit her blog here.

Congratulations, Abby. You've won a copy of Elizabeth Lyon's Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Writer Can Afford to Ignore. It's one of my favorite resources on revision, chock full of great advice and handy checklists.

Please send me your mailing address to laurels (dot) leaves (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll ship your prize post-haste.

Thanks to all of my followers for being so fabulous! Remember you have another chance to win more stupendous prizes.

Eleventy-one Followers Celebration
Writing Contest
(deadline 4.4)

Grand Prize
A 15-page critique OR copy editing

Runner-up prizes (3 total):

An 8-page critique OR copy editing

The Scene Book: A Primer for the Ficition Writer by Sandra Scofield

You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

To enter, submit a piece of original fiction (not previously published), up to 700 words. It can be flash fiction or a scene from an existing WIP that works as a stand-alone scene. Your scene or story must be dialogue-driven and show an instance of negotiation and persuasion, like the sample posted HERE.

The deadline to submit is Sunday, April 4, midnight EDT. More detailed contest rules are available HERE.

Many thanks to all of you. I look forward reading your amazing dialogue scenes!

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Negotiation: another approach to conflict

You might well wonder what I mean by "negotiation." I get the term from Sandra Scofield's The Scene Book. She calls it "another approach to conflict" and describes it as "an exchange of character desires and denials and relenting, until some sort of peace is carved out, or else the interaction falls apart."

Negotiation is a way of approaching conflict as power plays, in which each character tries to get what he or she wants. How those power games and assertions of will play out will depend on the characters' temperaments, the strength of their desires and the nature of their relationship--especially if there is an imbalance of power. Scofield notes that "once in a while a character will scream at the top of her lungs, but most of the time you will see attempts at manipulation, negotiation, subterfuge, flattery or any other strategy that works for victory without drawing blood."

I thought it might be most helpful to see a negotiation in action and do a mini-analysis. I'll work with the scene from Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring that will be familiar to many of you. Notice that the weaker party tries to assert his power through defiance of the other's authority, while the stronger party uses multiple approaches--reasoning, persuasion, flattery, appeasement, challenge, shaming, intimidation and at last giving aid.

To reacquaint you with the context, in this scene the powerful wizard Gandalf is trying to convince the brave little hobbit Bilbo to leave his magic ring in the Shire when he takes his next journey.

==========

Gandalf looked again very hard at Bilbo, and there was a gleam in his eyes. 'I think, Bilbo,' he said quietly, 'I should leave it behind. Don't you want to?' [persuasion: notice Gandalf exercising meekness--strength under control--with his soft voice.]
'Well yes--and no. Now it comes to it, I don't like parting with it at all, I may say. And I don't really see why I should. Why do you want me to?' he asked, and a curious change came over his voice. It was sharp with suspicion and annoyance. [disturbance and growing agitation--notice the escalation with each sentence, culminating in the change of voice tone] 'You are always badgering me about my ring; but you have never bothered me about the other things that I got on my journey.' [counter-attack]
'No, but I had to badger you,' said Gandalf. [justification] 'I wanted the truth. It was important. Magic rings are--well, magical; and they are rare and curious. I was professionally interested in your ring, you may say; and I still am. I should like to know where it is, if you go wandering again. [reasoning and attempt to look mild and less powerful] Also I think you have had it quite long enough. [challenge] You won't need it any more, Bilbo, unless I am quite mistaken.' [persuasion]
Bilbo flushed, and there was an angry light in his eyes. His kindly face grew hard. [physical changes indicating fight-or-flight kicking in] 'Why not?' he cried. 'And what business is it of yours, anyway, to know what I do with my own things? [counter-attack] It is my own. I found it. It came to me.' [justification and defiance]

'Yes, yes,' said Gandalf. 'But there is no need to get angry.' [appeasement]
'If I am, it is your fault,' said Bilbo. [counter-attack] 'It is mine, I tell you. My own. My precious. Yes, my precious.' [justification and defiance]
The wizard's face remained grave and attentive, and only a flicker of in his deep eyes showed that he was startled and indeed alarmed. [retreat and retrenching] 'It has been called that before,' he said, 'but not by you.' [reasoning--calling upon shared knowledge and a shared story and a veiled shaming by comparing him to an enemy]

'But I say it now. And why not? Even if Gollum said the same once. It is not his now, but mine. And I shall keep it, I say.'[justification, more defiance]
Gandalf stood up. He spoke sternly. [assertion of authority and veiled intimidation--there's a huge height difference] 'You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,' he said. [reasoning, attempt to shame] 'You make that clearer with every word you say. It has got far too much hold on you. [persuasion] Let it go! [challenge] And then you can go yourself, and be free.' [persuasion, offer of a prize]
'I'll do as I choose and go as I please,' said Bilbo obstinately. [defiance]
'Now, now, my dear hobbit!' said Gandalf. 'All your long life we have been friends, and you owe me something. [flattery, calling up a debt] Come! Do as you promised: give it up!' [challenge of Bilbo's character, his trustworthiness as a promise-keeper]
'Well, if you want my ring for yourself, say so!' cried Bilbo. [counter-attack on Gandalf's character, a veiled accusation] 'But you won't get it. I won't give my precious away, I tell you.' [defiance] His hand strayed to the hilt of his small sword. [veiled threat of violence]

Gandalf's eyes flashed. 'It will be my turn to get angry soon,' he said. 'If you say that again, I shall. Then you will see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked.' [counter-threat] He took a step toward the hobbit, and he seemed to grow tall and menacing; his shadow filled the little room. [intimidation]

Bilbo backed away to the all, breathing hard, his hand clutching at his pocked. They stood for a while facing one another, and the air in the room tingled. [fear response and impasse] Gandalf's eyes remained bent on the hobbit. Slowly his hands relaxed, and he began to tremble. [retreat of weaker party]
'I don't know what has come over you, Gandalf,' he said. 'You have never been like this before. [accusation] What is it all about? It is mine, isn't it? I found it, and Gollum would have killed me, if I hadn't kept it. I'm not a thief, whatever he said.' [reasoning]
'I have never called you one,' Gandalf answered. [reassurance] 'And I am not one either. I am not trying to rob you, but to help you. I wish you would trust me, as you used.' [persuasion and reassertion of friendship] He turned away, and the shadow passed. He seemed to dwindle again to an old grey man, bent and troubled. [retreat from intimidation]
Bilbo drew his hand over his eyes. 'I am sorry,' he said. [peacemaking] 'But I felt so queer. [justification] And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it any more. It has been so growing on my mind lately. Sometimes I have felt it was like an eye looking at me. And I am always wanting to put it on and disappear, don't you know; or wondering if it is safe, and pulling it out to make sure. I tried locking it up, but I found I couldn't rest without it in my pocket. [explanation with lots of blame shifting] I don't know why. And I don't seem to be able to make up my mind.' [veiled request for help]
'Then trust mine,' said Gandalf. [persuasion] 'It is quite made up. Go away and leave it behind. Stop possessing it. [challenge] Give it to Frodo, and I will look after him.' [persuasion, offer of help]
Bilbo stood for a moment tense and undecided. [deliberation] Presently he sighed. 'All right,' he said with an effort. 'I will.' [surrender]
Source:
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Fellowship of the Ring. 1954. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1993. 41-43.

What techniques do you see in Tolkien's craft that you can emulate?

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Announcing the Eleventy-one Celebration (and contest)

Yes indeed, the happy day has arrived! It's time for my Eleventy-one Celebration in honor of making 111 blog friends. I couldn't have asked for better timing than 3.3 to announce the festivities. I believe Tolkien would heartily approve of the felicitous connection:

"Bilbo was going to be eleventy-one, 111, a rather curious number, and a very respectable age for a hobbit (the Old Took himself had only reached 130); and Frodo was going to be thirty-three, 33, an important number: the date of his 'coming of age.'"
--J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, p. 30 (emphasis in original)

It was hard to not go excessively hobbit-y with this celebration, since my inspiration for 111 was Bilbo's birthday. But since this blog is dedicated to all things writing (and I don't write fantasy), the contest will merely have a little hobbit flair.

Part One:
Fabulous followers prize drawing

"As for the hobbits of the Shire...they delighted in parties, and in presents, which they gave away freely and eagerly accepted."
--J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, p. 11

Hobbits are generous and love comfort, so Part One of the contest requires little or no effort on your part. Just be or become a follower for a chance to win a copy of Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Writer Can Afford to Ignore by Elizabeth Lyon.

If you are one of my original 111 followers, you will automatically get two entries in the drawing. New followers who join by 10 AM EST March 13 will each be automatically entered once.

I'll draw the lucky name from a hat with the aid of my hobbit assistant. (Here she is in her hobbit burrow, all curly-haired, large footed, wondering when we're going to serve second breakfast.) The evening of 3.13, I'll announce the winner. Just my way of saying thanks!

UPDATE: Abby Annis was the lucky winner of this drawing.

Part Two: Quest for treasure

"Bilbo was very rich and very peculiar, and had been the wonder of the Shire for sixty years, ever since his remarkable disappearance and unexpected return. The riches he had brought back from his travels had now become a local legend...."
--J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, p. 29

The second half of the celebration is a writing contest.

Let's start with the tantalizing treasure to be won:

Grand Prize
A 15-page critique OR copy editing
From a professional editor with 14 years' experience and a masters degree in journalism

Runner-up prizes (3 total):

An 8-page critique OR copy editing

The Scene Book: A Primer for the Ficition Writer by Sandra Scofield
Scofield's primer on the basic building block of fiction--the scene--is the one resource that took my writing to the next level. It's like an MFA course in travel size. It covers everything you need to know to build solid scenes that flow logically and artfully build and release tension.


You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
If you ever want to write the opposite-sex POV, this is an invaluable resource for understanding the differences between how men and women talk. Tannen is a linguist who studied gender communication styles and does an in-depth analysis. It's a fascinating book written for a general audience that will improve your writing AND your relationships.

What do you need to do to capture such fabulous prizes?

Contest rules:
1. Submit a piece of original fiction (not previously published), up to 700 words. It can be flash fiction or a scene from an existing WIP that works as a stand-alone scene. It may be any genre except erotica or horror. And please refrain from using R-rated language.

Your scene or story must be dialogue-driven and show an instance of negotiation and persuasion, like the post-party scene in Fellowship of the Ring in which Gandalf convinces Bilbo to leave the ring of power in the Shire (pp. 41-43). You can read an excerpt HERE.
(This is meant to illustrate the type of scene, not the style. You don't have to mimic Tolkien.)

2. Include your name, e-mail and postal addresses with your submission.

3. By submitting to the Eleventy-one contest, you give me permission to publish your winning entry on Laurel's Leaves. Payment for this publication is stipulated above. (The editor in me had to include that legal stuff. If you have concerns about rights being granted, drop me an e-mail.)

4. Send your submission via e-mail as inline text to laurels (dot) leaves (at) gmail (dot) com.

5. The deadline to submit is Sunday, April 4, midnight EDT.

Many thanks to all of you. I look forward to the prize drawing and reading your amazing dialogue scenes!

Read More

Eleventy-one sample scene

For the Laurel's Leaves Eleventy-one writing contest, you must submit a piece of original fiction, up to 700 words. Your scene or story must be dialogue-driven and show an instance of negotiation and persuasion, like the scene excerpted below.

From The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien (New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1954, 1993)

In which Gandalf persuades Bilbo to leave the ring of power in the Shire

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Gandalf looked again very hard at Bilbo, and there was a gleam in his eyes. 'I think, Bilbo,' he said quietly, 'I should leave it behind. Don't you want to?'

'Well yes--and no. Now it comes to it, I don't like parting with it at all, I may say. And I don't really see why I should. Why do you want me to?' he asked, and a curious change came over his voice. It was sharp with suspicion and annoyance. 'You are always badgering me about my ring; but you have never bothered me about the other things that I got on my journey.'

'No, but I had to badger you,' said Gandalf. 'I wanted the truth. It was important. Magic rings are--well, magical; and they are rare and curious. I was professionally interested in your ring, you may say; and I still am. I should like to know where it is, if you go wandering again. Also I think you have had it quite long enough. You won't need it any more, Bilbo, unless I am quite mistaken.'

Bilbo flushed, and there was an angry light in his eyes. His kindly face grew hard. 'Why not?' he cried. 'And what business is it of yours, anyway, to know what I do with my own things? It is my own. I found it. It came to me.'

'Yes, yes,' said Gandalf. 'But there is no need to get angry.'

'If I am, it is your fault,' said Bilbo. 'It is mine, I tell you. My own. My precious. Yes, my precious.'

The wizard's face remained grave and attentive, and only a flicker of in his deep eyes showed that he was startled and indeed alarmed. 'It has been called that before,' he said, 'but not by you.'

'But I say it now. And why not? Even if Gollum said the same once. It is not his now, but mine. And I shall keep it, I say.'

Gandalf stood up. He spoke sternly. 'You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,' he said. 'You make that clearer with every word you say. It has got far too much hold on you. Let it go! And then you can go yourself, and be free.'

'I'll do as I choose and go as I please,' said Bilbo obstinately.

'Now, now, my dear hobbit!' said Gandalf. 'All your long life we have been friends, and you owe me something. Come! Do as you promised: give it up!'

'Well, if you want my ring for yourself, say so!' cried Bilbo. 'But you won't get it. I won't give my precious away, I tell you.' His hand strayed to the hilt of his small sword.

Gandalf's eyes flashed. 'It will be my turn to get angry soon,' he said. 'If you say that again, I shall. Then you will see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked.' He took a step toward the hobbit, and he seemed to grow tall and menacing; his shadow filled the little room.

Bilbo backed away to the all, breathing hard, his hand clutching at his pocked. They stood for a while facing one another, and the air in the room tingled. Gandalf's eyes remained bent on the hobbit. Slowly his hands relaxed, and he began to tremble.

'I don't know what has come over you, Gandalf,' he said. 'You have never been like this before. What is it all about? It is mine, isn't it? I found it, and Gollum would have killed me, if I hadn't kept it. I'm not a thief, whatever he said.'

'I have never called you one,' Gandalf answered. 'And I am not one either. I am not trying to rob you, but to help you. I wish you would trust me, as you used.' He turned away, and the shadow passed. He seemed to dwindle again to an old grey man, bent and troubled.

Bilbo drew his hand over his eyes. 'I am sorry,' he said. 'But I felt so queer. And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it any more. It has been so growing on my mind lately. Sometimes I have felt it was like an eye looking at me. And I am always wanting to put it on and disappear, don't you know; or wondering if it is safe, and pulling it out to make sure. I tried locking it up, but I found I couldn't rest without it in my pocket. I don't know why. And I don't seem to be able to make up my mind.'

'Then trust mine,' said Gandalf. 'It is quite made up. Go away and leave it behind. Stop possessing it. Give it to Frodo, and I will look after him.'

Bilbo stood for a moment tense and undecided. Presently he sighed. 'All right,' he said with an effort. 'I will.'

Source:
Tolken, J.R.R. The Fellowship of the Ring. 1954. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1993. 41-43.

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