Ron DeSantis Sez:  "I'm just sick of seeing Dr. Fauci.  

I know he says he's gonna retire.  Someone needs to grab

 that little elf and chuck him across the Potomac!"

Trumpniks Claim Keebler Elf Is Trying to Implant Them

with Chocolate Chips

Trump Sez:  “I don’t have an attorney general. I have a 

Keebler elf!"

"Ass-Kisser! That's fun to say! Ass-Kisser, Ass-Kisser,

 Ass-Kisser!"

"Hello, I'm Barbie and I want to learn more about you.

So talk to me and I promise not to tell The Elf on the Shelf."

Thanks to his dutiful daughter, Fearguth has upgraded

 from The Elf on the Shelf to The Lumberjack on the Shelf.

"I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day."

Decision to Permit the Cloning of Santa Claus Blamed 

for Beaches Being Overrun by Jolly Old Elves

Do you suppose the Palins and the Nugents know that

the Elf on the Shelf works for the NSA?

What Happened When the Word Got Out The Elf on the

Shelf Worked for the NSA

Little Known Fact #45

The Elf on the Shelf works for the NSA.

"My inner elves are telling me if the Republican Party in 

Massachusetts and the Republican National Committee

 ask me to run for John Kerry's Senate seat, I should."

It had become increasingly difficult to believe that the

Keebler Elves were just mythological characters.

Already she could see Ed Rollins' Legion of Dead Pixies, like

ghosts in the darkness, stretching as far as her eyes could see.

"Somebody's asking if I'm not an elf, why my ears look

 elvish.  What's my answer, Todd?"

Elvis of the Little People

Santa's Helpers, the Reason He's Such a Jolly Old Elf