Oh NO

 

Wyatt is now beginning to use the word no. He says no to things he wants, no to things he doesn’t want, no to me, no to dad, no to every question there is.
Ugh I now hate the word no.

I hate that he is now entering into the dreaded trouble twos and I hate that I now have to do timeouts a lot more the normal which he doesn’t seem to care about.

Lately when he gets in trouble “I say you better stop that or you will go into time out. Do you want to go into time out?“

“Yeah.” He says.

“Fine.” I smirk as I put him into time out. Thinking he might regret it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHOHOHAHHAHAH… –do you like my evil little laugh?

When he is in time out he lays on the floor and sings or he hits his head on the wall and he plays with his shoes. He does everything but think about why he is in time out. UGH which that leads me to put him in multiply time outs.

I sometimes get so mad that he seems to enjoy timeouts that I WANT to scream in his face and threaten the worse things that I can just so he’d cry so then I know that he is upset that he is in time out. But I don’t I just continue to reset the timer until he finally sits there and GETS that he is indeed in trouble.

Then there is the dreaded attitude that comes along with the almost trouble twos. The screaming for no reason especially in public places which that then makes me stop what I’m doing and become a “mean mom.” which then of course gets me the stares.

YES PEOPLE I DISCIPLINE MY CHILD IN PUBLIC REGARDLESS!!! SO STOP STARING AND GET OVER IT ALREADY!!

He is also become he’s own little person and he knows how to hurt your feelings.

Example:
Last week I took on some more hours at work so didn’t get to have a lot of my days with him daddy did. when I finally had the day off and we could go do things. (which means running errands that have been put off because daddy doesn’t do them even if I’m working. Great I am now a week behind. sigh.)
When I tried to get Wyatt out of his car seat he proceeded to tell me with a little smirk on his face “Mommy NO!! daddy.” My heart broke a little there. As daddy happily took him out of the car seat I thought in my head you haven’t really seen me for days and you WANT daddy?

He is also now getting out of his bed after I put him to sleep for the night. I’m not really complaining about this because it’s really only 3 times or so that he comes out.

 
He will walk out and peek around the corner and proceed to sit down in the hallway where I “can’t see him.” I feel like he is saying in his head HA HA  I’m awake and you can’t see me which I find to be hilarious because when I go into the hallway to get him the look on his face is priceless.

Its shear fear. Like an oh I am in deep shit now. So I can’t help but laugh in my head as I walk him back into bed.

SIGH… Wish me luck as I enter into the dreaded trouble twos because I have a feeling that I might not survive it.

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What? Wait, I’m not ready.

Ladies and Gentleman today standing in the left Corner weighing in at 228.2 pounds… FAAAAAT AUDREY! 

 

Today is March 1st as all of you might know but this date is the start of this huge fight that I have against my FAT self. A couple of weeks ago I stepped on the scale in the bathroom that is only used as a table to hold our newspapers and I discovered that I weigh more than half of what I am suppose to for my age and height.

Now it’s not like I didn't notice it and didn't notice that all my clothes some how kept “shrinking” but not seeing the number made it easier to deny it.

I have tried a couple of times before to go to the gym I even tried weight watchers and that worked for awhile until I would go to a fast food place instead of the weekly meetings and that was such a good idea right? *shaking my head in disgust

“But this time is different” I told Cody and as he rolls his eyes at me I think to myself is it? Can I do this FOR REAL this time?

So I made a plan. Plans always work right?

 

What do you do when you look for info on how to lose weight you search the internet but I didn't want to take pills or do some weird crash diet, I didn't want to lose 100 pounds in 2 weeks all I wanted to do was find something anything to help me lose weight the healthy and safe way and that's when I stubble upon this blog http://www.nowloss.com its not asking me to pay money for anything or take these magic pills that would dissolve the fat instantly its just talking about how you CAN do this and Look Good naked and how can you say no to that?

This is the post that made me think to myself okay I can do this. It will be hard but well worth it in the end http://www.nowloss.com/how-to-lose-50-pounds-fast-in-5-months.htm

This morning I got up at 4:45am and I then hit my alarm to snooze and really woke up at 5am got ready and drove to the gym. It was strange being up that early I haven't done that since Wyatt was very little and woke up every 2 hours.

I felt very intimated walking into the gym that early especially since I just stayed in my Pj’s bottoms that are bright pink with poky dots while all the others were in regular gym clothes and not fat.

I felt like that fat girl who they see once every year huffing and puffing and trying to catch her breath after 10 minutes on the elliptical while they are fine after an hour. (So jealous) but I stayed anyway and I even ran a few laps around the track. (I’m a little proud about that.) And on my way home I thought hum if Wyatt's still asleep I might go back to sleep.

But when I got here the peace and quite of the house and the fact that I felt soooo ALIVE made me not want go back a sleep I cleaned a little and had some more of me time.
Who knew that all you had to do was wake up early to get a little extra time with your self? Giggle.

Day 1: Accomplished

 

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What’s A Good Mother anyway?

Once I became a mother I then began to truly notice how other mothers acted with their kids and I have come to the conclusion that now days there are not the many good mothers. Now I am not saying that they don't love there kids what i am saying is that they refuse to put the hard work into raising there kids correctly. 

I know that I am new to this whole mother thing but I feel like I at least make an effort to put 110% into raising my child correctly.

As a mother we have huge responsibilities to raise our kids correctly. We have to teach them how to be adults and if we don't know how to be one ourselves its going to be that much harder to raise a child to become a functioning adult.

One of the things that I can not stand is mothers who do not discipline or discipline in away that doesn't work. For example I have a sister who has 4 beautiful children and how she disciplines if she does its by yelling DONT DO THAT! STOP THAT! PUT THAT DOWN! SCREAM! SCREAM! SCREAM! Now I bet when the kids were younger they did listen to this screaming and stopped what they were doing for about a few months until they found out that nothing comes behind the screaming and they still can get away with what they want.

Now if we are at a family function she does absolutely nothing. She will wait until one of us discipline her kids for her. She ignores any and all cries well she just plain out ignores them all together this frustrates me more than anything else.

I believe that all she is doing is making them feel like they are not worth any of her time or energy and that when they become older she will regret not putting in the time to make them feel secure about themselves as well as teaching them from right and wrong.

Also the other day I encountered a lady who was worse. I was at cookie cutters (hair cut place for kids) and this lady was horrible. Her kids were running in and out of everywhere pushing Wyatt down and screaming yelling. You name it they were doing it. It was awful and when it came time for them to leave the parents just begged the kids to leave, bribed them and then just finally just gave up and stayed there for another 20 minutes allowing there kids to run a rampage until they finally they had to physically pick up there kids and drag them out side.  Pretty soon she’ll have to put those kids on a leash which I think is ridiculous!

UGH! I will never be like that I refuse!

The other day my mother gave me this book to read ( it is a little on the old side and also the religious side but i still think that its very relevant to today) its called Mission for Mother/Guiding the Child  by G. Hugh Allred.

This book gives you some underlying principles on how to raise healthy mature adults. which I loved to read because even though I felt like I was doing a good job I did find things in this book that I was doing incorrectly.

First I allowed Wyatt to depend on me more than he needed too regardless if he is only 16 months I babied him.

As an example when we went out and got Wyatt's hair cut yesterday while we were at the hair studio there was an indoor playground and what I would normally do would be to take Wy by the hand and guide him all the way up the stairs and help him down the slide even though I knew that he could climb those stairs on his own and go down the slide. So after reading the chapter about stimulating independence I decided that I would test it out.

So I told Wy that if he wanted to go on the playground that he could and I would watch him from here because I knew that he could do it on his own. Now he did take AWHILE to go up even the first stair and he also whined the whole time but I kept on saying “I know that you can do it honey!” “Good job your such a big boy!” all though in my heart I was freaking out because I felt so bad. I just wanted to pick him up and tell him that I was there for him but after maybe 20 minutes and 4 stairs later he was at the top and he went down the slide which made him very proud of himself.

I think the reason why I baby him so much in certain things is because I am truly afraid that he will be like his dad with  having the anxiety and also not trying new things that I feel like if I go and do it for him and help him the whole time that he will not be that way. But what this book taught me is the opposite. I am now projected my fears on to him which he feels and he knows that if he doesn't want to do something I will then do it for him which according to this book will make him lean on others and  concomitant feelings that develop worthlessness inadequacy and dissatisfaction with himself and life in general and that is defiantly not what I want him to be like.

Its funny how your fears of how you don't want you child to feel like or be like can make them turn towards that way more.

So what is a good mother? Well  I believe now after reading this book is a good mother is one that can learn for her mistakes and take ownership of them and also someone who would do anything for her kids but with that being said I also believe that the parent should and always be in charge so parents STOP LETTING your kids run the roust and grow a pair!

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Chubby is a good way to say that I’m Fat.

Its not fabulous to be fat and lately I have notice that I am truly fat. I am fat enough to be in the Obese category which is sad to think about. Its even more sad to think that I did it all on my own and that I cant blame anyone else for it including Wyatt. I only gain maybe 5 to 10 pounds my whole pregnancy so no, its not the left over baby weight and when I think about it I have actually gained more weight since then.

now last summer I put my foot down and said I’m going to lose 70 pounds I’m going to work out, eat better do the whole 9 yards. I did end up going to the gym and I also went on hikes but I didn’t eat better.  Slowly but surly I stopped working out and all that hard work was a waste. ( Now I only lost maybe 10 pounds but now I gained that 10 pounds back plus 10 more.)

Now I have for years known that I was getting fatter by the month but I just didn’t do anything about it. I have had some really tuff times in my life and eating just made some things feel better. It was my comfort and it was something that I could CONTROL.

My life has never been easy. NEVER I have always seemed to have had bad luck wherever I have gone. Now I know that I should be the one that makes me own destiny but I never get a break long enough for me to do it.

When I was 8 I was raped and that took my life away from me and allowed others to have more control over what happened to me then I did. It made me self concise, made me feel ugly and made me grow up thinking that the only person who could love me was someone who was worse of then me because I didn't deserve to be happy. Now I struggled with this until I was 18 by myself I never told anyone besides a journal. (which then was read by family members.) Now don't get me wrong I never went down the road where I did the drugs and had the sex with a billion people I stayed pretty much on a none distractive path but internally I struggled.

I always was depressed even though I was such a happy go lucky person on the outside. I never could understand why this has happened to me and WHY well just Why was the big question I always had but I do believe that it has made me the person that I am today and if I didn't go though that I don't know how well rounded I would be how strong and open minded that I am and how I am able to relate to others. With that being said I believe I have and will always have some issue with it. Its the BIG thing in my life, the one thing that will always came back to haunt me even though I have forgiven my rapist but sometimes I still get so mad that I have to be stuck in this category of a “victim” that is a never ending cycle of questioning my self, holding myself back, thinking that I am ugly and that life will never give me a fair shot and that I will always be stuck in the same depressing spot.

Now I have gone though counseling for this and I have found my self many times and I know that it wasn't my fault that I was a child and that my childhood was taken from me but if I don't say that to myself multiply times I somehow seem to forget it and I go back to being that little 8 year old girl who is just asking for someone to help me.

I have always been the person who takes care of others. I have taken care of friends I have taken care of family and of course I have taken care of Cody which isn't easy  especially when you need to be the one who needs someone to take care of you.  so because I am normally the person people come to to talk about their problems mine never gets heard so sometimes instead of trying to find someone to talking about them too I eat.

I know that this is going to be a hard journey that I am again going to have to face my fears and again find my inner strength that I know that I have and I will again have to face myself head on and say “Audrey you are beautiful! You are a strong women who disserves all the happiness the world! And you can do this, you can be happy again, you can be the person you know that you are deep down inside and life will be better and you are not that 8 year old little girl anymore so stop thinking that you are.”

*Sigh* So my plan is to get healthy for myself first of all  but also for Wyatt.  Cause he disserves a momma who can chase after him with out dying after a few minutes and someone who will be there no matter. I am not going to let him down and I sure as hell don’t want to let myself down because I feel like this is the last step on this long journey of dealing with my past for me to truly once again be the happy go lucky person that I long to be.Tweet

NO MORE MISSES NICE MOMMA!

Now I have never wanted to be that mom that lets her children walk all over her. I have always commanded respect in everything I have done in my life and if I haven’t gotten it well, it becomes World war 3.


Lately I have been slipping on giving Time outs because first he cries and then I feel bad. Second Cody has a hard time with me giving them. He will just beg Wyatt the whole time to “just listen please just listen to mamma.” so I feel like I am an awful person.

But no more misses nice momma! I want to be that mom that every kid respects and I know that the only I can achieve that is to discipline and I feel like the earlier you do it the easier it is.

So today after all the craft/music/dancing time I did with Wyatt I expected him to help me clean up. Wyatt did help a little here and there but then when I would ask him to pick up the crayons he ignored me. So I’d ask again and he would come close to doing it but then he would “pretend” that something else was more interesting than to pick up his crayons. I let him do this for a little bit until I was soooo annoyed that I wasn’t going to take it anymore. So I did something drastic. Something so awful that any 1 year old kid would shiver in fear just at the sound of the dreaded word I did a TIMEOUT!

Since I haven’t done one with Wyatt for about a week we had to start at the very beginning. Which means that I felt like it would take him at least 5 or 6 times of being in time out before he would do what I had asked of him.

MY RULES OF TIME OUT

(Always give just ONE warning)

1. Get down to their level.

2. Talk in a deep/stern sounding voice and explain why you are giving them a time out.

3. Put them in a “time out spot” the same one if you can each time.

4. Set a timer 1 min per age.

5. Ignore any cries for attention

6. If they get out of the time out spot PUT THEM BACK there but don’t say anything when you do and start the timer over.

7. When the timer rings tell them again why you put them in timeout and ask for a sorry and a hug. (If they don’t give one start again.)

*And if the reason why you are putting them in time out is to clean up something or do something you asked they must go and do just that right after the time out is done or you will need to put them back in time out.*

I sat Wyatt down on his time out spot and started the timer. He got up just once so I had to start over. He sat for his full min but when we came back to the living room for him pick up his crayons he couldn’t do it because he was crying so hard and just wouldn’t calm down. And when he cries like this I mean he is full on so dramatic that he has his hand over his face wailing with tears bouncing off his checks.

Now this is the type of cry he does to get away with anything. (Just ask grandpa Corbridge Wyatt gets him each time.) But I don’t fall for it. I say “Wyatt if you don’t stop crying and pick up these crayons you will be in time out again.” (His one warning.) He doesn’t stop so I pick him up and put him back in time out. He doesn’t get up this time and when the timer rings he actually stops crying and I ask for a sorry and a hug (he just hugs because he can’t say sorry yet.) and I tell him to go and pick up his crayons and put them away.

And to my amazement (cause I thought this would go on for at least an hour.) he does. I wanted to cry because I was so happy and proud of him. It just makes me think of how much of a big boy he is becoming. Pretty soon he will be a teenager and god; I don’t know what I will do then.Tweet

Tantrum Tuesday

Wyatt has grown up so much over the last month that I feel like my baby is becoming a little boy. And I miss those days when he would cuddle on my chest and needed my attention every second. He was such a momma’s boy that he had to be in every place that I was and if he wasn’t he would scream in fear that I was leaving him.

Now don’t get me wrong I got soooo annoyed of this. I would wish that he would be more independent. And I hated not having enough time for myself. It was so bad that I couldn’t shave my legs when I was in the shower. I had to have to door open into the bathroom and the shower door part open so he could see me this would give me at least 5 mins to get in and get out. I swear for almost a year I didn’t get a nice hot shower.

I would get so jealous of my friends who had kids and whose husband would watch the little one so they could shower. If I even asked Cody he would say to me “well how long are you going to be?” And I would think to myself seriously you are in the bathroom shitting for I swear 2 hours every day while I am out here dealing with Wyatt and you have the gull to ask me HOW LONG I AM GOING TO BE? GOD, I haven’t had a shower for 2 days my hair so greasy that I can use the grease to fry you up some food! PLEASE JUST LET ME SHOWER!

Now this last month Wyatt has grown to be the independent kid that I want and asked for, for so long but now I miss those special moments that we had with each other. I loved being in his room at night rocking him to sleep smelling him after a bath

dancing and singing the ABCs to him while he looked at me like I was an idiot while he was eating. And oh those times when he would throw food everywhere because he was learning to eat with utensils.

    

When I Remember back to when he learned to roll over sit up saying mama for the first time and when he took his first steps it melts my heart and I cry a little. How can this time go by so fast?

We go places now and he will throw tantrums and scream because he wants what he wants! (Just like his mama!) And I have to put him in timeouts just like I had to yesterday.

Yesterday I swear it was Tantrum Tuesday. He was so bad that I couldn’t even think straight.

In the morning he woke up just fine and we did are normal routine where I put on Mickey and fall asleep on the couch to get the rest of my sleep I need while he watches one episode then I cook breakfast he eats I change him and then we play until lunch.

Well he didn’t want to any of that and I am tired from being up so late the night before so I couldn’t take the whines and attitude that he has now. He wanted to get in the fridge and get his Sippy so I’d open the fridge and he would get mad and whine at me. WHAT? I say to him and he looks at me with that little smirk that he has and walks away and whines for me to put him on the counter (cause I do this when I cook and clean the kitchen.) and I say “you don’t need to be up there.” Oh did he let me know that he did need to be up there with a very loud scream! We keep doing this until breakfast time. Later I have to force him to take a nap and when he woke up from that he wouldn’t eat the lunch I made him.

And that’s the one thing I hate the most because I already have to make two different meals because Cody is the pickiest eater I have ever met. And I hate it! Hate it soooo bad!

Cody eats these things and these things only

Plain hamburgers no condiments nothing
Fries
Tacos but with no seasoning on the meat, seriously none and it has to be in a taco shell
Big cheeses (which are torteias with cheese melted on them.)
Pb&js
Mac & cheese but not from a box it’s just plain noodles with shredded cheese melted on it. (GROSS)
Frozen pizza
Hotdogs
lemon pepper chicken
Cornbread
Soft pretzels
Scones
Hot pockets

That’s about it I think.

So I will ask Cody (mind you I just can’t make whatever I want for dinner for him because he won’t eat anything!) what he wants for dinner and this is how the conversation goes…
                                                  

Me: Cody what do you want to eat?

 Cody: I don’t know what do we have?

Me: (I go through the same list I just wrote about.)

Cody: well what do you want?

Me: whatever I will eat anything.

Cody: I don’t know.

Me: well you need to tell me because Wy and I need to eat.

Cody: just make what you guys want.

Me: well then you won’t eat so just tell me what you want so I can make it.

Cody: I just don’t know. we don’t have anything.

Me: well if I don’t make you something now you won’t eat.

 Cody: *just stares at me.

 Me: FINE DON’T EAT AGAIN WHATEVER!

2 hours go by….

Cody: I’m hungry  

Me: * no really? Duh its way passed dinner time! –thinking this.

Me: What do you want?

 Cody: I don’t know.

 Me: UGHH *pulling my hair out.

Can you see why I hate when Wyatt doesn’t eat what I make I get so pissed off. I just want to be the housewife that tells you what you are having for dinner. But if I do this Cody won’t eat for days. Seriously I have tried this.

So Wyatt doesn’t eat the lunch I make so I have to make sandwiches which then I make him stay in his highchair until he eats. Which he gives in THANK GOD! Then we get ready to go to the Classic Fun Center with my sister and her daughter.
Before we go there we have to stop at Wal-Mart and again Wyatt throws a tantrum because he wants me to hold him and I won’t.
 Because he has legs so why can he walk?

 So of course he screams which I ignore. Then we walk over by boxes which he wants to play with. And the only reason why he wants to is because Neriah my sister’s kid climbs in and out of them while my sister doesn’t do anything to stop her. (My pet peeve.)

So when I tell Wyatt NOof course he’s mad. He throws this huge tantrum that I had to put him in time out in the middle of Wal-Mart while everyone is looking at me and asking themselves why I’m letting my 1 year ball his eyes out and I’m not picking him up?
 BECAUSE PEOPLE I WILL NOT HAVE A KID WHO IS NOT DISAPLINED!

 He does finally calm down and sit his full minute and we continued on to the Classic fun center which we had a blast we bounced on the jungle Jim rode on carousels played skeet ball and ate pizza. It was a lot of fun and I will do it again even though my sister did whine about her boyfriend the entry time.

That night while I was putting Wyatt to sleep he needed to have me hold his hand through the crib bars so he could fall asleep. All though he is becoming more independent we still have these moments where he lets me know that I am still very important to him which I will always cherish.

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