Today is the day people.

It is, it is the day I start my nesting adventure. My mother is coming over. The storage shed that has not been open for a year will be opened to reveal all the things we saved for almost 5 years from when Wyatt was little that we will dig through to make sure that we can actually use them for Gunner. I am sure I will be bringing up baby memories of Wyatt with each little outfit I sort through I feel that I might just cry.

I will be hanging pictures this week, putting a crib up and well I will actually start acting like this new baby will be coming. I will also be figuring out the last details of the little baby shower I am throwing for myself. Well it will be more of a Gunner celebration because I feel like it is only fair that Gunner gets his own celebration of his arrival since Wyatt had one too. Plus, I think it will help Wyatt with the idea of his brothers arrival.

Yesterday on my first day of the I don’t work for a week so lets do nothing but play on Pinterest day I found some prints of inspiration for Gunner’s little cowboyish theme of a room. Here are some links to those prints I will be using.  *click the picture for the source.

 

And can I say that I am beyond excited to get this room together that I actually cried yesterday to my husband because I just realized that I will be have a baby less then 8 weeks. I seriously had a mini panic attack that I would not be ready and that everything that this nursery represents will determine the readiness I will be able to handle with 2 kids. So it must MUST be done by the end of this week because I have no time… or least I think I don’t.

So here’s to hoping that I can get what I need done and here’s to hoping that it will turn out the why I envision.

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“Staycation” or am I just nesting?

Its funny to me how different I am with this pregnancy. I remember that I was completely ready with the nursery and everything we needed or so we thought we needed by 20 weeks with Wyatt and well I am currently heading into 33 weeks with Gunner and have yet to do or buy anything.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before my “staycation” where I have taken off the week to get myself ready for the baby. My mom is coming over to help me sort through all of Wyatt’s old baby clothes to see if they are still good and all of his other baby stuff we’ve saved. I will also be getting the crib out of the storage to make sure that it is still in good shape so we will be able to officially make a nursery for the my little pistol. I am thinking of going with a cowboy theme to fit with his name.

So tonight I will be searching for prints and ideas because I have nothing in mind for him. So if you have any ideas let me know. But I do know that I am officially in the nesting stage because I cant seem to do anything with out cleaning and reorganizing plus I really really have the need to make everything look and feel nice.

I have already turned the playroom upstairs into Wyatt’s new room so that we could move Gunner into his old room so he’d be closer to me and I just got finished going through all of Wyatt clothes that he has now to make room in the closet for all the stuff we will be putting in there for Gunner (since the old playroom doesn’t have a closet.) I have sorted everything that we have in the house to make sure it has a place because I am DONE with the piles that seemed to be piling up with the lack of energy I have had lately.

I am also hoping to have a yard sale on Saturday to get rid of everything that we’ve collected that we never used and put in a closet because I am done with those too.  Needless to say this kid is coming in 50 days and I am in a good rush to get things done and ready for him because I am clearly not but I am so ready to be. I am done with this pregnancy and cant wait to be a mother of two.

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…until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Currently I am work. My door to my office is closed the lights are off and the little fan I stole from someone else's office is blowing full force on me. The lunch I have been snacking on has given me heart burn and my feet are swollen.

I am pregnant. I know that you all know this. But what I am saying is that I am pregnant. Like full on. This kid is so heavy that I cant breath most of the time and my stomach is so hard that when I walk I waddle because if I don’t then I would pee my pants. I am officially in the uncomfortable better get out of my way I might hurt you stage of pregnancy. And it sucks.

Let me share with you something that happened to me randomly yesterday that might help you understand how I feel at this moment. I woke up at 9am after having slept for 9 hours I started breakfast and got Wyatt's ready. After I handed it to him I sat down on the couch to catch my breath and bam 2 hours later woke up from a random nap in a rush to hurry and get ready for work.

How I didn’t know that I was sleeping was crazy and thank god Wyatt is old enough to entertain himself with out setting the house on fire because I bet I would have slept through that too.

Today, the same thing happened only this time it was late in the afternoon and Wyatt said to me “Mom, go lay here I get your blanket you go to sleep because your eyes are so tired looks like they hurts.” I did just that and boy was I out quick. I again woke up in time to get to work.

Now I am at work and all I want to do is sleep. I look at my computer and I think of my bed. I talk with associates and I think of my bed and now that I am closed in my office on lunch ready to take a nap. Sleep seems to not existed. 2 more hours. 2 more hours before I get to lay in my bed with a thousand pillows pushed into my sides to hold this crazy baby still so I can actually sleep. 2 more hours but 55 more days until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

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Gunner Jonathan

Little Gunner,

You and I have moments where I am still in disbelief that you are in fact a real little person in my belly. Most days I forget that I am pregnant until I feel a kick from you. Its hard to imagine what life is going to be like with you in it.

To be truthful I am scared to death that you are coming. I am scared that adding you in will be too much of a mix and that it will be something we wish didn't happen. The whole thought of a little teeny tiny baby is a weird concept to me. I know that I have done this before, I get the generally idea of what it will be like to rock you, feed you, change your diaper and cuddle you when you cry. But right now the thought of adding you to my heart is scary and I am unsure how to do that.

I know that once you are here all the questions will be erased and the room in my heart will grow and you will fit nicely in it. But I am going to be scared to death until it does.

You and I spend our nights together awake as I feel you moving and most of the time you catch me off guard and I am totally surprised when I get to actually see my stomach move with the hard firm kick you give. I actually say out loud OH MY GOSH!

You are big now, I am big now. I waddle, have backaches and my feet swell. This pregnancy is so different that I find my self wondering how you are going to be. Are you a mini me? A wild child? A go getter? Are you the missing spice in our life?

Gunner Jonathan, my little gun, pistol, soon to be… you, my boy will be a joy to have regardless of the fears that I am having. I know that you will be welcomed into our home with open arms and your life will be filled with all the love we can give and you, my son you will be ours and we will be yours and life will change for the better with you in it.

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I am a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

I just mopped the shit out of my kitchen floor. It made me hot and sweaty and I about wanted to kill my cats. Who thought it was so funny to keep running across the newly mopped areas and making them well, dirty again. I might have thrown them in a fit of rage but I wont admit to anything cause that's animal abuse people and I aint like that.

Can we just talk a second about my animals and how ridiculous they are as of late. My dog literally has peed on my bed in the middle of the night right next to my head and I have rolled in to it only to wake up smelling of piss. This as caused my husband to sleep on the couch (which is the most uncomfortable thing ever) and it leaves me to still sleep next to the highly smelling like cleaning solution bed because we have only one couch and a toddler bed that are taken so I get the piss bed. Yeah, that sucks.

This dog, Kipper has been peeing all over ever since we got him nurtured two weeks ago and instead of thinking “oh there must be something wrong, I should take him to the vet.” I just wanted to kill him. Then my husband who is all knowing said “You should probably call the vet and make an appointment there could be something wrong.” Sceptical, I called and made an appointment for today. I found out that this poor thing has a bladder infection. My god, I am the worse dog parent ever. Thankfully we got meds and he is doing much better so far. So I am hoping for a free night of not sleeping on piss.

My cats on the other hand might need a new home if they keep going back in my kitchen. Seriously.

Wyatt, has been in this scientist kick. Everything lately has been an experiment. Right now he currently has a “experiment” on my desk where he put a ton of different weeds flowers in a cup filled with water and different crumbs of food all mixed together. So its currently growing mould and stinks and I have to keep reminding him that he cant drink it because it “could ruin the experiment.” and really that's just gross. So if you guys have any ideas of some experiments that we could try that would be awesome! I would love to do something that isn't as gross or actually teaches him something besides how mould grows.

The baby is doing good. I did however this morning do a weird burp that turned in to flying throw up that I had to clean up this morning. It was super weird and super gross. The babe well, he is still nameless and I am slowly coming around to the fact that it could actually be a boy like the doctor said but we will see.

I did have a mini melt down this week at work in the management meeting where I freaked out and told them I had only 4 months left and they better be prepared to be with out me. Yeah, I bet I sounded like a freak.

But really guys, I am already panicking about the amount of time I have left before this kid shows up. It seems like it is flying by and I have nothing ready. I swear I wasn't like this with Wyatt. But this kid, well he is just making me a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

Yeah, I am a little nuts. But on the plus side every time I have a freak out moment the husband takes me shopping. So that's awesome.

I will leave you with some old instagram photos of Wyatt and Kipper… because a post isn't as good with out pictures. Oh look how adorable. That's back when I liked my dog. ;)

I hope you all are having a good week end! I actually took photos with my camera that I will be posting soon so look out for them.

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Your a surprise party waiting to burst out.

How do I feel about this second kid who is still growing inside me? I am unsure with how my emotions should be. I know that I am excited to hold him for the first time and put a face to this tiny heart beat that squished up against my belly. That I will get to count his toes on the feet that kick each time he hears his daddy. That I will get another hand to hold, another mouth to kiss, another soul to love.

Your like a secret hidden inside that boggles my mind. Who is this baby, I know nothing about? I knew instantly everything about Wyatt before he was here. I dreamt of him and how he’d look and what he’d be like but you darling boy, are a secret.

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out. You are something I seem to know nothing about. You are shocker, a absolute wonder and I am amazed at how well you keep a secret.

Who is this baby of mine? Are you going to be like you dad or maybe like me or are you something that no one has ever seen before.

I have one hundred and forty forty days to go before I get to meet you, which just seems to long. I don't even have name to call you yet. Most days I feel normal like there is not a another soul inside of me and then you kick, squirm or flip to remind me that you are here and then I sit and ponder you. The secret boy with no name.

I imagine dark hair softly placed on your head and tiny toes and little fingers and little ears and just you little. I imagine what your cry will be like and how you will fit in my arms and how different it will be to actually hold something so tiny again. I imagine the way you will look at me, with big brown eyes and then I imagine you different. Maybe you'll be blonde like Wyatt and have the same eyes has him or maybe you will have red hair. Will you be bigger than he was? Will you cry be new to me? Will I instantly fall for you like I fell for Wyatt?

Oh little baby, who is such a secret I cant wait to meet you. Where all my questions will be answered and I will sit in disbelief and be completed astounded at who you are.

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Is that girl just fat or is she pregnant?

I didn't grow up being the fat kid or if I did I had no idea and really when I think of myself I don't think of me being fat. I do get that I am “bigger” then other people and to my doctor, I may seem obese but who isn't now days.

I do notice more now that I am pregnant though not because I am disgusted by myself but because I never will get to do those week by week prego pictures that a lot of “normal” soon to bes get to do.

When I was pregnant with Wyatt I remember people saying to me “Oh you don't even look pregnant.” even though I was 6 months a long and when they said that I wanted to punch them in the face. Thanks for calling me fat bitch. But I would smile and say “Oh, thanks you’re too kind” as I would secretly knife throat them and watch them die a slow painful death in my head.

I even got a job at the store I work at now when I was 8 months pregnant and they had no idea. None. I remember during orientation when they go around asking you to tell something about yourself I said I was 8 months pregnant and the shock you should have seen on my then HR Managers face was priceless. Yep, you hired a 8 month pregnant lady. Deal with it. But thank goodness they did because regardless of that I moved up pretty quickly at work and now I am that same HR manager that wonders is that girl just fat or is she pregnant? ha. I just assume they all are and never ask or question it. Who cares anyway right. If they work that's all that matters in the first place.

What I guess I am getting at here is that it sucks being the already fat pregnant girl because by the time people began to notice that you are, you have like 2 weeks left and they’ll tell you,  “that you look like your going to pop any day now” and then you will secretly knife throat them and watch them die a slow painful death in your head as you mumble thanks for calling me fat bitch.

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I fear that it is a girl.

I forget I am pregnant until I wake up in the middle of the night to either pee or throw up. This first trimester has about killed me. I do not remember being so fatigued when I was pregnant with Wyatt and I never was nauseous. Ever. I mean don't get me wrong I did throw up but then I’d move on continue to eat what I was eating like it was no big deal but I with this one, I am both. To the extreme. I keep saying I cant wait until the next trimester it will be much better… please god be better then.

My nausea is so bad that I can not stay up past 9pm or I will hurl for a good hour or so. I have not really spent time with my husband because of this and when I close at work it is a miracle that I even make it out of the building with out doubling over. Since I go to bed so early I wake up early just to throw up. Its fantastic!

I have tried everything from the eating crackers, to ginger, to meds from the doctor nothing helps. This kid wants it to be known that it is here and its gonna be an attention thriven, look at me kinda kid. I mean I literally already feel this kid moving and swimming around and I am only 12 weeks.

I believe that this kid is going to have my personality and I fear that it is a girl. Not because I don't want a girl but because I know how I was as a teenager and if this kid is anything like me I got a run for my money.

I know that I have shared on instagram and Facebook how sick I am and I am now doing it here. But I do want you all to know that I am so happy that I am pregnant and that I can not wait to be a mother again and that if I could go back, I would sooo take on the nausea and fatigue (complaining the whole time probably, but still.) like it was nobody's business again. And when this child comes I will be over the moon and back but to those mothers who have 5, 6 kids my god, how in the hell did you do it? I am grateful that this could be my last pregnancy and at this point I do not see how I could go threw another one. Seriously, how’d ya do it?

Tomorrow I get to go to my next appointment (which marks it about a month since I last blogged. oh my hell are you even still here? hello!!! readers?) and I am super excited to see the baby again and to possible learn (hopefully) if its a girl or boy. I learned about this time around with Wyatt but I betting that this kid will make me wait. Either way, I get to see and hear it again and that will make all this throwing up worth it. (right?)

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He slowly breathed me in as I did too him.

Last night I got off work pretty late and when I walked in the door I saw Cody in Wyatt’s room holding him while he sobbed uncontrollably. As I hurried in he run over to me and held on to me tight. Rushed, I asked why he was crying he said “Because I missed you mommy because I just missed you.”

My heart melted. I held him and rocked him like I did when he was just a tiny baby. I placed my head onto his and listened as his cries soften and he slowly breathed me in as I did too him. He ended up falling asleep in my arms while I whispered the old lullabies I’d sing to him when he was younger.

All the while, I thought I better not die. I just better not die. A morbid thought, yes but a valid fear I gained yesterday. I saw in the brief moment how it would be like if it was Cody was to run the household and how it would take him hours to calm Wyatt where as for me it would take just brief seconds.

I am needed to much and I just cant afford to ever die. Ever.

Today as I got up and ready for my first appointment with this pregnancy I kept thinking that I will now have to live forever and how will I be able to manage that? How am I always going to be here for two instead of just one. Another valid fear I gained.

I get to the appointment and I get to finally see my baby. That little devil who’s be making me sick. Once the moment came to hear the heart beat all I thought was to make sure Wyatt could hear it so he could be amazed that there is this little teeny tiny baby who I get to give life too.

I get to be a mother yet again. I get to be the protector, the hugger, the kiss giver, the owie go away maker, the story teller, I get to be a mother. Not to just one soul but to two. How amazing is that?

It amazes me how much love can be stretched. How much more can be gained. I am already in love with this tiny heart beating little baby but even more in love with my little Wyatt who will always be the one who made me the mother I am and how excited our we that this little baby gets to benefit from that.

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Because this baby hates me.

I have only known that I have been pregnant for 3 weeks. Not only does it feel like I have already been pregnant forever but tonight as I am forced to wonder if  all this morning/all day sickness is in actually in my head. What if I didn't find out that I was pregnant? Would I be this aware of each feeding schedule my body demands before I throw up? Would I hate the taste of all food but chicken? Would I notice all the little twinges that my body makes? Would I actually pee as much as I do?

I never did tell you how I realized I was pregnant. Or maybe I did, I can't remember so I’ll tell you again...

An app told me.

Ha! I know right? I downloaded an ovulation app in December because I figured hey why not maybe this would help me get pregnant since nothing else has.

It had an alarm on it to tell me what days I should be ovulating based on my period since all the marina drama I had it helped me remember when I should have had my period.
Well right before Cody and I went to bed one night the alarm went off and said “your ovulating!” Surprised I told Cody “hey my phone thinks I should be ovulating but I haven't had my period yet. Ha! I bet I am pregnant.” He just rolled his eyes.

But then I did the hurry randomly check the app and then check my phone for when I actually did have my period last month and then I checked my blog because I wrote about it and I sat there thinking Omg I bet I am.Then I thought back to how I haven't been sleeping too well because I have been waking up to pee and then I realized how I noticed smells more… it could be… I might be… oh my gosh am I pregnant?

I took Cody to work the next day and hurried to the store to purchase a test. Now I kept saying in my head “oh no it will be just like the others, where I swore I was and then it says nope bitch you ain't pregnant get over yourself.” But it wasn't. And here I am almost 9 weeks hating every minute of this first trimester and still waiting for my first appointment. (Which is Wednesday thank god) and dreaming that it is twins or maybe hoping it is so then I'd have a reason for all this morning/ all day sickness.

My god I still have 7 months too go! and I am not sure I’ll make it plus I'm pissed that I am complaining because damn, this is exactly what I wanted for months (well years) and all I can think about is how I am up at 5am because I had to pee and now since I am up, you might as well bring on the throw up because this baby hates me.

:::Written early in the morning on my iPhone as I tried hard not to vomit on Cody's sleeping head, jerk:::

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Note to self: Don't Google while pregnant.

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If you didn't know from my Facebook posts and my Instagrams I have been in some extreme morning/all day sickness and this is the first day that I have actually not been to the point of needed to be by the toilet all day. I so far have yet to throw up. (even though I have had the nausea all day.)

I have tried everything from eating every two hours, to snacking all day, to only eating banana creamys, to drinking a ton of water, to well just allowing my self to just throw up. It is so bad that I have nausea all day long even after I throw up and then when I do, I throw up so hard that I peed my pants.  Yes, I have peed my pants.

And now I am starting to think that it might be because I have 2 kids in there instead of one. I swear with Wyatt I threw up but it wasn't anything like this and I am literally freaking my self out. I have googled “symptoms of twin pregnancy.” and well there is a lot out there to freak the freak out of you.

What if I was prego with twins? I mean that would be cool but also I think I would shiz my self if I was.

What the hell would I do with 2 babies? Cody would most likely leave me (okay he wouldn't but my god he would be in some extreme state of mind.) and I would not be able to work. at least not for a few years… I just don't know. It would be super crazy.

My first doctor appointment is Feb.6 so I have to hang on until then but for now I need to stop Googling because it can be a dangerous tool to pregnant women.

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This kid.

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This kid. Oh my he seriously cracks me up. Cody and I have talked a lot about what is in store for him when the baby gets here. Cody worries that he might not take it so well having another kid come in and take some of his attention away. But I think its going to be the opposite I think he will thrive on being the big brother.

He was the first person I told when I found out. I picked him up from preschool and told him I had a secret to tell him and as we got into the car I told him that I had a baby in my belly. He responded with a huge smile and said “Do you really?!” “Mom, do you really?!” As I replied with a “yep” he then said “I wont change the poopy diapers but I will feed her a bottle when he cries.” Okay, deal” I said.

He even told Brooklyn (his best friend) today that I had a baby in my belly and that meant I was pregnant. I think he will take on his role as the big brother very well. I do however feel like he will take it hard once he realizes that we will be changing his sleeping arrangements. He will be moving to the playroom upstairs and the baby will get his room. So that should be interesting.

If you guys got any tips on how to help the transition into big brotherhood let me know I would love to hear about it.

Thanks!

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Just in case you haven't heard.

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Yesterday I announced via instagram and Facebook that my EGGO IS PREGO!

(WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)

I know that test is light and I know that I am at the super early stage and some people don't normally share the news at this point. but I am not one to not be an over sharer. Plus I took 3 tests at different times and one again this morning that the second line grew darker.

According to the internet and my guess at when my last period was I believe I am at least 5-6 weeks along which is still to early to go to the doctor since they like to see you at 8 weeks. My non-doctor, internet given due date would be in September maybe the 7th-ish.

I am okay with the fact that I am sharing this now because I knew instantly that I was with Wyatt and I shared the same news at this early stage too and I have him. Plus I am already starting to feel the sickness and the urge to pee in the middle of the night.

Like last night, I woke up at 3am pee a lot and couldn't go back to sleep because of the nausea. This morning, still nausea but no throwing up yet.

With Wyatt I threw up each time I ate and never cried. This time so far it is the opposite. I cry at everything and haven't thrown up yet.  So maybe its a girl?

That would be crazy but it wouldn't that be fun, different and super scary? eeee…

What do you think it is?

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look a little closer

follow me on instagram: @thedailywyatt

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When I look a little closer I found that I was indeed happy that it happened. I finally got some clarity to what was happening to me and why I kept feeling this dark cloud hang over me. I use to pride myself for being the happy go lucky one. The one who could brighten any room just by walking in it.

I would question why people would feel the way they did. It boggled my mind that depression could seep in with out any notice and with out any question.

But I did question mine. I did wonder why it was happening to me. Why I was allowing it to get to me. I was the strong one, I was the one who could always over come, I was never weak, I was never the victim, I was never.

But the past month or so I found myself surrounded by that dark circle and I couldn't grasp onto the happy I had.  My mind wandered to the grey area and allowed no color to come. The things I loved to turned into the things I dreaded. I wished to sleep, to be distracted from life. I wish to not be bothered.

I have talked here before about the need to have a baby and the struggles of not getting one yet. After I had Wyatt, I decided to get the mirena iud. I had my mirena for about 4 years with no problems but also no period. I did not bleed the entire 4 years I had it. No spotting, nothing. I also never went to another doctor appointment.

So when I went to get it out I was a little panic-y. I thought for sure that something went wrong. That it wasn't there or that it was lodge in so deep that it would hinder me from having another kid. But when the doctor removed it, he said everything looked good and to come back to him when I was pregnant. He didn't tell me what would happen after getting the mirena out. He didn't warn me.

I would say that night after I had my mirena removed and still to this day I went from happy and content to dark deep depression. I couldn't sleep, I had no appetite, no sex drive (all though I forced my self to have sex because that's how babies are made.) I cried at everything, I was extremely hot, sweaty, then super cold. I would get mad for no reason, my emotions were every which way, and my body would show signs of early pregnancy. Sore breast, no period, nausea, lower back pain, super tired, craving food etc.

I would take test after test to lead only to not being pregnant. Which crushed me each time.

Then December 1st came and so did my period. The amount of relief I felt was and still is too much to put into words. Finally I was normal. I was still working. I had a starting point.

The first day of my period was heavy abnormally heavy. I would soak up a heavy tampon within 15 minutes. It was so heavy and hurt so bad that I started to worry that it was abnormal. I become dizzy and light headed because of the shear amount of blood I was losing all I wanted to do was sleep. That night I started I notice that I was losing clots. some got to be as big a quarter. I first I thought it was a mucus plug and that I was having a miscarriage just because I never had anything like this happen to me before.

I was so worried that I ended up crying in my moms kitchen asking why this was happening to me. I always had normal periods. heavy one day light the others no cramping. But now I was extremely heavy a lot of cramping, clotting, sore everything.

After my mom calmed me down and explained what I already knew I went home a googled “first period after having your mirena taken out.” and I found other blogs talking about “the mirena crash” and heavy periods.

The mirena crash is basically detoxing from the hormones left over after removal. So the times when I was feeling crazy, super depressed, mad at everything, rage that seem to come out of now where, instantly sad, how my body was hurting and confusing me was just that. I am not crazy.

I am mad though that my doctor did not mention anything to me. How could he not tell me about the emotional and physically pain I would go through and still am going through. I wish that I was informed about this before I got the mirena because I don't think I would have gotten it. I mean according to these blogs it could take up to a year to get pregnant. If I would have know all that I wouldn't have kept it in as long as I did.

So ladies, if you have the mirena and you get it taken out expect to feel out of control emotionally. expect to have crazy unheard of types of periods, a ton of clotting and pain everywhere and know that you are not crazy you are just detoxing.

I will be making an appointment with my doctor if I don't get pregnant after this period is over. I read that some women don't ovulate for awhile too and that your doctor can boost it into gear so that is what I am planning because I don't want to wait a year for a baby.

I want one as of yesterday.

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3 minutes of waiting and hoping

My Husband doesn't share the same heartbreak that I do when it comes down to me not being pregnant yet. He laughs and makes some stupid comment while rolling his eyes. But I have pretty much cried all day about it.

Mainly because I really thought I was.

I knew instantly when I got pregnant with Wyatt. Literally, I went to bed that night had a very vivid dream about him. My mom was holding him and another brown haired baby in her lap and when I walked up to her she handed me a blonde hair 3 or 4 month old and said “Here Audrey, take your son.” I woke up and knew that I would be having a boy. Never doubt it.

(For a while I thought I was going to have twins because of the other baby my mom was holding but it turns out that it was my brothers son who is a few weeks older than Wyatt.)

Well for the passed couple of days I have being having dreams about 2 babies. One boy, one I am pretty sure is a girl but I cant quite tell yet. They are in a crib that's in Cody and I’s bed room they are crying. I hear them while I am laying in our bed and I get up and start to walk toward the crib but by the time I finally get to them I wake up.

Not only am I having dreams now, I also am having some symptoms. Like I have being tired a lot. Not just because I have been working crazy hours but like I cant grasp what is on my mind, I am forgetful and cant focus until I take a nap. I also having been eating in the morning more and craving breakfast all day. crying all the time and still no period but what I thought sealed the deal was how tender my boobs have been.

I feel like they have grown a whole cup size in the last couple of days and it hurts to wear a bra but even more so when I take it off. I cant brush by them with out it hurting.

Right, I have some symptoms. or I am just crazy?

So I finally decided that I was going to take another test. I even got one that clearly states pregnant or not pregnant just in case.

Well… 3 minutes of waiting and hoping

I was deny once again.

It was a big not pregnant

and I cried by self on the toilet.

I know I know, it could be too early to tell by those test and I know that with out really knowing when I am actually suppose to have a period that it could cause it to not show either. So I am going to wait a few more days or 3 as the insert in the test states and try again. And if it still shows that I am not pregnant I think I am going to make an appointment with the doctor to either see if 1. I am or 2. why I am not yet and why I haven't had a period yet either.

Ugh.

Why cant my baby come already?

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So we’re trying to get pregnant.

About a month or so go and after much convincing I finally got Cody to say yes to the whole “lets have another kid” idea. I did the whole doctor check up, got my Marina out and well we are not pregnant yet and I am freaking out.

I remember last time that when we started it only took less than a few weeks and bam I was pregnant. Now, any weird feeling I get I think that its my body telling me I am pregnant. Do I feel sick in the morning yet? This boob feels weird not the other one does that make me pregnant? When is my period again? etc etc etc… and I know I am just freaking my self out because I want it so bad and I am worried that I wont have another one.

And if that was true were I couldn’t have another kid I don’t know what I would do. I try and talk with Cody about what happens if I cant get pregnant. He just tells me to stop being so paranoid and that to give my body time to get pregnant.

But I feel like it’s a huge possibility. I don’t know why but I am so scared that not matter what I do I wont get pregnant. I don’t want Wyatt to be the only child and I feel like I am a damn good mom and that I should have as many kids as I want and that it should happen when I want it too.

Okay, so I might be paranoid but isn't that normal?

I'm blogging every day for a month… are you?

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