Don't you effin roll your eyes at me.

Currently I am listening to some indie music found on a blog that I was reading. As I sit in my warm attic office. Its making my mind drift off in different places. I planned on writing about Wyatt's first time at preschool and how I cried in the car when I left him today. Which he did nothing but be good, just like I taught him, which made me cry harder.

But instead, I am stuck on the how its hard have a conversation with my husband.

I just stomped my way up the stairs to cool off after having some stupid fight with the husband. Do you ever just have those times when you like Oh my hell, cant we just have an adult conversation?! Currently I feel like that right now.

I got off work late. like late, late. Wyatt already dead asleep late because some regional guys are coming to walk our store tomorrow so we had to clean the shiz out of it so I'm tired. All I want to do is sit and not think or do anything.

Cody’s sitting in his chair in front of the TV watching the shows we have recorded on the DVR and he starts to go off in a “certain” tone on how the dish guy is coming tomorrow and we need to have the shows transfer off this for that and we might do this because of that and all I said was I'm concerned if this happens and bam an eye roll. which instantly rubs me the wrong way. It makes me think this…

Okay first of all I am tired, annoyed, pissed already because right when I get in the door you start to “lecture me” on what I need to do when you had all night to do it and secondly why is it that anytime I express my concerns you effin roll your eyes at me. 

So I of course go in for the kill not thinking just reacting to everything he is saying and yell this… Cody, blah, yell, pissy fit, blah yell, annoyed, shaking my head, arms crossed, yell and this… and that and if you could only talk to me like an adult… he says something which I of course ignore and I say something else because I am determined to get the last word in which I did by the way, stomp upstairs while mumbling to my self learn how to have a conversation! 

and I sit stewing. And then I realize… oh my god we just had a fight because he rolled his eyes at me. Whose the one acting like the adult now.

The morel of the story is… marriage is hard people your going to fight Especially when your spouse rolls his eyes at you. over stupid stupid things. The trick is apologizing and admitting when you are wrong or that you hate when your husband rolls his eyes at you and if he didn't do that in the first place you wouldn't have yelled and then maybe have some make up sex.

You know depending on how you feel.

Tweet

Marriage is hard people…

---

Now, If you have read this blog from the very beginning you know that Cody’s and I relationship has been an interesting one. We have had our ups and downs a lot and once I left him. (But came back after a week)

Marriage is hard people and no one tells you that. A lot of people go into it thinking its your happily ever after and they stop putting in the work. For the first year we were married we did just that. We stopped working on us and of course you are going to fail if you don't try to succeed.

The week that I left, I learned a lot. I learned that I was a selfish little girl. I was acting like a teenager who had hurt feelings and expected him to know why. How could he know why if I never told him. So when I came back home we changed our attitudes and began to look at things differently.

That was almost 2 years ago.

Can I say that we haven't fought and that we’ve been happy ever since of course I cant because we have. But we now take the time to be there for each other and understand each others Love Language.  We work at it because we love each other too much for us not too.

With that being said what I wanted this post to be about was about Love languages  Go take this quiz and see what yours and your significant others is. Because after learning what Cody’s was I understand a little more how to make sure he is feeling like he is loved and him to me.

Here's what ours are:

Cody has two (of course he does.):

Receiving Gifts & Physical Touch

Ha-ha… I love that he likes to be touched and gifts. Isn't he lucky. ;)

And mine:

Words of Affirmation

I want him to tell me how he feels about me alllllllllllll the time. ha-ha.

What's yours?

 

***SIDE NOTE**** Already I have gotten emails asking if we are fine and If I left him… People please read through the whole post. This was 2 years ago. Not now, We are fine. I love him, he loves me. This was an example. Thanks for your concern. But we are good.******

---

Join me. <center><a href="http://thedailywyatt.blogspot.com"><img border="0" src="http://i841.photobucket.com/albums/zz337/Dailywyatt/wednesdaybutton.jpg"/></a></center>

Tweet

Being angry for one minute can take away 60 seconds of your happiness.

You walk in after work with this angry presents that I can just tell is going to make us fight or at least make me not want to be next to you for the rest of the night.

Didn’t you know that I was happy today? Truly happy and you walking in here with nothing but disapproval of how the house looks or that I didn't put the game on. That just makes me nothing but upset.

“You ruin all my happiness.” yes, I said it and yes I meant it.

You know how hard it is to find a happy picture of you or to even take one? Why do we always have to fight over one stupid thing?

Happiness.

Why is it hard to be H A P P Y?

Just carefree relaxed happy.

Please… just…LET G O of the S T R E S S!

I just want to be blissfully happy. PURE oh that word just makes me long for it even more.

I don't want to have anymore of these moments of unpleasantness.

I want to be wrapped in your arms with knowing it’s because we are happy not because I am trying to “calm” you down.

I don't even remember the last time I truly heard you laugh or at least a real hold you bully almost pee your pants laugh. Come to think of it in the past 5 years we have been together I don't think I have ever once heard you do that.

You’re taking a piece of me each time you just… can’t… LET… IT… GO…

I wish, oh I wish for you to truly to find that happiness or at least something more than anger and disapproval.

I have been depressed before maybe not the manic kind with more than a little anxiety with a dash of OCD added in for good measure. But I have been unhappy for no apparent reason and I gotten over it and how I did it? Was to just to not take EVERYTHING so personal. I just can’t understand how being negative all the time helps anything. It takes down the moral of the whole house in an inset with out any regard to the long day of happy moments that Wyatt and I shared.

Don’t you want to come home and just BE?

Be with us regardless if the house is a mess or if your game isn’t on or if WHATEVER.

When the house is a mess? That just means that I have spent the day playing and goofing around and LOVING your son and to me that is my number one priority.

Tweet

EFF off! Leave us alone why don’t yah?!

 

As I sit here at 1:30 in the morning listening to the quite of the house I am hearing my husbands words ring in my ears and I feel a little bummed.

Cody before I tucked him in ( yes we tuck each other in at night if one goes to bed before the other.) he tells me that he thinks that no one loves him but he does this in a cute tone like he is trying to say to me that he just needs more of my attention. We do this a lot to each other but tonight it sits with me a little longer.
I think of the hard times we have had to go though and how maybe at those moments it was hard for me to “love” him even though I am “in love” with him.

Now I seem to like drama in my life and Cody can contest to that and when I don’t have it I some how create it.
This is a bad thing for Cody and very bad habit for me. I talk a lot about how Cody has some “issues” but I believe I have over the years made them worse with how I have acted and tonight made me think about each of the times that I have ignited the situation to make it go out of control.

When we were first dating I literally threw Cody out of my car and drove away. Now for the life of me I don’t know what the hell we were fighting about all I remember is after tossing him out of the car and watching him in my rear view mirror as I left I was soooo concerned that he would indeed take his own life that night but I still kept driving any way.

This is my fear it has been since they day Cody let me in on his depression. I don’t know if he will ever do this or if its just something I will constantly worry about but it is for sure this huge elephant in the room.

If you have ever know some one with this type of depression you can image the fears that come along with it. I have in my head planned out how Cody’s funeral will be and how I will have to call his friends and his family to let them know the bad news and I even know what I will say when I talk about his life.

And each time I think about this I full on cry because I know that even though in the moment of all the drama I am full on head over heels, hold a radio over my head in love with Cody and I will always be.

The night I threw him out. It only took me to the end of the street to turn around and search for him but by then he was gone.

I drove aimlessly around, calling him a billion times on his phone, PANICED, crying hysterically, screaming on the top of my lungs him name until he finally answered his phone and the conversation we had that night made me realize just how vulnerable he really was.

I go back to this night a lot in my head and I think of all my fears that are attached with it but the thing I forget is how strong he really is and how he is secretly funny, how at moments he will randomly sweep me of my feet, how I enjoy nothing more then a nice long laugh with him and how he does everything for me EVERYTHING! he sacrifices so much for me and I take it all for granted.

I fell in love with him the moment we were down in his mothers basement hanging out as “friends” and he turned to me and said “ You look really nice Audrey.” No other boy made a comment so genuine with out expecting something in return.

And when he gave up a Vegas trip with his friends to take me out on our first date that just took my breath away.

And when he held my hand that night at the movies and this spark went through me whole body and I knew that insist that I would MARRY THIS MAN.

And when we were upstairs on his living room couch and he told me that he wished that he was in everyone of those pictures that my mom scrap booked of my childhood because he wished that he had been in every moment my life because he loved me (yes that was the first time he uttered those words to me)

And when he proposed to me and asked me to be his wife and said “ I DO” on June 21, 2007

And when we held each other after Wyatt was born and looked each other in the eyes and said how happy we were I knew that this man this wonderful innocent MAN was the guy that I was born to be in love with and I know that he will do everything in his power to make sure that I am taken care of and that his son is taken care of and for that I thank him more then I can say.

So to those moments of hardship EFF off leave us alone why don’t yah?! let these moments the reasons we love each other over come you because I’m gonna stick with this man I LOVE THIS MAN!

CODY I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD!

And I will try with all my might to look passed my fears and be a better wife to you because you deserve all the happiness that the universe has to offer and I hope that you know that I don’t care about the hard times anymore and if we have more BRING IT ON! because with me sitting here in the early morning I can tell you that my love for you has grown more every year month week day hour minute and second and it will continue to grow for you.

Regardless.

 

 

 

Tweet

Cleaning House

I am a part time stay at home mom and a part time working mom. With that I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the duties that come along with both.
Don’t get me wrong I love staying at home with my son but I also love going to work on the weekends and escaping the mundane chores of keeping a house hold together.

The last couple of months have been very difficult for me. I have been married for two ½ years but I have been together with my husband Cody for 5 ½ years and most of those years have been great but a lot of them have been hard. It’s defiantly a tuff road working on a relationship.

 I started dating Cody when I was 18ish and we got engaged when I was 19 married when I barley turned 21 got pregnant 10 months after.

Now I know if it was up to Cody we wouldn’t have gotten married at such a young age. He always told me that he didn’t think he would get married until he was 25 and he didn’t want kids until 30. But me, being who I am I wanted what I wanted now! NO IFS ANDS OR BUTTS!

So of course for him to stay in this relationship he needed to GIVE ME THAT RING which he did do.

But I do sometimes wonder if he thinks back on that and regrets asking me just to keep me with him. Because there have been fights where he has said that he doesn’t know why he married me and I reply as followed “you are the one who went down on one knee and ASKED I didn’t make you.”

But I did.
I wanted a wedding I wanted that day that every girl dreams of and if it was with him then fine. Don’t get me wrong I did love him then and I do love him now.
I am the type person who when I want something I do whatever I can to get it what I ended up doing to get me a baby was bribing Cody with the thought that he would get a very nice expensive name brand watch.
(It was low I see that now.)


But I wanted a baby and he wasn’t feeling it. So I made him a deal.
Has he gotten a watch that he wanted yet? No, we have a baby to pay for! DUH!
But will he? Maybe.
Can I promise him that he ever will? Probably not.
Does he love his son? Yes, 100%
Did he hold it against me? Yes.
Does he now? I think sometimes he still does.


This past year having a baby that I made damn well sure that I got even though we weren’t that ready caused some problems which made me and Cody lose sight of each other.


I feel like I was 100% meant to be a mother it came easily and natural to me. But to Cody it was the opposite he didn’t know what to do with Wyatt how to hold him refused to change diapers and he never heard him in the middle of the night when he was crying


So I did it 90% of the time on my own.


Cody has always had these “problems” meaning that he has manic depressant anxiety disorder. All though he refuses to admit that he does he does.


When we were at the beginning of our relationship Cody would lock himself in the bathroom and sit in the dark holding himself in the fetal position because I would get mad that he didn’t take out the garbage. So add a baby to the mix and you get someone who doesn’t really help you out.

 But by the time Wyatt was 10 months I couldn’t handle it anymore so I left. But I couldn’t bear to be without Cody So I came back after a week. we both had to take a look back at ourselves and decide what we needed to do to keep us together and to keep our family together. And stop blaming each other and the one thing that requested was for me was to clean.

Clean? You’re asking you self yes, clean.


I am lazy no doubt about it. I don’t care if that sock stays on the floor for a week or if the laundry is still in the dryer. And those dishes piled up? I might get to them I might not.


Maybe just maybe when I have run out of every dish in the house I will consider it.


UGH! Me, thinking to myself about how I need to clean and watch Wyatt and cook dinner and do this and that and blah blah blah… It was overwhelming.


How do I go about this?
How do I have time to do this?
WHY do I have to do this?


But I know that I needed too. I needed to be the wife that Cody wanted and I needed to be better at managing my time.


If I can put my one year old on a schedule then why can’t I put myself on one too?
So who do you go to when you need advice on how to be a housewife?
Your Mom right?


My mom was a stay at home mom with 7 kids so she mastered it all and what she gave me has saved my life.
She handed me a box that held in it a gold mine.

It was a box filled with note cards. The first set of note cards was your “daily tasks” things that must be done every day. The next ones were “weekly task” one thing you do each day such as Monday- clean bathroom Tuesday-clean kitchen (but in detail of exactly how.) and so forth. Next “biweekly” these are the big chores you do every couple of weeks. And then ones that are called “Aladdin cards” these are chores that only take 15 min NO MORE to complete.

I know some of you are asking yourself really?


You need cards to tell you what to do?


YES I DO PEOPLE!


IM LAZY REMEMBER!


Plus I also have 1 year old who consumes my time and then my love for the DVR doesn’t help either.

 Have these cards worked?


Oh yes, just ask Cody


Does He come home to a nice clean house? Yes.


Daily? Eehh… I’m getting there.Tweet