Currently my arms are completely tired and dead asleep after holding my almost 5 year old as I rocked him to sleep tonight for a good hour or so. He had a ruff day. I am unsure why it was so difficult but to him somehow it was. 
After having two days off in a row I think it shocks him when I go back to work and stay there for 8+ hours and come home to pick him up from a day of running errands with his grandma who I guess spent a lot of time at the doctors with grandpa today. Not only was his plans for playing with his new basketball gone but grandma also left his new “cuddle bear” that daddy gave him the day before at her house before setting off to the doctors. Which was awful because he talk a lot about how he missed him.
When we finally got home, I was to tired to hear what he had to tell me and I did the pretend your listen and say “oh uh huh, that's cool.” as I tired to watch TMZ and get the gossip of the stars to drown out the boring day at work from my mind. But then I also pawned him off to go with his daddy to Best Buy so they could browse at the movies and TV's and video games which Wyatt is just like me in that department and hates window shopping or any shopping in general.
By the time he got home from that, it was close to 8pm and he hadn't had dinner yet and it was a complete melt down. Tears, and tears poured down his face as he begged me to just cuddle him. Which I of course did and sang him our “Mr Wyatt song” I made up when he was a baby to make him feel better.
We quickly feed him and then went back onto our night as usual. By this time Cody’s friend was over to watch the basketball. So us adults began to talk which left poor Wyatt to sit and listen again not getting the attention he wanted or needed. The “men” went to the “man cave” to watch the game as I went back to my computer to drown out yet again my self from the world and Wyatt sat on my lap as I again listen half way to what he was saying.
And then it was bed time. I hurried Wyatt into a bath that he hasn't taken for a few days and discovered that he had pooped his pants yet again.
Its been a month of this on going battle with him. He poops and then doesn't tell us which then we discover hours later because of the smell when we hug or play with him and then we get upset because we cant understand why he keeps doing it and we talk and talk and talk his ear off about how he is a big boy now and big boys don't poop in their pants. Which just makes him embarrass and he refuses to listen.
When we potty trained Wyatt he basically did it on his own. No reminding him every hour and not many accidents. He even taught him self how to poop on the potty and rarely had an accident. So with him doing this like how he is this month it is becoming stressful to the point that Cody and I even took the Ipad away from him until he learned to poop in the potty again.
Tonight, I learned that I was treating him like a teenager and not the 4 1/2 year old that he is and I learned it the hard way.
Tonight, when I discovered the accident I did the thing we’ve been doing talking to him, scolding him, embarrassing him not because I got joy in it but because I thought this is what would get him to stop. Of course it hasn't been working so finally after talking and talking, talking at him I stopped and finally asked “What can I do to help you not poop in your undies.” and I waited this time for the answer (because I have asked before but never listened before.) I waited with out talking for a few minutes while he cried and tried hard to get what he wanted to say out.
Finally, I held his head in my hands and look at him dead in the eyes and waited again for the answer. Which he gave in a whole heart desperate needed voice. “I need you to help me by not being mad or mean to me.” Shock and pissed at myself for being this way with him I asked how I could help him and him realizing that I was actually listening this time said. “I want to get something for when I do poop on the potty and not get something taken away went I poop in my undies.” “Like what?” I asked and he said this. “A cuddle from you.” insert my broken heart here. Wow, I thought where have I been? Defiantly not here for my kid.
I agreed to not only a cuddle but to a sticker chart that would show him how many times he actually pooped on the potty and a Movie date prize if he gets 20 stickers. (which he chose the amount of stickers to get.)
We left the bath that night both realizing where we stood. Me, the understanding that even though I am a full time working mom, I am also a full time working MOM and I need to start acting like it again. And him, understanding that he does have the ability to help someone realize that he has needs and they need to be heard and that tonight by being honest like he was that he was in fact heard and that he was in fact loved deeply and so needed.
Parenting is hard. Mistakes will be made regardless but they can also be fixed. And fixed with a lot of love.
Tonight as I rocked him, I took the time to actually rock him and took the time to put my self in check. Work is work but mothering is so much more god damn important and I better get my act together and quick because I got another one on the way and he is coming quicker than I can realize.
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