Stop Talking About 6th Edition Or I'll Burn This Place to the Ground: A Rant

I am starting to see it more and more, now: despite the fact that there are no stated plans to do this, a small but insistent clutch of Internet pundits and YouTube Personalities are calling out for a 6th edition of Dungeons and Dragons. Nate Howe's article on CBR and Professor Dungeon Master on the Dungeon Craft Youtube channel are the most vocal champions, but there are a lot others out there. I'm no Internet influencer or Big Name Personality in the Gaming world, or any other world, really; I'm just a guy with a small following and a 'zine I am working on. But I have to say this, as respectfully as I can, in the hopes that my small cadre of fans might see fit to amply my voice with the following directive: please shut the fuck up about this.

Monty Haul #1 is Alive and Kicking

You can scuttle over to DriveThruRPG right now and pick up a copy here!

Monty Haul #1 is a 'zine dedicated to expanding your options for fantasy table-top role-playing. Issue 1 focuse on magic-users and includes campaign notes on creating magical cities that feel magical, new archetype options for warlocks (the King in Yellow patron), sorcerers (Eldritch Ancestry), and Wizards (the school of Things Man Was Not Meant To Know). 

Two new backgrounds are aslo including, along with a new rule set for dealing with alchemists and apothecaries. A rules light NPC reaction system and a collection of magical pests to plague your mages with rounds out the issue. 48 jam-packed pages in all!

It's a kaleidoscope of usable options, written in a conversational style and grounded in the gaming days of yore. If by "yore" we're talking about the early 1980's, that is. Monty Haul is suitable for discerning DMs and players of the fifth edition of the world's most popular fantasy rpg. 

If you pick up a copy, please let me know what you think. Also, please consider writing a short review on the site. It really does help. Okay, I'm working on issue 2 as we speak! Lots to format. I may not get everything into the issue...what to do, what to do? 

Monty Haul Design Notes: Alchemy, Herbalism, and Poison

One of David Teniers; many paintings of medieval alchemists

I'm going to put a quick PDF doc here (because I like how it's formatted, and blogger will just make it look ugly, see) about what my thinking process was that led me to write new rules for alchemy in 5th edition. I wrote it originally for this blog, and so it's in my conversational style. I did this for a few reasons:

1. for those of you who don't know me, here's a pretty good snapshot of how I write, and also, how I approach game design.

2. Alchemists and Apothecaries are going to be one of the feature pieces in Monty Haul #1, and here's a bit of a preview.

3. The pdf is easier to distribute as a formatted object and it lets you download it now and read it later. Well, I do that; I don't know if anyone else does. But that's how I think, so, there you have it.

Here's the PDF link from my Google Drive: Design Note on Alchemy
Feel free to snag it and check it out at your leisure; it's a quick read. And if you are so moved to back my 'zine, Monty Haul, that would be great, too! It's already funded and right now I am flogging for stretch goals.

Running a Kickstarter is Hard Work

I now know what a helicopter parent feels like. I've been hovering over my computer, hitting the refresh wheel so much it's now just perpetually spinning like the top from Inception.

But there's a reason for the hovering: people expect updates, and things move pretty fast. It's not really scary, but it's certainly daunting. Oh, and there are questions to answer, as well. But it's all for a good cause, because...Monty Haul is a go!

Introducing my 'Zine Quest 2 Project: Monty Haul!

Last year, Kickstarter surprised everyone with a cool little event called Zine Quest, a celebration of the early days of Role-Playing Games and the 'zines that jump-started (and for a while, sustained) the hobby.

Their intention was simple: don't think, just do. Make a 'zine, old school, with folding and stapling and drawing and paste-up and so forth. Take two weeks to raise money for it. Then print it and move on to the next issue, or whatever your jam is.

It was very cool, and it produced some really interesting projects. I'm not the only one who thought so, either. In a stunning move that surprised absolutely no one, they are doing it again. And this time, I'm doing a 'Zine of my own. Meet Monty.

D&D: Your Dice Will be the Death of Me

In anticipation of the newest hardcover book to drop out of the Official Hopper, the rocket surgeons over at Hasbro have let us in on the newest Official Dice Set that is dropping alongside of the book. Here is a picture of that product.

It's nice, right? Good packaging, and clearly based on the last set to come out, which was the Avernus dice for last year's book. Red dice, for devils, and with a felt-lined box and with some bonus cards or a map or some other damn thing that no one cares about. But, whatever. This is fine, right?

So, why do I want to Thunderwave whoever is in charge of their dice program?

Let's back up a bit. Strap in. This is a dice rant.

DIY Corner: Make Your Own Random Tables

It's really a rite of passage: you have these options, these choices, and you want to use them all on your hapless players, but you can't decide, and then all at once, it hits you like a Thunder Wave spell, and you think, "I'll just make a random table! It's easy! I've been listing things off my whole life!"

Then you get started. And you write some stuff down, and then you erase a couple of entries, because you want them to be a the top and bottom of the list, and one thing leads to another and the next thing you know, you've got an unruly mess, but it's a table. Your first. And it's glorious. You think to yourself, "Now, at last, I truly am a Jedi Knight Dungeon Master."

It's a rush, and maybe you think, that was so much fun, I'll do another. And another. And another and another and another, and...then one day, you're writing up some notes for your next game and you realize, "this is just another random table." That's okay, too. But I will always have a soft spot for the all-powerful random table. Few things are as useful and also as easy to create. They can really flavor your game in unique ways because it's 100% created by you.

Since I prefer to work away from the computer for all sorts of neck-beard-y reasons, I wanted to utilize this newfangled technology but still keep it lo-fi whenever possible. So I made this up: It's a worksheet for making d20 (or any other integer) tables. One side has the numbers 1 to 20 listed, and the other half of the sheet is made of graph paper. Why graph paper? Because sometimes I like to make little charts, or draw a dungeon room, or do a little statistical math, and I don't want any of that in the margins of my nice list. Sometimes I want to brainstorm before I make that list. That's where the graph paper comes in. It soothes my fevered brow. Let's me organize my scrambled thoughts. Helps me see the problem a little clearer.

When I'm done brainstorming and mucking about, I can write my d20 (or any other integer) list, taking time to put the entries where I like them, and then if I want, I can fold that scratch sheet back and run the table, as is. Clean and simple.

It's not much, but it's free. If you can use it, be my guest.

Most recently, I decided I wanted my group to actively conscript their crew for their ship, but I didn't want to waste a lot of table time on it. So I made a list of 20 candidates, with just a basic string of information and one personality characteristic that I could throw at them when they met the crew member. I had each player roll and tell me the result, and I did a little interaction with each crew member. It worked very well and helped establish for them that these crew members were NPCs and not cannon fodder. They've all got a favorite, too. God help me if a mutiny breaks out.

So, that's the DIY Corner for this we--

"But Mark, what about d30 tables!?"

Well? What about them?

"Those are totally a thing, too, you know!"

Yeah, I know, but the d20 tables are so much cleaner. So very...

"But you put a picture of that old-as-dirt Armory d30 table book up there! What are we supposed to think?"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: d30 dice are the Spinal Tap of polyhedral dice.

Me: You've got percentile dice, you've got d20s, what do you need the d30 for?

Nigel: Well, it's ten more, innit? You're rolling dice, you get to twenny, there's nowhere else to go, so what do you do?

Me: You reach for the D30.

Nigel:  Exactly. The D30.

Me: But what if you just used percentile dice, or maybe cut your choices back to the top 20 and have a kick-ass d20 list instead?

Nigel:...this is a d30.

*Sigh*

Okay. Fine. Here. It's a d30 Table Worksheet. Orientation is different, but the concept is the same. Don't say I never did anything for you, Nigel.

My Thoughts on Consent in Gaming

I wanted to do this on Facebook, but the comments have been shut down. So I'm going to crap on my own front porch to make this point.

Over in one of the Conan RPG Gaming Groups, someone excitedly posted a link to this new free book that was just released called Consent in Gaming. It's co-written by Sean K Reynolds and Shanna Germain and published by Monte Cook.  This free PDF is available on Cook's website and at DrivethruRPG.com (click on link to get). But what is it?

It's a short read that outlines strategies for dealing with controversial or potentially problematic situations and themes at your gaming table. It spells out a basic code of conduct for players and GMs that they can adopt and talks about the underpinnings of why this is important. The last page is a handout you can give to players during a Session Zero that asks if there's any topics or subjects they'd rather not have to deal with.

Apparently, some folks are upset. I've only seen the folks on the Conan RPG Gaming Group, but one guy jumped in and said, more or less, "So what? Big Deal. Historical barbarians raped, and they're gonna rape in games, and people shouldn't be upset about them raping in games, because it's just a game, and rape rape rape rape rapeity rape. Oh, and Rape. Cucks." *

A couple of people got behind this sentiment, but even more folks quickly tried to hammer away at that brilliantly-executed and insightful statement, the male misogynist gamer's version of "fuck you, I'mma get mine." But--get this--before everyone could dog pile on him, he rage-quit the group.

The cronies quickly changed their tune to "Look at how upset the libtards got, ooooo, so funny."

That's when the thread got closed down. I missed all of the action. From the posts I'm seeing, there are a bunch of Bro-heims  and Older Gamers venturing into Greybeard territory out there really pissed that this thing even exists. They are offended that it was written, thinks that this is what's wrong with the world today, and then they vomit up a few words designed to start a fight because they would rather throw shit at their fellow gamers than stop to take a deep breath and realize that NOT EVERYTHING IS AIMED AT YOU.

Clearly: if you're a guy, with a group you've been playing with for twenty years, and it's the same four assholes, and y'all grew up together, and your campaign is held together with the bonds of mutual shame and degradation, then no, this is probably not something you need.

But what if you're a new GM? Maybe you've been in the hobby six months, and your only interactions have been poorly-run Wednesday night Adventurer's League games as the Android's Dungeon? What if you're trying to start a D&D game in your high school and you have watched a shit-ton of videos on YouTube but you're still not quite sure if your homemade GOR setting is right for the Millard Fillmore High School Drama Club?

I wonder, he said aloud, if maybe--just maybe--when playing with a group of strangers--if some of the things in that book wouldn't be useful to new players? Or old players gaming with new people?

In today's world, with all kinds of people bumping into one another, and D&D being one of the more popular Geek Activities at the moment, I can think of a dozen situations right off the bat where it's a good idea to have a few basic ground rules (really not much more off-putting than common courtesy) in place for dealing with strangers. In several of the gaming groups I'm in, new players will routinely post that they had a weird experience with the a game or a player or a DM and the crowdsourced solution is almost always found in a lack of communication or a mis-communication or someone unwilling to communicate for whatever reason. Consent in Gaming goes a long way towards solving that problem.

Okay, I can see that a couple of you aren't convinced. You probably have used the word "cuck" un-ironically in a sentence. Well, I'm a first generation gamer, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that if such a document were presented to me, and I were asked to note anything that might make me uncomfortable for the upcoming horror game we were all about to play, I would use it right away because of this: My wife has cancer right now. We're fighting it. And it sucks.  So, follow my train of thought, here--when I go play role-playing games, I want to turn my screaming brain off for four hours and play the game. I don't want to think about my family's situation. That is 100% why I am playing in the first place.

That form has a blank for Cancer. I would check it. Because I don't want to talk about cancer in the game. I don't want to deal with cancer in the game. Not right now. Not while I'm dealing with it elsewhere.

You're getting hung up on the word "consent." And truthfully, I think it's a problematic word that they are trying to do too much with, here. But the general thrust of the idea is this: if I don't want to deal with cancer in the game, I shouldn't have to.

Now, any real and reasonable GM would simply avoid those topics completely. But there's a lot of realworld stuff out there that you may not be thinking about because it's not your experience. Any reasonable person would say, "Of course, Mark, no problem. It's not likely to come up but I'll make sure that it doesn't."

Because that's just being a nice person.

But if you're the guy out there who is currently standing in the digital town square with your dick waving in the wind, screaming, "You know what? You don't like it, tough titties! It's my game, I'll run it how I want to, and if you can't handle it, you've got the problem, not me, Snowflake!" If that's you, right now, then you can fuck right off. This is a hobby. It's supposed to be fun. And this kvetching and moaning and feeling like you're being yelled at, when in fact, you aren't, and never were? That's all you, making this not fun.

NOTES
* Okay, that's not really what he said. In deference to this guy, a person I don't know, I'm going to quote him exactly so that you get the proper context for this:

Bahahahaha yes bevause savages and barbarians follow the rules. Wtf is this liberal cuck bullshit. Barbarians rape pillage and burn. So thats what they gonna continue doing thank you very much.

This was almost immediately followed up with:
.....stfu, i dont care about how you view your modern day version of conan, barbarians raped pillaged and killed as a living. Its what they did from the sacking of rome to the pillaging of the nordic countrysides, whats left behind after a barbarian or savage raid is death, destruction and lots of raped women and captives. Because thats actual history. So if you want any sort of historical accuracy youd play as savages and barbarians and not this la dee da version of conan meant for liberals.

So, you know, a reasonable argument.

RPGaDay 2019: 23 Surprise

Oh, what the hell.  It's Friday.

I wasn't going to do this just yet, but hey...SURPRISE! It's an archetype from my own home-grown campaign setting for you to peruse and swipe if you like. My world has a lot of complicated old gods, and this particular thief archetype is an exploitation of that very fact. Click the link below to get it.

Thief Archetype: The Divine Archaeologist

This is a spell-casting thief, with an emphasis on utility spells, such as hiding, running, and transporting heavy objects. That's why the Divine Archaeologist also gets a second fourth level spell, and a fifth first level spell at Level 20, unlike the Arcane Trickster.

There is also an "Indiana Jones" component to the Divine Archaeologist; the clever fellow who has read up on the temples of the blood god and knows that every treasure room has a pressure plate right...there...or, maybe it was there...? I wanted the skills to reflect someone who learned a lot about ancient history, but little else. The notebook seemed like a good way to reflect that, with the added incentive of it being potentially stolen the night before a major temple raid.

My intention is to talk more about my campaign and the stuff I've done to 5th edition to accommodate my brilliant ideas and grandiose vision.

And Just for Grins, here's all of the other tidbits of homebrew and campaign stuff I've shared since the beginning of this 31 day challenge, in case you missed anything.

5e Background: Bureaucrat

5e Background: Exterminator

5e Background: Pilgrim

Familiars--Homebrew

Alternate Critical Hit System for 5e

Dilettante

Disgraced Noble

Knight Errant

Noble House Random Generator

RPGaDay 2019: 20 Noble

One of my favorite Erol Otus characters.

As much as I love the Backgrounds system in D&D 5e, a few of the options are hit and miss for me. The most egregious misfire to me is the Noble. I can see why they wanted to include it in the Player’s Handbook but I think that as it is written, it tries to do too much in the limited framework it has and as a result, it doesn’t do enough.  In a section with soldiers, local heroes, and urchins, the extra lifting and gymnastics required to make the noble work without setting one player high above the others is a little outside the scope of new DMs.

My solution to this was to split the noble background up into three distinct categories.

The Dilettante -Someone who comes from wealth but isn’t interested in being wealthy, or at least, do not want to live their life according to their family's expectations. This is for role-players who want lots of family interaction as the filial obligations of their upbringing can potentially clash with their adventuring career. I was specifically looking for a way to create a D&D version of Bertram Wilberforce Wooster and this pretty much covers it. 

The Disgraced Noble- I think this is the closest in function to what the PHB was trying to do with this background. The difference is mainly that this background really leans into it. It’s good for plotting and hooking players into the story, as there are plenty of options, secrets, and interesting bits to tease out. It should be noted that the Disgraced portion of the background can come from any  source; as simple as “you joined the bard college against the wishes of your family” to something like Athos, from The Three Musketeers. 

This background also works well for setting the kinds of political situations that were the bread and butter on Game of Thrones. Tyrian Lannister is a disgraced noble in the eyes of his father because he drinks and whores and plays the part of the imp. Jaime Lannister is a disgraced noble because he killed the king he swore to protect. 

Bill may very well kill me for using this.

The Knight Errant— for all of you paladins and cavaliers out there, here’s a background that is right up your alley, supporting action and combat, with plenty of things to do, and as silly (Lancelot in Monty Python and the Holy Grail) or as serious (Robin Hood) as you want to make it.

Breaking them up along these lines makes the player choices more nuanced and also better supports most, if not all, character classes. The Warlock Dilettante, for example, might have stumbled into his patronage during one of his fantastic benders. The Warlock Disgraced Noble clearly brought shame upon his house by invoking dark magicks, and the Warlock Knight Errant is a monster-hunting tyrant-killing man of the people. All of them come from this noble class, but they actualize it in very different ways.

Anyway, that’s my fix for the Noble. I’d love to hear any feedback you may have on these backgrounds. Share your thoughts, people.

As a bonus--call it a "thank you," if you will, for all of the great responses and shares I've gotten from all of  you, I've included my Noble House Random Generator. It will build you a family history with just a few die rolls. You can grab free PDFs of the "Expanded Noble" backgrounds below:

Dilettante

Disgraced Noble

Knight Errant

Noble House Random Generator

Try these out and let me know what you think.

RPGaDay 2019: 18 Plenty

I have plenty of dice. If I never bought dice again for the rest of my life, I’d never want for any more dice. In fact, I’m going to say something that I never thought I’d say: I have too many dice.

This is tantamount to heresy and is punishable by excommunication. I know this, and yet, I would have you hear me out, for this is not a situation of my own making. It’s not my fault. I am not weak.

It’s the dice maker’s fault. Aha! J’ACCUSE!

Allow me to elucidate: The industry standard for a set of dice looks something like this, right?

Seven dice. One of each polyhedral: d4, d6, d8, d10, %d10, d12, and d20.

You buy those dice and you think, “I’m set! Now I can finally play D&D, just like my favorite movie stars!”

Only, the first game you play, you quickly realize that you need 2 d20s, because, let’s face it’s easier to roll two dice and take the higher number than it is to roll one die twice. 

Two sets, then. Probably way more dice than you'll ever need. But whatever, NOW you can play the game!

What's that? Rolling up characters? With what? FOUR six-sided dice? Who do they think you are, anyway, a Rockefeller?  

Well, then, you need three—no, four d6 dice, because, you know, characters.

But the other dice? You can just borrow those. Cool. No problem.

Oh, you’re playing a wizard? With Magic Missile? 

*sigh* 

Can everyone please pass their d4s to the new guy?

 See what I mean? So a new player doesn’t need just one set. They need two sets, minimum. That’ll get you maybe halfway there, which isn’t bad, but it’s not great, either.

You really need three—no, four sets of dice in order to cover the full range of what you can expect in a campaign that goes up to level five. That will get you character builder dice, plus enough spell damage dice for whatever you’re throwing, or extra feature dice like for bardic inspiration or battle maneuvers.

Unfortunately, you will end up with some dice you don’t need. Like this.

So, in conclusion, I have a lot of dice, but it’s not my fault.

If I were a dice manufacturer, I would over a set of dice that is designed specifically for actual D&D play, and I would advertise it as such. Here’s what it would look like:

3 d4

4 d6

2 d8

2 d10 + 1 %d

1 d12
2 d20

15 dice, total.

That’s a bare minimum number to ensure that you can cast anything, use all features, make characters, and roll with Advantage or Disadvantage.

Now, any veteran player knows that the above list is a good one, but it’s not comprehensive. Here’s the real and true numbers for seasoned campaigners:

5   d4

10 d6

4   d8

3   d10 + 1%d

2   d12

2   d20

=27 dice.

I know, it’s a lot more than 7 dice in that little acrylic box. And the numbers are weird, but you have to trust me, this is not unreasonable. I know a lot of people who keep a separate set of 4d6 dice just for character building.

To be totally fair, some dice manufacturers are making overtures already by including 2 d20s or 4 d6s (or both!) in their starting set. It’s a nice idea and for an introductory set, need not be super expensive. 

This is the set of dice that come with the new D&D Essentials box set. They are simple, well-made, easy to read, and functional for a starting player right out of the box. It’s not hard to do!

In conclusion, I think you’ll agree that none of this is my…what’s that? Those Kickstarter dice I just backed? Well, those are very different, aren’t they? It’s a whole other motif, and…wait, what are you doing? DICE JAIL!? That’s not for people! Wait! Stop! I’ll be good! I Prooooooooomiiiiiiiiise…

RPGaDay 2019: 15 Door

Erol Otus, ladies and gentlemen. 

 DM:                       There’s a door to your left. It’s about eight feet tall, and about five feet—

PLAYERS:             We go left. Through the door.

DM:                        Don’t you want to listen at the door first?

PLAYERS:             We’ll just kill whatever’s in there.

DM:                        Okay, well, the door is locked.
PLAYERS:             I attack it with Thunder Wave. (rolls dice) 19 points of damage!

DM:                        (sigh)

Few dungeon trappings are more iconic than the door. The alpha and the omega, the apex and the nadir and oh Gods and Monsters can we just get on with it?

The closed and locked door no longer captivates like it once did, back when dungeons were an existential labyrinth. Years ago, I had a player who tapped every door with a ten foot pole, you know, “in case it was trapped.” Every door. When I broke his ten foot pole during a melee encounter, he obligingly started shooting every door with an arrow, you know, “in case it was a mimic.”

These kids today, boy, I tell you what…

Video Games have ruined a generation of gamers for listening at doors and picking locks and all of that cool detail-oriented stuff we did when the world was young. Now it’s just kick and punch. My not-so radical solution is to get rid of the doors completely. That is, only put a door in front of them when they hit something you need to surprise them with, or a cool set piece, or something memorable of that nature. Doors they can’t immediately break through, and doors they certainly don’t want to just barge through. Some examples:

The door is an arch filled with opaque mist.

The door is a thick, heavy curtain that muffles sound.

The door is actually a window made from Wizard Glass, crystal clear and difficult (but not impossible) to break.

The door is a different brick pattern that irises open and closed when a command word is uttered.
The door has an illusion spell on it that makes the interior of the room appear very different from what’s really inside.

There is no door, but all of the openings into every room are centered on the wall so that there is space on either side of the door for, um, furniture, or statues, or anything that might cast a shadow across the floor, or NOT, as the case may be.

I realize that a lot of these things sound like traps, and that’s because they certainly can be. I think it’s fair game to take a weakness in the party and exploit it one time for fun—and to learn, too, of course. I don’t propose you kill anyone with a rigged door, but I think a properly rigged door in the right place—say, a treasure room or private library—would benefit from resisting the standard “we kick it open and rush in.”

I miss the ten-foot pole days. Mostly I just miss ten-foot poles. 

Old school Sutherland art. From B1. As Basic as Basic gets. What's that guy carrying? Ten Foot Pole.

RPGaDay 2019: 14 Guide

This is a good product. Smart design.

The newest iteration of Dungeons & Dragons now includes rules for sidekicks. 

These are three simplified archetypes, the warrior (fighter), the expert (rogue), and the spell caster. These simplified character classes are easy to play, easy to follow, and do the workman’s job of propping up a narrative conceit. It’s good. Well, it’s fine. Okay.

I do it a little differently, and have for years. You still get to the same place, but there’s more variety and also some player agency. When the adventurers embark on their epic mission, they get a zero-level character. He’s got regular stats, four hit points, and one proficiency—usually the thing he can do.

That zero-level character joins the party, and works and behaves as normal. Typically that means he's the guide into the mountains or the cook or the stable boy, or whatever. He gets 1 X.P. each week that he stays alive. If he mixes it up or swings a sword or almost drowns but is saved by a party member, he gets 2 X.P.

At 25, the zero-level character becomes a first level…well, it depends on how the traveling is going. Are the players actively keeping the NPC alive? Who’s doing most of the protecting? Who does the NPC not like, and why. Using the existing character classes in the party, and looking at the adventures the NPC has participated in, I make a small list and randomly roll for it to see what the NPC will become.

And what’s interesting about that in a meta-game sort of way is this: you can create the new NPC’s background whole cloth out of the adventures your party has already been having. This really makes the character feel real and also ensures that he’s not left behind by the other players.

In the last game I ran, the cartographer’s guild hired the gang to clear out the cursed forest, and map the area and look for trade routes as you go. They were to be paid by the miles covered.

None of my miscreants had anything resembling mapmaking or wilderness survival skills so the cartographer’s guild sent a gifted apprentice along to help with the mapmaking. It was made abundantly clear that no harm was to befall the mapmaker, or they would not get paid.

With the motive and incentive clearly established, I sent them into the woods. Every week that Paidric the mapmakers stayed alive, he got one experience point. If he was in danger but escaped harm, he got two experience points. Their battle plans soon included a “where’s Paidraic” component. Would they squirrel him away from the fight, or just keep him in the back of the group?

When he finally racked up his 25 points, I did some calculating as to what he’d likely decide to be and it was pretty obvious that he needed to be a cleric of knowledge. So Paidraic the mapper became Paidraic the learned.  Mind you, by this time he was two levels below the player characters, and that was okay. He still mapped, and also healed, and helped them with puzzles when they got stuck.

It occurs to me that I could still utilize this system, and then transition over into a Sidekick instead of a fully realized character sheet. And that’s just what I am gonna do.

RPGaDay 2019: 12 Friendship

Starting a party of newly-created adventurers off was never easy, especially back when everyone had to have their own reasons to just happen to be in that particular tavern when the merchant comes barging in the door, saying he was robbed. This is doubly difficult if your players are of the “extra special” kind, with unique circumstances and strange NPCs and none of it goes with anything else and you have to struggle to make some kind of connection, however tenuous, to get the party started.

When the hobby was young, no one in Lake Geneva cared how they all knew each other. They had willingly skipped ahead to chapter five when they all agreed to help out the merchant, for suitable compensation, of course.

It was also assumed that, once the merry band of psychopaths got together and killed some shit, they would grow to love one another in the classic spree killer/couple killer idiom; great minds think alike, and all that jazz. It’s one of the reasons why the thief became the rogue and stealing your party’s loot became a no-no with every edition going forward.

A good game from a good company.

During the lean years, when everyone else was making better D&D than the people who owned the game, a company called Dungeon Crawl Classics, came out with one of the first Old School D&D clones, a deliberate throw-back to the first edition of the game, with a few notable style twists. It’s very much worth checking out for all kinds of reasons, but the thing I want to talk about is probably one of the best ideas to come out of the Old School Renaissance: the funnel.

I first heard about this at a Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association National Conference some years ago, before I was fully back in the hobby. The Pulps Studies scholars had made friends with the Game Studies scholars and we were talking D&D and someone suggested we just play. So we grabbed an empty conference room, handed out characters and went for it.

It was pretty cool, to say the least, but we were discussing this idea of the funnel and it was like a light went off in my head; players roll up not one, but four characters who are ZERO level. Minimal hit points, no skills, no real stats, nothing else. Just an occupation and maybe, if you’re lucky, a tool to go with it. Cannon fodder.

The idea is simple: all of these zero level characters are from the same place. They all, together, as a group, banned together to investigate some thing that has happened to threaten the safety of the village. Orcs raiding, daughter goes missing, livestock being murdered, you get the idea.

These zero level characters, out of a sense of little more than civic duty, agree to hurl themselves into danger and possibly—make that, certainly—death. In fact, that’s the point. With an average of 2 or 3 hit points, a single hit from a goblin sword is lethal. Oh, sure, three or four zero level characters with rocks and sticks can overcome a goblin, but not before it kills one of the group.

That’s the funnel. It's a game of attrition, like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory Tour. Start with a lot of zero level characters, and at the end of the adventure, you have a few left. They have survived the harrowing ordeal, but at a cost. They watched their friends die, they felt a sense of helplessness when they couldn’t do something, and felt a strong sense of accomplishment for having stayed alive.

Those survivors, then, become the players’ first level characters. If a player has more than one zero-level character, they choose which one they want to use. Their background is a shared thing, and now when they leave the village and strike out on their own, there’s all sorts of compelling reasons why they are adventuring together in the first place.

It’s a cool idea, right? And I can tell you from experience, it’s a hum-dinger way to start a campaign. The game I am currently running used a funnel to get the group together, and it was glorious. For starters, there’s a kind of freedom in not getting too attached to these smaller characters, even though the players all picked favorites anyway. But as a DM, it’s okay to kill these guys. In fact, it’s expected. So you don’t shirk from the crocodile damage when it does eight points, twice what the zero-level guy has, and you make it a spectacular death with the character getting pulled into the swamp, kicking and screaming.

The players, weirdly, loved the deaths, as much as they loved staying alive. Probably because it’s kind of a rarity in D&D. As their ranks thinned out, they started focusing and taking more time to plan and scheme.

After it was over, while we were all brainstorming on background details, everyone’s bonds, ideals, and flaws all revolved around the loss of their friends, or how important friendship was to them, or how they care only about the friends they have and everyone else comes second, and they are playing those details, as well. It’s been glorious. No inter-party skulduggery; they all saved each other’s lives before they learned how to fight and cast spells. No one else gets them like their buddies do. It’s their friendship that keeps the party together.

There are some great examples of funnels out there, but I found this one to be particularly helpful: Fifth Edition Funnel. You can also pick up a copy of Dungeon Crawl Classics and convert their funnel system to your own needs. I recommend starting your next campaign with it, just to shake things up, but also to nip inter-party squabbling in the bud. 

RPGaDay 2019: 7 Familiar

One of the best reasons to be a wizard, back in the days when you had to fend off triceratops on your way to the hobby shop in the mall (I know, I’m speaking in tongues right now), was that you got a familiar at first level (or second, if your DM was being a stickler for those material components). The familiar was a staple of high fantasy and fairy tales, true, but in AD&D, it meant up to four additional hit points—and at first level, that was a HUGE deal. It also meant you got some extra sensory bonuses and, if you were really lucky, you might get a magical familiar that would certainly be a benefit in those early levels as you struggled to stay at the back of the party and not get killed.

5th edition familiars are, by comparison, a little lacking in pizzazz.  Sure, it’s cheaper to cast the spell, and you get more animals to choose from, but they are not special in that way that they are all either celestials, fey, or fiends, as you choose. They still look like a harmless li'l bat, but trust me, they are evil!

You don’t get to add hit points, and you aren’t penalized when the familiar dies. In fact, you can dump it into a hyperpocket whenever you want. It’s potentially useful, but given the expanded list of familiar chdices (including bat, cat, crab, frog, hawk, lizard, octopus, owl, poisonous snake, fish, rat, raven, sea horse, spider, or weasel—but NOT the quasit, brownie, or imp) and the fact that they are all interchangeable, well, who cares about a familiar in fifth edition?

My solution is to bring a little first edition into the spell. Below is the link to my write-up for Familiars. It’s free for you to use. Click here to get it.

Familiars--Homebrew 

If you’d like some more inspiration on how to handle familiars, I would highly recommend the Vlad Taltos series of books by Steven Brust. His titular character has a small flying lizard (a Jhereg) named Loiosh and their relationship is amazing and should give you plenty of examples for how to run a wizard with a familiar.

Also, there’s a great novel by Roger Zelazny called A Night in the Lonesome October. I can’t recommend it strongly enough. A great book about what the help gets up to when the masters are away.

Reviewing Strongholds & Followers

 I have been a little busy with real world stuff these past couple of months—the kind of things that are health-related—and so I have not been as active on the blog as I would like. Sorry about that. But I am still working, writing, and thinking about gaming and Dungeons & Dragons in particular. To that end, I will point you to Matt Colville’s YouTube channel, because he eats, sleeps, and breathes this stuff and I find myself in agreement with him, like, 98% of the time, when it comes to running D&D games. This is very likely because we are about the same age and have experienced many of the same things, and also we have very similar tastes regarding First Edition Stuff (such as Appendix N) and how we use it in gaming.

Colville is also very sincere and genuine in his discussions (really a monograph) of running and playing D&D. It shows, and it’s one of the things that makes him so likeable. It almost makes me forgive him for mispronouncing “archetype” every single time he says it.

Reviewing Art & Arcana

You have probably seen or heard about this massive tome on The Internets or maybe seen a review on The YouTubes. Art & Arcana is a ginormous, too-big-for-a-coffee-table Coffee Table book that's really a giant victory lap of sorts for the World's Most Popular Role-Playing Game. Not in a bad way.

This product was released in two versions; the one pictured on the left, a whatever Amazon is charging for it these days $50 investment that is equal parts revisionist history and art and marketing survey. For old-timers, there is a lot of "Oh, I remember that!" and "That's my favorite Module Art!" moments, along with company history that manages to be earnest in not quite dishing the dirt, but happily pointing out the quirks. It's big, it's heavy, it's hard to read. But for those of you who want something a little more upscale, read on, McDuff...

My Unasked-For Thoughts on 5e

Well, they certainly solved the question of
scale. That's a second-level cleric.
I kid! I kid the Player's Handbook.
It's really a third level cleric.

It’s obvious, I think, to everyone reading this blog that I’m currently playing and creating in the fifth iteration of Dungeons & Dragons, or 5e, as the kids call it these days. Part of this was an economic convenience in that it’s what’s out right now, and also one borne of necessity, i.e. that’s what all of the content is aimed at. But it doesn’t HAVE to go down that way, right? I mean, there are a metric shit-ton of Old School inspired systems out there, all using some version of the Basic/Expert edition of D&D or the first edition of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Or, if I wanted something insanely commercial, there’s Pathfinder, which is D&D 3.5 re-skinned.  Oh, who am I kidding? There’s no way in HELL I would inflict Pathfinder on anyone. I’m not a monster.

But that brings up another factor: I have been running games for newcomers to tabletop role-playing games. Twelve new players in all, spread over several games and campaigns, each one of them familiar with the subject matter, but have never rolled funny-shaped dice before in their lives. Is the current version of D&D a good “first RPG” experience for newcomers?

Playing Games, Part 8: Just When I Thought I Was Out...

Nobody does Pacino from Godfather 3. They all do
Silvio doing Pacino from Godfather 3. 

Several years ago, I was employed by a homeschooling family as their creative arts teacher for one of their kids; a smart, funny, creative young man who was a little shy and needed help with his verbal and language skills. When he was younger, I was initially reading comics with him, which we both got a kick out of. Now that he was older now, he was into video games and Skyrim and all of that stuff. So, I thought, let’s kill a few birds with one stone and try Dungeons and Dragons first edition. He really took to it, and I re-discovered, I did, too.