Alas, I actually wanted to publish this
piece on The Trib, but it was pointed out to me that it would not be worth
antagonizing the Puritans sulking in the shadows over there. So, since they avoid coming over here as much
as most of you-all avoid going over there (I swear that there has not been a
new case of the plague reported on either site in years) you have the distinct
honor of being the first to hear that I really do love my Uncle Alice.
In all fairness to the Puritans, there is a
danger to having too much fun with the dark side [Jude 1:8-10], but since it
should be quite obvious that there is very little truly serious about Uncle
Alice’s act, I am fairly sure that he will not be inspiring anyone to start
worshipping the devil anytime soon, nor has he ever done so before. Besides, our Heavenly Father is well able to
prove that the devil and his demons do indeed exist, but of what value is His
counsel to those who do not want to believe it?
Now, just for the sake of clarity, do not
confuse Uncle Alice with Uncle Albert.
The following should help with that, and if I have already contributed
to some head-spinning, please accept that I am so sorry.
Uncle Albert
Paul McCartney
We're so sorry
Uncle Albert
We're so sorry if
we caused you any pain
We're so sorry
Uncle Albert
But there's no one
left at home
And I believe I'm gonna
rain
We're so sorry
But we haven't
heard a thing all day
We're so sorry
Uncle Albert
But if anything
should happen
We'll be sure to
give a ring
We're so sorry
Uncle Albert
But we haven't done a bloody thing all day
We're so sorry
Uncle Albert
But the kettle's on the boil
And we're so easily called away
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
Admiral Halsey
notified me
He had to have a
berth
Or he couldn't get
to sea
I had another look
And I had a cup of
tea
And a butter pie
Butter pie
Couldn't put it in
something else
So I poured it in
the pie
All right
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
Live a little
Be a gypsy
Get around
Get around
Get your feet up off
the ground
Live a little
Get around
Live a little
Be a gypsy
Get around
Get around
Get your feet up off
the ground
Live a little
Get around
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
Hands across the
water
Water
Heads across the
sky
If
you still have your doubts about just how sorry I am, you can go ask another
Alice. That is, if you are willing to
chase her down the rabbit hole.
White Rabbit
Jefferson Airplane
One pill makes you
larger
And one pill makes
you small
And the ones that
mother gives you
Don't do anything
at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet
tall
And if you go
chasing rabbits
And you know you're
going to fall
Tell 'em a
hookah-smoking caterpillar
Has given you the
call
Call Alice
When she was just
small
When the men on the
chessboard
Get up and tell you
where to go
And you've just had
some kind of mushroom
And your mind is
moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know
When logic
And proportion
Have fallen sloppy
dead
And the White
Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's
off with her head
Remember
What the dormouse
said
Feed your head
Feed your head
To
be quite honest about it, I am not sure if the entrance to Alice’s rabbit hole is
anywhere near her restaurant, but it might not hurt to take a look. On the other hand, the simple fact of me
being too lazy to edit and include the lyrics to Arlo Guthrie’s song about it
should be all of the proof anyone should ever need to determine just how sorry
I truly am. Nonetheless, I would highly
recommend you taking the time to give the song a listen.
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