“Come Monday…” is a
weekly series that will involve a review of (or commentary about) websites,
movies, documentaries, television shows, sports, music, and whatever else may
tickle my fancy at the time. Be assured
that these reviews will be generally positive, as in accordance to the Jimmy
Buffett song “Come Monday.” This is
subject to change, however. In fact, I
would be most derelict in my duties to neglect going on a rant every once in a
while. For rants promote change, and
change can be good—right? Therefore,
since good is generally considered as being a positive force in 99.3% of the
parallel universes that I am aware of, even a rant could be considered as being
something positive, and a genuine hissy-fit would be even better (so I’m told).
This
started out to be a confession of the fact that I am about as
grammatically-hypocritical as one can be.
For over the years, I have been quick to think of those who would dare
call my use of the English languish into question as being Grammar
Nazis—especially when they had nothing to say about what I had been trying to
say at the time. Yet, here I find myself
struggling to focus upon the content of others after I see that they do not see
a need for the use of capital letters, such as: yet, here i find myself
struggling to focus upon the content of others after i see that they do not see
a need for the use of capital letters.
Will
commas and periods be the next to go?
Yet, I hate the use of them in song lyrics and most poetry.
Alas,
is it not ironic that English has been established as the universal language of
commerce when it is such an extremely difficult language to master? For “a meeting of the minds” is needed before
a contract can be legally in place, and with English having so many different
words meaning the same thing and completely different things—depending upon the
context, is it not no wonder that the legal profession has become so lucrative? Hey, be assured that if a criminal conviction
can be set aside on account of a clerical error, which most certainly includes improper
grammar, so can an iron-clad contract be broken on the same account.
The
blame has to rest squarely upon the shoulders of school bullies. For they love to make life miserable for
nerdy types, and nerdy types are the ones who determine that one uses who when referring
to the subject of a clause in a sentence, and whom when referring to the object
of a clause.
I
am, of course, just kidding about the blame resting upon the shoulders of
bullies. For the often asinine
complexities to the English language are all part of our Heavenly Father’s plan
for life in this world, but so very few want to hear anything about that—right? Therefore, I will move along to something
else.
So,
what do you think of my first foray into post-modern impressionism? I call it, Blue Smear on White, and I am sure
that it will be worth millions when I become quite famous or the American dollar
is devalued enough.
Speaking
of revenge of the nerds, have you tried actually using an Adobe Photoshop
Elements program? Now, there is no
questioning of just how much can be done with one, but being able to actually do something
is another thing entirely.
Maybe
it’s just me? For many others must not
mind having to take 47 steps in some very dark shadows before they can do something
as simple as draw a straight line or Adobe would not have been able to sell
millions of copies of the program.
Adding
all the more to my creative constipation has been the Photoshop Elements 9 for
Dummies book that I purchased to help me understand the vast mysteries to be
beheld, and I soon discovered that one cannot find what they are looking for in
the book unless they know just exactly what they are looking for. For before one gets to the part about how to
add and enhance text to an image, they must first wade through a lot of other “stuff”
that may or may not have anything to do with it. Furthermore, when one actually finds the part
about how to add and enhance text, it is choked full of references to other
things that may or may not have anything to do with adding and enhancing text.
Come
on now, if one wanted to learn how to just drive a tractor-trailer rig across
the street from such a book, they would have to wade through pages upon pages
on how the brake system works before they could find how to simply release them. No, you don’t even want to get started on how
to start the engine—let alone how to give it more fuel!
On
the other hand, maybe you do, and I can see where providing so much information
can be beneficial. For in order to
operate a tractor-trailer rig in a safe and proper manner, one needs to know as
much about everything that has to do with it as they possibly can, but for a
novice merely wanting to do one or two very simple things, I’ll stick with Microsoft Word and/or Paint for now.
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