an old touchstone still valid

Short useful word bits are my touchstones, amazingly helpful reminders to self about aspects and points of view that would otherwise be easily lost when the going gets difficult or weird. When down visiting family, they found my reliance on "sayings" amusing, we ended up calling them the Platitudes of St Fjorlief (inappropriate in so many ways to be sure, but it was funny at the time)

For complicated reasons, an old, long, quote was niggling at the back of my mind on the trip home. My memory gave me the first two lines, and the last two, but the sandwich filling in the middle was missing; remembered to be Very Useful, but occluded by the cloudy waters of years passing. Internet searches were not helpful, and today, while up on the ladder de-gunking the back door guttering, a flash of insight sent me (once indoors and washed) to look in my old journals.

Copied out, to keep for always, in the little green book (September 1982 to August 1984) that starts just before the wonderful cross-country Green Tortoise trip and ends just before my ill-starred return to Boston, and John, and living on the street...

Let me see if I can explain it -

I love you but I'm not "in love".

That means I see you as you are,

not through a fog of romantic fantasies.

That means I don't need anything from you,

my love is independent of the things you do or say.

I love just who you are,

and there is nothing you can do,

(or fail to do) to lose my love.

It means I take delight in you and like to be with you,

but feel no painful yearning in the times when we're apart.

I'm smiling when I think of you,

but I don't need you presence to exist.

It is a pleasure to do things for you,

but I don't feel compelled to earn your love that way.

I want for you that you feel strong and self-sufficient,

that you don't feel dependent in any way on me.

I hope that I can be there for you when you need me,

but if I can't help you, I will not feel guilty.

It also means that I can never doubt your love for me,

it does not have to equal mine;

I understand that you love me from the place where you are now.

I am not threatened by your growth,

but rather will rejoice to see you more and more alive.

Because I love you I cannot permit you to be less than what you are,

and will do everything I can to help you get there,

even if that means that I must stay away from you.

"I love you" means that you are not my love,

but you're my friend.

- Lee Price