Top 10: On the Road to the Bar Mitzvah

The Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top Ten Signs That You May Be Making a Bar Mitzvah in the Next Couple of Weeks IY”H

10) The entire family is able to lain a certain parsha by heart.

9) Whenever anyone opens their mouth to say anything, you immediately caution, “slow, loud, and clear.”

8) The baking team (aka the tza’ir bakers, in the vernacular) is hard at work.

7) Supper is now a thing of the past, because the dining room table has long since disappeared under an avalanche of invitations and envelopes.

6) You’ve been contacting obscure relatives, in order to ascertain: (a) that they still exist, and if so, (b) their current mailing address.

5) There’s no more room in your freezer.

4) You’ve compiled so many lists that you’ve been working off a list of lists. In fact, you’re seriously considering migrating to a database of lists.

3) If nonstop shopping was an Olympic sport, you’d be well on your way to a gold medal. (Reason #3221 for making aliyah: You don’t have to buy your son a suit or even a tie for his bar mitzvah…)

2) You find yourself trapped deep inside the dreaded Cycle of Invitations. {cue: wild, maniacal laughter}

1) Four words: Less time for blogging…