The Top 10 Signs You’re Living in the Corona Era

The Top 10 Signs You’re Living in the Corona Era

10) You notice that the Ministry of Unwritten Regulations has apparently decreed that every ad – whether in print (in one of the very few publications that are still being distributed) or online - must contain either a picture of a mask or an illustration of a coronavirus. Bonus points if the virus resembles a cuddly cartoon character.

9) Another day, another 17 “davening at home” jokes.

8) Shabbat feels like you’re in a Jane Austen novel. Everyone is dressed up in elegant clothes; there is nowhere to go; you meet the exact same people at every meal; and after dinner, you retire to the modern day equivalent of the drawing room, where you all sit around and talk and read. And if you get really bored, you can always take a turn about the room…

7) “Where/how are you doing your Pesach grocery shopping?” is the new “where will you be/who is coming to you for the Seder this year?”

6) Even your two-year-old grandchildren have been using Zoom to get together with the other kids from their ma'on (daycare center).

5) You’ve lost track of how many times someone has quoted all or at least part of the pasuk:

לֵךְ עַמִּי בֹּא בַחֲדָרֶיךָ וּסְגֹר דלתיך בַּעֲדֶךָ חֲבִי כִמְעַט רֶגַע עַד יעבור זָעַם
(“Go, My nation, come into your chambers and close your door behind you; hide for a brief moment, until the wrath shall pass.” --Yishaya 26:20)

4) Over the past week alone, you’ve attended a bat mitzvah, a hanachat tefilin, a baby naming, and several weddings, and not one of the other guests noticed or cared that you were wearing pajamas and slippers the entire time.

3) You have trouble remembering that only 3-4 weeks ago(!!), you had never even heard of terms like social distancing and flattening the curve.

2) You go outside to your backyard for a breath of fresh air, and your next door neighbor greets you from HER yard. As the two of you stand there catching up, separated by a wall and significantly more than two meters of space, you get to pretend that you’re Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor from “Home Improvement” chatting with Wilson over the fence. 

1) After shamelessly neglecting your blog for years and years, you’re suddenly inspired to sit down and write a post.

😊

Wishing you and your families only good health, and may we all soon be privileged to share besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation).

Book Review: “When God is Near: On the High Holidays”

Shanah tovah!

I hope you too had a wonderful Rosh Hashanah.

The honor of writing the first Our Shiputzim post of the year goes to the one and only YZG (aka “Mr. S.”) – known to veteran readers for his Solomonic wisdom, his erudite halachic discourses, his ability to replace gas oven ignitors, and his previous book review.

Take it away, YZG!

****

“When God is Near: On the High Holidays”

by YZG

“When God is Near: On the High Holidays” is an incredible collection of sichot (talks) that were delivered by Rav Yehuda Amital zt”l - one of the two founding Roshei Yeshiva of the world-famous Yeshivat Har Etzion and a renowned Jewish thinker of the previous generation - over the course of 40 years.

The sichot, which were given during Elul and the Yamim Nora’im in the yeshiva, were collected and adapted by Rav Amital’s son, Rav Yoel Amital, a ra”m at Yeshivat Shaalvim.

Maggid Books recently released an English translation of the collection. Since I received a review copy of the book just before Rosh Hashanah, and since I want to publish the review before Yom Kippur – i.e. while it’s still relevant - this review will be fairly short.

Many of the nearly 50 sichot were published elsewhere – in particular, on Yeshivat Har Etzion’s website. However, this is the first time that they appear together.

Each of the sichot offers a glimpse at Rav Amital’s unique style and worldview, and the book’s essence is captured by the younger Rav Amital’s introduction. As he writes:

“My father’s sichot are distinguished by their ability to penetrate the heart while at the same time appealing to the intellect.”

For example, one of the sichot on the Slichot prayer provides food for thought by explaining why prayer involves praising God as well as making demands and requests of God. Rav Amital’s intriguing approach gives meaning to Slichot in particular and prayer in general.

One of Rav Amital’s primary themes is that this time of year is about finding ways to improve ourselves - both in terms of our service of God and also in terms of our service to the Jewish community as a whole. I also appreciated his insights on the Biblical sources used to develop his ideas.

I highly recommend this book. Not only will it make the Yamim Nora’im more meaningful, it will greatly enhance the reader’s understanding of what God expects of us.

Note: I was not paid to review this sefer, but we did receive a review copy from Maggid Books.

****

Great job and thank you, YZG!

Fine Arts Friday: 5775 Calendar Edition

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for maternal boasting. Proceed at your own risk.

So, in case you were wondering – and I can’t imagine that you weren’t - here’s the thing about neglecting one’s blog:

It turns out – and yes, this came as quite a surprise for me, too - that when one allows days weeks months to go by without making time for blogging, one finds oneself with a rather extensive collection of partially-written posts.

I mean, consider the following images, which have been rattling around my Drafts folder since before Rosh Hashanah.

As veteran Our Shiputzim readers will no doubt recall, every year my mother puts together a family calendar, and the various grandchildren prepare the artwork.

Here are the Shiputzim kids’ beautiful contributions (I warned you that there would be boasting… :-)) to the 5775 calendar:

Parshat Shmot - January 2015
(Roughly corresponding to Tevet-Shvat 5775)

Bikurim (Shavuot) - May 2015
(Roughly corresponding to Iyar-Sivan 5775)

As always, please be sure to click on the pictures for a much better view.

Stay safe, warm, and dry, and have a wonderful Shabbat!
!שבת שלום ומבורך

Pre-storm housekeeping

As the entire country stocks up and braces for last year’s major winter storm – because why shouldn’t we take it for granted that this week’s storm will be an exact copy of the blizzard of December 2013? – now’s probably a good time to take care of some blogging housekeeping by finally sharing some post-Chanukah thoughts.

But first, I hope you all had a wonderful, joyous, and light-filled Chanukah!

Zot Chanukah 5775

And now without further ado, some post-Chanukah notes:

1) Before he summarily and abruptly resigned, the former education minister decided, for reasons best known to himself, to shorten Chanukah vacation – to the dismay and indignation of schoolchildren across the country.

And since it soon became apparent that the change was – like many of the former minister’s so-called reforms – hastily conceived and poorly implemented, the kids weren’t the only ones who were annoyed.

Because the result was that no two Shiputzim kids had the exact same vacation schedule, and thus, your humble blogger spent much of Chanukah asking, “Remind me again. Who is off tomorrow?”

2) Due to a bit of car trouble (hopefully more about THAT in an upcoming post), we found ourselves homebound more than we originally planned.

But it turned out that our unintended staycation had a silver lining.

With nothing else to do, the younger Shiputzim kids had a chance to watch both “The Princess Bride” and “Singin’ in the Rain,” and now YZG and I can say that we’ve fulfilled two of our essential parental obligations…

Stay safe, warm, and dry, and enjoy the snow!

Fine Arts Friday: Shmuel I Edition

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for maternal boasting. Proceed at your own risk.

In lieu of an unconvincing apology or even a lame excuse for my prolonged blogging absence - and with your permission, of course - I think I’ll just jump right back in. Here goes:

A certain Shiputzim daughter had to make a diorama for her Navi class this week and decided to focus on the following psukim from Sefer Shmuel I:

“וַיַעֲשׂוּ הָאֲנָשִׁים כֵּן וַיִקְחוּ שְׁתֵּי פָרוֹת עָלוֹת וַיַאַסְרוּם בָּעֲגָלָה וְאֶת בְּנֵיהֶם כָּלוּ בַבָּיִת. וַיָשִׂמוּ אֶת אֲרוֹן ה’ אֶל הָעֲגָלָה וְאֵת הָאַרְגַז וְאֵת עַכְבְּרֵי הַזָהָב…”

“And the men did so, and they took two lactating cows and hitched them to the wagon; and they confined their calves in the house. And they placed the Ark of Hashem on the wagon, and the box and the golden mice…”
(Shmuel I 6:10-11)

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view:

My favorite parts are the golden mice in the box and also the Kruvim on top of the Aron.

And yes, cows DO seem to appear in many projects here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog). Why do you ask?

!שבת שלום ומבורך

National Parks: Castel Edition

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures and videos. Proceed at your own risk.

And so, the succah is put away; the younger kids have gone back to school; and we’ve reached that elusive time of year known here in Israel as אחרי החגים (literally, “after the holidays”).

B”H we had a wonderful Succot. We spent time with family and friends and enjoyed various activities and outings – including, as promised, a repeat visit to the Circus Festival and, of course, the requisite trip to one of our beautiful country’s many national parks.

This time our destination was the Castel (aka Har Ma’oz (“Stronghold Mountain”) for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you).

Originally a Roman-era fortress known as Castellum, it was subsequently renovated by the Byzantines, who called it Castellum Belvoir and appreciated its proximity to similar fortresses in the area (such as Ein Chemed and others).

Soaring above and dominating Route 1 (the main highway leading up to Yerushalayim), the Castel was the site of a key battle during the War of Independence. Many brave men and women gave their lives during the heavy fighting.

At one point, the situation became so desperate that the Palmach company commander and his deputy famously ordered the privates to retreat – shielded by their commanders, who remained behind and continued fighting.

When the war finally ended, the newly-formed IDF dug a number of bunkers and communication trenches around the Castel, which overlooked what was then the Jordanian border.

And now, without further ado, the threatened promised pictures: (As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view.)

First, the traditional view of the price list… to show how much money we WOULD have saved, if we hadn’t allowed our National Parks membership to lapse:

Looking up at the fortress:

Inside one of the tunnels:

The view from the top:

And finally, a video showing a walk through one of the communication trenches:

חורף טוב, בריא וגשום!

Have a wonderful, healthy, and rainy winter!

________

P.S. The latest HH blog carnival is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including my Reasons 3721 and 3722 for making aliyah.

The circus is coming

Moadim l’simchah!

If you’re looking for a fun chol hamoed activity, you might want to consider going to the annual Circus Festival in Modiin.

I mean, not only is there free admission to many (but not all) of the performances, but since we enjoyed the festival last year and are thinking about going back again this year, there’s a very good chance that you may get to see the Shiputzim family – live and in person. (If you do, please be sure to come over and say hello!)

All of which is a fancy way of saying that instead of apologizing for not getting around to posting the following pictures from Succot 5774, I’m going to pretend that I deliberately CHOSE to wait an entire year to share them with you.

You, in turn, are welcome to pretend that you believe me…

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view.

A circus performer walks on the tightrope…

…And also rides his bike

Just hangin’ around

Three performers dangle high above the crowds.

The audience

See here for details about this year’s festival.

!מועדים לשמחה

Reasons #3721 and #3722 for making aliyah

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for overt “I-made-aliyah-and-therefore-I’m-so-great” smugness. Proceed at your own risk.

In a hopeless attempt at making it up to you for the long weeks months years that I’ve been shamelessly neglecting this blog, I present not one but TWO (count ‘em! two!) reasons for making aliyah.

The first is fairly prosaic; the second approaches the sublime.

1) Reason #3721 for making aliyah

9:26 PM – Israel time – Motzai Yom Kippur 5775.

At that exact moment, our dear friends and family back in the States were nearing the end of the Yom Kippur Musaf service with visions of, well, just about anything edible, really, dancing in their heads, as Hamlet-like, they were mentally running through their options. (“To go home or NOT to go home during the break – THAT is the question…”)

Meanwhile, half a world away, here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog), we had not only returned from shul after Maariv, made havdalah, enjoyed a delicious break-fast meal (potato soup and lasagna, thank you for asking), and put up our beautiful succah by that time, but we had even managed to post photographic evidence of said completed succah on the extended Shiputzim family’s WhatsApp group – thereby confirming our victory in the highly-competitive “Who Can Get Their Succah Up First” competition.

2) Reason #3722 for making aliyah

One word: Shmitah.

B”H, this is the third shmitah year since we made aliyah, which means that once again, we have the truly incredible privilege of partaking of peyrot shviit (shmitah produce).

For example, last night’s supper included this:

A package of otzar beit din lettuce from Otzar HaAretz

A close-up of the Otzar HaAretz label

Our custom-decorated shmitah receptacle

“וְהָיְתָה שַׁבַּת הָאָרֶץ לָכֶם לְאָכְלָה לְךָ וּלְעַבְדְּךָ וְלַאֲמָתֶךָ וְלִשְׂכִירְךָ וּלְתוֹשָׁבְךָ הַגָּרִים עִמָּךְ. וְלִבְהֶמְתְּךָ וְלַחַיָּה אֲשֶׁר בְּאַרְצֶךָ תִּהְיֶה כָל תְּבוּאָתָהּ לֶאֱכֹל.”

“And the Shabbat of the land shall be yours to eat, for you and for your servant and for your maidservant, and for your hired worker and for your resident who live with you. And for your animal and for the beast that is in your land: all its produce shall be to eat.”
(Vayikra 25:6-7)

Rosh Hashanah 5775

I realize that posting has been fairly sparse in recent weeks.

But I’m sure you’ll forgive me when you consider all the, ahem, important and meaningful things we’ve been doing here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog).

For instance, this past Shabbat, we were extremely busy coming up with a list of acronyms for תשע”ה – 5775 – the upcoming new year:

.תהא שנת עליה הביתה
May this be a year of aliyah to our homeland.

.תחל שמיטה על הארץ
Let shmitah begin in the Land of Israel.

.תהא שנת ערבות הדדית
May this be a year of mutual responsibility.

.תשכון שכינתך על המקדש
May Your Divine Presence dwell in the Mikdash.

.תהא שנת עידן המשיח
May this year mark the onset of the Messianic Era.

.תשים שלום על הבריות
Bestow peace upon mankind.

.תביא ששון על הארץ
Bring joy to the land.

.‘תהא שנת עבודת ה
May this be a year of serving Hashem.

.תבוא שלום עוד השנה
May peace arrive this very year.

.תהא שנת עליית הרגל
May this be a year of going up to Yerushalayim on the festivals.

.תהא שנת עירך הבנויה
May this be the year of Your rebuilt city.

Please feel free to add your own suggestions in the comment section.

Yitzchak Meir and Udi Davidi sing “Ochila LaKel.” (Full disclosure: Last year, on Rosh Hashanah 5774, we had the privilege of davening in the shul where Yitzchak Meir was the ba’al tefilah.)

לשנה טובה תכתבו ותחתמו לאלתר לחיים טובים ולשלום!

May you and your families have a wonderful, happy, healthy, prosperous, and sweet new year!

Euphonic Friday: Coming Home Edition

Rather than commenting on the current ceasefire and its political, military, social, historical, or other ramifications, I instead refer you to my Ceasefire Pie post (which referred to the ceasefire at the end of Amud Anan).

Meanwhile, as I wrote in my most recent counteracting the meraglim post, now is the time for all of our dear brothers and sisters in the Diaspora to join us here in Israel and thus help us hasten the Geulah (the Redemption).

And on a related note, the Maccabeats released a new song this week:

!שבת שלום ומבורך

Counteracting the Meraglim VI

Over the years, in the days leading up to Tisha B’Av, it’s become somewhat of an Our Shiputzim tradition* to discuss a different “antidote to the meraglim (the Spies)” – i.e. yet another wonderful aspect of life in our beautiful Land.

This year, this post practically wrote itself.

Because as our Sages famously taught, the Second Beit HaMikdash was destroyed due to sinat chinam (generally translated as “gratuitous hatred”), and thus, the ultimate antidote to the meraglim is the unprecedented sense of unity that has gripped every sector of Israeli society over the past 7.5 weeks.

We are united in our belief that Tzuk Eitan is a just, necessary, and unavoidable war, and in our knowledge that the IDF is the most moral, ethical, and humane army in the entire world.

We are united in our prayers and support for the brave soldiers and officers of the IDF, who not only risk and sacrifice their own lives to save ours, but who are also – both literally and figuratively - our sons, our daughters, our husbands, our brothers, our sisters, our neighbors, and our dear friends.

We are united in our concern for our beleaguered brothers and sisters in the South, who have spent the last 14 years (!!) living under enemy fire.

We are united in our bewilderment and anger toward those – including many of our self-professed "best friends EVER” – who consistently condemn us for imaginary atrocities while turning a blind eye toward our savage enemies, who cruelly target our civilians while deliberately endangering their own (i.e. a double war crime).

We are united in our outpouring of love for our wounded; in our grief and sorrow over the loss of so many of our best and brightest; and in our condolences to the bereaved families.

And most of all - as I wrote in my previous post - we are united in our awe and gratitude to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and His countless dedicated emissaries for all the goodness that He has bestowed and continues to bestow upon us.

That long list of emissaries includes the three special families: the Yifrachs, the Sha’ars, and the Fraenkels. Their nobility and strength inspired us, and their holy sons HY”D saved us – both physically and spiritually.

In fact, they can be compared to modern-day Esthers and Mordechais. They took a nation that was “מפוזר ומפורד” (“scattered and dispersed” - Esther 3:8) and brought everyone together on the path to salvation. (Esther commands Mordechai, “לך כנוס את כל היהודים” – “Go, assemble all the Jews.” - Esther 4:16)

For instance, a chareidi acquaintance told us that in his [exclusively chareidi] community, people couldn’t stop talking about the three families and their extraordinary emunah (faith). “My neighbors used to think that they had a lock on emunah,” he observed. “But now they all say that they’ve never seen anything even approaching emunah like this!”

Interestingly, the prime minister’s wife used the same word in reference to the wounded IDF soldiers and their families. The TV cameras caught Mrs. Netanyahu in the middle of a long day of visiting different hospitals, and she said that she was amazed at the soldiers’ emunah and their desire to return to their units to finish their missions.

Consider also the following:

• MK and Minister Silvan Shalom reported that when a siren interrupted a trade fair held at Tel Aviv’s port to boost southern Israel’s small businesses, thousands of Israelis spontaneously began singing, “Am Yisrael Chai!” (“The nation of Israel lives!”)
• On one of the first few days of the ground incursion, a reporter interviewed a mother visiting her wounded son. “I am not religious at all,” she insisted. “But now it’s the period of Bein HaMetzarim [i.e. the Three Weeks], and that means that it’s time for Am Yisrael to come together and to focus on that which unites us.”
• Channel 2 recently ran a segment on women whose husbands are serving in the reserves. When asked how she copes (she hasn’t seen her husband in weeks), a very secular-looking mother of several young children replied that her belief in God gets her through the day. “I speak to Him all the time,” she explained. “I speak to Him like a daughter speaks to her Father.”

An Israeli neighbor stopped by the other day. After comparing notes about our respective soldier sons, we started talking about the incredible achdut (unity) that we have been experiencing.

“It means that the Geulah (the Redemption) is finally on the way,” she declared. “It’s so close we can almost taste it!”

And so, I turn to you, our beloved family and friends in the Diaspora.

Please join us here in Israel, and come experience this achdut for yourself. Am Yisrael needs you here in Eretz Yisrael, and you need to become part of העם היושב בציון (the Nation that dwells in Tzion).

May we indeed be soon privileged to experience the Geulah, and may our eyes behold Hashem’s return to Tzion with mercy, speedily and in our days. Amen.

יה”ר שיבנה בית המקדש במהרה בימינו, אמן.

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

_________________

* Previous “antidote to the meraglim” posts include:

1. The annual Yemei Iyun B’Tanach in Gush Etzion

2. Shabbat in an Israeli maternity ward

3. A front row seat on our nation’s history

4. A country that revolves around the Jewish calendar

5. Rubbing shoulders with the country's movers and shakers

Tzuk Eitan

Shavua tov v’shaket.

As Day 12 of Mivtza Tzuk Eitan (literally, “Operation Stalwart Cliff” – i.e. “Operation Protective Edge,” which is, in essence, an extension of Mivtza Shuvu Achim – Operation Brother’s Keeper – and also a desperately-needed response to the staggering 14 years (!!) that our dear brothers and sisters in the South have been under incessant attack) draws to a close, Israel mourns the loss of Dror Chanin HY”D, a civilian volunteer who was delivering food and care packages to IDF soldiers when he was killed in a Palestinian mortar attack along the Gaza border; Sergeant Eitan Barak Z”L, who was killed in combat during the first night of the ground invasion; and Sergeant Adar Barsano HY”D and Major Amotz Greenberg HY”D, who were killed by Hamas terrorists who had infiltrated Israel on Shabbat morning.

UPDATE (Sunday, July 20) – We also mourn the loss of Staff Sergeant Benaya Ruval HY”D, who was killed by a terrorist emerging from a tunnel in Gaza; and Second Lieutenant Bar Rahav HY”D, who was killed by an anti-tank missile in Gaza.

May all their memories be blessed, and may their families be comforted among the other mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim.

Meanwhile, thank you to the wonderful Our Shiputzim readers from around the world who’ve been asking how we’re doing here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog).

Mostly, like the rest of the country, our thoughts and prayers are with the IDF – the brave fathers, husbands, brothers, sisters, daughters, and sons (including, of course, OS - a veteran of last year’s Amud Anan), who are working around the clock to protect Am Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael. May Hashem watch over and protect them, and may they all return home safe and sound.

The thing is that since that terrible day when Eyal Yifrach HY”D, Gil-Ad Sha’ar HY”D, and Naftali Fraenkel HY”D were brutally abducted and murdered in cold blood by our enemies, events have been moving at a dizzying speed.

Indeed, it seems as if every hour brings new developments, and there’s been no time to digest or understand any of them - let alone to write a coherent blog post about them.

With your permission, however, I would like to focus on two things:

1) First, the incredible revealed miracles and wonders that Am Yisrael has been privileged to witness.

For in spite of the devastating tragedy and trauma of recent weeks, words cannot begin to express our awe, amazement, and gratitude to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and His countless dedicated emissaries – including the IDF, the brilliant engineers who conceived and developed the Iron Dome, and many others – for all the goodness that He has bestowed and continues to bestow upon us.

2) Second, I don’t know if anyone has been listening, but many rabbis and community leaders have been [correctly, IMHO] exhorting Diaspora Jewry that NOW is actually the best time to make aliyah. As they explain, at this critical juncture, there is no better way to support Am Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael according to Torat Yisrael.

To the rabbis’ wise words, I would add that making aliyah TODAY also serves another important purpose.

Moving to our beautiful Land gives one a front row seat on Jewish history and allows one to play a major role in shaping Am Yisrael’s future.

***

May the coming week be filled with besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation) for Am Yisrael.

Port of call

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures. Proceed at your own risk.

Think of it as an amendment to the original rule.

You see, according to the highly-acclaimed Our Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Cleaning, now is the time for Stage II:

“Talking and blogging about cleaning in lieu of doing anything constructive.”

But seeing as this stage is essentially all about avoidance and denial, I would posit that an even better way to accomplish this goal is to ignore Pesach preparations altogether and, instead, to turn one’s attention to possible chol hamo’ed activities.

With that in mind – and with your permission, of course – I’d like to recommend a visit to the Ashdod port.

In principle, the Ashdod port meets the stringent criteria for “Ideal Late Summer Outings” – seeing as the tour is both free and air-conditioned. (Additional free and air-conditioned activities include the Bank of Israel in Yerushalayim and the Nesher Cement Factory in Ramle.)

But during most of the year, the Ashdod port is only open to schools and other large groups. However, during chol hamo’ed, families are welcome. [Note: Advance reservations are required.]

We were there on Succot (as you can see, it took me a while to get around to writing this post…), but I believe that the Pesach tours work the same way.

Seeing as there were no small children in our own group, we were very glad that kids under nine years old were not allowed (this rule is strictly enforced), because it meant that the tour was geared for adults and older kids.

The tour lasted about 1½ hours and was divided into two parts: a tour of the visitors center (where they have a few exhibits about the port’s history and operations, a couple of interesting audio-visual presentations, and several educational games) and a fascinating bus ride around the port itself.

IMHO, it is the latter that makes the Ashdod port well-worth the trip.

At one point, we found ourselves parked right next to a large ship, and we got to watch as the ship’s cargo was first unloaded and then reloaded.

Before I show you the threatened promised photos, I should explain that due to security concerns, visitors are only permitted to take pictures from outside the port’s perimeter, from inside the visitors center, or from a nearby scenic overlook known as Givat Yonah (literally, Jonah’s Hill – supposedly the burial site of Yonah HaNavi).

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view:

The entrance to the port

A view from inside the visitor center

A view of the manmade breakwater from Givat Yonah

Two ships (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Cranes loading and unloading shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

In short, we all (yes, including the teenagers!) really enjoyed our visit to the Ashdod port. The tour guide was extremely knowledgeable; getting to watch the port in action was quite thrilling; and we learned a lot.

I don’t know if it’s too late to make reservations for Pesach, but if not, I highly recommend that you do.

Have you ever been to the Ashdod port?

HaShkeidiyot Porchot

As you may recall, our almond tree (i.e. our shkeidiyah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) is, how shall I put this, um, well, rather, um, flower-challenged.

I mean, it got to the point that the only way we could sing the classic Tu B'Shvat song about the blossoming almond tree was with a healthy dose of irony and a great deal of snickering.

But as it turned out, the tree would be the one to have the last laugh.

Because sometime last year, we suddenly noticed that somehow, we were now the proud owners of a second – and more flourishing – almond tree. Apparently, seeds from the first tree had landed on the ground and had started growing.

And as if two almond trees weren’t enough, this year we discovered that there is now a THIRD – albeit still very small - tree on the premises!

Which means that we may have to rename TRLEOOB* to the Shiputzim Family Almond Orchard (i.e. pardes shkeidim, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you).

But I’ll let you be the judge of that:

(As always, please click on the pictures for a much better view.)

!שבוע טוב וחודש טוב

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

What we’ve been up to

Seeing as how I’ve been shamelessly neglecting this poor blog (for a change…) in recent weeks, you’ve probably been wondering what the Shiputzim family has been up to.

Here, then, are a number of vignettes, which should give you some idea of what’s been going on here in TRLEOOB*:

Scene #1

The Ulpanistit: [walks in the door at about noon]

Me: “Why are you home so early?”

The Ulpanistit: [surprised at the silly question] “Because we got our report cards today!”

Me: [shows my oleh roots again] “So?”

The Ulpanistit: [can’t believe that her mother is this ignorant] “So we NEVER finish after twelve on the day we get teudot…”

Me: [reluctantly concedes defeat and chalks this up to #yetAnotherThingI’llNeverUnderstand]

Scene #2

Me: [makes a sarcastic comment about the Shminist’s countless free periods]

The Shminist: “It’s your own fault, you know. Don’t forget that you’re the one who paid extra for me to take dovrei Anglit classes and do the 5-point English bagrut in 10th grade.”

Me: “Yeah, that part I remember.”

The Shminist: “Well, you should thank the yeshiva. They threw in two years of free periods at no extra charge…”

Me: [knows that there’s something wrong with his logic, but just can’t put my finger on it]

Scene #3

Certain Shiputzim Child: “We have a peulah in fifteen minutes, and I need to bring a chatif.”

Me: “Why did you wait until the last minute to tell me?”

Certain Shiputzim Child: [indignant] “I didn’t wait until the last minute! It’s just that I only remembered about it now…”

What has YOUR family been up to lately?

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Registering displeasure

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for long, drawn-out tales of, er, woe and suffering. Proceed at your own risk.

I have many fond memories of my college years.

But registering for courses is certainly not one of them.

It all started with my first semester at Stern. Incoming students signed up for courses after all the upper classmen, and due to the vagaries of the alphabet, I was one of the last students in the entire school to register.

Which meant that by the time my turn came around, the pickings were fairly slim.

I still shudder when I recall running up and down the stairs between the registrar’s office and the computer room, where a large monitor displayed all the closed courses. (“What do you mean EVERY section of freshman composition is closed?! How can I be closed out of freshman comp?!! I’m a freshman!!”)

Desperate, I had no choice but to ignore my mother’s cardinal rule.

The key to a successful college career, she had declared, was to push off taking the dreaded speech class (a general requirement for all Stern students) until one’s senior year, in hope that the academic powers-that-be would somehow be inspired to change the requirements and allow one to graduate without it.

(The fact that speech was still a requirement nearly two decades after my mother had graduated Stern should have been my first clue that the strategy was doomed to fail. But I digress…)

But since there wasn’t too much else left to take that first semester, I was forced to sign up for speech.

(Postscript: The silver lining was that during our senior year, when all my friends were groaning their way through speech, I had the smug self-satisfaction of knowing that I no longer had to deal with that misery. But once again I digress…)

But B”H, in the intervening years -  during which time I graduated college; YZG and I got married; we made aliyah; I started a blog; I neglected that blog; and so on – I was gradually able to come to terms with my, ahem, ordeal.

You see, I was secure in the comforting belief that technological advances would ensure that the Shiputzim kids would be spared the same registration trauma.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when the Studentit called home in the middle of the day.

Registration for the spring semester had just opened, and she was having trouble registering. Could I please help her, she wondered.

Suffice it to say that although the Studentit attends an internationally-acclaimed institution of higher learning, which boasts some of the country’s finest engineering and computing minds, she and I spent the next two hours glued to our respective computer screens, as the supposedly sophisticated online registration system crashed ignobly right before our very eyes.

It seems the French may be on to something with their whole “plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose” thing (i.e. אֵין כָּל חָדָש תַחַת הַשָמֶש – for the Biblically-oriented amongst you).

[raises glass]

Well, here’s hoping that the registration system improves by the time  the Shiputzim grandchildren (BA”H) are ready for it…

Chanukah 5774 wrap-up

Zot Chanukah

As Chanukah 5774 comes to a gloriously wet and wintery end, and as the younger Shiputzim kids prepare to return to school tomorrow morning IY”H (“Oof, why can’t there be a gesher*?!” a certain annoyed Shiputzim child wondered), here are several items of interest or note:

1) I updated my post from last year about my Zaidy z”l and his extraordinary letter.

2) Rabbi Wein shows how satire can be used to help change the mindset of those who are disconnected from reality.

3) Rafi G. shares a beautiful story about a bus ride.

4) And finally, in a shocking break with tradition, we weren’t able to visit any national parks over Chanukah. In our defense, however, we DID drive all the way to the Yarkon and Tel Afek National Park earlier this week – only to discover that it was closed due to strong winds.

Actual exchange:

Park official: It’s really too bad that you schlepped all this way for nothing.

Us: Was there any way that we could have known in advance that the park was closed?

Park official: {surprised at such a ridiculous question} Why, of course! We posted it on our website.

Us: Um, we looked at your website this morning to get directions. We didn’t notice anything about the park being closed.

Park official: {clicks on computer} Oh. {shrugs} Well, apparently we forgot to post…

But the good news is that we WERE able to snap the requisite shot of the price list, to show how much money we [would have] saved as a result of our National Parks Authority membership and to prove that we were actually there:

!שבת שלום ומבורך

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*Gesher – Literally, a bridge. Refers to an extra vacation day or two.

HaAdom, HaAdom HaZeh

Shavua tov!

”הַלְעִיטֵנִי נָא מִן הָאָדֹם הָאָדֹם הַזֶה…“

“Pour into me now some of this red, red…”
(Breishit 25:30)

Like what seems to be a significant portion of the Jewish world (if Facebook and the J-Blogosphere are any indication), here in TRLEOOB*, we had red lentil soup today in honor of Parshat Toldot.

Sorry, no pictures of the cooked soup.

Parshat Toldot Crock Pot Red Lentil Soup

Inspired by at least half a dozen different recipes – including my mother-in-law’s recipe

Note: It turns out that if you take your crock pot out of the kitchen to clean for Pesach, but then leave it sitting right in the middle of the living room floor instead of carrying it upstairs and putting it away immediately, someone WILL trip over it. And when THAT happens, the crock pot insert WILL crack and break. In other words, I made the soup in our relatively new 8-quart crock pot…

Ingredients

• 1 large onion - chopped
• 3 large carrots - sliced
• 2 celery stalks - chopped
• 2 chicken necks
• 4 cups red lentils - checked and soaked (I used split lentils, but I think next year, I’ll IY”H try it with whole lentils)
• 800-gram can of crushed tomatoes (about 28 oz. for my American readers)
• 5 turkey/chicken hot dogs – sliced
• 3 cloves garlic – minced
• Dried parsley
• Dried oregano
• 2-3 bay leaves
• Salt
• Pepper
• Water

Directions

Put all the ingredients in the crock pot and fill it up with water. Cook on high for a few hours, and then turn the crock pot down to low before Shabbat.

!בתאבון

P.S. Laura shares a different red lentil soup recipe here.

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

A modest proposal

Shanah tovah!

By a show of hands, who is in favor of the following proposal:

Every one of our illustrious politicians who voted to extend daylight savings time into October – and thereby added a very unwelcome extra hour to today’s fast – should be forced to fast for an additional TWO hours this evening…

And in the meantime, in keeping with a long-standing Our Shiputzim tradition, here’s the requisite fast day food post:

As I’ve noted several times, the dessert situation tends to improve dramatically here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) during the summer months, when the talented Shiputzim bakers have some extra time on their hands.

This past summer, one of the aforementioned bakers whipped up these yummy treats:

Chewy Chocolate Chip Granola Bars

Adapted from here.

Ingredients

• 1/3 cup canola oil
• 1 cup brown sugar
• ¼ cup sugar
• 2 TBSP honey
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 egg
• 1 cup flour
• ½ tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp baking powder
• pinch of salt
• 1½ cups oats
• 1¼ cups rice krispies
• 1 cup chopped almonds
• 1½ cups chocolate chips

Directions

Combine the oil and the sugars. Mix in honey, vanilla, and the egg. Add flour, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Add oats, rice krispies, almonds, and chocolate chips.

Spread the batter into a baking-paper-lined 9x13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes or until the bars are lightly browned.

Cut into bars and let cool in pan.

!צום קל ומועיל