Tales of a Chatan Kol HaNe’arim’s wife

Warning: Although it’s now Rosh Chodesh MarCheshvan, which – according to every opinion – falls firmly within the “acharei hachagim” (literally, “after the holidays”) parameters, the following post pertains to Simchat Torah. (Hey, if Israeli gannanot can celebrate Simchat Torah after the fact, so can I…) Proceed at your own risk.

The main problem with shamelessly neglecting one’s blog is that there’s no clear protocol when it comes to resuming one’s blogging activities. Do you apologize? Pretend that you never left? Offer a long-winded explanation/excuse for your absence?

Which is why I’m just going to jump right back in with the following news item from TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog):

YZG was our shul’s Chatan Kol HaNe’arim (i.e. CKH in OurShiputzim-speak) on Simchat Torah.

In many congregations, CKH is sold to the highest bidder. However, in our shul, the gabbaim award it to someone who is very involved in the shul and the community, and as those of you who know YZG in real life are aware, this was certainly a well-deserved honor.

Here are three things I learned in my role of CKH’s wife:

1) It seems that proper Simchat Torah etiquette teaches that both the CKH and the CKH’s wife deserve hearty “mazal tovs.” I confess that I never knew this before, but I quickly got into the swing of things and made sure to say mazal tov to the Chatan Torah, the Chatan Breishit, and their respective spouses…

2) It turns out that there’s no statute of limitations when it comes to corny CKH-related jokes. Sample groan-worthy fare: “If your husband is a chatan, that makes you a kallah! Shouldn’t you be wearing white?” {cue: canned laugh track}

3) And finally, I discovered that in our shul, the CKH’s wife is in charge of distributing candy bags to all the kids. (Fortunately, the shul covers the cost; someone else volunteered to do the shopping; and assorted neighbors helped the Shiputzim kids stuff the bags.)

Which means that within two minutes of Kol HaNe’arim’s conclusion, the CKH’s wife (that would be me in this case, for those just tuning in at home) is suddenly beset by nearly 200 (BA”H) overtired, hyped-on-sugar (in our shul, Kol HaNe’arim takes place AFTER the communal kiddush), impatient kids.

Ah, good times. Good times…

How are Chatan Kol HaNe’arim, Chatan Torah, and Chatan Breishit chosen in your communities?

“And the sons will return to their border”

PM Netanyahu’s speech at the Tel Nof Air Base:

The following translation was released by the Prime Minister’s Office:

Citizens of Israel, today we are all united in joy and in pain.

Two-and-a-half years ago, I returned to the Prime Minister's Office.  One of the principal and most complicated missions that I found on my desk, and which I set my heart to, was to bring our abducted soldier Gilad Shalit back home, alive and well.  Today, that mission has been completed.

It entailed a very difficult decision.  I saw the need to return home someone whom the State of Israel had sent to the battlefield.  As an IDF soldier and commander, I went out on dangerous missions many times.  But I always knew that if I or one of my comrades fell captive, the Government of Israel would do its utmost to return us home, and as Prime Minister, I have now carried this out.  As a leader who daily sends out soldiers to defend Israeli citizens, I believe that mutual responsibility is no mere slogan – it is a cornerstone of our existence here.

But I also see an additional need, that of minimizing the danger to the security of Israel's citizens.  To this end, I enunciated two clear demands.  First, that senior Hamas leaders, including arch-murderers, remain in prison.  Second, that the overwhelming majority of those designated for release either be expelled or remain outside Judea and Samaria, in order to impede their ability to attack our citizens.

For years, Hamas strongly opposed these demands.  But several months ago, we received clear signs that it was prepared to back down from this opposition.  Tough negotiations were carried out, night and day, in Cairo, with the mediation of the Egyptian government.  We stood our ground, and when our main demands were met – I had to make a decision.

I know very well that the pain of the families of the victims of terrorism is too heavy to bear.  It is difficult to see the miscreants who murdered their loved ones being released before serving out their full sentences.  But I also knew that in the current diplomatic circumstances, this was the best agreement we could achieve, and there was no guarantee that the conditions which enabled it to be achieved would hold in the future.  It could be that Gilad would disappear; to my regret, such things have already happened.

I thought of Gilad and the five years that he spent rotting away in a Hamas cell.  I did not want his fate to be that of Ron Arad.  Ron fell captive exactly 25 years ago and has yet to return.  I remembered the noble Batya Arad.  I remembered her concern for her son Ron, right up until her passing.  At such moments, a leader finds himself alone and must make a decision.  I considered – and I decided.  Government ministers supported me by a large majority.

And today, now Gilad has returned home, to his family, his people and his country.  This is a very moving moment.  A short time ago, I embraced him as he came off the helicopter and escorted him to his parents, Aviva and Noam, and I said, 'I have brought your son back home.'  But this is also a hard day; even if the price had been smaller, it would still have been heavy.

I would like to make it clear: We will continue to fight terrorism.  Any released terrorist who returns to terrorism – his blood is upon his head.  The State of Israel is different from its enemies: Here, we do not celebrate the release of murderers.  Here, we do not applaud those who took life.  On the contrary, we believe in the sanctity of life.  We sanctify life.  This is the ancient tradition of the Jewish People.

Citizens of Israel, in recent days, we have all seen national unity such as we have not seen in a long time.  Unity is the source of Israel's strength, now and in the future.  Today, we all rejoice in Gilad Shalit's return home to our free country, the State of Israel.  Tomorrow evening, we will celebrate Simchat Torah.  This coming Sabbath, we will read in synagogues, as the weekly portion from the prophets, the words of the prophet Isaiah (42:7): 'To bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison-house.'  Today, I can say, on behalf of all Israelis, in the spirit of the eternal values of the Jewish People: 'Your children shall return to their own border [Jeremiah 31:16].'  Am Yisrael Chai! [The People of Israel live!].

!ושבו בנים לגבולם

Reason #7043 for making aliyah

Shavua tov and shanah tovah!

What better way to begin 5772 here on Our Shiputzim than with an aliyah-promotional post?

But, don’t worry, this isn’t going to be yet another essay extolling the joys of one day of yom tov.

(Although coming, as it does, on the heels of two days of Rosh Hashanah followed by Shabbat, such a post would certainly be, uh, in its place – if I may use the Heblish term...)

The thing is that I’ve pretty much covered the topic here, and also, I realize that it’s very difficult for those who haven’t yet had the privilege of experiencing one day of yom tov to see it as an advantage. (And, IMHO, the standard “day and a half” halachic arrangement offered to many visitors from abroad doesn’t count as “experiencing” one day of yom tov.)

Because chances are, if you’re like many Diaspora Jews – my pre-aliyah self included – you love yom tov and, in spite of all the cooking and preparations, can’t imagine willingly giving any of it up. (But check out my original post if you’re curious.)

And, so, instead, this post will focus on a different, albeit related, reason for making aliyah – namely, hot showers on yom tov.

Yes, that’s right.

Contrary to popular belief, one may, in fact, take showers on yom tov – as long as one adheres to certain conditions and restrictions. (For example, one can’t wash or immerse one’s entire body at once; one can’t shampoo one’s hair; etc. CYLOR for details.)

Of course, this is true in chu”l as well. However, outside of Israel, few – if any – people have solar water heaters, and thus (again, CYLOR), cold showers are the only option on yom tov in the Diaspora.

But here in Israel, where – except for on rainy, winter days – we heat our water with the ubiquitous dude shemesh (solar water tank/boiler), most authorities hold that one may use hot water for showers on yom tov.

In other words, my friends, if you, too, wish to enjoy a hot shower on yom tov, you have a little less than two weeks to pack your bags and join us here in Israel… before Succot and Simchat Torah (which are both three day affairs in chu”l this year).

Of course, ironically, considering that we only celebrate one day, hot showers on yom tov aren’t that essential here…

.צום קל ומועיל

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

Pitka tava

Seen earlier this week on Kvish 6 (the Trans-Israel Highway), the electronic sign reads: “Happy Succot from the Derech Eretz Company [the operators of Kvish 6].”

I’ve never been a big fan of, um, sweet sweet potato kugels, which are often prepared with things like canned pineapple, brown sugar, maple syrup, or even (shudder) marshmallows. (Seriously?? Marshmallows??)

So I was thrilled when a number of years ago, I found a recipe for something called “Savory Sweet Potato Kugel” in the paper:

Savory Sweet Potato Kugel

Adapted from the Jerusalem Post, this recipe is admittedly a bit more of a potchke than, say, lukshen kugel or even potato kugel but, IMHO, well-worth the effort. (Please feel free to stop by and have a taste if you should find yourself near TRLEOOB* over Simchat Torah...)

Ingredients

• 2 to 2.5 kg sweet potatoes (i.e. batatot, for the Hebraically-oriented among you) - scrubbed and unpeeled
• Oil (I use canola)
• 5-6 large onions - chopped
• 1-2 cloves of garlic - chopped finely (the original recipe called for ground ginger instead)
• 4 eggs
• Salt
• Pepper
• Bread crumbs

Directions

Put the unpeeled sweet potatoes in a pot and cover with water. Add a pinch of salt, and bring to a boil. Simmer for about half an hour or until tender. Drain and let cool.

While the sweet potatoes are cooking, sauté the onions in the oil. When they’re translucent, add the garlic, and continue sautéing until the onions are golden brown.

Peel sweet potatoes and mash using a potato masher. Add onion and garlic mixture, eggs, salt and pepper.

Place mixture in an oiled 9x13 pan. Smooth mixture and sprinkle bread crumbs on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45-60 minutes.

!חג שמח

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Gannenet Appreciation Day

Warning: This post may exceed the recommended daily allowance of snarkiness. Proceed at your own risk.

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The thing about Israeli gannenets is that it’s very easy to make fun of them, and as long time readers know, I’ve taken ample advantage of this convenient fact.

Indeed, I’ve frequently mocked discussed with obvious love and affection gannenets’ many foibles and idiosyncrasies – including their pyromaniac tendencies, the ritualistic pageantry of gan birthday parties, and, of course, the bizarre gan meeting.

And so, it’s only fair that I also give them credit where it’s due – namely, their innate resourcefulness.

You see, their creative, never-say-die attitude is what enables them to erect straw men identify pressing problems and then skillfully knock them down devise clever and original solutions.

Here are two examples:

I. The neglected holiday

Problem: Coming, as it does, at the tail end of the festival-laden month of Tishrei, Simchat Torah always gets short shrift in most curricula.

Solution: Gannenets don’t even try to cover Simchat Torah before the holiday. Instead, they use the “hakafot shniyot” model and throw a big party on Friday, Erev Parshat Breishit. Decked out in their most elegant kacholavan, the kids dance, sing, and imbibe inordinate amounts of candy.

Ahh, good times, good times…

II. The missing season

Problem: In a recent post, Mother in Israel discussed autumn in Israel – or the lack thereof. As she correctly observes, there’s no real transition between summer and winter. Furthermore, aside from a few noted exceptions, the traditional signs of fall – i.e. the brilliant foliage, that crisp autumn air, etc. - simply don’t exist here in Israel.

Solution: Israeli gannenets teach that autumn in Israel is nonetheless significant, because it heralds the arrival of the… nachlieli (white wagtail).

The gannenets ensure that their young charges are very familiar with the distinctive, long-tailed, black-and-white bird. In fact, even as adults, Israelis of every stripe can still easily pick the nachlieli out of a bird lineup.

Moreover, the gannenets stress, seeing a nachlieli is a joyous and momentous occasion.

Thus, last week, a certain gan-age child of my acquaintance came home bursting with exciting news. The breathless report soon followed: They had gone on a siyur stav (literally, “an autumn tour” – i.e. a nature walk), and – guess what?! – they SAW TWO NACHLIELIS!!! (Space considerations prevent me from including the full complement of exclamation points, but I think you get the general idea…)

And so, dear readers, the next time an obscure blogger sets his or her sights on the much maligned and often misunderstood gannenet, please refer them to this post in order to provide them with further ammunition to remind them to appreciate all that the gannenet has to offer…

P.S. On a serious note, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the incredibly dedicated and talented gannenets who have done – and continue to do - such a wonderful job educating the Shiputzim children over the years.

A scrumptious and satisfying Simchat Torah solution

Planning the menu for Simchat Torah night can be somewhat of a challenge – especially when Simchat Torah falls out on Shabbat (a convergence, BTW, which never occurs outside of Israel).

After all, one doesn’t really know what time shul will end, and obviously, one doesn’t want to serve one’s guests dried-out, overheated food.

Thus, when I read Mimi’s mouthwatering pre-Rosh Hashanah post on sweet and sour meatballs, I realized she had found the perfect solution.

I like to make sweet and sour meatballs with cranberry sauce, because that’s how the world’s best cook – i.e. my grandmother a”h - would prepare them.

However, since she didn’t have a specific recipe - “as much as it takes” was one of her standard measurements – I adapted the following recipe from the “Spice and Spirit” cookbook (“The Purple Cookbook,” בלעז).

Sweet and Sour Turkey Meatballs

Sauce

• 2 cans cranberry sauce
• 1 1/2 cups ketchup
• 200 grams tomato paste
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 4 tsp lemon juice
• 3-4 cups water

Meatballs

• 2 kg ground turkey
• 1 medium onion, chopped very finely
• 1-2 cloves of garlic, chopped very finely
• 2 eggs
• A dash or two of pepper

Directions

Place all the sauce ingredients in a large pot, and cook over low heat for about 20 minutes, stirring frequently.

Meanwhile, combine the meatball ingredients in a large bowl.

After twenty minutes, raise the flame, and bring the sauce to a rolling boil. Form meat into balls and gently drop – one at a time – into the sauce. Cover the pot, and let the meatballs simmer over a low flame for at least an hour.

Serve hot with rice. (Brown rice works very well.)

!בתאבון