Drinking Games

I flew into Dallas for the NHL All Star Game on Sunday night.
My Crackberry lit up on landing in DFW-

A message from DanO was waiting.

"Hey. We're at a party. Come on over." along with an easy-to-follow set of dircetions.

20 minutes later I was the home of some nice folks, having a big plate of barbecued brisket and watching football...

Our hosts, Mark and Cathy. Awesome people, cool dogs.

DanO and his (much) better half were there, Trecia & her current flame, our host and hostess, the kids, JR, and sundry other folks watched the Pats and the Colts game on the big screen.
(We missed you, Luc... You should have been here!)


Trecia and her boy-toy.


DanO and Anita

Trecia had a thing for Manning, so she was rooting for Indy, and JR is from Boston so he had a vested interest in the game and a wager was thrown down- If Indy won, JR would jump in the pool, and if the Pats pulled it out, Trecia would hit the drink.


Trecia checking the temp. Oooo, it's cold!

Keep in mind it has been %$@*%# freezing here in Dallas, and the pool in the backyard was a bit chilly. There weren't any chunks of ice floating around in the pool, but there could have been.

Needless to say, the Colts pulled it out...much to JR's dismay.



I have to give hime credit though...
He jumped right in, a cannonball even...didn't even give me time to get my lens cap off... He had a bit of a problem getting out, but he did go in, the poor bastard...

After JR's dip, we all sat down to a rousing game of "Asshole"...
A card-based drinking game- full of arcane rules and cryptic terminology.
The object is to get rid of all your cards- laying them down according to some whacked-out numeric order or previous play... If you didn't have a card in your hand that you could play on your turn, you had to drink.



After the first round, the first one to get rid of their cards was deemed the President, the second was Vice President, and so on, down the last poor fool who got the title of Asshole.


Justin and Trecia

Nota Bene: Should you play this game, one would be wise to make beer, or better a light beer, your beverage of choice. Listen to your Uncle Jay- drinking rum when all others are Lite Beer is the path to destruction.


Rookie mistake.

We drank and played cards... Once you attain President status you are permitted to pass laws. Some of the legislation this evening were edicts such as any time a red card was played, JR and DanO had to drink. Also, any time a even card was played it was a social drink. (In the case of a red even card, JR and Dan drank twice. Heh.)

Oh, there was some serious drinking...


JR, thawed out and getting ready to imbibe...

The party broke up around 1:30... DanO and his other half were in the lead vehicle, and I had JR in my car as we headed toward the hotel.

As usual, there was a little drama...

As we drove back down Dallas 121, JR warned me that we might need to pull over so he could get rid of some excess beer.

JR: "So... we might need to pull over. I'm not feeling so good."
YT: "Ok... Just let me know."
JR: "I'm letting you know. Now. Pull over."
I pulled the car over and we were still coming to a halt as JR bailed and started and emergency evacuation of his upper GI tract.
As he finished up, a car pulled over behind us...
Uh oh.
I knew we were in trouble when the spotlight flicked on and illuminated the back of the car.
The Dallas Police Department...
I bit the bullet and got out of the car, reaching for my wallet.
The cop asked me what was going on...
YT:"My buddy here did a little too much celebrating during the game."
Dallas Cop:"Oh? An Indy fan."
YT: "No, not at all. He's from Boston."
DC: "Ah, drowning his sorrows."
YT: "Something like that."
DC: "And you? You're ok?"
YT: "Right as rain. Designated driver."
DC: "OK... Y'all drive carefully."
YT: "Yessir."
I got back to the car and only stumbled once as I was getting in.
Dodged a bullet there...whew.

DanO and Anita had pulled over and were waiting for us down the road...
JR's phone rang.
"Yeah. Had to pull over...Yeah, a cop... No, no problem. The Big Guy went back and kissed his ass and the cop took off... Yeah... See ya."

Nice.

We made it back to the hotel without further incident...
Astute readers will notice that JR had the good taste NOT to throw up in the rental car...UNLIKE someone else I know. Heh.

A strange beginning to the event...

Famous, out-

Firefly - Lessons Learned

Things I have learned from Firefly...




If someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.

Steal from the rich... sell to the poor.

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.

Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash.

There are some things not to be mistaken for suggestions.

Be respectful of other people's cultures. Some people juggle geese.

Morbid and creepifying is OK, long as it's quiet-like.

That nothin' into nothin'...carry the nothin'... is nothin'.

A Stegosaurus and a T-Rex can never be friends.

Betrayl is sudden but inevitable.

To take that end of the stick, and take it. And that's somethin'.

If you dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun. Even if you are a gun named Vera.

That how you get there is the worthier part.

There's nothin' more deceivin' than a low-down dirty...deceiver.

That when you arrive just in the nick of time, that makes you a Big Damn Hero.

That you should never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious.

That sanguine means both hopeful and bloody.

They don't like it when you shoot at them.

That the losing side of a conflict is not necessarily the wrong one.

That sometimes a thing gets broken and can't be fixed.

The small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.

That one goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one.

There is a special level of Hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre.

If you can't do somethin' smart, do somethin' right.

Even at the corner of "no" and "where" you are rarely as alone as you think you are.

Sometimes the voices in your head are right.



If you're still flying, it's enough.


Famous, out-

Welcome to the Blogosphere...

James S!

So, James was so happy to be a guest poster that he started his own blog.

Go forth and be amused by his ramblings...

Sarchasmic Hallucidations

Famous out-

Oysterpalooza! -or- Does this month have an R in it?

Hmmm... Let me check.

J-a-n-u-a-R-y

Whoo hoo!

Time for an oyster roast!!

I've done smoked pork, pulled pork, lechon asado, wings, ribs, and some kick-ass baked ham over the last month and a half... But even though I spent 2 weeks on a semi-deserted island (i.e. no INTELLENGENT* life, Heh) I have not dabbeled in cooking any seafood lately...
We had an oyster roast the first week of December...


The Perfect Child on the prowl for a tasty morsel.

And I think it's getting to be time for another seafood fest.
A couple bags of oysters, maybe some crawfish...
Perhaps some scrimps and clams... Maybe some fried grouper.
Let's start with a nice oyster roast, shall we?

You know, it was a brave man that first picked up an oyster, pryed it open, looked at the inside of it and thought "Man. I wonder what that'd taste like?" and ate it.

I'm ok with raw oysters, but I'd rather they be steamed or roasted on a grill...
Oysters Rockefeller and Casino are ok but are a lot of work.

For you folks without a lot of experience with family Ostreidae here are a few pointers:

The Goods:
On the East Coast, oysters is oysters. Whether you have sweet little Malpeques or Beausoleils from Nova Scotia, Parramours from Chincoteague Bay in Virginia, Blue Pointes from Long Island Sound, or -my personal favorites- Appalachicolas from Appalachicola Bay, they are all the same critter- Crassostrea virginica...

If we talk Left Coast, it's a different set o' animals entirely.
The only native oysters harvested for human consumption you will find in the Pacific Northwest is the Olympia oyster (Ostreola conchaphila), once near extinction...
A series of non-native species were brought in to fill the void, and now you can get Kumamotos (Crassostrea sikamea), and Pacific oysters (Crassostrea gigas). This importation and proliferation is causing problems in the natual ecosystems in the Eastern Pacific, but since commerce overrules ecology, the oyster farmers will keep doing everything they can do to keep up with demand for these tasty shellfish.
As for other oysters you might come across, you'll occasionally find Belons (Ostrea edulis), originally from the Brittany coast of France, or Conway Cup oysters (the Crassostrea virginica again) from Prince Edward Island, and a host of other local oysters, but these are so rare in basic large US markets they are a novelty...

Tools-
(This is easy.)
Go get a oyster knife and a heavy glove.
The oyster knife is a tool with a short blunt blade, used to pry open the oyster.
Should have a non-slip handle. The glove to to keep you from slicing open you hand either with the knife (bad), or the oyster shell (worse).

(Important: Should you follow these instruction and STILL cut yourself, immediately perform routine first aid. Don't wait until you finish that last few oysters, or delay until you're finished cleaning up... Do it NOW. The infection you can get from subtidal organisms is absoultely miserable and you can wind up extremely sick in a very short amount of time. Do yourself a favor: hot water rinse, antiseptic, antibotic cream or ointment, bandage. ASAFP. I'm not kidding.)

Ok... Let's get to work.

We have a big bag of Ostreidae, (at C&C seafood on Mayport RD here in Jax Beach I get two 40lb bags for $60. Your milage might vary)
1 shucking knife for each participant
1 glove for each participant
1 large roasting pan
backyard BBQ grill (propane is best)
several bottles of dark beer
2 clean towels
1 large serving tray (big enough for the full roaster)

Heat grill to Low-medium - (You should be able to hold your hand at grate-level for 4 seconds) Put roasting pan on grill and cover to bring the temp of the pan up.

Empty 2 bottles of beer in a large bowl, then soak the towels for minute- then lightly wring them out. (Periodically resoak towels during the cooking process, adding beer as needed.)

Prepare oysters for cooking- I hit them with a high-pressure spray from the hose to get off the worst of the mud and other muck, but if you are OCD or really want to go the extra yard, you can take a scrub brush to them...

When your pan is hot, add one beer to the pan, then put in a generous layer of oysters. Cover them with the beer-soaked towel and put them back on the grill for 8 to 10 minutes or until all the oysters are open.
(If one of two don't open, pitch the unopened ones. There is something wrong with them.)

Transfer the open oysters to the serving tray, and bring them to the table for the Ravenous Hordes.

To Consume:

Select a semi-opened oyster, hold in a gloved hand,
lever the shell open with your oyster knife.
Slide the knife under the meat, scraping to make sure adductor muscles are free from the shell, and then slurp the tasty morsel straight from the half-shell. Feel free to customize your slurpage with the following:
Lemon juice,
A dab of cocktail sauce,
Malt vinegar,
Tobasco,
Horseradish,
Wasabi,
or... (drumroll please)
Uncle jay's Oyster Sauce:
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons Dijon-style mustard
1 tablespoon Tabasco Chipotle Pepper Sauce
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 teaspoon salt
Whisk together all ingredients in a small bowl.
Serve as a dipping sauce, or spoon 1/8 teaspoon into the shell before slurping.

One other thing,
It is considered good form for others to take turns at the grill, so everyone can enjoy the different activities of the oyster roast.


Famous, out-

*Please see the comment section in regards to this
egregious misspelling.

Best joke I've heard in a long time...

On the March Hare's Website...

The one about the invisible guy in the waiting room...

Amazing...out.

Guest Post - Big Chouffe

This is a guest posting from James S, one of the Usual Suspects from the trip to Koln last October...
(I was looking for pics of James... I only have one, and I don't think he'd like me to post it here...heh.)

He sent me an e-mail describing a new brew that he encountered on his travels, with an oh-so-lyrical description of the brew (and it's aftereffects) that I felt it needed to be shared...
I'm not sure if I should be complimented by his assertion about my capacity for beer, or insulted by being classified with Russian Coal Miners & African Bull Elephants, but I'll discuss this with him at a later point... Perhaps with a baseball bat or a shillelagh. Or a Chimay....

Please enjoy James' discourse on Big Chouffe...




All -

After finishing the 3rd Big Chouffe of my life last night ( The manly man 1.5 Liter Magnum that is, not the regular La Chouffe - and of course only 1 per sitting as I think that nothing alive could survive 3 in a row except maybe a large Russian Coal Miner, an African Bull Elephant or possibly Jay Young) I am coming to the point of near mystical awe and reverence in regard for this beer - while also preparing for my new life's quest - a pilgrimage to the mecca of beer - Achouffe Belgium - Where I will bow down at the feet of the masters in both homage and praise at their creation of the Big Chouffe.

Achouffe

I owe my discovery of this veritable nectar of the gods to the Michael Jackson of Pennsylvania ( the beer guy, not the fag - Beerhunter ), Brian Sherry, quite possibly the only man I have ever encountered who regularly finds, drinks, rates and passes on
better beer then say ........Michael Jackson, the beer guy, not the fag. He is an endless font of good beers to taste - raise a glass to him as I do while indulging in any new beer with the firm knowledge he has already tried it a year before you even found it.

So, with that said, the "Big Chouffe" is by far the best "drinking for a buzz" beer ever crafted by the fine hand of man. By my recommendation alone - those of you who have never indulged, If you ever have a chance at one of these Magnums - Go for the gold and buy it - then find a day where you can sit down and drink the whole son of bitch in one sitting - hide your car key my friends, hide your car keys.... This is a No Drinking Skirts allowed beer and one that will cull the herd of the light weight beer drinkers in its awesome presence.....

So here is the run down on this near nectar of the gods :

Description : Golden Ale, strong, spicy, lightly hoppy, with evoluting taste. Natural Beer, bottle refermented, unfiltered, not pasteurized and without any additives.

Storage : Store the bottles vertically in a cold place, sheltered from light. The
yeast deposit can either be drunk or left according to taste .

( The storage point is important unless you like beer with yeast floating in it - it still tastes fine but is like OJ with pulp in it, not bad, but not for everyone. So, in case that were to happen to you - always remember - there is nothing in beer that can kill you - even if there is shit floating in it)

As a foot note - and what the fine Crafters of the La Chouffe Brewery have not felt cause to mention a PC warning on their labels - and something they most likely should - are the 2 things that I both curse them and praise them for at once.

1) The Praise : The alcohol content (while posted) is so quick to hit you - that after 1.1/2 Pilsner glasses of this brew - your lit ( Well - I'm lit anyway - I'm kinda small in stature as you all are so kind and quick to remind me of on any sitting). The Chouffe pours out into about - 2 and 1/4 large Pilsner glasses - not the little pussy ones that get thin at the base - but the ones that are like 22 oz and flare out at the top - so after 1.1/2 - I defy anyone to tell me they are not feeling the love and considering calling it quits with an unfinished bottle in front of you - but I, the lowly beer hound that I am , have always felt bad about leaving that extra beer in the bottle - kind of like it needs to get it's chance for glory - so as not to offend the fine crafters of La Chouffe, I prefer to kill the whole bad boy in 1 sitting - To both my pleasure and regret at the same time of course.

2) The Curse : Lo be it to the family member or bystander in the general vicinity of you the next day.......It has become glaringly apparent to me that one, or all, of the evil Brewmeister's at La Chouffe have formed a pact with the Devil himself and have reached into the farthest cesspool of Hell while creating the Malt for this beer. The residual effects of this Ale by far tops the scale in rankest fart gas ever produced. Rotting meat has nothing on this stuff. I surmise that they have even felled the mighty Guinness in the hallowed halls of Fartdom with this brew.
I actually have been forced to literally run from the area I crack off in, it is so bad - all the while praying that no one saw my "exit stage left" and can link
me to the crime. Good lord this beer produces a fetid stench that would give pause to the best proctologist.

Now, If you are like me (and most of you are) and the fart is the endless source of laughter which the Good Lord intended it to be - then you will appreciate this lil story:

While I was driving the kids to school today, I was forced to drop the bomb in the car (completely out of character for me while with my kids of course - NOT ).
So what do I do you ask?? I immediately spring into action - Raising and Locking all windows at light speed and then cranking the heat on full blast on the blower setting - while eagerly waiting in anticipation for the reaction of a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old to my evil plan - but lo to my surprise - the noxious gas seeps up through my zipped jacket - like a warm creeping mustard gas - only to spew from the top of the neck enveloping my head and immediately bringing tears to my eyes (both in laughter and veritable disgust ).
Only then did it spill into the car, bringing forth a splendid chorus of retching and gagging from my kids in mere nano seconds after exodus. Immediately followed by the shouts of "Gross!" and "Daddy you farted!" "Roll the Windows Down!" amongst a flurry of fingers clicking the now useless window controls at their sides ( insert Dr.Evil laugh).
I was almost blinded by the tears of - dare I say delight?? It smelled so bad I felt Satan himself smile in justification with the "atta boy" pat to my back.

So, in summation : If you are looking for that great wife beating buzz, then this is the beer for you. By the end of just one Magnum of Big Chouffe your ready for a "Tootoo" and some ballet slippers.

All I can say in parting is "Serve me up another."


Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy.
~ Benjamin Franklin


Beer :The Cause of, and Solution to, all of Life's
Problems.
~ Homer Simpson


-------------------

Thanks, James.

Famous- Out-

Lisbon to Dakar

I'm adding this to the "Stuff I wanna do before I croak" list...


The Lisbon to Dakar rally.

The race goes from Lisbon Portugal to Malaga Spain, then across the western Med to Nador Morocco, then through the western Sahara countries down to Dakar, Senegal...



I figure I need $200,000 for expenses and shipping, a BMW 1200RS and a lobotomy to make the trip.

Anyone want to sponsor me?

Amazing, out-

Goodbye Tortugas, Hello 2007

Just a few more pics from the 82° 51' West, 24° and 36' Northing, before I move on to more and bigger things for 2007...

First, a nice action pic-
Our fearless leader in the Tortugas,
Willie "No one ever died from an ass chewing" Lopez.

Lopez is on the water- all is right with the world...

Rather than taking the 2 hour ferryboat back to Key West I wheedled a faster ride back to Key Weird. If Seaplanes of Key West has a full day booked, the first flight out to the island has a deadhead going back in to Key West and occasionally we can hop a ride, but you have to be ready to go as soon as they hit the beach...


The 8:20 flight to Key West has arrived.

Hogan arrives for the first flight of the day.

The Farewell Committee

Sheri, Sarah and Trep send me off with style...

Taking off has it's challenges...

It's not often you see a sailboat on the runway when you're getting ready for takeoff...

There was a bad headwind heading back, so were were up around 3500' during the ride back.

Passing over the Marquesas.

There were several really good aspects of returning via seaplane...
First, I got to KW about 9:00AM...
Usually I'be be getting in at 6:00pm which made for a long trip back to Jacksonville in the dark, but now I'd be getting an early start on trip back home.
Second, I got to go to lunch with Buddy and Leanne-
Two wonderful folks who make my trips to DRTO smooth. They keep an eye on Physalia while I'm out at the Island, and they also were able to fill all the holes in my larder by making a run to the grocery story and sending out fresh victuals on the ferry boat.
In an effort to repay a small part of that debt, I took them to lunch at El Meson De Pepe on Mallory Square... I had the Roast Pork sandwich... Very tasty!

I also made time to hit my favorite place for conch fritters...
A little shack outside the Key West Aquarium just off Mallory Square.
They serve fried fish and other snacky stuff, but back in the Old Days all they served were conch fritters and bollos...

The Mother Lode...

Bollos, a hushpuppy-like fritter made of ground black-eyed peas, onion, and garlic were a staple we used as our drinking base back when I was just out of high school, before I headed out to the real world. We'd get a few orders of fritters and bollos and go watch Sunset at Mallory Square, then we'd hit Gringos or Captain Tony's for a night of drinking and debauchery...

Well... They don't make bollos any more, but the fritters are still the best.


Get an order of 6, and a little container of Key Lime Mustard... Ambrosia!

I got on the road about 1:30- just in time for rush hour in Miami...
Arrived back in Jacksonville at 10:30.

No more Island Time until July...

A long but fun trip...



Famous, out-

Best Buzzwords 2006

Some of the best buzzwords of 2006-

1. Blamestorming: A group process where participants analyze a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves..
(Does anyone recognize Ned's Post-Olympic "Lessons Learned meeting"? Assignment of blame and praise for Non-Participants?)

2. Death by Tweakage: When a product or project fails due to unnecessary tinkering or too many last-minute revisions.

3. BMWs: Bitchers, Moaners and Whiners.

4. Clockroaches: Employees who spend most of their day watching the clock - instead of doing their jobs.
(Not to be confused with "THE Cockroach" up in ETS...)

5. plutoed: To be unceremoniously dumped or relegated to a lower position without an adequate reason or explanation.

6. Prairie-dogging: A modern office phenomenon. Occurs when workers simultaneously pop their heads up out of their cubicles to see what's going on.
(Residents of E-media, Events and the Dev Department are getting good at this.

7. Carbon-based error: Error caused by a human, not a computer (which we assume would be a silicon-based error). (Kind of a PEBAK for the new millenium.)

8. Menoporsche: Male menopause. Symptoms include a sudden lack of energy, crankiness and the overpowering urge to buy a Porsche.
(Because Menomustang doesn't sound right...)

9. Adminisphere: The upper levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.

10. Deja poo: The feeling that you've stepped in/been buried by this bull before.

11. Bobbleheading: The mass nod of agreement by participants in a meeting to comments made by the Boss, even though most have no idea what he/she just said.

12. Ringtone rage: The violent response by cube mates after hearing your annoying cell phone ringtone for the 15th time.

13. Muffin top: The unsightly roll of flesh that spills over the waist of a pair of too-tight jeans.

(From L3, purveyor of all manner of Good Stuff...)

Famous, out-

Dry Tortugas Pictures

Various scenes from this trip to DRTO...

First-
(my personal favorite... Think "Finding Nemo" meets "The Birds")

The Gulls

"Mine? Mine. Mine! Mine!"

Frigate & Jet

A jet on the 555 airway and an Everglades Kite (a/k/a/ Frigate Bird)

Sunset 1

A pair of campers enjoy a January sunset off the south beach.

Sunset 2

A larger group enjoying a sunset off the beach at the Garden Key campground.

Moat wall

The west side of the Fort...

Sunrise

Sunrise from the secdond level, over Garden Key Harbor

And finally- another unwelcome visitor-
One of four Turkey Buzzards that have taken up residence on Garden Key.

Keeping an eye out for fresh meat.

More pics soon...

Amazing, out-

Dry Tortugas 2007 FGA

Dry Tortugas 2007
Frequently Given Answers

Theses are the most frequently given answers from this trip...

1. Yes, I live here.
2. 2 weeks at a time, 2 or three times a year.
3. Yes, the Rangers live here too. Year-around.
4. Yes, there are a lot of birds.
5. Yes, we get a lot of Cuban migrants.
6. Yes, the noise of from our generators.
7. No, we can’t change over to solar power.
8. No, you can’t tie your boat to the dock overnight.
9. All our supplies come out on our supply boat.
10. Once a week.
11. It arrives on Tuesday and leaves the island on Thursday.
12. No, cell phones don’t work.
13. No, there isn’t a payphone.
14. Our fresh water comes from a desalinization plant, and we also use rainwater.
15. The best place to snorkel? In the water. Heh.
16. Seriously. In the swimming area, and the coaling docks.
17. Yes, we have satellite TV.
18. Yes, we stay here when there is a storm or a hurricane.
19. Yes, there’s lots of fish in the moat.
20. The moat depth is from 2 inches to 8 feet.
21. No, you can’t swim/dive/fish in the moat.
22. Yes, we get turtles here.
23. Mostly in the summer- May to August.
24. Yes, they have nests on all the islands here.
25. Yes, Bush Key and Long Key are closed to visitors.
26. No, no spearfishing.
27. No, no lobster diving either.
28. No, no Starbucks, Coke machine, ice or fishing bait for sale here. Sorry.
29. Yes, you can fish off the dock.
30. No, you can’t eat the seagulls.

Famous, out-

...And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow....

Recognize the line?

Sam McGee...

The wind, she's been a blowin'!
25 to 35 knots the last two days... and according to NOAA it's going to get worse, not better. I'm starting to work on social-engineering a ride back to KW on the Seaplane when I go. Riding the Yankee Freedom (a/k/a "Vomit Comet") is not such a great idea right now.

Two good things- First, the rain has stopped.
Also, with the winds so high we haven't had any Cubans come ashore.

On the flip side of the coin, these conditions bring on other issues...
The strong winds have brought us lots of Physalia...
(No, not my car... Real Physalia physalis... Portugese Man O' War.)

And with so many of the bright blue By-the-Wind-Sailors, we get lots of visitors with horrible stings...
Today I saw the worst one I since I was a kid back in Marathon... A visitor snorkled straight into one today.
The woman had a 4" by 4" burn patch on her left shoulder where the body of the creature hit her, then at least 5 long lines of welts from where the tentacles (dactlyozooids) hit her and zapped her with nematocysts. The welts went around her shoulder and across the front of her body and down to her hip.
(The poison is a neurotoxin, so the Rangers try to monitor stung visitors to make sure they don't go into anaphylaxis.)
Each day so far we've had at least one serious sting... Not a good thing.
We've posted signs on the beaches, the tour guides warn the visitors, but we still get at least one good hit every day.

Another change is that the seagull population is getting very agressive.
These white-feathered rats-with-wings are dropping down on the visitors as they carry their lunch plates from the serving tables to the picnic tables to eat.
The visitors either drop some or all of their food, causing a flurry of activity from the 40 or so gulls that are hovering overhead.
The lunch crew from the Sunny Days and the Yankee Freedom have to stand guard over their tables- the Sunny Days crew is on station with a long handled net, and the guys on the Yankee have brooms to shoo away the birds-
If they relax their guard for just a moment, the birds will land directly on the lunch table and grab food...
Gazing into my crystal ball I can see an informal seagull euthanasia project coming up...

What else...?

I guess that's it for now...

Film at 11.

Famous! out-

(PS-- Want to learn more about the Portugese Man O' War? Click here.)

Back to the Dry Tortugas (again)...

I started the year out here...
Jan 2006
Seems only fitting that I should end it out here too...

I rode out on the Yankee Freedom... We had a 20 know wind out of the Northwest, so we were quartering a good chop. Once we hit Rebecca Channel, things got positively ugly... 6 to 8 foot seas. Not pretty at all...

The remnants of many a Christmas dinner were strewn about the cabin...Nasty
I hid up in the wheelhouse with Capt. Brad. (Not Morgan)...

At one point one of the crew came up...

"Good news and bad news, Capt'n." he said.
"Well...Gimme the bad..." Capt. Brad said.
"Bad news: There is a huge gaping (is there a different kind?)
hole in the left pontoon." said the wrenchmonkey.
"What's the good news?" Brad asked, nonplussed.
"All that water pouring into the hull has put out the fire in the engine room..."

Famous.

TBG out.

Only in the South...

Appalling.

Wish I'd thought of it first. Heh.

Famous, out-

MY favorite Christmas carol...

...Yes... it's that time of year again.
When we drag out the same old wheezy stand-bys to sing along with,
everyone in their own key, of course, to bring joy and happiness to all.

Carol of the Bells, by Skippy.

As the old saying goes, "Everyone brings joy to others...
Some when they arrive, others when they leave."

Famous, out-

Okay, I'm not reading any more food blogs.

In theory, Tofu does strange things to you...

"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products."

And other studies confirm that not enough tofu might be bad for you, depending on whether you are an Asian female...

(Of course, I know of a few super-competitive hyper agressive world leaders that could use a nice big glass of soy milk every morning...)

Now... the question arises:"If soy is so harmful as to potentially alter sexual physiology and behavior, why haven't the Chinese and Japanese all died off or become homosexual centuries ago?"
Jim Rutz wades into that little poser here.

Oh, these nutritional and gastronomic conundrums!

Famous, out-

This is just so wrong...

There are no words to describe this...

Is it safe to view at work? Probably.
Would it be difficult to explain? Definitely.

Famous, out-

Geez. Another 30 points on my HDLs...

I thought the Fried Coke was going to be a bite in the ass...

Now they come out with Chicken Fried Bacon.



Famous! & Extra crispy. Out-

Notes on a fridge (on a spaceship)

Firefly/Serenity Fans:
(And if you're not, you should be...)

A collection of notes on the 'fridge aboard Serenity...



Great stuff... I love the artwork.

TBG out-

Wings and Shotguns

Every year after our company Christmas Party we have the day off.
Sometimes we play golf, once we went bowling, and occasionally we go out to the North Florida Gun Club and shoot a couple rounds of skeet or trap.

This year, we gathered at Hooters and chowed down on wings and weak American beer, then headed up to the Northside.

It was cold. I mean really cold.

Jim and Zack, waiting in the 30 degree chill for their turn to shoot...


Andy Doremus at Station 5. Watch out for ejected cartidges...


Yours Truly at Station 6.


Ben, Zack, Croc & Jim. Slowly freezing to death...

Just one bit o' advice for the Croc...
When you call for your target, wait until you actually see the target before you fire the shotgun.

Preferred method:
"Pull!"..............Bang!

Croc method:
"Pull!"BANG!

The clay pigeon laughed and waved as it flew off to the north...

We had a great selection of guns- Ben was shooting Ron H's Mossberg 500 riot gun, Jim had his Benelli Black Eagle, I brought my Beretta a390 and my Stoeger, Eric had his pump Remington, I think...

Not pictured, but still in attendance...
Eric Geisler, Ryan "Tommy Boy" Laird.

325 12-guage rounds later we departed...
Even with the 20 mile per hour winds and temps in the high 30s, we'd had a great time.

Famous, out!

Lake Effect Snow

K-Flan and I had late morning flights out of Cleveland...
(His on Southwest, mine on Continental.)
Weather reports were showing "lake effect" snow on the way in the morning.
(Is lake effect snow supposed to be less snow-like than regular snow? Snow Lite?)

Lake effect or not, the cold white stuff was on its way.

We decided to get on the road early...5:00am was the agreed-upon time.

It was already starting as we were getting on the road.


Big fat ugly flakes. (Just like in California.)


Lots of traffic...


...and more traffic.


Keepin' it at 50... Fortunately I had reserved the SUV with 4WD.


Hey... why are those headlights facing this way?"


I thought all the Yankees knew how to drive in the snow...


Finally! The airport.


Uh..y'all are going to clean all the snow off that plane before we take off, right?


No...Seriously. Please get the ice off the wings...

Well... We made it back. There was a 45 minute delay for deicing in Cleveland, and another 30 minutes ground delay in Newark, but we did make it.

Got back to Jacksonville just in time for the weather to drop into the 20s here.
Nice. But at least there is no snow...

Famous, out.

Pennsyl-bama, continued.

Franklin PA is a tough town to enjoy, especially in December.

K-Flan and I were attending Bacou-Dalloz/Miller Fall Protection training...

I won't bore you with the details of the class, (I'll bore you with other stuff- Heh) but I will say if you are in need of training for fall hazard recognition, risk evaluation and fall hazard control, take this course. Great stuff.


For some odd reason, Mr. Flanagan didn't like the nameplate on his desk.

Now, after a long day of principles of fall protection and regulatory requirements and application of theory and practice, we needed an adult libation.
(Not to mention it was bloody cold!)

Just to be sure to stay out of trouble, we parked at The Hotel and walked to the bar.

Oddly enough- even after the episode with Drunk Chick and Green Teeth, we returned to The After Hours... (You know, I'm really starting to see the truth of Proverbs 26:11...As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.)

Well... Fortunately the DC and GT weren't there, so it was a peaceful night...

We even met the absolute nicest bartender, Lori, there.


It is very possible that she is the best-looking girl in Frankin...perhaps even in all of western Pennsylbama.

After putting a serious dent in the local supply of Captain Morgan, we wandered home.
The temp on The Banks clock read 20 degrees...
I will say that the cold weather does lend a festive air to the holiday season.


Downtown Fraklin

We did stop at one other bar in Franklin...

I'm a little concerned with the entertainment at some of these places...
In Jax Beach we have Karaoke or trivia contests.

In Franklin, however...


Bring a partner. Right.

One drink and we split...


Amazing, out.

Uncle Jay's Pulled Cork

A week or so ago I made a pulled pork that, by popular acclaim, was one of the best I had come up with thus far...

So... By popular demand:

Uncle Jay's Pulled Cork.
(Coca-cola & Pork Shoulder)

Gets:
4-6 lb pork shoulder (butt).
(I used a boned and rolled shoulder, but bone-in is OK, just a little more work when your are shredding the meat.)
1 large yellow onion
2 large cloves of garlic. (don't use the pre-minced stuff here.)
1 packet of McCormick Grill Mates (R) Mesquite Marinade
1/2 to 3/4 cup dark brown sugar
1 20 oz. bottle Coca-Cola (The Real Thing.)
Olive oil. (Whatever you have, regular, virgin, extra virgin...hell, I don't care.)
Salt (kosher, of course)
Black pepper.
Non-stick cooking spray (unless you like scrubbing the sides of your slow cooker)
All-Purpose Flour for dusting the pork prior to browning
yellow mustard (optional)

Dos:

Get your slow cooker out.
Get a large frying pan out.

Quarter and slice the onion.
Peel, crush and coarsly chop the garlic.
Spray the sides of the slow cooker with cooking spray.
Pour a little olive oil in the bottom of the slow cooker.
Add onions and garlic.
Add GrillMates Mesquite Marinade
Pour in Coca-Cola
Turn on "low" heat

Unwrap pork shoulder and dust with flour, salt and pepper.
(put a handful of all purpose flour on a paper plate with a tablespoon of kosher salt and a few grinds of pepper. Roll the pork in the flour/salt/pepper mixture.)

Turn stove on high heat and in the large frying pan add olive oil (a couple tablespoons).
When it is good and hot, add the pork shoulder and brown it on all sides...
You're looking for a little brown crust on all sides and ends...
Should take no more than 10 minutes to do the whole thing.
Once browned, move the meat into the slow cooker.
(Lower it in carefully. A slam-dunk would be inappropriate here.)

Lid the cooker and wash up.

Cook time 8-10 hours.
(I put mine on at 10PM and at 7:00 am I was shredding the meat)

Next steps:

After the cooking time is expired, remove meat from the slow cooker to a cutting board and give it ten minutes to rest.
(It's been swimming for a long time, it going to be tired.)

While the meat rests, start your sauce.

Take all the "pot-likker" for the slow cooker and put it in a large pot over med-hi heat.
Add brown sugar (to taste) as the mixture reduces.
(Also add yellow mustard here if you want just a little zing)
Stir frequently
Reduce sauce to half original volume.

While sauce reduces, pull pork.
With 2 dinner forks, pull the cooked port into long shreds, the meat should just fall apart.

Put the pulled pork back in the pot. When the sauce has reduced to a nice thick sweet sauce, put sauce back in the pot with the pork.
Mix well. Leave heat on LOW.
(Reserve some sauce for dipping or dressing sandwiches)

Serve with cole slaw and soft rolls for making sandwiches.

Famous!

Travels with K-Flan Redux

What, exactly, did I do to deserve this?

There was an e-mail I recieved while still in Shanghai, which I had read while doing Other Stuff and promptly forgot about...

"Hey.
We're sending you and K-Flan to a fall protection training course in December.
Get it on your schedule."

So... On Monday last, I'm wandering through the office like a lost child and a claw-like hand grabs me and drags me to the IDS Travel Desk.

"Hey... Big Guy. You. Me. Cleveland. Monday week." K-Flan says, in his usual I'm-too-redneck-to-use-articles speech patterns.

"Huh?" I cleverly replied.

"You know. Fall protection. Pennyslvania."

"Uh... OK." I said. "Continental has a non-stop to Cleveland. I'll drive from there."
"Pittsburgh. Closer." he said.
"Pittsburgh is a two-hop on, heaven forbid, US Scare. Not gonna happen. Continental."
"Are you sure?" said Travel Girl...
"Make it so." I told her.

Here we are a week later, lake effect snow falling all around as I try to pilot the Chevy SUV into the arrivals area at CLE, and I'm searching for K-Flan, hoping he's not being detained by the airport police. He had come in on Southwest, similar price, but a three-hop... I guess he's a masochist (Look it up) or something.

Anyway... Here we are again. Yours truly and the Redneck. On the road again.
The first words out of his mouth as he got in the rental car...
"This $@#%&! weather is unfit for man or beast."
"Which is precisely why they sent us. Duh." I told him as I filed a flight plan out of CLE and headed west toward the Garden Spot of Western Pennsylvania, Frankiln.

2 and change hours later we pulled into Franklin...and let me tell you, I've been in some backwater burgs in my time, but Frankiln is a piece of work... It's barely a wide spot in the road out at the corner of No and Where...
We found a spot for some dinner before checking in to the hotel... a picturesque little joint called The After Hours... Restaurant/Bar/Poolroom where we had dinner and abuse for under 20 bucks...
There was a line in an old Charlie Daniels song about "an old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth"... Never thought I'd live to see it, but here we were...
Green Teeth and Drunk Chick were shooting pool... More like just moving the balls around with the sticks than "shooting", as a certain skill level is required, but let's just call it shooting and be done with it., shall we?
The old drunk broad was talking at K-Flan between "shots", and when he couldn't understand her slurred speech and started ignoring her, she got loud and belligerent...
Her old man tried to quiet her down... "Hey... those guys are either cops or bounty hunters... leave them alone. We don't need trouble."

Huh?

Well... We finished our dinner and things were getting pretty weird...
Drunk Chick sat at the the other end of the bar and every once in she'd look over at K-Flan and I and loudly yell something unintelligible....
"Rassth! Yarnohght! Shhhhhurght!" and then Green Teeth would come over and sush her again...

We finally bailed on the place in order to go check in at the hotel...
As we left Green Teeth sent us off with a blessing...
"Jesus loves you!" he said "Everone else thinks you're assholes." he finished.

You know things are bad when both bartenders, the cook and two other patrons of the bar all apologize to you for the bad behavior of others...
Very scary.

Seems like there is only one of a lot things here...Lots of use of the definitive participle "the"... The Traffic Light, The Bar, The Statue, The Taxi, The Prostitute..We headed to The Hotel... The Hotel has a lounge where Monday Night Football was on, so we got checked in and headed down for a nightcap and to watch a Carolina beat up on Philly for a bit...
We discussed Green Teeth, Drunk Chick and the rest of the local denizens we had encountered...

"Dude, based on the local flavor of this place, I'm thinking we've fallen into a twilight zone place... Backwater as any place Down South...maybe worse than most...I think were in Pennsyl-bama..."
These people make K-Flan look positively sophisticated....

Well...

The white stuff is falling still...
It's going to be a long week here in Pennsylbama...


"... I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, 'You tip your hat to this lady, son!'
And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath."
Charlie Daniels - Uneasy Rider


Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted.

Famous, out.

I have no problem with that...

....Go ahead, discriminate against anyone who acts like this...

6 Imams Kicked Off Plane Gave Crew Several Reasons to Be Suspicious
(Original story on FOX here)

Sunday , December 03, 2006
By Cassie Carothers

Six imams were kicked off a US Airways flight last week in Minneapolis for committing several acts of suspicious behavior, not just because they said their evening prayers before boarding the plane, a police report shows, contradicting earlier media reports.

US Airways manager Robby Taylor Davis told police three of the six imams had one-way only tickets and only one passenger checked luggage. He also said in the police report that most of the six requested seat-belt extensions typically used by obese people despite being thin.

Also, a passenger on the plane who speaks Arabic heard the group mention Saddam Hussein and criticize the United States' involvement in Iraq. The passenger, whose named was redacted from the police report, said he saw two of the men take seats in the front of the plane, two take seats in the middle, and two more in the back.

Minneapolis police, along with U.S. Federal Air Marshals, decided the collective behavior of the group was suspicious enough to detain the men and question them.

Earlier reports only said the group had been seen praying loudly before the flight, and the group was removed after a passenger passed a note to a flight attendant bringing attention to the group, and did not include details on the other suspicious behavior of the imams.

The imams, who were returning from a religious conference, were detained and questioned before being released shortly thereafter.

"Pauline," a passenger on the flight who didn't want to give her real name for fear of her safety, said she thought the it was a stunt to garner media attention.

"They were so poised and ready to go to the press. By the time I arrived home from the airport ... they were already announcing on the news that they were being discriminated against," Pauline said on FOX News' Hannity and Colmes.

In the aftermath of the Sept. 11 terror attacks, four airlines accused of breaking federal anti-discrimination laws settled with the government. Transportation Department investigations found the airlines had unlawfully removed passengers because of perceived ethnic or religious backgrounds.

The Transportation Department received a complaint about the US Airways incident on Monday from the Muslim Public Affairs Council, said spokesman Brian Turmail.

"We're going to now look into the matter," Turmail said.

The Homeland Security Department's Office for Civil Rights and Civil Liberties said last week that it was investigating the incident.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

---

Ok... So, one of two things is going on here...

These guys are trying to get air time for their cause... Which is fine with me.
Arrest them and shine a flashlight up their asses like the TSA does mine when I get "detained for questioning" because I forgot my Leatherman in my bag... If you want the pulicity, then you have to pay the price...

The second possibility is that they are just stupid...
Even if you have only HALF a brain, you know not to do things to call attention to yourself in/at airports or on airplanes... If they are THAT stupid, they have no business riding on a mass transit public conveyance. They need to be on a short bus going on public outings with a cadre of keepers and handlers that make sure they don't make messes on the floor.

Hmmm....

I'm not sure which fits the bill more...

Let me get this straight... They think they are being discriminated against because of these shenanigans. People are supposed to think nothing out of the ordinary is going on when they see this?...

Please.

Someone please tell me WHY a group of Arabic men acting in this manner don't deserve the rubber-glove treatment...and if the airport/airline sees this behavior and doesn't act on it, I would have HUGE issues there.

Especially considering how many times I have been stopped/questioned/violated just for being a technician and having the tools of my trade on my person.

FTMF!

TBG out.