Fifty Shades of Jay

Information Technology is a great job. </Sarc>

First on site, last ones to leave.

I'm on the late shift, doing last walk-through of the offices around 11:30pm before heading back to the hotel...
I notice a light on in the office an Admin. Better check it out.

She is at her desk.
The tall well-shaped brunette Admin Assistant that has been the bane of my existence all week.

The needy bitch...
"I can't access the share drive. I can't print. I need a bigger screen."
Gah.
Biting the bullet I walked over to her desk..
"Hey- I'm heading out. You OK with all your printers and stuff?"

She looks up wistfully...
"Oh... I'm OK..." She heaves a heavy sigh.
She looks up at me coyly, then with a come-hither batting of her eyes she opens her gambit:
"I know I've been a pain in the arse with all my requests..."
I waited for the other shoe to drop...
"I'm very high maintenance..." she purred.
Uh oh.
She got up from her desk and smoothed her blouse seductively...
"I've been a bad girl... I need to be punished." She said- biting her lower lip...


I looked into her smoldering eyes...

"No problem." I said.


I promptly installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

"That ought to do it."


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Flirting & Sexual Harassment - Definitions Please

In the local news, on of the Big Bash cricket players was twigged for an interview with a local SportsNewsHottie...

“I wanted to come and have an interview with you as well.
That’s the reason why I’m here, just to see your eyes for the first time. It’s nice so. Hopefully we can win this game and have a drink after. Don’t blush, baby.”

She recovered, got the interview back on track and aside from from snickering from the other commentators, but it wasn't any near as bad as Joe Namath and his drunken hitting on Suzy Kolber in 2003...
Granted- live TV and all that. So his timing was off. BFHD.

Obviously, all the blue hairs and feminists got their knickers in a bunch regarding this...
But geez- that's pretty tame, all things considered.
He apologized, she accepted - then the PC Police went crazy- he got fined $10,000AUD
(What's that- $25 USD?)  and they are talking suspension/firing.
For telling her she was cute and asking her out for drink?
Please.
All things being equal, if you look at female Aussie Talking Heads, every damned one is a looker. They don't hire the 5s, only 8-10s. So- to be sure they are hired for their (sex) appeal. [The male ATH? I am not qualified to judge such things...] But in as much as they are hired with such an attribute, what the fck do they expect?

Cpould someone PLEASE draw the line where banter / harmless flirting and normal male-female interactions become sexual harassment and become harmful?



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Women. Can't Live With Them...

...Can't live without 'em
...Can't lead them to water OR make them drink
...Can't judge them by their covers
...Can't shoot 'em without lots of paperwork and hefty prison sentences, usually
...Can't have cake and eat it too
...Can't beat them or join them
...Can't get blood from a turnip.

One of the Boys was tore up- huge fight with his SO, shouting and hurtful words, etc.
As he was lamenting his situation in committee so to speak, we listened and prepared to make some helpful observations and suggestions.
Because that's what guys do. 
We try to help.


He bemoaned the fact that he just doesn't understand his SO, or women in general, that has relationship is teetering on the brink of the abyss and is probably irrevocable.
He solicits us for help regarding understanding women.
Us.
A bunch of childish morons who are barely housebroken and have about as much 'understanding' of women as a dog has of analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differential Riemannian manifolds...

Hey, we're not gynecologists, but we can give it a shot.
For my part, I brought all my experience in 40 years of dealing with girls/women and nearly 25 years of marriage, and a heaping amount of book-learnin' in sociology classes at UF, and a boatload of Internet droppings (cause we all know how accurate that shit is) into the conversation.

First and foremost: Don't try to 'understand' women. Women understand women, and they fucking HATE each other.



Second: If a guy talks to other guys for advice (which is rare in and of itself), he is looking help with a situation. He actually WANTS advice.
If a woman goes to other women for advice she is looking validation regarding her position. She doesn't want advice, but if it bolsters her position, she might fold it into her argument.

But- if your SO wants to talk about her problems and doesn't SPECIFICALLY ASK for advice or help, DO NOT OFFER ADVICE OR HELP.
She just wants to talk about it  SOMEONE and most likely one of her girlfriends wasn't available. Just listen, nod your head sagely and offer non-committal vocal assent.

Guys want to be helpful and fix things- but sadly, women are usually just wanting to talk things through...
(This is one of those 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' things. Men's and women's thought processes are so different it has been opined (read this) that men and women aren't the same race, and probably aren't even the same species.)

Back to our sad friend-
"Look- I understand your feelings.
You miss her, you're miserable without her.
You can't imagine your life without her in it.
You'd do anything for her.
You want her back in your life so bad there is nothing else you can think of... she completely dominates your thoughts 24/7.
There is nothing you wouldn't pay to have her back, 
and would gladly commit horrible violence to regain her.
Men often feel that way about women...


Women feel that way about SHOES*."

How can a guy possibly hope to understand that?

Just suck it up, Buttercup.
Here endeth the lesson.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
* To be fair, I know women who are this way about jewelry, booze, fast cars, and at least one that feels that way about guns. Obsession isn't pretty. But it can be entertaining.

Public Service Announcement

Everyone- watch your asses.
My Ex-Wife is on the road this morning.

Her car wasn't in it's usual parking spot...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rules - The Follow Up

A few days back I had a post regarding rules that suggested most were due to dire circumstances or mortal lessons...

This is one of those occasions:


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Joke Time...

Q: Why did the Blonde fail her Calculus exam?



A: She had a Biology test on the same day, and being that she is a Bio major she felt it would be in her best interest to put more emphasis on the Bio test because she was only taking Calc as an advanced elective credit which would not effect her major GPA.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Truth - The Retro Look

The Collective over at Castle G retweeted a good one last night...

(You ARE familiar with the boys at G, yes? If not, here's the Guide)



The tweet in question:

I had never noticed before tonight that Katy Perry looks like she should be painted on the side of a WW2 plane. She's old school hot.
— Kelly (@flyoverangel) February 2, 2015

Yeah buddy-
Between her and Christina Aguilera, I like this trend in bringing back the 40's-Style pin-up girls.



Gwen Stefani of No Doubt is pulling her weight too, however miniscule that is...



I would love to hang any one of these girls on a wall in my office.

Hell, I'd even settle for hanging a picture of one of them on the wall of the office...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

A Girl After My Own Heart

I was in Noo Yawk Sitty at the beginning of last week.

Meetings with the good folk in Secaucus and OhDannyBoi in Midtown. Always a good time.

Things were pretty good- I'm doing the low-carb thing - fortuitously there was a Brazilian steakhouse less than a block from the hotel, so I had that going for me...

(Fogo de Chao for those keeping score at home)

A couple non-paid endorsements are in order here- first:

If you are a traveler, have you installed the Hotels Tonight app on your phone yet?

Do it. Do it NOW. Listen to your Uncle Jay: It's awesome. 

I got the Manhattan Hotel on Times Square (which is NOT on Times Square) for $140 for that evening. A steal for Midtown property... 

Second - I picked up a pair of Belleville Tactical Research Hot Weather Boots (TR606 - Sage) from Outdoor Equipped via Amazon and I've been wearing them pretty extensively- including this trip to the (very rainy) Big Apple and they are amazing...

I have been having issues with Plantar Fasciitis, and I have had to swear off flip-flops and sandals (difficult for me) and have been wearing shoes with significant soles and arch support to clear it up.

These boots are no exception- Mid rise uppers, lace-ups, great sole and arch- and great for the extensive walking around the mean streets of The City. And they stood up to the water and mud 

spectacularly.

Love me some Belleville boots. Get you some.

(I repeat- unpaid endorsement. Note to FTC: Blow me.)

So... to the Girl...

I was heading back out to Newark for my flight back home- I hoofed it through the mud, blood and rain to Penn Station and decided to get a bite before catching the train to EWR.

Found a little bar/restaurant that looked promising...

As I sat down, the barmaid was yelling to another waitress-

"F*ck that guy! He gets nothing!" indicating another customer who just laughs along with the bar wenches...

Wow. Nice language... You kiss your mother with that mouth?

It was the start of an amazing barrage of public profanity in epic proportions...

Now, I'm as bad as then next events technical staff member when it come to extended time on the road - 'Events Tourettes' we call it. Usually takes me a week or so to rein in my language after a long stint in the field. But this woman put me to shame... Her range creative profane embellishment and command of invective would embarrass a sailor...

She dropped the F-Bomb three times in the first minute I was at the bar-

(Being the good statistician that I am, I had to start keeping track...)

Her use of the F-Word was remarkable... She used it as a noun, a verb, an adjective, adverb, pronoun, article and a participle at one time or another over the 40 minutes I was in the bar.

The final count- in 40 minutes over 110 utterances of the F-Word (or variations like MFer) alone.

I didn't count the rest of the expletives like d*mn, sh!t, and the oh-so-popular 'C0cks^ck3r' - (her second-most used multi-function word) but there was a ton of them.

She reminded me of the line from 'A Christmas Story'...

"He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."

This woman has picked up the gauntlet of challenge and is striving to bring a new range and timbre to recreational cussing...

Salute.

Reasons I Like Australia, #7,486 & #7,487

Reason #7,486:

This is the ugliest girl in Australia.  In January.

Reason #7,487:

There are 'rashers', or as I call it 'SuperBacon'.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Girls Are Assholes...

...At the bar. (Sometimes they're worse than guys...)

I've met the girl on the left...
Don't try to buy her a drink.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей

I know- I'm slacking.

I'm just slacking on the website...
I've actually been busier than a vibrator in a women's prison here in Kazan.

Long days, and really short nights and some really redicking fuckulous conditions that I will expound upon later.

I can tell you that this is a place where you will find quite a bit of makeshift repairs and expediencies...

(Click for hugeness)
This widowmaker was a winner we found during setup...
Sean was moving one of our air conditioners and it almost bit him.

Another excellent example was a delivery UTE that arrived at the site when we were heading out one evening...

(click for bigness)
Yeah- that's the bottom of a water bottle, cut off and slapped over the neck of the fuel filler.
Oooo, I feel so safe in this place...

On a more festive note, we were celebrating the fact that we got moved to a hew hotel last night... There was a small tent serving beer and some kind of meat on a stick (we have found it's better not to ask) next to the new hotel.
We has just ordered up a round of drinks and put in our dinner order when an older gent at the table next to me leaned over and started to try to talk to me...
Through really broken Engrish, slurred Russian and hand gestures, he challenged me to an arm wrestling match.
Oh Ghod.
That last time this happened was in '97 in Miami during the Sony-Ericsson when we were arm wrestling at Hooters and broke one of their tables and were asked (nicely) to leave.
When I picked up the waitress and threw her over my shoulder and headed for the door, the "nice" demeanor of the management evaporated and there were police involved.
So, needless to say, I was hesitant to agree to this dude's request.
I had visions of the rather flimsy table getting destroyed and getting arrested for violence & mayhem, or the off chance that this guys was some kind of Tatarstan Arm-Wrestling savant and he knows some esoteric elbow-fu and could kick my ass blindfolded.
More likely, it would go the other way I wind up hurting him and waking up in a Gulag the next morning because I snapped some local politician's father's arm.

Trying to avoid this...

However...
Egged on by the entire bar, we did engage in one round of Bras de Fer...

Literally, the entire place was cheering (for him, I'm pretty sure), and the end result did not result in injury, damage or even hurt feelings...

Yeah, I beat him like a rented mule. Just because he's a drunk old guy, I'm still a benevolent and patriotic American and I don't care if it harelips the Pope, the Roosky is going down.
'Merica! Fuck Yeah!

And, of course, to the winner belongs the spoils.
Sometimes it's good to be The Big Guy...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Empathy: You're Doing It Wrong

...And that's when the fight started.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE