I Am NOT The Man With Whom To Fuck

"Hey Big Guy...
tell us something about that latest trip to Shanghai."

Jeebus, where to begin.

Well, this year the cameraman that covered the player walkouts for the broadcaster is a slight Spaniard named Juan.

We usually stand together for about five minutes waiting for the players and the ATP Tournament Managers to arrive, then we walk out for introductions before start of play.

I'm usually there because we transition a semi-public area where high-end sponsors can stand and watch the behind-the-curtain pre-match ritual.
Part of the percs of being a title sponsor at a 1000-series ATP event...
It would be bad for some crazed fan to rush a player to get an autograph/selfie when the players have their war faces on...

So... while we wait, I usually shoot the breeze with CameraDude.
Except this year the usual CameraDude (Skippy) isn't there. Juan is the videojockey.

He is on headset with the Director in the TV Truck...

As we chat,  he gets the thousand-yard stare then he points the camera at my face.

I can tell he is getting some instruction from the director and it doesn't look like good news...
He keeps the camera on me as he relays the conversation.

Juan CameraDude: "uh...From the director I have a message."
Yours Truly: *raised eyebrow stare*
JCD: "He says that you are the big man but he can...-his words- kick your ass."
YT: "(scoff) I'm sure."
JCD: "He is saying this. Not me."
YT: "Players coming. We'll pick this up another time." I give the camera the forked-fingers to the eyes 'I'm watching you' gesture and we walk the players out to the floor.

This exchange escalated daily... Always started by Director via JCD.

JCD: "The Director...I'm sorry, he says to tell you he will be...opening the can of Whip Ass? on you.."
Points camera at me to get reaction.
YT: "Really. Well... tell him his won't be the first snot-nosed TV-dweeb ass I have kicked, but he can be the next."

And things escalated...

JCD: "Director- he wants to know if you are ready for your ass kicking."
YT: "This is getting tiresome... Tell him to bring a sandwich, a cold drink and a band-aid 'cause I'm going to be hungry and thirsty after I'm done whipping his ass."

Later...

JCD: "Director would like to know what kind of flowers your widow would like."
YT: "Tell him when we tangle, I'm gonna knock one of his lungs loose... I'll be on him like rust on a pump handle."

Now in the old days TV trucks were man-territory- very few of the fair sex were in the production vehicles or on the PL circuit. Now, there are women everywhere...And as some of my more colorful and creative comebacks are quite, uh... descriptive, I was a bit apprehensive to really rip into him, but after a little reflection, any woman in a TV truck has probably got some pretty thick skin and has probably heard some pretty bad stuff.

So, by the end of the week I had a great script running through my mind for our final confrontation...

JCD: "Uh, Sir. The Director. He says you are obviously the little girl, and he has won the war with you. He has lost all respect as he can insult you and you will not face him."
YT: "Hm." I address the camera directly- "Hey Director Man- I hope you wore your pretty pink panties today... After I do this walk-out, I'm coming out to the truck and I'm going to bitch-slap you silly, then knee-walk you to the middle of the broadcast compound, bend you over and have my way with you, and I'll sell your ass to any takers for 5 kuai a pop. You're going to fly back to Australia with a size 14 poop-chute and knot on your head so big it's gonna need it's own postal code."
JCD: "*speechless*" then  "In the truck, they are all laughing."
YT: "Laugh it up, ladies. I'm gonna tear into him like a stray dog into a restaurant dumpster." 

We do the final walk-out and I have a cold drink, then head out to TV Land.

TV Trucks aren't made for Ogres to pass through silently and stealthily, so I embrace my entrance.

I fill the doorway on my entrance... The guys on the back bench have a deer-in-the-headlights look.

YT: "Where is that piss-ant motherfucker who needs a mudhole stomped into his ass?"
One of the Back Benchers: "Oh shit... Someone better call 999."

The closest one half-heartedly points toward the front bench.
I stomp past them up to the front.

As I arrive, a long rally is just beginning, so no switching will be needed...

The three guys on the front bench look up and the two on the right point to the guy on the left.

Front Bench Guys: "He's the one who thinks he can kick your ass..."
YT: (*loudly cracks knuckles*) "I've been waiting all week for this... Are you ready, Little Man?"

Director stands up and faces me... I tower over him....
A long moment passes. The truck is deadly silent.
Finally we both break into a laugh and have a firm and hearty handshake and bro hug- 

YT: "Dude! Good to see you... Sorry I couldn't make it our earlier."
Director: "Absolutely... Glad you could make it out. Drinks tonight after we get back to the hotel?"
YT: "Absolutely... See you tonight."

The entire truck is agog.  Their hearts start beating again and are all grinning and breathing a sigh of relief.

The Director (Guy from Gearhouse) and I ran into each other at the hotel on the day before the tournament started and laid the groundwork for this... 

He had been playing it up inside the truck all week.

Most of the guys in the truck were at the bar that night- 

Guy had done a masterful job leading everyone on, and when I went out there they were absolutely certain that I was going to rend him into little Director bits...
We all played it perfectly.

Poor Juan, though...

He had to relay all the messages every day and he was absolutely sure I was going to take my anger out on him...

Not my best prank, as practical jokes go, but probably one of our most successful ones.

No one injured, no property damage, and some good old-fashioned trash talk...

Good times... Good times.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Hazardous Duty

I hate people.
I hate stupid people.
I hate working with stupid people.
I hate working in TV.
Stupid people piss me off.
I hate stupid people that work in TV.
Stupid people are stupid.
People who don't think like me are stupid.
Stupid people can't...
Fuckit.

Actually, I just hate working with people from a certain network that could be considered
Nothing But Communists.

I got into a heated discussion yesterday coming back from lunch with one of the many staffers, this one from NYC but now living in LA. She lamented that the Democratic Sit In had folded without getting a new ban on Assault Rifles.

Ghod. This woman votes.

I attempted to explain that that's not what the Sit-In was about.
I wasn't able to get into the fact that ARs aren't assault rifles and the the 'no-fly-no-buy' is a revocation of due process... (Due process? What's that?)
She went straight to 'Repeal the 2nd Amendment!'...

How do you have intelligent discourse with this kind of person?

Her position is that NO ONE should have any kind of weapons.
Yours Truly: "No one?"
Except the police, in her opinion. (And that works out so well...?)
YT: "And the military?"
Clueless TV Girl: "Yes, only when they are in battle."
YT: "No practice time?"
CTVG: "Well, that too..."

YT: "Know what it's gonna take to revoke the 2nd Amendment?
Why don't you google it?"
Fortunately we had access to Teh Googlage right in front of her.

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.
(oooh so many werdz. my head hurts!)

Maybe in NYC, LA and Chicago people would be willing to roll over and take it up the ass...
Outside of that, people won't stand for it.
That's why repealing the 2nd amendment will never happen.
That 2/3rds and 3/4ths of States will outnumber NY, CA, CT, MA, NJ, WA, OR.

But
IF you could get that done...
YT: "So... Confiscate all the guns?"
CTVG: "Yes."
YT: "Know how many there are in the hands of law-abiding Americans?"
CTVG: Clickety-click.
CTVG: "270 to 310 million. 150 Million LEGAL gun owners."
YT: "So- gonna send out the cops to confiscate 'em? That's a lot of guns to confiscate."
CTVG: "You said they are law-abiding. They should give up their guns if they are made illegal."

Even if through some kind of chicanery they were able to get the 2nd Amendment repealed, the Common Man (outside NYC, LA & Chicago) won't stand for it.

CTVG: "Send the military?"
YT: "Not allowed. The Posse Comitatus states that the U.S. Military is not permitted to be used against U.S. citizens." (Posse Comitatus? That sounds dirty...)
CTVG: "Well... The President could order it. The military would have them outnumbered. No problem." (Clueless about Exec Orders too I see.)
Really.
YT: "Google 'number of US military firearms'."
CTVG: clickety-click
CTVG: "Military has 2.7 million guns. Wow."
How many members of the military?
CTVG: clickety-click
CTVG: "Military has 1.4 million front-line personnel."
They're a little outgunned, so to speak.
Even if only 10% of gun owners came out, that's a 15 million man militia...
And the Military is US citizens..
Think they will fire on follow citizens?
Friends? Family?
(Long pause)
CTVG: "But why do we need a 2nd amendment? Why do YOU need guns?"

You're kidding.

Google "non military armed government agencies".


The Internal Revenue Service, with its 2,316 special agents, spent nearly
$11 million on guns, ammunition and military-style equipment.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) spent $3.1 million on guns, ammunition and military-style equipment. The EPA has spent $715 million on its ‘Criminal Enforcement Division’ from FY2005 to present even as the agency has come under fire for failing to perform its basic functions.

Federal agencies spent:
$14.7 million on Tasers
$1.6 million on unmanned aircraft,
$8.2 million on buckshot,
$7.44 million on projectiles
$4 million on grenades/launchers. 

The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) spent
$11.66 million including more than:
$200,000  on ‘night vision equipment’     
$2.3 million on ‘armor – personal’
$2 million+  on guns
$3.6 million on ammunition
Veterans Affairs has 3,700 law enforcement officers guarding and securing VA medical centers.

The Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service spent
$4.77 million purchasing shotguns, .308 caliber rifles, night vision goggles, propane cannons, liquid explosives, pyro supplies, buckshot, LP gas cannons, drones, remote controlled helicopters, thermal cameras, military waterproof thermal infrared scopes, and more.

Similar stories for the Department of Education, Social Security Administration, and National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration.
Fucking NOAA needs Glocks and Shotguns and millions in ammo?

If THESE agencies and officers need them, I need them.

I didn't change her mind- 'GUNS BAD' too ingrained in her psyche.
Maybe a home invasion and a few trips to the range might change her mind.
But I doubt it.

TBG - - [Exit - pursued by a peacock]

The Rules (Gibb's, Not Mine)

If you watch NCIS (the original) you have no doubt heard one of more of Gibb's Rules...

After a discussion today with some Aussies who were ignorant regarding such Rules To Live By, I though it might be worthwhile to post the current list of known Rules....

So...

Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together. (Season 1 Episode 1, Mike Franks)
Rule #1: Never screw over your partner. (Season 4, Episode 14, Gibbs)
Rule #2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene. (Season 1, Episode 1, Mike Franks)
Rule #3: Don't believe what you're told. Double check. (Season 1, Episode 1, Mike Franks)
Rule #3: Never be unreachable. (Season 3, Episode 13, Gibbs)
Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person, if you must. There is no third best. (Season 4, Episode 11)
Rule #5: You don't waste good. (Season 8, Episode 22)
Rule #6: Never apologize. (Season 7, Episode 12, but referenced previous times without a number attached)
Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie. (Season 1, Episode 23)
Rule #8: Never take anything for granted. (Season 3, Episode 10)
Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife. (Season 1, Episode 13)
Rule #10: Never get personally involved on a case. (Season 7, Episode 21)
Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away. (Season 6, Episode 24)
Rule #12: Never date a coworker. (Season 1, Episode 15, and referenced on other occasions)
Rule #13: Never, ever involve a lawyer. (Season 6, Episode 7; Gibbs is said to have other rules involving lawyers, but according to Tony, this is the "umbrella" one)
Rule #15: Always work as a team. (Season 5, Episode 5)
Rule #16: If someone thinks they have the upper-hand, break it. (Season 8, Episode 24)
Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. (Season 3, Episode 4)
Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation. (Season 4, Episode 10)
Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live. (Season 2, Episode 9)
Rule #27: Two ways to follow: First way, they never notice you, Second way, they only notice you. (Season 7, Episode 15)
Rule #35: Always watch the watchers. (Season 8, Episode 22)
Rule #36: If feels like you're being played, you probably are. (Season 9, Episode 1)
Rule #38: Your case, your lead. (Season 6, Episode 16; Season 10, Episode 3)
Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence. (Season 7, Episode 21)
Rule #40: If it seems someone is out to get you, they are. (Season 7, Episode 22)
Rule #42: Never accept an apology from someone who just sucker punched you. (Season 9, Episode 16)
Rule #44: First things first. Hide the women and children. (Season 7, Episode 23)
Rule #45: Gibbs remarks, "Left a mess I've got to clean up," which Tony later comments is basically Rule #45 … clean up your own mess. (Season 7, Episode 24)

Here endeth the lesson.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Hate You, CNN

CNN is of the opinion that Dick Cheney is in a tiny minority when he (Cheney) says that the problems Iran and the Middle East are Obama's fault.

CNN talking head: "How do you respond to the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of Americans who don't think this is Obama's fault?"

Overwhelming majority?

Are you f'ing kidding me?

Have you spoken to any one outside the CNN Offices or the White House?

Morons.

-----

And CNN treats H. Cankles Clinton being on a late-night comedy show as news?

I guess compared to CNN, The Daily Show IS a hard-hitting news show.

-----

I have to get one of those universal remotes that can turn off these f'ing on-concourse TVs in the airport.

Although now that I look at it, there is a free HDMI port... I could plug in a Chromecast unit and punch up some Rule 34 porn. Or maybe just some footage from a range trip...

TBG

WANT!

Wantwantwantwant!



Here

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Some say....

Do you watch Top Gear?

(No, not the horrible US version on History channel. That's a piece of crap...)

One of my favorite parts of the show (apart from where Clarkson races May & Hamster in some performance vehicle while they take conventional transport)  is where Jeremy Clarkson introduces The Stig...

Clarkson : "Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes. All we know is he's called the Stig."

If you don't know what I'm talking about, Top Gear has what they refer to as a tame racing driver they use to test drive performance vehicles...He wears a white driving suit and a white full-face helmet with black visor completely hiding his face. He never speaks, and seems to be imbued with mysterious and perhaps supernatural powers. He also seems to be distrustful or unwilling to use modern technology.

As we all know, the intarweb is filled with ne're do-wells and malcontents with too much time on their hands. Some number of these folks have taken it upon themselves to research and publish these Stig-isms... For which I am grateful.

• Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves...

• Some say he’s wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat...

• Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue...

• Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks horizontally...

• Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells...

• Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic...

• Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals...

• Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs...

• Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees...

• Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him...

• Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world if you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts...

• Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight...

• Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground...

• Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for a thousand days...

• Some say he can swim seven lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks...

• Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark...

• Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott...

• Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar...

• Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds...

• Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he’s been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show...

• Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburg ring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he’ll skive off and play croquet...

• Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother he will headbutt you in the chest...

• Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch...

• Some say that his first name really is The, and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they’d all be pregnant including the cameramen...

• Some say that he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs...

• Some say that he once had a vicious knife-fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the Cash-for-Honours scandal. All we know is that he's called Lord Stig

• Some say that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese. All new know is that he's not The Stig - he's The Stig's fat American cousin

• Some say that if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as Piccalilli, and that at this week’s Brit awards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand...

• Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears’ head...

• Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve...

• Some say his scrotum has its own small gravity field...

• Some say because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name...all we know is, he's called Cuddles...

• Some say he's banned from the town of Chichester...

• Some say in a recent late night deal he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh...

• Some say he gets terrible eczema on his helmet...

• Some say if he'd been the video ref in the World Cup Rugby Final he would've seen that it was of course a try you blind Australian half-wit...

• Some say to unlock him you have to run your finger down his face...

• Some say if he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney he'd keep his stupid whining mouth shut...
 
• Some say he thought Star Wars was a documentary...

• Some say he recently pulled out of I'm a Celebrity because he's frightened of trees....and Australia...Koo Stark...and Ant...and Dec...

• Some say he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong...

• Some say 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty, the Queen, to a Greek racialist...

• Some say when he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks...

• Some say if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week he wouldn't have been a feckless-ginger-gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us...

• Some say he once lost a canoe on a beach in the northeast...

• Some say he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus ...

• Some say that after making love, he bites the head of his partner, and that he's had to give up binge-drinking now that it 's got to £1.18 a litre. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples. And that he thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full-size tattoo of his face - on his face. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that he is not allowed by law, within a hundred yards of Lorraine Kelly. And that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders. All we know is he's called Bergerac.

• Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.


• Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine.

• Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material.

• Some say that he invented November. And that if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot.

• Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing.

• Some say that he doesn't like to get his helmet wet. A point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer.

•(On African Stig) Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.

• Some say that as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool, and he is, he is actually.

• Some say, he has a stripy top, just like mine...

• Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him...


• Some say he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat...

• Some say, he has twelve GCSE's, all in Domestic Science. And that he has been producing artificial sperm for years. Even though we have repeatedly asked him not to...

• Some say, that on Thursdays he becomes incredibly bulbous. And that recently pigs in Mexico started to die of something called Stigflu . All we know is, he's highly contagious!

• Some say, that he cut that man's hair [pointing at a man in audience]...

• Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off. And that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right. All we know is, he's called the Stog.
James: You mean the Stig.
Jeremy: That's what I said. I said it.

• Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the moon. And that he was turned down for a place on I'm a Celebrity because he is one.

• Some say his new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of Wednesday. And that he was turned down for the job of EU President, because his face is just too recognisable...

• Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains fourteen different types of custard. And that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he's never once hit a fire hydrant...

• Some say that his discharge is luminous, and that even as we speak, he is appearing on the main stage at Glastonbury performing his most famous hit, Superstition...

• Some say there are 17 different reasons why he's banned from the Northampton branch of Little Chef, and that his favourite airline pilot is Mark Webber...

• Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon. And that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan...

...All we know is, he’s probably called Ben Collins, and he’s probably unemployed.
• Some say that he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of Lady Gaga, and that under his race suit he also wears a red G-string and suspenders. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that he doesn't understand the word 'envelope', and that he is the only woman in Britain not to have slept with Alan Johnson's policemen. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say he once tore a goat in half, and that he is now regretting buying his new holiday home in downtown Cairo. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say his nipples are explosive, and that he's recently had a Mexican… I mean Brazilian! Why did I say that! I'm sorry Mr Ambassador! Anyway, all we know is he's called the Stig!

• Some say that in his wallet he keeps a photograph of his wallet, and that in a recent race even he was beaten by the King's speech. All we know is he's called the Stig!

• Some say that his favourite disease that he had when he was a child was Gout, and that he was very surprised this week when he was able to pick up some remarkably cheap tickets to the Bahrain Grand Prix. All we know is he's called the Stig.


• Some say he doesn't know what dogs are for, and that he recently took out a super-injunction to prevent us from revealing that he …….. …………… … …….. ….. …….. ……. with an enormous goat. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that he can't eat mashed potato for religious reasons, and that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them for the final of the Women's Wrestling. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottingham shire, and that he recently received a very strong email from his finance's mother, saying its bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that he once hacked into his own helmet, and that he thinks Harper Seven is a convicted terrorist cell. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say that his favourite T-shirt has a picture on the front of a T-shirt, and that he spent all week waiting for a big cheque from the Germans, because he too has spent the last 2000 years sitting on his backside doing absolutely nothing at all. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• Some say he's not the Stig. But he is the Stig's Italian cousin!

• Some say he's the Stig, but he isn't. He's the Stig's Chinese cousin!

• Some say he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera, and that 60 years ago this week, he too became a Queen. All we know is he's called the Stig.

• He's not the Stig's alpine cousin, he's just the Stig.

• Some say that he is the only man in history to buy a DFS sofa when there wasn't a sale on, and that his favourite boxing venue is Munich airport. All we know is he's called the Stig.

That'd make a great Halloween costume... I wonder if I can get that white driving suit in extra-tall & extra-fat?



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Must-See TV

Woo hoo! Torchwood returns!

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Germany News Channel N24 Dumbassery

Oops.


Really? The Phaser in the logo didn't give you a clue?
Or the Klingon batleth?

Correct logo for DevGru

Not this...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

What's In Spock's Scanner?

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

New Dialects From LA?

Ran it through Google's AutoTranslate...
It even threw in the towel and said WTF.


Have another Vodka & Tonic, Serene...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

What is The Internet?

From waaaaay back in 1994...
Couric & Gumbel trying to figure out what an email address is...

We've come a long way since then...
 
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Serious What Material?

Anyone catch the Heat/Knicks game pre-show on TNT Thursday Night?

Tracy Morgan (30Rock, SNL) regarding
Sarah Palin vs Tina Fey


Holy Crap...

I guess if you're going to interview Tracy Morgan on live TV, you better be prepared for something interesting.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Current Events

This just in:
From the cheese-eating surrender monkeys-


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Two Cups of Chilled Milk

Hi Guys

Knowing TBG's propensity for the mammary-enabled, I'm pretty sure his TiVo is full up with often watched episodes of Nigella Lawson and Giada DeLaurentiis.


And I'm pretty sure this sentiment is echoed at TBG's Humble Abode.

Proxi - Just filling in

10 Minutes to Hell.

Waiting in the TV truck for an event to start.
Turner Tech Guy: "You stay right here, just in case something happens."
Events are 98% boredom, 2% sheer terror.
(as Ben C told me in my original IDS interview.)

Forget the Japanese Game Shows...

...the French are on to something here.


The Japanese shows are just wacky.
This bit of Froggy programming gives a new dimension to the term Boob Tube and shows that they are capable of producing something of social relevance other than girls with hairy legs, smelly armpits and feminine men.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE