Bus Bus, No Bus

The first official Olympic Miracle has occurred...

The bus ride from Barra Media Village #3 Media Favela #3 only too 14 minutes this morning.
Yesterday it took 40 minutes, and Thursday it took 45 minutes.
(The miracle is that I was up and out the door before 7:00 AM. The ease of travel is easily explainable as most Cariocas spent all Friday night rollerskating, drinking hooch caipirinhas and throwing up. Only Americanos loucos heading to Barra de Tijuca are up and about at the unGodly hour of 7:00 on a Saturday morning.

TBG - - [Exit- Pursued by a hungry capybara]

Helpful Hints for Rio from The Czar

After I fired off a cry for help, The Czar (may his toenails never fester) comes through with a timely and accurate assist:

Dear Uncle Jay,
You’re right that the key word for traveling to Brazil is “don’t.” Of course, that makes it sound like you shouldn’t travel there at all; in reality, (1) you shouldn’t travel to South America at all and (2) the word don’t really applies to everything related to Brazil.

This actually is Rio. This may not be one of the Olympic sports, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see this at some venues.

Brazil is basically all the cut-throat lunacy of a Mexican pirate town plunked helpfully in the center of a sweltering jungle, featuring a river filled with creatures that have teeth the size of your aunt and the predilection to eat something her size with them. 

Another feature of Brazil is the fact you can drive about ten minutes in any direction (in theory, as there aren’t nearly enough roads) and find yourself in a stone-age culture equipped with blowguns and cell phones. They will not hesitate to use both. No, the Czar doesn’t mean “either,” he means “both”: they’ll gleefully put a dart in your neck while talking to their agent.

Brazilians, on the other hand, are great for parties. The Czar strongly recommends befriending a Brazilian if you like to eat, drink, roller skate, dance, and basically repeat this every hour until four or five in the morning. These people do not quit.

It has been decades since the Czar went to Rio, though, so let’s see what we remember. Your high school Spanish will be just as useful to you here as when you went to Cozumel, by which we mean totally useless. Brazilians, as you already know, speak Portuguese, not Spanish. Portuguese is an interesting language that’s half-Spanish and half-arrogance. It has a lot of shushing noises, which is linguistically interesting: since Brazilians spend about two-thirds of their day inebriated, they simply modified the spelling of their language to reflect drunken slurs.

Helpful phrases:
“These are not my drugs, therefore you can keep them.” — Não minhas drogas; portanto, você pode mantê-los.
“Waiter, my seafood is threatening me.” — Garçom, meu frutos do mar me ameaça.
“What can I drink that won’t kill me?” — O que eu posso beber que não vai me matar?
“If I drink this caipirinha, will I still have two kidneys in the morning?” — Se eu beber esta caipirinha, vai ainda tenho dois rins na parte da manhã?
“Get me on the next flight home.” — Quero que o próximo vôo do avião casa.
“No, I’m Canadian.” — Não, sou canadense

Don’t worry about pronouncing the Portuguese correctly: just read it loud and in a drunk voice. They won’t understand you, but that’s because they’re too hammered themselves. “Vamos roller skating,” they’ll say in sympathy. 

The Czar is also familiar with Brazilian cooking, being something of a grill-master himself. The Brazilian method of cooking is quite simple: subject thick cuts of meat—python?—to extremely high heat until the food is charred black on the outside and bloody raw in the middle. If you look carefully, you might find some medium-well fibers of meat between the two, but these will be utterly soaked in salt.

The heat is unbearable in Rio, but clothing is totally optional. Actually, the bigger and hairier you are, the less you want to wear. The Czar guesses for a mostly shaved Sasquatch guy your size, Jay, you should wear an eyepatch in place of a thong. Surprisingly, that won’t be the most surprising thing you’ll see someone wear.

Everyone talks about the gigantic statue of Jesus up on the hilltop, but what they don’t tell you is that, over the last 50 years or so, the statue has totally turned itself around so it looks away. It would be a Vatican-sized miracle, but no one admits it because it reflects nothing but shame on the city. Hey, if you had to gaze down on that mess, you’d at least squint.

Anywhere you go, look for the nearest exit and use it.

Fortunately, you’ll be traveling there with fiber optic cables, which is good because you can use them to strangle the hotel clerk when he arrives in the middle of the night to perform his customary turn down service and leave something minty on your pillow. Don’t worry about the body: murder is not only sanctioned there but positively encouraged. If the authorities ask, simply say what all Brazilians say and claim you thought he was a poor person. You’re off the hook, and you can just leave the body where it is. There will be no air-conditioning in your room anyway, and within moments his corpse will be swollen with bottle fly maggots, so dumping it won’t matter.

For the last 50 years or so, the Czar has become increasingly convinced that the Olympics are just a huge joke that we’re not getting…so the organizers are choosing even dumber locations each time. “Let’s pick a disease-infested pithole that’s corrupt, filthy hot, and has no transportation or clean lodging.” “How about Rio? Chicago said no.”

Well...
I do plan on going to the beach at least once...

Let's see if I can find that eyepatch/thong he's suggesting... To Amazon!
(How appropriate!)


Wow. That would look frightening trying to hold in all my dangly bits...

Here's something even MORE better! A steampunk eyepatch/monocle!
This might be the ticket- but...
If that thing isn't the size of a one-quart oilcan, I'll probably be causing a ruckus on the beach at Copacabana...

Stronger, Higher, Faster - forsooth!
TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Life Pro Tips Needed...

Back in 2014 I sent a missive to The Czar over at Castle G, looking for guidance prior to my trip to the Sochi Olympics and got excellent advice which proved invaluable, and in one case, kept me from being shipped off to a gulag...
I saw the coquettish batting of fake eyelashes by a waitress in Rosa Khutor as a 'come hither'; Instead it was actually an advanced case of pink eye and a rather sizable stye causing the eyelid flutter.
I realized my mistake after cornering her in the space between the restaurant's outhouse and the offal pile by the river. Moments later I was having a close encounter with a 10" butcher's blade wielded by her boss/uncle accompanied by 2 members of the FSE.
Needless to say, I racked my brain for a plausible explanation when the advice for The Czar come ringing through- I shouted “გთხოვთ, არ მომეცი მწერები!!" Out of the corner of my eye I caught the flash of in incoming nightstick and everything went dark (or rather darker).
I woke up face-down in a landfill just south of Estosadok, bound in several yards of burlap and bailing wire, and a sign reading "სიკვდილი ამერიკული ღორის ძაღლები".

Since things worked out so well in Sochi I thought I would tempt fate and seek guidance again, this time invoking The Czar to assist me with suggestions for Rio de Janerio.

My petition:

O Most Dread and Awful Czar, Lord of the Flies, Keeper of the Pile, Master of the Steppes, Bringer of Kinetic Military Action, Torturer-in-Chief, Slayer of the Yaw and the Goiter, and Protector of the Holy Cities of Moscow, Chicago and parts of Louisville...

Once again I find myself in need of Pro Life Tips from Your Czarness…

As per usual I have been assigned to work in a place that the mere mention of evokes fear and palpitations in the hearts of travel professionals and dollar signs in the eyes of Personal Executive Protection agents.

Yep- you guessed it. I’m heading to Rio.

Your guidance regarding my sojourn in Sochi was invaluable; Your tip regarding quality horsemeat was spot-on, and I did use “გვამი მდინარეში ერთხელ,” very often, given the construction contractors that received bids and money for projects that were either unfinished (tons of them) or didn’t even exist (arguably even a larger quantity).

Your knowledge was so useful I would once again visit the well of your vast wisdom and know-how and draw upon your knowledge of all things dangerous and deadly.

Word around the campfire is to stay away from: 

Beaches at night

Bars bearing any signage 1) in English, or 2) with the words “Nós Matar Turistas” (“We love tourists” I think...)

Downtown Rio

Northern Rio

Southern Rio

Western Rio

(There is no Eastern Rio. Word has it that is was sold to Uruguay and carted away in a truck years ago.)

Also avoid:

Local cops

City cops

Federal cops

Highway cops

Subway/Metro cops

Anyone with a uniform

Anyone without a uniform

Kids

Grownups

Boys

Girls

Girls that look like boys

Boys that look like girls

Anyone with a pulse

Anyone without a pulse

And finally-

Don’t eat/drink:

Meat

Vegetables

Fish
Dairy products

Eggs

Gluten

Starches
Name brand liquor

Off brand liquor

Homemade liquor

Cachaça

Aguardiente

Water (bottled, tap, bay, beach, bath/shower, ocean and rainfall)

Beer

Coke and other ‘soft’ drinks

And the biggest no-no-

Favelas – Don’t even look at the damned favelas.

As a matter of fact, according to the keeper of my leash, visiting a favela, no matter how well armed and capable I am, or the size of my personal protection detail is a violation that will get me a spot on the next plane out. (That’s my escape plan, by the way.)

Help me, Obi Wan Czarnobi

You’re my only hope.

Uncle Jay


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

-or-
Should I mind my own business, or risk life, limb, and look like an idiot?

DATELINE - Indianapolis International Airport. 6:00AM.

Thanks to prior planning and TSA Precheck I made it into the depths of Concourse A with a minimum of drama.

At 6am, people watching is quite entertaining - zombified people staggering around the airport are always fun...
Indy has that famous Airport Carnival Ride, the moving sidewalk...the one that airport employees love to board then stand, blocking the aisle and chatting about how they are getting paid to stand around and ride the magic carpet.

Whilst blocked from getting to my gate at the far end of the concourse...
(And let me take a second to ask about ask why the hell my gate is always at the furthest point from where I enter the airport? I hate Denver because no matter what, I'm at the furthest gate and I have to take a train, 2 shuttles buses and still have to walk 3 or 4 kilometers. DEN sucks. Same with Atlanta. And don't  get me started about Chicago.)

Back to our story- if you aren't walking on the moving walkway, you are actually moving slower than if you are walking on the floor. At least that's how it is for me...
So I have even more time to people watch.
As we are slowly passing a Delta gate in the final stages of boarding, I see a girl slumped over sleeping.
I wonder if she was there because she missed a flight the night before, or if she just arrived very early, or maybe did one of those "I'll stay up all night so I can sleep on the plane" things.
The Delta gate agent does a 'Paging so-and-so, Last call for flight X to Y.'
Now, even though I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I can do the math.
Missing passenger+girl sleeping in waiting area=case solved.
Sadly, way back in my career as a Sports Nomad, I fell asleep at a gate and missed a gate change announcement, and consequently my flight.
Only happens once... After that, you become gun-shy of airport announcements.
Anyway.
I watched the gate agents... They don't even look at Sleeping Beauty. I will give them the benefit of the doubt since she was slumped down a bit...
The Good Samaritan in me pummeled my Inner Cactus and after LaShondagh and Taniqila got out of the way I went back to the gate we had passed.
At the gate desk I addressed the attendants...
"I'm only butting in because I've slept through a flight announcement, you think it's possible the lady you just paged might be the girl sleeping over there?, indicating the girl snoozing 20 yards away.

I was completely expecting some kind of "It's against company policy to wake up sleeping passengers" or something to absolve personal responsibility...
Happily that wasn't the case.
One of the gate attendants, a grandmotherly-type went over and gently woke Sleepy who immediately jumped up and ran to the door of the jetbridge.
I'm glad Fairy Godmother woke her up-
I hate to think of what would happen if I had had to wake her...
I probably wouldn't have been maced,  being an airport and all, but surely screaming and some fingernail-clawing would have probably been in my future, along with a session with the airport police or the TSA.
No twenty something young lady needs to be awakened by an Ogre.
It can only end in tears.
Mine, most likely.

TBG [exit- pursued by a Hoosier]

Are You F'ing Kidding Me - Indy Edition.

I was doing a little research on places to eat while I am here in Indy...

SMT Operations Priorities:
Noobs discuss star athletes at events;
Veterans discuss venues and stat feeds;
Real Veterans discuss local restaurants.
Since I am dug in here like an Alabama tick, I have to do a lot of research.
I did a little poking about, looking at popular local places here in Indy.
Way back when I was here with the NBA Finals (2000 I think...) we went to St. Elmos Steakhouse one night on the NBA TV dime. (They have better expense accounts than I do.)
The steak was good, but they are known for their shrimp cocktail...
(And really just for their cocktail sauce.)

The AYFKM part?

This is the serving at St.Elmo's or Harry & Izzy's.
4 shrimp. $15.00

FIFTEEN BUCKS!!?

15 bucks will get you 2 POUNDS of 10-15 Head-on shrimp at Safe Harbor in Mayport back home.

That's why I have problems eating seafood away from home.
(And by Home I mean The Estrogen Palace, not just back in Jax Beach.)

TBG - - Exit - Pursued by Penaeus duorarum

Australia Pro-Tip

Listen to Uncle Jay:

When you arrive in Australia, you may be asked some questions by Customs & Immigration at the airport checkpoint.

If they ask if you have any felony convictions, the reply "I didn't know it was still a requirement." is NOT the correct response...

Just sayin'

TBG, down under.

"DO SOMETHING!!1!Eleventy!

The current Leftist on gun control and access to firearms by Those That Should Not Have Guns is that if you are on the FBI/TSA no-fly list, than you shouldn't be able to buy a gun.

Know anything about this list?
Probably not enough. You might think that it's a list of known terrorists and dangerous felons that, if given access to air travel, will commandeer the plane and cause mass-carnage.
Wrong.

Its a mysterious list generated and maintained by several Three Letter Agencies for the Good Of All Mankind. Getting on the list is easy- have the same name as a know terrorist or high-level criminal that some TLA would like to chat with, or a similar name to a know terrorist or felon, or just be a person that one of the many TLAs would like to talk to.
Not necessarily a terrorist, felon, or otherwise a bad guy.
Numbers of people vary- DHS says it's 2,500 of known bad guys, and another 16,000 "individuals of interest". The ACLU says the list is over 1,000,000 members strong and growing by 1,600 submitted names per day.

Since no one agency "owns" the list, once you're on it, it's almost impossible to get off of it, which sucks it you're one of those similar-named people. I know a few people and every time they want to fly, they have to just through many hoops, including stringent checking at the TSA checkpoints, even after they present the famous and mostly useless 'redress number'.
Getting off the list

So- now there is a call to restrict anyone one the no-fly list from legally purchasing a firearm...
(Probably via some form of executive order or mandate.)

Let me get this right- If your name is Robert Johnson, Daniel Brown, Patrick Martin, or event Edward Kennedy, you will be unable to legally purchase a firearm.
Restricting a constitutional right without due process. Nice.

I wonder how that's going to work out.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

CNN Overload & Streetfood!

I'm in the Operations office in the Hotel in Meh-He-Co City and the level of people in the office varies between zero and 30.
Most of the time it's around 6 or 8.

I'm sitting in the front of the room, which is arranged 'classroom' style, so everyone behind me is looking over my shoulder, which can be a little disturbing, mostly for them when I'm shopping on Brownells.com or LAPoliceGear.com, or when I'm surfing DrudgeReport.com.
(As a rule, these are mostly New Yorkers or New Jersey residents that are here for the event.)

Anyway, I try to keep most of the stuff that would require a trigger warning for a Yankee hoplophobic, entitled-class climate alarmist to a minimum on my screen.

Meanwhile, on a 70" flatscreen in the front of the room, CNN International is playing constantly.
(Because it is one of the few channels in Ingles on the hotel's 35-channel network... The other 2 are Fox News [not gonna happen with this crowd] and SuperMax [a channel playing latenight Cinemax movies, including softcore 24/7])
The local sportschannel is ESPN Deportes, and it seems like they want to watch the 36 minute CNN repeating cycle featuring Anderson Cooper, Christine Amanpour and the staff of dozens that cover the news for Ted Turners bastard child than having to listen to soccer recaps in high-speed Español.

So Yours Truly is stuck in front of this non-stop drivel, consisting mostly of US commentators kissing Obama's ass, lionizing Granny Clinton, and trying to scandalize or at least trivialize the conservative 2016 candidates for President. Shit-tons of coverage on Paris climate talks ("The US owes all 3rd world nations reparations! ZOMG- The Marshall Shoals Islands are going under!!), Japanese whale hunts, and the one that just boggles my mind- climate change is the reason for ISIS and the Paris attacks.
When they start in on that feature, my brain completely shuts down due to the complete stupidity of the concept. These people have gone over the edge in the cause/effect analysis.
As a matter of fact, climate change is the cause of all ills in the world...

Donald Trump? - Climate change.
Colorado PP shooting? - Climate change.
Clinton e-mail scandal? - Climate change.
China investor group buys into Manchester U FC? - Climate change.
Russian Jetliner shootdown over Turkey? - Climate change.
Cleveland Browns lost to the Ravens? - Climate change.
Michael Brown/Eric Gardner/Freddy Gray? - Climate change.
Slow Internet? - Climate change.
Burned your Thanksgiving turkey? - Climate change.
World War II? - Climate change.
.22 LR Ammo shortage? - Climate change.

Just a couple days to go...
I can get through it...
Mostly by looking forward to my nightly forays into the dark neighborhood streets behind the St. Regis, in search of Mexican street meat and michelada.



Mmmm Al pastor and onions on the Plancha



Al pastor con queso on the way...



Yeah, that's not a tennis shoe... That's lengua, beef tongue...

I'll stick with the giant Cone o' Meat-

All hail Al Pastor!

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Breaking the "Rules"

-or-
Not Following Common Sense Warnings

Down in Mexico City now...
We got an email from the security department of the Client warning of the terrible things that would happen if one left the safe confines of one's hotel room or secured spaces of the hotel or arena.
Under no circumstances were we to leave the hotel without an armed guard, especially at night...
Needless to say, at 10 last night, just as things were starting to get rolling, I was walking through Zona Rosa with 500 peso notes hanging out of my pockets, my nose buried in my smartphone and wearing earbuds- oblivious to the world.

Well- not me, but I did see these idjits as I walked around the Red Zone.
I see why young Americans are often victims of 3 hour kidnappings.
They are scooped up by local hoods just before midnight, roughed up, taken to an ATM and forced to make a maximum withdrawal, then after midnight passes they have to make another max withdrawal, then get dumped.
At least that's  the local lore...

Me? I walked around for 2 hours, marveling at the Condition White morons, then walked back to my hotel, had a tequila nightcap, and slept like the dead until 4am when my neighbors in room 108 came home and engaged in drywall-denting coitus.
Yay.

TBG - en Mexico

Once More, Unto The Breach

Sitting at the airport. Again.

This is a fast kamikaze trip to NYC, outbound flight at 5:50a, two meetings then a 9p flight home.
(So left the house at 4:10a,  back in the door around midnight.)

Except for a drizzle on the way, no issues getting from the beach to JAX, through TSA, and to the gate. (Knock wood)

Looking through the 'blog under the 'travel' and 'travel issues' tags.
Gah.
The crap I've gone through in the last 10 years when it comes to getting from one place to another...
Don't know how much longer I can keep from giving some TSA moron, airline idjit, or some (other) asshat passenger a well-deserved thumping... Seems as time goes by, the shorter the fuse gets.
I can take solace, after reading back through some of the stories, that I have avoided the no-fly list thus far, but time will tell.
I'm sure there will be camel back breaking straw somewhere down the line, but for the moment, you find me in seat 7B, cussing under my breath and nursing a sore knee.
Update from NJ/NYC shortly.

TBG

Back to Beijing - IAAF World Champs 2015

(Like Famous the Tam is wont to say, I hate using good stuff at an away game.
I had to write up the my current tasking here for Oculus, the company newsletter; 
Since I wrote it, I have no issue with reproducing it here... Enjoy.)

Has it really been seven years?
Yes … Just seven years ago, the Olympic Green in Beijing was simply awash with my co-workers.

StAss the Mad Russian, Chief Propeller Head, Ty, Ben (no longer) in Florida, The Apostle, Spongemark, SGK, and a host of others in addition to your humble correspondent were dispatched far and wide over Beijing during the 2008 Olympics.
(For some of those tales, head to the left of the page and navigate to Aug of 2008, or click the Olympic tag to see all of that content)

Ah, yes- the agonizingly slow buses to the shoebox-like accommodations, the thorough and very invasive security pat-downs to get in and out of event spaces, the insane traffic as we tried to go from site to site or to see the local attractions, and of course, the spectacle of the opening ceremonies. Good times...good times...

Fast-forward to August 2015, and we (and by we, I mean yours truly, the lone survivor from the Battle of Beijing) are back in the Celestial Kingdom, and once again courting heat stroke, black lung disease and food poisoning as we provide stats interfacing for the Really Big American Network broadcast for the IAAF World Track & Field Championships in the National Stadium (国家体育场北京 aka the Bird's Nest). The former Olympic sites are a little faded and dusty, but the Water Cube and the other structures around the former Olympic site are still very recognizable.

Your humble correspondent is the boots-on-the-ground in Beijing, with very capable tele-support provided back in Florida by St.Ass and  The Apostle. This World Championship is basically a pre-Olympic event, a warm-up if you will, for the Rio Olympics in August 2016.

I had a bit of a scare in the days leading up to departure for the event … The container of equipment for the event was on-site in the port of Tainjin when a warehouse full of chemical and explosives blew up. I was sitting on the edge of my seat to find out if the container was OK. A backup plan was put in place where I would hand-carry the equipment in case the container was damaged, lost or destroyed.

The word came down the day before I left Jacksonville that the container had arrived in Beijing and all was well. (I brought the backup equipment anyway, because you never know.)

On arrival, I found the pre-shipped equipment was in pristine condition. I wish I was in as good condition after the 25 or so travel-hours it took to me get here.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


There is a huge parade and showcase for Chinese militaria next week in front of Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City, in celebration of the anniversary of the victory over Japanese aggression (not kidding).
They are practicing different aspectds of how they will be screwing up basic services and inconveniencing everyone this week... We got caught in a traffic holdup and after waiting on a freeway offramp for 45 minutes and a van with no A/C, I said Adios MotherF'er and walked to the site... Ain't nobody got time for this.


There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I set up a Teamviewer app and was running my systems from the bar in the hotel, in order to avoid the traffic and the roasting highways.
No truth at all. None. Nothing to see here... Just move along.



I said move along. Now go.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My real workstation at the Birds Nest....

So China   Much exotic    Very Broadcast   Amaze.

There is a little Easter egg here that a few folks caught. So worth it.
The TIS Virus lives!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A funny story: Everyone knows that the Silk Street Market is a six-floor building dedicated to separating tourists from their money in exchange for counterfeit or poorly made knock-offs of name-brand merchandise and mass-produced tchotchkes and gewgaws.

First-timers are cautioned not to go alone, or at least to be very wary of any deal that seems too good to be true. And this visit was no different.

The crew headed for the Silk Street Market to shop for souvenirs. One of the NBC runners for the event, who we shall call "Ferguson" in order to shield him from further ridicule, split off from the rest of us in search of adventure and treasure.

When we caught up with him later, we found he had not heeded the warnings from the Old China Hands on the crew, and proudly showed off his new "finest quality" Rolex he had just purchased for a ridiculously high "friend-price." Most of us, having seen the gamut of knock-off Rolexes from the shoddy to the near-perfect, gathered around to see how he did.

In a word: Awful.

Crappy band, ticking second hand, lightweight ... It was sad.
And poor Ferguson...
He thought he'd gotten a deal.
They saw him coming and they laid the sales pitch on hard.
Sat him down, gave him a cup of tea, brought out the pretty inlaid wood boxes and gave it to him with both barrels.

Word of his folly spread quickly once we got to the site for work that day...

And to add insult to injury, his painful lesson was reinforced every day, all day long on-site. 
There is a tape source named 'X'. During the broadcast, the director will call cameras and tape sources to be used on the air, and very, very often we will hear the director call "Ready X ... Roll X!" (Rolex! - Get it?)
In the spirit of fun, everyone started calling the source "Ferguson" or "Ferg" - So we heard "Ready Ferg ... Roll Ferg!" instead of “Roll X!” all through the broadcast.
========================================================

From our "That Dude is Fucked" Department...



By now everyone should have seen The World's Fastest Man, Usain Bolt get taken out by a Chinese cameraman on a hands-free Segway...
Fortunately Bolt escaped the attack unscathed, later joking that American Justin Gatlin had paid the guy to run him over...
He had a great sense of humor about it.
Not sure the Ogranizing Committee will be as forgiving. They have zero tolerance policy  about public embarrassment. That and the $50,000 camera he destroyed...
I have a feeling that next week Segway CameraDude will be posted in 二连浩特市, (which is so far away that it doesn't have an English pronunciation) and will be videotaping yak turds for the rest of his career.

===========================================
Outta here on Monday.


Cannot wait.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Notes From Vacationland

Been on a little family vacation in Nosebleed, Montana...

I've been keeping notes since liveblogging is impossible in the land of moose, bears, elk and non-existent WiFi.

I have a few things to share- starting on the trip out here...

(From Sunday AM Flight)

On the flight from MCO to ORD,
I have the Weather Channel on the in-flight entertainment system...
They are ginning up all the enthusiasm they can muster for a very marginal tropical storm (Guillermo) in the Pacific...

You know, it's got to be killing them that they don't have a Cat-4 or 5 storm so far in the 2015 hurricane season.
(Considering that they have way overestimated the number of Cat3+ storms the past few years  this is quite an embarrassment for them.)

Sadly (for them) all they can doomshout about is the "record-breaking heat" and the probable effects on the Arctic icecap.

Of course, when  a Climate Denier mentions record cold or consecutive below - zero calendar weeks, he is admonished that "current weather is NOT 'climate'", and not to mistake months of record breaking cold over large areas as any kind of indicator of climate trend...

=============================

There are 2 flies buzzing around the cabin of this aircraft.
They will have quite the story to tell their new fly friends on arrival in Chicago...

ChiFly: "Hey. You're new around this shithole. Where are you from?"
FlaFly: "Hi. I'm from Florida."
ChiFly: "Wow. How'd you get here?"
FlaFly: "I flew, of course."
ChiFly: "Damn. Respect."

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE